by Lacey Alpha
I roll my eyes. “Six years,” I reply, heading to my chest and taking out a ball gag. Time to shut this prick up.
I step onto the frame, letting him feel my tits against his back as I force the ball into his mouth, strapping it tightly behind his head. He groans against it, still trying to speak.
I take a paddle from the drawer, returning to him and starting my work. When I have his ass red-raw, I reach around and rub his cock until he's rock hard. Then I stop, grabbing some clips from the drawer and pegging them up his length. He makes a satisfying squeal of pain as I pin one to his head.
He writhes against the restraints and I continue to paddle him until he's trying to wrench free of the buckles. I'm angry tonight and I think perhaps I'm jealous, too. That Ethan's dreaming of fucking Annalise. Probably waking up hard, jerking himself off over her. If it's pleasure he wants, I can provide it a thousand times better than she could.
I think of the girl he mentioned, the one he's dating. Is he fucking her? Burying his cock in her with thoughts of Annalise?
I use the winch to turn Pet around, surveying my work, holding his chin in my hand. Tears are trailing down his cheeks. Pathetic.
I fold my arms, sighing. This is too easy. I want someone who can take pain. Someone like Ethan.
I crack my neck, heat sparking between my thighs. I want Ethan in a way I haven't wanted any man in a long time. I want to fuck him. And that's a rarity when it comes to me. There's only been one other like him, the one who ripped out my heart.
I tug off the clips on Pet's dick, chucking them on the floor. I grab hold of the bar above his head, lifting myself and clamping my thighs around his waist, my leather skirt riding up to where I'm bare.
I need some release and for once I'm going to take it from a sub. I shut my eyes and wrap my arms around Pet's neck, sliding onto his firm length.
I shut my eyes, thinking of Ethan's hard jaw, his anguished eyes, the broken way he regards the world. And soon I'm gasping my relief into my sub's face, covering his eyes with my palm. This is for me, not him. I'm using him like I've been used in the past. His body is no different from one of the tools in my chest.
ANNALISE
There's only one person I can talk to when I'm looking for comfort, and that's my dad. He answers on the third ring and I curl my knees up beneath me on the sofa, biting my nails.
“Hi darling, how are you?”
“Good, Dad. And you?”
After a round of pleasantries, Dad calls me out, knowing me too well to believe I called him for polite chit-chat.
“What's up, Lise?”
I sigh heavily, the weight in my chest increasing. “I met someone.”
“That's great news! How did you meet, was it love at first sight? Did your eyes meet across a room?” He's only half joking, his tone light and full of excitement. Typical Dad.
“Not exactly. Actually...he stopped me from being mugged.” I bite my nails harder, wondering if I should have told my parents sooner that I was attacked. But with them off sailing and enjoying their retirement, I didn't want to worry them.
“Mugged?”
“I'm fine. Nothing happened. Ethan saved me.”
“Well so long as you're alright, darling. That's quite the story. So did your knight in shining armour whisk you off into the sunset?”
I roll my eyes but a smile pulls at my lips. “No, Dad. Actually, I'm not sure he wants to whisk me anywhere.”
“Oh? And why's that?” He still sounds hopeful. His faith is unwavering. I don't know how he does it. It must be so peaceful to have such belief in something.
“He keeps running away. There's something troubling him, but he won't tell me what.”
“Hm...”
I start to fear Dad is having doubts and that scares me more than anything. I kneel up on the couch, my heart racing. “But Dad it's like- electric between us. I've never felt this way. It's like everything you've ever said.” I touch my chest, feeling it now, in a place that I can't quite pinpoint but thrums like mad with electricity. “I know this is right. I feel it.”
“Then follow your heart, darling. If you think there's even a possibility that this man is the one for you, throw caution to the wind. Give everything to it, because if you ever let it go, it'll be lost forever.”
His passion baffles me as usual. Where did he learn to be so inspired?
I feel happier, his mood infectious. “Okay, I'll give it one more shot.”
“Good. And at least if he turns you down, you'll know you did everything you could.”
I nod, smiling. “Thanks Dad.”
“You're welcome, darling. Take care. And keep me informed.”
“I will.” I hang up, smiling from ear to ear, my nails nearly chewed down to nubs. Shit. I hate doing that. It's a nervous habit. I'm a psychologist for Christ's sake, I should be able to talk myself out of it.
I check the time, grabbing my coat and heading out the door.
I take the tube to Yates bar where my friends are already waiting. It's only 7pm but as they don't go out much any more and Libby and Paul have their kids to get back to, they always insist we meet early.
I head to the bar, ordering a rum and coke before joining the four of them on sofas across the room. A fire set into a red stone wall sends a rush of heat over me.
“Lise!” Libby jumps up, grabbing me, her blonde hair surrounding me, smelling freshly washed.
Kat is there with her newly engaged fiancée, Eric. He's a quiet guy, rarely sparing a word for the group. He has tunnels in his ears and every inch of his arms are covered in tattoos. Kat got a nose piercing a week after she met him. It wasn't her style at all but after a few weeks together, she started wearing black clothes, ripped jeans and converse. It was a stark contrast to her pink Lipsy dresses and high heels.
She stands, pulling me into a brief hug – she's not the touchy-feely type – then air kisses my cheek.
I snatch her hand, lifting it up to see her engagement ring. It's a dark blue stone encased with diamonds. “Wow, it's beautiful, Kat. Congratulations.”
There's that familiar stab of pain, right in the pit of my stomach, reaching down and punching my ovaries too. I am never gonna get married...
Libby's other half, Paul, smiles at me. He's in his suit from work, his tie removed from his neck, his collar open. Libby met Paul in her office, he was her boss's boss. I received every dirty detail of that relationship for the first few weeks of them dating. He is in to some seriously wicked things in the bedroom. I'd never even heard of half the stuff she said he tried with her. But now, four years in and two kids later, she never so much as tells me about a heated kiss between the two of them. I hope they're alright, but it's hard to bring something like that up without sounding judgemental.
I drop into a seat, sipping my rum and coke, the sweet and sharp taste warming my throat on the way down.
“Libby tells me you have a new man on the horizon?” Paul says, lifting a perfect brow. It looks shaped. He's clean shaven to a T, his appearance always a priority.
“Um...” I suck my lip, unsure what to say. That is definitely an overstatement. I don't even know if I'll ever see Ethan again.
“You do?” Kat says, her eyes brightening. “Is he coming tonight?”
I think of my dad's words and a glitter of hope sprinkles through my chest. I've got to have faith, like Dad.
“Maybe,” I say, taking out my phone and typing out a hurried message.
Libby's phone rings and she scrambles to answer it, nearly dropping it with her haste.
“Calm down, Lib, the babysitter's got it covered,” Paul mutters.
She scowls at him before answering. “Jess, everything alright?...right, I see, hand the phone to Simon.”
I glance up from my text, pressing send.
“Simon, did you cut your sister's hair?” she snaps and Paul swings around.
“He did what?”
“Right! Give the scissors to Jess,” she barks, her eyes flaring.
After a second, her voice drops to a demonic growl, “GIVE THE SCISSORS TO JESS.”
I share an amused look with Kat, suppressing a grin.
“Have you booked your flight yet?” she asks.
I chew my lip. “Not yet.”
Kat and Eric are having an engagement party in Ireland. It's completely extravagant and with me still without a job and paying off student loans, I don't exactly have the money to spare.
“Come on Lise, get it together. It's like you don't wanna come.” She twirls a piece of hair around her finger.
“I do,” I insist but I know part of me is holding back. For the entire weekend I'm going to be surrounded by couples and I'll be the 3rd wheel (Or probably more like the 9th or 11th wheel). I'll receive the usual pity words, too, like 'you'll meet someone soon' and 'your day will come'.
A wild vision springs to mind of me attending the party with Ethan. I shake my head at the ridiculous idea. We've only just slept together, this isn't exactly the right time to ask him on a weekend away with me and my friends. But still, the idea sits in my head, blossoming and adding wonderful sexy details. Maybe he'd want to come. Maybe it would be the beginning of a real relationship. Maybe he'd ask me to be his girlfriend.
I shut my eyes for a second, forcing myself to stop imagining a fake future with a man I just met.
“So...how was Peru?” I change the subject, pushing the thoughts away.
Kat's almond eyes become dreamy and she leans back into Eric's arms - who's not said a word since I arrived - and starts telling me all about Machu Pichu until I'm so jealous, I'm practically green.
ETHAN
I'm sat in the dark, gazing at the single text on my phone, the rectangular light of the screen the only thing illuminating the space.
I'll be at Yates tonight. I don't expect you'll come. But if on the off-chance you fancy dropping by, I'll be there until midnight.
A
I taste my lips, reading then rereading the message.
I could go. It's three blocks from here. 2 minutes on the tube. 9 minutes if I walk.
A packet sits beside me on the bed. My anti-psycho drugs. It's ironic really, taking drugs to become less psychotic.
They're just sedatives, that's what the doctor told me. She started me on a very low dosage, just enough to see if it makes a difference to my behaviour. It makes me uneasy, putting something in my body to control my thoughts. But if there's a chance it will work, I have to give it a shot.
I open the bag, taking out the box and extracting a sheet of pills.
Popping one out, I roll it between my finger and thumb. Flicking it to the back of my throat, I swallow.
I sit in silence, waiting for it to take effect. Waiting to feel less like a stalker.
Good luck with that, freak.
Ten minutes pass and I feel no different.
Maybe a stronger dosage is needed to take someone like me down.
Moving across the room, I grab my leather coat, heading out the door, not even consciously making the decision to go. But I'm filled with that ache again, the one that can only be sated by the sight of her.
Instead of taking the tube, I walk, figuring it'll give me some time to talk myself out of it.
Your resolve didn't last long. Weakling.
I arrive outside Yates, side-stepping through a group of smokers and heading to the door. I pass my ID to the bald-headed bouncer, gazing past him into the honey-lit bar.
“Arms up,” the guy instructs and I frown, complying, surveying him evenly the whole time.
He pats me down then nods, stepping aside.
You look like you could hurt somebody.
I stroll to the bar, ordering a beer and gazing around the room as I sip it. The cool bitterness runs down my throat, quelling my thirst.
I spot Annalise amongst her friends, laughing at something, leaning against a girl with yellow-gold hair. I watch hungrily, transfixed by her. And for once I feel that I'm allowed to watch. She invited me here. I have permission to look.
I swig my beer again and someone walks into my line of sight, blocking Annalise from view.
I blink, irked by the caramel-skinned beauty before me. She's short with an afro of hair, a bright blue crop top hanging low over her cleavage.
“Hi, I'm Louise.” She beams, taking a step closer.
I sip my beer again. “Ethan.”
“Are you here alone?” She glances over my shoulder, checking.
I taste my lips. “No.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders sag. It feels good to be hit on. It's empowering. But there's only one person I want looking at me that way tonight.
“Have a good night, Louise.” I step past her, on a beeline for Annalise.
Her blonde friend spots me before she does, smacking Annalise on the back, her blue eyes widening.
“My friend is single!” she blurts at me, evidently drunk.
Annalise snaps around, her eyes locking on mine. I'm momentarily frozen by them, stealing a second to collect myself by sipping my beer.
She gets to her feet, glancing back at her friends who eye me curiously.
“Hi, how are you?”
“Oh my god, is that him?” the blonde mutters to the other girl.
“What have you been saying about me?” I tease in a low voice so only she can hear.
Her cheeks flush and she grabs my hand, drawing me toward the group. There's four of them, two couples, I'd guess.
The blonde girl bounces in her seat, her eyes flicking between Annalise and I. The other girl is less keen, her almond eyes narrowed on me, her arms folded across her slim chest.
I run my tongue over my teeth as Annalise guides me into the seat next to hers. “This is Ethan.”
“Hey,” I say, raising my beer to them.
One of the guys reaches a hand across to me and I shake it. He's broad with dirty blonde hair and sandy eyes.
“Paul,” he says then nods to the blonde girl. “This is my wife, Libby.”
I nod, flashing her a small smile.
“I'm Kat,” the other girl says. She has a ring in her nose and pink streaks in her hair. Her boyfriend is covered in tattoos, lazed back in his chair, seeming disinterested. She nods to him. “This is Eric.”
Eric grunts in greeting.
Annalise slips her hand into mine, taking me by surprise. I shift in my seat, moving instinctively closer to her.
“You came,” she whispers, turning her head toward my ear.
“Apparently,” I reply, sipping my beer again.
She grins, briefly ducking her head toward my chest, her hair falling forward to frame her cheeks. How much has she had to drink?
I watch her closely, admiring the smooth line of her nose, the dip in her upper lip, the curve of her jaw.
“You're staring,” she mutters, grabbing a glass from the table and sipping. It smells like rum and coke.
“Maybe I like staring at you.”
She glances at me then back to her friends.
“So what do you do Ethan?” Libby asks me, crossing her legs and sipping from a large glass of white wine.
“I'm – er – job hunting,” I say, my neck prickling uncomfortably.
Paul nudges her, seemingly trying to be subtle. “What's your background?”
“Army.” I shrug, sipping my beer.
Paul nods slowly, surveying me. “We're hiring guards at our firm, that sound up your street?”
Libby glances at him, her eyes narrowing. “Paul, I'm sure the guy doesn't need help looking for a job.”
“Yeah, don't be rude, Paul,” Kat chips in.
“You know what? I might be interested, “ I tell him, figuring I'm supposed to be getting my shit together. And Clarissa did say I should start looking for work to help with my obsession. But that seems like too little too late seeing as I'm currently sitting next to said obsession, sharing a drink with her friends.
He raises his brows, becoming businesslike as he reaches into his suit jacket and takes
out a card. “Give us a call.”
I take the card, tucking it into my pocket and glancing at Annalise.
She smiles at me, quickly averting her eyes. Without really thinking about it, I drop my arm over her shoulders, tempted in by her. My heart swells as she leans closer, scooting across the sofa.
“I didn't think you'd come,” she whispers as her friends slip into a conversation about Libby and Paul's children. Her breath on my ear sends a rocket of heat to my cock.
“I didn't think I would either,” I admit in a low tone, mesmerised by the shadow of her lashes as they flicker beneath her eyes.
The evening sails by all too fast and I grow anxious at the thought of parting with Annalise. My urges creep in as I think about what it would be like to claim her again.
“We're gonna go,” Kat says, standing with her boyfriend who's barely said two words all night. “You want a lift home?” she asks Annalise directly, ignoring me.
She glances at me then shakes her head. “I'll be fine.”
Kat nods stiffly, sidestepping out from behind the table before heading from the bar with Eric.
Libby stands next, yawning broadly, though I'm fairly sure she's faking it. “We're gonna head off too. The babysitter's having some trouble.”
“Oh, Lib, really?” Paul moans. “I'll pay her the extra hour.”
“Yes, really,” she says through a forced smile then turns to Annalise. “Good luck tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” Annalise beams and they head away.
“Good luck for what?” I lift a brow.
She waves a hand dismissively. “I have an interview at a therapy clinic.”
“Oh?” I press, turning toward her.
Her knees rub mine, the contact driving me wild. “If I get it, I'll be trained by some of the best therapists in London.”
Oh fuck. Just what I need.
I force a smile, feeling guilty for not being entirely enthused. “That's great. What time is it?”
“Eleven o'clock.” She smiles shyly. “I should probably head home soon...”
There's a heap of insinuation in her voice. My throat dries out but the anxiety that usually accompanies a decision like this is absent. Is that due to the pill I took earlier?