by Mina Bennett
"Mari, listen to me carefully. There is nothing wrong with the way you dress. Okay?" I locked eyes with her, just to make sure I was getting through. I had no idea how much Mark had been messing with her head. "He was just manipulating you. He took advantage of you. That's all this was. He's a snake, Mari. Part of me's known all along, I think." I took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. I wish I'd - I don't know. I wish I'd said something to somebody. Not like they would have believed me." I forced myself to calm down, to think. "Has he done anything else? You were saying he - he threatened you."
"With the pictures," she said. "He was going to...show them to people, I guess. He said if I didn't stop taking the pills, the whole town would know I was a whore."
My stomach lurched.
"He said - he said that?"
She nodded, before bursting into tears again.
"I shouldn't even be telling you this," she sobbed. "We were just fighting, I'm sure he didn't mean it."
"It doesn't sound like you were fighting," I said. "It sounds like he was trying to blackmail you."
She was shaking her head vigorously. "No, no...he's not...he didn't..." She was trying to come up with some way to defend him, I could tell, but her heart wasn't in it.
"Please, Mari." I finally gave in to my instincts and grabbed her hands out of her lap. "Do not bend over backwards trying to justify what he did. You know I never liked that guy." I managed to smile, and she did too.
"I came here because I know you won't tell anyone," she said. "I'm not - I don't know. I'm not ready. I don't know where to start."
"Well," I said. The truth was, I didn't have the first clue either. The initial rush of righteous indignation had passed, and now I was starting to realize just how difficult this would be to tell...well, anyone else. Mark had positioned himself perfectly. He was well-liked and well-trusted, and Marissa was...
"Nobody's going to believe me," she said, as if on cue. "It'll just be the problem child making more problems."
"No, no," I insisted, even though I was thinking the exact same thing. "That's not...they have to believe you. He's hardly the first youth group leader to take advantage of a kid."
She made a face. "I'm not a kid."
"I know, I know you're not. But you know what I mean."
"I guess." She was tugging on the ends of her hair. "But really - when it comes down to it, shouldn't I have known better?"
"He manipulated you," I said, firmly. "We just...we just have to figure out a way to make other people see that."
Marissa sagged miserably on the couch. She had the overall demeanor of an empty soda can that had been stepped on, and I couldn't blame her. She'd been suffering silently all this time and there was no escape in sight. I felt no satisfaction at having been right, all along, in my misgivings. I couldn't congratulate myself for seeing her suffering and doing absolutely nothing about it.
But what could I have done? What could I possibly do now?
Not much, except give her somewhere safe to spend the night.
I assumed she wouldn't be going back to Mark's house, although if anyone had seen her come by, they might talk. But if she didn't mind, I wasn't going to press the issue. I just hoped it wouldn't come back to bite her, if she decided to try and expose Mark for what he was.
"I guess I should tell my parents." She looked like she'd rather do anything else.
"Maybe you should just sleep on it for now," I said. "You know, just give yourself some time to process it. Figure out what you want to do."
"For crying out loud." She rested her head in her hands. "Am I really...am I really thinking about leaving him?"
"You don't need to think about that right now," I said, soothingly...I hoped. "Not if you don't want to."
"I have to," she said. "I don't really have a lot of options, do I?"
"Just for tonight," I said. "Your head will be clearer in the morning."
She sniffled a little. "I don't have any place to go," she said. "Unless I just stop by my parents and casually let them know that we - I don't know, had a fight or something."
"Don't worry about it. You can stay here. My parents won't be home until tomorrow afternoon."
"Are you sure?" she blinked at me. "I don't want to...what if somebody saw me come over?"
I made a dismissive gesture. "We'll deal with that if it happens." The last thing she needed right now was one more thing to worry about, but I just had to hope and pray that nobody saw.
"Okay," she said, with a brave little smile. "Thanks, Jacob."
"No problem. You know I'll always help you out, if I can."
She shifted in her seat, picking up the water bottle again and examining it. "So...Sara's getting out of the hospital soon, huh?"
"Yeah," I said. "Are you sure you want to talk about me right now?"
"Hey, it beats thinking about my own problems." Her smile widened a little. "I hope she's okay."
"Oh yeah. As far as they can tell, there weren't any complications from the accident."
"That's great," said Marissa. "How's it going with you and uh...Lily?"
I must have hesitated long enough to let her know that something was wrong, because she cut in before I had a chance to answer.
"Oh, no, it's okay. Never mind. You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."
"No, no, it's - well, we broke up." I scratched at my leg absent-mindedly. "It just wasn't really working out, you know?"
"Sure," said Mari. "Well at least you recognized it early on."
"Yeah, I just wish I hadn't put her through all that."
"Put her through what? A few months of dating you doesn't sound so bad."
I had to force myself to ignore that. Now was not the time. "I kind of...I knew it wasn't going to work out, I guess. I just had a feeling. But for some reason, I asked her out anyway. It just seems like I would have saved everybody a lot of time and heartache if I'd just left her alone."
"Hey, you couldn't have been sure. I'm certainly not passing judgment over here."
"Thanks," I said, looking at her curiously. "You okay?"
She nodded, quickly. "Yes," she said. She sounded like she meant it. "I promise, I'm okay. You're right. I just need to take the night off of thinking about it, and figure out what I'm going to do in the morning."
"Absolutely," I said. "I wouldn't even worry about the...you know, the pictures. That's going to be a last resort. It makes him look bad, too."
"But not as bad," she said.
"Hey, I doubt that. It's pretty impossible not to see the power imbalance."
"Well, let's hope at least somebody else sees things the way you do," said Mari with a tired smile. "I'd like to think you're right, but it's amazing how people can just push aside anything that doesn't fit in with their ideas about somebody."
I wanted nothing more than to reassure her, but the fact of the matter was...she was right.
***
I ended up putting on a movie and heating up some microwave soup. I expected her to pick at it, too distracted to eat, but she actually attacked it like it was the best thing she'd ever tasted. We talked occasionally, but more often kept silent, watching the images flicker across the screen without really seeing them.
I watched her face in profile while she sat, the ever-varying colors of the screen bathing her face in eerie light. She was almost more beautiful than I could stand. And here I was, positioning myself as the person to comfort her and give her advice as she considered divorcing her husband. How messed up was that?
I had to leave my feelings out of it. Then again, hadn't I been ignoring my feelings before? That didn't turn out too well for anyone. Maybe now was the perfect time to tell her how I felt.
Even in my emotionally compromised state, I knew that was ridiculous. I couldn't put her in the position of fending off my advances, not after what she'd gone through with Mark. I wouldn't dare take advantage of her the way he did. I could never forgive myself. But preying on her emotionally when she was so fragi
le? That was almost as bad.
It didn't matter that I was single now, and that Mark was the scum of the earth. It was wrong. It was wrong of me to even think about reaching over and tucking that stray lock of hair behind her ear.
I wasn't that person for her. I never would be.
It didn't matter how much I wanted to be. It didn't matter that I'd never stop loving her.
Many years ago, when I was a kid, Pastor Dave gave a sermon where he talked about love. One of his main points was that "there is no such thing as unrequited love. In order to be selfless and true, love must be returned." I'd believed him then, but I wasn't so sure now.
After all, didn't God love us even if we never loved him back?
Marissa was starting to fade a little, her eyes growing heavy. She yawned once or twice. By the time I got up to shut off the TV, she was only half-upright on the sofa.
"Hey," I said, softly, rousing her from a half-sleep. "You want Sara's room? She won't mind." I didn't know if that was true or not, but I didn't plan on telling her about it.
"No," Mari mumbled. "Here's fine. This is nice."
I went to the closet and got her a blanket, and by the time I got back, she'd drifted off. I draped it over her carefully and went to my room, leaving the door open just in case.
My sleep was fitful. There was a knot in my stomach, and it wasn't an entirely unpleasant one. The conflicting feelings rattling around in my brain were almost enough to drive me up a wall. I couldn't tell her now. But if I didn't tell her, I might never have another chance. This was the calm before the storm. As soon as other people started finding out, all hell was going to break loose.
I was supposed to move on. I'd tried that. But no one except Marissa was ever going to make me feel this way. My parents would call be immature and short-sighted, but I knew better. I'd been in love with the girl since I was five.
It wasn't going away any time soon.
***
When I finally gave up on getting back to sleep, for about the fifteenth time, the sun was just starting to come up. Mari was already awake when I went out into the kitchen, idly paging through one of my mom's magazines.
"Good morning," I said, taking a seat at the table opposite her. "How'd you sleep?"
"Okay," she replied, with a smile. Her puffy, red eyes told another story. "Thanks for letting me stay here."
"Oh, please. Don't mention it."
She had a glass half full of juice sitting in front of her, and she started rotating it slowly, watching the light patterns that it cast on the table. "I hope you don't...get in trouble, or anything."
"I'm sure I won't. Don't be silly."
She let out a sigh. "I've been doing a lot of thinking," she said. "You were right. It was good to sleep on it."
I nodded, not daring to ask what kinds of decisions she might have made.
We were both quiet for a while.
"Last night," said Mari, finally. "Can I - can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," I said. "Of course."
"Last night it seemed like you were always about to say something." She was watching the glass, very deliberately not looking at me. "But you didn't."
"Uh huh," I said. There was no point in denying it.
"I'm just curious," she said. "You know you can tell me anything."
I cleared my throat. "Some things are probably best left unsaid. You know?"
"Sure," said Marissa. "Some things. But not others."
"Just because something's true doesn't mean it needs to be said." I was watching the light patterns too. Anything other than looking at her face. "Especially if it could hurt someone."
"Well."
I risked a glance at her face, and saw that she was smiling.
My heart was pounding in my ribcage. I had to say something. She was practically begging me to.
"Marissa..." I didn't even know where to start. "Mari, you know I..."
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. Across from me, Marissa went white as a ghost.
Someone was pounding on the door so hard that it nearly shook the whole house.
And I was pretty sure I knew who it was.
***
"OPEN THE DOOR!" Mark's voice boomed from the front porch. "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE."
"Stay here," I whispered to Marissa, clearing my throat and taking a deep breath before I walked, slowly, to the door. I drew my shoulders back before answering.
"Mark," I said, with a concerned frown. "Is something wrong?"
"Spare me the act," he snarled, pushing past me into the hall. "Where is she? Where's my wife?"
"Mark, wait -" I put my hand on his chest, but he swatted it aside.
"I know she came here last night. My friend saw her."
"I'm right here, Mark." Marissa stepped out of the kitchen, looking remarkably calm. But she was still sickly-pale, and I could see her hands trembling. "Calm down."
"Calm do -" He cut himself off mid-word with a short laugh. "Calm down, she says. Trust me, sweetheart, when I stop being calm, you'll know."
"Look," I said to Mark, folding my arms across my chest. "I know how this looks, but I don't think you're in any position to be throwing stones. Mari told me all about how you've been treating her, and -"
"How I've been treating her?" His eyes narrowed with fury. "Jacob, my marriage is none of your business. You don't know the first thing about how to manage a wife. So please, if you want to help your friend, stay out of this."
I glanced at Mari. I was afraid I'd already made a terrible mistake by revealing that she'd told me about his behavior, but there was no turning back now. She looked steadfast, but frightened. I couldn't abandon her.
"Mari, if you want me to leave you two alone for a while, I will." I looked at her again, but she just shook her head. "Okay then. That's settled. Anything you want to say to Mari, you can say in front of me."
Mark looked like he was ready to kill me, but he stood stock-still. "You're out of line, Jacob," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "I'm going to ask you one more time to please stay out of my private business."
"Sorry," I said, "but I think you lost your right to privacy when you violated hers."
Mark let out a long sigh. "Mari," he said. "I hope you haven't been airing our dirty laundry."
She just stared at him, quivering with rage or fear or both. I wasn't sure.
"Come on," he said, with a smile that wasn't quite convincing. "Last night, I know things were...well, we both said some things we didn't mean. Just come home with me, and we can talk about it. Work things out. Okay? I'm sorry about how I came over here. I was upset. I should have known better, I should have known I can trust you. I trust both of you." He looked from one to the other of us, in a way that said you'd better hope I can trust you.
"No," said Mari, softly.
"I'm sorry," Mark replied, his smile now tinged with disbelief. "Did you...did you just say no?"
"I'm not ready to come with you," she said. "I need more time. To think things over."
"Think what over? Mari, please." He was shaking his head, extending his harm to her. "Let's just go. You can think at home."
Her jaw was set. "You threatened me," she said. "You threatened to ruin what little shred of respectability I have in this town, and the worst part is, you made me take those pictures. You made me feel like I couldn't say no to you. Don't - don't deny it." She was shaking all over, but she was still standing tall, still looking him in the face. "I can't...I'm not...I don't feel safe with you, Mark. You've been violating my trust since the very beginning."
Mark's face contorted into a snarl. "You two-faced bitch," he shouted, making a lunge towards her that spurred me into action before I even realized what I was doing. But before I even reached him, Mari had hurled herself at him bodily, pushing him back towards the door with a feral shriek. It threw him off balance long enough for me to land a punch that connected to his jaw with a sickening crack, and sent a jolt of pain thr
ough my hand.
He fell back at first, but the next time I opened my eyes, I was on the floor. He was looming over me with a look on his face that made my blood run cold.
With a burst of strength, I got myself upright, pushing him off and holding him down. He fought back like a wild animal, but I leaned on him with all my strength.
When he finally stopped kicking and thrashing, I got up, slowly.
"You need to leave," I said. "Right now. Get the hell out of my house."
He laughed coldly, wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth as he sat up. "So this is it, then," he said. "This is how my wife leaves me."
"Don't pretend like you didn't bring this on yourself," I said. "And if you call her names again, you won't be walking out of here."
"Fine" he said. "Marissa, I hope you're happy with the choice you've made."
He slammed the door behind him, and I quickly threw the deadbolt before going to Marissa and folding her up in my arms. My hand was still throbbing, but she looked like she was about to collapse.
She started shivering uncontrollably, and I stroked her hair, making what I hoped were little soothing noises while she caught her breath.
"I'm...I'm...I don't..." she was barely able to speak. I just kept holding onto her tightly, trying not to think about what had just happened. Trying not to think about the fallout that was going to come.
"Thank you," she finally managed to say, her voice sounding a little steadier.
"I didn't really do anything," I said. "But you're welcome."
She laughed, still sounding shaky. "Didn't do anything? You scared the living daylights out of him."
"Really? Could have fooled me."
"He never would have backed off if he wasn't afraid of you." She pulled away a little, looking me in the eyes and managing a smile. "You don't know him as well as I do."
"Well, I certainly saw another side of him today." I hadn't doubted her story, certainly, but actually seeing Mark act like that was something else.
"You really think he won't show anyone the pictures?" she asked, suddenly looking anxious again. "I know I should be past worrying about that now, but..."