“There was a Pre-Rising scholar named Richard Dawkins who had some interesting ideas about evolutionary biology. Summarized, every species will act with motivation to benefit itself and the propagation of its genes over all other concerns. I believe this holds true even with races as strange as the Yith.” August narrowed his eyes. “They’ll help us as long as we’re useful. However, I trust them to do what’s best for themselves.”
“Like humans,” I said.
“Exactly,” August said, sighing. “It’s a good thing so many species can breed with us, or at least lay their eggs in us, or we’d have been long ago wiped out. Genetics is all about making sure your legacy is what survives, screw everyone else.”
A part of me was deeply troubled by that analogy. I was a monster but I maintained very human needs. Was there some greater plan from the monster inside me? A creature that wanted to breed with humanity so to make a race of hybrids? It was an insane thought but this was an insane world. Certainly, the ghouls’ and Deep Ones’ masters had made them take human husband and wives. I also had two children who did not know about their inhuman heritage even as they were possibly changing into something horrible—or were as human as anyone. It was my greatest shame I’d never told them. Yet, the Yith didn’t take consorts from among the human race. There was only one member of their species in the underground beneath Miskatonic University and he (it?) was ill-equipped for cosmic miscegenation.
“But the Yith don’t have bodies,” Mercury pointed out. “They’re just psychic entities wearing organic flesh.”
“Which means we have no idea what motivates them,” August countered. “Their most fundamental drives are different.”
“I see.” I thought about that. “That’s less than comforting.”
In the end, I decided not to focus on the bigger picture. Despite my claim of not being an assassin, I’d killed people for far worse reasons than regaining my humanity. I’d do anything to be able to hold Mercury in my arms as a man, to sire human children, and to live a normal life. If I could cure myself then I could cure my biological son and daughter. I could possibly even cure—
“Da!” I heard a child’s voice fill the chamber. It was a voice that seemed to mock my worries.
“Jackie,” I muttered. “They’ve already brought you here.”
A twelve-year-old girl with long red hair formed into ringlets, pale skin, and prominent canines had come into the room past the University’s personnel. She was dressed in a century-old black t-shirt marked “Arkham Witch” and jean-shorts I’d found last month wrapped in plastic on a scavenging run. The girl navigated around the many individuals moving around the garage with natural grace before coming to my side.
“Hey, Ma,” Jackie said, waving to her.
Her appearance here was so surprising, I didn’t know how to react. She’d changed a great deal from the emancipated waif we’d found a year ago, in the village of Scrapyard. Under Mercury’s care, the ghoul-human hybrid had put on considerable muscle and was quite tall for her age. Indeed, an outsider might be forgiven if they thought she was a girl of fifteen or sixteen.
I suspected Jackie would continue to grow exponentially, as hybrids tended to be of large proportions. I was glad to see her, despite wondering how she’d gotten here, and her appearance did much to calm the darkness in my heart.
Mercury walked up to her and gave her a big hug. “You are not allowed to grow while I’m away!”
Jackie rolled her eyes, disliking being treated as a child. “Get used to it. I’m taller than you now.”
“That’s not a great accomplishment,” I muttered.
Mercury shot me a glare.
“Sorry,” I said, raising my left hand in surrender.
Jackie turned to me, looked at my right arm as if to check my condition’s progress, gave me a warm smile, and hugged me. Jackie was the one person I knew that didn’t flinch at my physical transformation. She understood it was a source of considerable discomfort, was something I considered a mortal illness, and encouraged me to find a cure, but I doubted the girl ever understood how it made me feel.
I shook my head. “How did you get here? We left you a hundred miles away.”
“More,” Jackie said. “Professor Armitage came to me first and said you were going to be here. I was wondering when you’d arrive.”
I grimaced. If she’d been taken before our capture, Jackie was an unwitting hostage. Best not to let her know that; her cooperation would be the best defense she had. “I see.”
“You’re going to study here!” Mercury said, smiling.
“I am?” Jackie asked.
I did not like this, but there was a limit to what I could do. “Yes, I believe you’ll like it here. They’re very … unconventional.”
“It means they won’t kill you for being a ghoul,” Thom said from behind. He was checking out one of the cars the University was providing us.
“This conversation is none of your concern,” I said to him.
“I don’t give a shit about your little monster family,” Thom muttered, opening up its hood to fiddle around within.
“Hey, Pup,” Jessica waved to Jackie. “Long time no see.”
“Hi, Jessica,” Jackie said, ignoring my response. “It’s good to see you again. Killed any evil wizards lately?”
Mercury looked surprised at Jackie’s pleasant response.
“A few,” Jessica replied. “We’re off to kill another one.”
Jackie nodded, a somber expression on her face. “Good. Don’t get killed.”
“I’ll try,” Jessica said.
I was surprised by Jackie’s friendliness to Jessica. I’d made no secret of how each of us had tried to kill the other. Then again, perhaps Jackie was smarter than I was and knew about my suicidal thoughts. I’d all but dared Jessica to try and kill me at times. It was also possible that as a true child of the Wasteland, she didn’t think trying to kill a person was a reason to end a friendship.
I still remembered our naked forms entwined together on the ancient decayed mattress of the upstairs bed in the two-story scrap metal house Mercury and I lived in. Jessica and I had never been lovers before that night, so I should have been suspicious when she’d come to lie with me while Mercury was away.
It hadn’t been adultery, though I’d been guilty of plenty of that during my first marriage, as monogamy had never been an expectation with Mercury. She’d been with other men and women as part of her liberation from a hideous marriage to a New Arkham man decades her senior. Hell, back when I was still human-seeming, we’d made regular visits together to the closest brothel.
Still, I’d felt guilty finally touching Jessica in the way I’d dreamed about for years. It had been a respite from the horrors of my advancing mutation and made me feel human in a way I hadn’t since Mercury had decided not to carry our child to term. I’d fallen asleep, only to be awoken by the sounds of her moving around the room. Followed by the orihalcum bullets she’d put in me from the foot of the bed. I could have forgiven her trying to kill me. I couldn’t forgive her making me feel loved first.
“Booth—” Jessica started to speak.
“Not now,” I said, my voice cold. I didn’t say not ever, though.
Jessica looked down.
Mercury, meanwhile, chose to focus on other matters. “I want you to take care of yourself, Jackie. Don’t get into any relationships until you’re at least fifteen, and if anyone hits on you because you look older, tell me so we can kill them.”
“Ma—” Jackie started to say.
“Don’t ma me,” Mercury said, biting her lip. Her expression changed, becoming serious. “I’m not always going to be around here and training you to be a doctor is the one decent thing I’ve done. Take what you’ve learned and use it to make the world a better place.”
Jackie realized she was serious. It wasn’t as if she knew we’d survived no less than two attempts by extra-dimensional monsters to kill us and were on our way to probably get horri
fically killed by one of the Great Old Ones. She sensed something was off, however, because she said, “Are you leaving me, Ma?”
Mercury shook her head. “No, my dear, but Booth made a decision to get you a place here so you were secure and safe.”
“I won’t change for another ten years,” Jackie said. “I’m safe among the Kingsport folk.”
“They’re murderers and thieves,” I said.
“And these people ain’t?” Jackie asked, looking between me. “Did you negotiate a place for yourself?”
I grimaced. “No.”
“Did he ask you?” Jackie turned to Mercury.
“Err,” Mercury fumbled for something to say. “It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision but that doesn’t mean—”
“So, just pack off the ghoul girl, eh?” Jackie said, glaring. “That how it is.”
Jackie was certainly acting like a fifteen-year-old.
“That’s not it,” I said. “I want you to be safe in case something happens to us.”
“There’s nowhere safe,” Jackie said, growling before walking off. “Excuse me, I need to go talk to my new owners.”
Jessica watched her depart, then went after her.
I blinked. “That could have gone better.”
“Ya think?” Mercury muttered. “Worse, we don’t have time to fix it.”
No, we didn’t.
But I decided to try.
Chapter Ten
I walked down the halls of Miskatonic University’s lone functioning above-ground building, which was primarily a garage and storage area from what I could observe. The windows were all boarded up and there was electrical lighting spread throughout, but I could sense an air of apprehension as I passed by rooms where people worked on assembling machine parts for their transports.
It might have been Marcus’s treason or the presence of outsiders, but I suspected there was something else to it. A look at them constantly fidgeting and staring at the windows as well as ceiling, I got the impression they were upset about being above ground. They’d become used to the claustrophobic environment below.
I wasn’t interested in them, though. Instead I focused on finding Jackie to explain my reasoning for wanting her to be here. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure why I’d been so insistent on getting her a life here given that I trusted the University’s residents about as far as I could throw them. Actually, depending on which arm I used, I could probably throw them pretty far, so I trusted them much less.
I forced those thoughts away and continued onward after Jackie and Jessica. I confess, it surprised me that Mercury didn’t follow, but it was probably a good thing she was distracting Professor Armitage and the others. This entire venture, which had begun with murder and would almost certainly end with it, was getting worse every minute.
I didn’t know if our ragtag band of outlaws was supposed to succeed in finding Marcus Whateley, but I intended to make a game effort of it. If nothing else, I wanted to know whether or not the scattered few survivors of the Earth’s races were really in danger or if it was just an extra means of motivating us.
I could tell you, I heard the distant whisper of Nyarlathotep in my ear. You’d have to believe I’m always with you, though.
I’m hallucinating you, nothing more, I said. The gods of the Dreamlands have better things to do than harass mere mortals.
That’s the benefit of being infinite, John, Nyarlathotep chuckled. I can be with everyone and everything.
Lies.
If you wish.
My denial was a weak defense, and I thought about how Mercury might react to the knowledge that not only was I transforming in terms of my physical body, but also mentally. I was haunted by visions of Azathoth’s court, the strange creatures that existed beyond the paper-thin walls of reality, and occasionally the words of the Other Gods’ messenger. Nyarlathotep was the Son to Azathoth’s Father and Yog-Sothoth’s Holy Spirit. Ever since my branding with his sign and my summoning him in the Dreamlands, I was linked to him, and he seemed all too eager to comment on my accursed situation. Assuming any of it was real at all and not just my hallucinating.
Everything you can dream is real. It is the belief you can escape those dreams to reality that is the illusion.
Then Nyarlathotep’s voice was gone and I was once more alone with my thoughts.
For the moment.
I found Jackie and Jessica in a room full of old boxes, scrap, and machinery a few minutes later. Jackie was sitting in a corner talking to the woman I had once called friend and was doing my very best to hate. Jessica had her arm around Jackie and I was reminded of better times, times when our artificial family wasn’t at each other’s throats.
As if to underscore my weakening sanity, I was no longer inside Miskatonic University’s crumbling ruins. Instead, I found myself under the blazing blue sun of the Earth as a dozen tents and stands stood around me. I had stepped several months into the past, when the Carnevil had shown up outside of the Kingsport.
The Carnevil was perhaps the world’s last circus and contained performers, captured monsters, gladiators, and games for those who were willing to indulge them. For a populace jaded by causal horrors and monsters, it was a source of unusual horrors and creatures. Mutants, obscenities, and farces all for a piece of copper or steel. I’d heard some nasty rumors about the strange collection of entertainers from witch-haunted Salem, but if I believed every sordid tale of missing children or murder then no one would be innocent.
Besides, Jackie had wanted to go.
Stunned by my sudden change of circumstances, I saw the quartet of myself, Jackie, Jessica, and Mercury moving down the path between two shooting galleries and the haunted house. Ducking behind a booth where one bobbed for apples in exchange for five pieces, I tried to guess whether or not this was a hallucination.
And failed.
The memory I saw from an outsider’s perspective was as crisp and perfect as if it were really happening, but that meant nothing from an alien mind that was somehow linked to the ups and downs of time. Was I simply looking back on my past, or was I able to move, like Yog-Sothoth, back and forth through time? I suspected the answer, like so much in this world, was whatever was most horrifying.
Still, I watched.
“I remember this day,” I muttered.
The quartet were in front of a plastic duck pond and I got a good look at them. I wore a duster and Stetson, so did Jessica, while Mercury wore a white dress and headscarf with shaded glasses. Jackie had on a pair of faded shorts, a patched t-shirt, and a headband. She was reading a nearly pristine comic book I’d recovered from a Boston ruin. It depicted a black-robed wizard of some kind and a vampiress fighting a gigantic eye with multiple tentacles. The comic was called MERCILESS: THE SUPERVILLAIN WITHOUT MERCY and had been published sometime in the 1960s.
“Enjoying your book?” my other self asked, uninterested in the sequential art.
“Yeah,” Jackie said. “Though I was wondering why all of the aliens look human.”
“Humanity didn’t know what aliens looked like back then,” Mercury said. “Real aliens have nothing in common with people from Earth.”
Jackie blinked. “Then how do so many alien-human hybrids exist? I mean, John has child—”
My other self coughed. “Perhaps you shouldn’t bring that up.”
Jackie frowned and looked at her comic. “People were a lot more tolerant in the old days. The guy in the comics had an alien ex-girlfriend.”
Mercury and I exchanged a look before I looked away. I still had faith my human side would triumph back then. It was still months of failure and increasing growth from the horror bound to me. Months that would slowly wear away any hope I had of being anything other than another creature preying on mankind.
I still had hope then.
“So, you want to get some cotton candy?” my other self asked.
“You shouldn’t give her anything but a bullet to the head,” a gruff growling voice spoke nearby.
>
My family turned to address the voice. It came from a thick, square Caucasian man with most of his hair lost from M-Rads in the Wasteland. He was dressed in a thick coat, ammo belt, and two large pistols by his side. Beside him was a lanky tall man of Indian descent who was carrying a rifle. The latter had his cheeks badly deformed from a bullet that had luckily passed through the sides of his mouth, hitting nothing important.
“Excuse me, sir?” my other self asked.
“I can smell the monster on her,” the Caucasian man said. “She has no place here among human children.”
Jessica’s hand moved down to her pistol while I could tell Mercury had a spell on her lips. My other self placed my hands in front of both and shook his head. “Not here.”
“You are mistaken, sir,” my other self said. The other John did not want a fight and was trying to avoid killing more people. It was a way to keep a hold on his humanity. A noble but futile endeavor. There was a practical element to it, too, though. None of us wanted to offend the Carnevil’s owners or disrupt Jackie’s day.
“I know monsters,” the Caucasian man said. “I know those who bring them here are monsters.”
“Do you want us to leave?” Jessica asked.
“I want you to—” the Caucasian man started to say, reaching for his gun.
“How much?” my other self asked, the threat of murdering my daughter obliterating any of my earlier hesitation about killing them.
“What?” the Caucasian man stopped.
“How much to just go?” I said. “We have gold.”
The Caucasian man and his Indian friend exchanged a glance. “Everything you got.”
My other self nodded and gestured to a nearby tent.
They followed.
He nodded to Jessica.
I remembered we’d murdered them there, stored the bodies, and paid a price to a ghoul who was working behind the scenes.
Jackie hadn’t felt like playing at the carnival afterward.
A second later and I was once more in the present, staring down at those two. It was a reminder of just how far I’d fallen. I didn’t regret having murdered the two weasels, but I knew it had been my own self-hatred that had driven Jessica to do what she’d done. Jessica would have stood by me through the change even if it had gotten her killed. Instead, she’d thought she’d been doing me a favor by trying to give me the mercy kill I wanted but stubborn pride kept me from asking for. Walking down the basement steps, I approached them both.
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