by Lacey Alpha
“Yeah – one of them - running into the street! And there comes Eric, jogging after the little thing, trying to catch it. Well I just had to get out and ask what he was doing. And turns out, the thing had escaped from his van!”
Laughter titters around the table and I remember last second to join in. Ethan does not.
I press back in my chair, trying to escape Ethan's touch, focusing on keeping my expression calm. His fingers graze the lace of my knickers and I bite down on my lip, my thoughts scattering to the wind.
“Dessert, anyone?” Linda offers, gesturing to the waitress.
“I'm pretty tired.” I stand abruptly, desperate for Ethan. Right now. “Bed?” I lift a brow at Ethan and he stands, taking my waist without a word.
Libby gives me a smirk which I try my hardest to ignore. She definitely knows. But the fire in my knickers is currently motivating all of my actions.
“Oh, of course. You had a long day,” Linda says with a note of empathy.
Kat glares at me so I give her a small apologetic smile, backing away.
“Yes, thank you for a lovely meal. We'll see you in the morning,” I say.
Paul gets to his feet. “I'm pretty tired too, actually. Shall we Libby?”
My eyes go wide. No!
Libby tugs at his sleeve. “I'd like some dessert,” she says through gritted teeth.
He yawns broadly. “Alright, see you upstairs.”
She throws me an apologetic look and Ethan slides his hand into mine as the three of us exit, heading up to our room.
Paul unzips his suitcase, busying about whilst Ethan and I trail toward our bed. His hand is on my spine, causing heat to explode over my skin.
“Better brush our teeth,” he mutters in my ear and my eyes widen.
“Yes,” I say brightly, ducking and grabbing my wash bag from my case.
Ethan tugs at my sleeve, dragging me out of the room and down the hall. He doesn't stop guiding me until we step through a door into a large bathroom. We're surrounded by pale blue tiles, a huge mirror reflecting us above the sink.
I dance away from him, moving to the sink and starting to brush my teeth, feigning ignorance to his advances.
He steps up beside me as I scrub my teeth and our eyes lock in the mirror. I continue what I'm doing, fighting a smile.
I spit and rinse then he snatches my toothbrush and plants it in his mouth.
“Hey!”
“I left mine in the room,” he says around the brush.
I gape at him.
He grins, brushing his teeth without any qualms as to what he just did.
After a minute, he spits and rinses, holding it out to me.
“What?” He lifts a brow, daring me to object.
A grin fights its way onto my lips. “I've just never shared a toothbrush before. It's kinda gross.”
“Uhuh, completely gross.” He steps forward, snatching my waist and tugging me against him.
His minty breath consumes my senses and it suddenly doesn't seem so bad. His mouth has been on mine plenty of times anyway. I tilt my chin up and he walks me backwards, holding out on giving me what I want.
“How did you enjoy dinner?” he growls but I know what he's really talking about.
I tongue my cheek, grinning. “It was delicious. But there was the odd distraction...”
“Distraction, huh?” He returns the grin and I drop my eyes to his shirt, wanting to see beneath it. Longing to.
My smile dies as desire invades my body. I need to have him. Now.
He seems to feel the same, dragging me against him, his mouth suddenly on mine.
I groan, reaching up and linking my arms round his neck, stumbling as he forces me to walk backwards. We hit the far wall and his mouth drops to my neck, his fingers sliding down my thighs, under my dress, hooking it up.
I moan, arching my neck as he runs his hands up the back of my legs, lifting my dress. I shiver as he slides it upwards, dragging it over my head. He scrunches it in his fist, chucking it to the floor and immediately slipping his hands around my back.
I tug at his shirt, desperate to see his abs, to run my hands over their firmness and paint them with my fingers.
“Do you want me?” he growls, his mouth on my throat, nipping and sucking.
“Yes,” I gasp, tilting my head, giving him access.
His tongue trails across my collar bone and I moan, the feeling resonating deep inside me.
I tug at the buttons on his shirt, releasing him, desperate to feel his skin on mine.
He leans back, letting me work, removing his hands from my body and watching my fingers travel south.
His mouth is parted, his chin tilted down as he surveys me with a carnal lust that slices through to my bones.
I tug the shirt free of his trousers and he releases a slow breath. He takes control, tugging open his fly and leaning forward, grabbing my knickers with his free hand. With a sharp tug, he snaps the elastic, making me gasp as it hits my skin.
“Are you on the pill?” he growls, stepping closer.
I nod, my eyes wide as he nudges my legs apart with his knees.
“Can I fuck you without a condom?” he asks, his mouth on my jaw, trailing kisses up to my ear.
Do I trust him enough for that?
I think so. I don't know why, but something in his expression tells me he wouldn't put me at risk. Ever.
I nod, glancing up into his eyes for the briefest of seconds. His Adam's apple bobs and he tugs himself free of his trousers, pushing against me. Leaning down, he grabs my waist and lifts me up. I gasp as he presses me to the wall, wrapping my legs around his waist.
I remember to keep my hands off him, dropping them awkwardly to my sides.
“It's okay,” he insists through bared teeth.
I inhale a little breath then place them back on his shoulders, running my hands over the muscle there.
His mouth collides with mine, his tongue pushing between my lips. With a sharp thrust of his hips, he enters me.
His length is silky smooth, pushing all the way inside me, his thickness rubbing me, the sensation mind-blowing.
He rocks his hips between harsh pants and I cling to him, worshipping his body, running my hands down his firm arms and digging my thumbs into his biceps. His skin is soft, his muscles tense. He feels so good against me; I savour touching him, stroking and exploring.
He keeps his eyes on my mouth and I'm glad for once that I can watch as he takes me. I don't know why things are different tonight, but there's no way I'm going to complain.
His body is all muscle, broad and strong, his arms holding me up with ease. It drives me crazy, making me grow wetter and wetter around him.
He groans, holding me in place as he pounds me. It's heavenly, making me lose all sense of where I am. I forget to be quiet, moaning and gasping his name.
“Annalise,” he warns in a groan.
I bite down on my lip, trying to stop myself, but it's no good, my lip tugging free again as I cry out his name.
He laughs softly, ducking his head to my neck. The sound is new coming from him. His light, carefree attitude is so exciting to witness. I grip him tightly, tightening my thighs around his waist.
“The whole house is going to know what I'm doing to you,” he says against my mouth.
“I. Can't. Help. It,” I pant, completely out of control.
A low rumble sounds from his chest and he slams into me harder, stretching me gloriously around him.
It only takes a few more thrusts before I lose all sense of everything, practically seeing stars as I reach climax.
“Lise,” he sighs into my mouth, jerking into me twice more before finishing himself.
He groans deeply, the sound coming from somewhere far inside his chest. I paw at him, panting, my body tingling all over.
Ethan rests his forehead to mine. “I'm losing my mind over you.”
I drop to the floor, stealing a glance up at him, my chest filling with sunshine. He wi
nces at the sight of my eyes and I regret the move. Lacing my arms around his waist, I hug him, breathing in the scent of his bare skin.
A knock comes at the door and Paul's voice sounds through it. “Are you done fucking in there, or what?”
Heat rushes to my cheeks in a wave. Oh my god!
I dart past Ethan, gathering up my clothes. Dragging my dress over my head, I reach for my ripped knickers on the floor. Ethan grabs them first, tucking them into his back pocket with a grin.
My mouth drops open but I have no time to fight him for them, hurrying to the door and yanking it open.
Paul's standing there, his hand resting on the wall.
“Did anyone else hear?” I squeak.
“No, that particular treat was just for me,” he says dryly, his eyes darting to Ethan over my head. “Nice work, mate.”
“Ew,” I hiss at him, pushing him aside. His laughter follows us down the hall and I don't look back, embarrassed beyond belief.
I dart into the bedroom, hurrying to my bag and taking out the silky black nighty I bought especially for this weekend. I had a little more privacy in mind for this but I have nothing else to wear. So what the hell?
I slip out of my dress, tugging it over my head. Turning, I find Ethan watching me, still shirtless, his thumb tracing his bottom lip.
I flutter my lashes, trying to keep my composure as he takes in my night dress. There's transparent lace over my ribs, framing the space beneath my breasts in a pattern like little wings. I glance down at my feet as he approaches, leaning low and kissing me sweetly.
“Bed,” he insists and I nod, pulling back the sheets and sliding under. They're cool from disuse and I shiver, longing for the heat Ethan's body promises. He drops his trousers, folding them neatly away in his bag – I eye them with hot cheeks, knowing my ripped knickers are in the pocket.
All thoughts abandon me as he moves in front of me, his crotch in line with my face.
“Move over,” he says softly and I roll aside, making room for him.
As he slides under the sheets, I snuggle up next to him, relishing his heat.
I drop a leg over his, hooking my feet around his burning calves.
“Cold?” he asks, sliding an arm around my shoulders and pulling me to his chest.
I sigh into his skin and he squeezes me to him, so hard I feel safer than I've ever been. “Not any more.”
ETHAN
Annalise encourages me out of the house before we've barely finished breakfast. She's like a tornado this morning, darting all over the house, chatting merrily with her friends. I haven't been able to keep my eyes off her since I woke with her in my arms.
“I want to show you something,” she says, plucking the car keys from my hand and getting into the driver's seat of the Mini.
I break a smile, dropping into the passenger's seat and glancing at her. “Show me something, huh?”
I glance over her snug jumper and fitted jeans. There's plenty I'd like for her to show me...
She slaps my knee and my cock twitches.
“Not like that,” she insists, her eyes firmly pinned on the narrow track of road that leads to the cliff edge.
I give in, leaning back in my seat and enjoying the view of the wild Atlantic ocean stretching out ahead. The waves break on the black rocks in tremendous crashes of white froth.
For some reason, I feel at peace here. And Annalise is drawing out a side of me I haven't seen for years. It's freeing but I also feel out of control like I'm spiralling towards the ground without a parachute. The problem is, this can't last. And we're moving dangerously close to a time I won't be able to keep this casual between us. This is moving too fast. She'll want more. She deserves more. But there's no way I can give it to her.
The voice in my head is taking a holiday too, apparently, leaving me at peace for once. Maybe it's the fresh sea air and the lack of responsibility here. Or maybe it's being hundreds of miles away from Clarissa and her sessions, having to constantly reveal the darkness in myself to her.
Or maybe it's sweet, carefree Annalise who looks at the world like everything is going to be alright. No matter what happens. And a certain part of that is rubbing off on me. If I live in the now, I don't have to worry about tomorrow or the day after. I don't have to consider the fact that this can't last. That if she ever finds out who I truly am, she'll run.
I shut my eyes for half a minute, centreing myself. No bleak thoughts this weekend. I can manage two days without having to worry. I'm being utterly selfish but I want two perfect days with Annalise. Two perfect days I can look back on and know I was happy. Just for then.
We pull onto a winding road that hugs the coast and I'm drawn to the rugged surroundings, the tumbling waves, the jagged rocks and sheer cliffs. It's nature in its truest form: rough and untamed.
“Are you sure your friends don't mind us running away today?” I glance at Annalise.
She shrugs. “They'll just be painting their nails and getting ready for the party later. I can do that in under an hour. And I really want to...”
“To what?” I prompt and she sucks her lower lip, glancing at me briefly.
“I wanted a day with you. All to myself.”
My chest swells and I automatically reach over, planting a hand on her thigh. “You've got me.”
Her expression falls serious and she nods, dropping her hand onto mine. She says nothing, pulling up at a view point, the curved parking space surrounded by a low wall built from aged stones.
“This is it?” I ask, giving her a slanted smile and she nods, opening the car door, her expression vacant.
I follow her out of the car and she moves swiftly to the wall, folding her arms around her self. The wind makes her hair flutter and dance around her, dreamlike. I move behind her, sliding my arms around hers, taking in the morning sun on the sea ahead of us.
“Sometimes it feels like this is temporary,” Annalise says, cupping my cheek, drawing me closer.
I squeeze her, my brows drawing tightly down.
I hold her tighter, pressing my mouth to her cheek. “Nothing lasts forever, Annalise.”
She grips my neck, turning to me so her lips brush mine. I respond keenly, pushing hers apart, tasting her, claiming her, if only just for now.
“Why can't it?” she pleads, as if I have the power to change the way the world works. There's so much longing in her tone and so much hope that I know she wants me to make promises, to give her reassurance.
But I can't. It wouldn't be right.
The right thing to do would be to tell her what you are.
I grimace as the voice returns in a wave.
I don't want things to be like this. Not today. Or tomorrow. This is the only time we have.
“That's just the way things are,” I murmur and she twists away from me, walking closer to the low wall.
The cliff drops away just a few feet ahead, slipping neatly into the sea below. We can see right across to another peninsular from here, the ocean sparkling in between the two fingers of land.
My gut tugs as I watch her, wrapping her arms around herself as if she's trying to prove how little she needs me.
I find myself wondering, does she still cry out of sight of the world? I don't watch her any more, but I long to see the between time now, the time when no one's looking. Does she still break apart? Or is she happier? Have I given her some of what she wanted?
“Lise,” I sigh but she doesn't turn to me.
I approach her, placing a tentative hand on her back.
She shrugs away but I move closer again, boxing her in between the wall and me.
“Look at me,” I say, harsher than I intend.
She looks, her eyes downcast, her shoulders hunched.
“At me,” I growl and her eyes slowly slide upwards.
My heart rattles in my chest like a caged beast but I manage to keep looking, to hold the gaze of the eyes that break me.
“You're going to leave, I can sense it. Maybe not toda
y, or even next week, but soon, you're going to walk away from this and I don't know why.” Her eyes become wider, brighter, more honey than amber with the way the light is shining on her.
It's like those eyes see through me, right to the truth.
“I don't want to, though,” I say, gritting my teeth. I cup her cheek, leaning in, tasting her cotton-soft lips.
“Then don't,” she pleads but I keep kissing her, not letting this conversation continue. There's only one place it can go and I'm not ready for that.
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
⊱✿ ✿⊰
It's nearly dark by the time we arrive back at the house, our afternoon spent chatting in teashops and eating cake. Annalise picked the cafes and I hounded her toward them, weaving through a colourful little seaside town where the air smelt like salt and fish.
I drove us home but part of me wishes I hadn't so I could've studied Annalise. She's had me enthralled all day, both of us not mentioning the elephant in the room. She knows I won't stay and yet she's willing to forget, willing to play pretend and while away the afternoon with me like it's the first one of hundreds. And with that pretence, comes hope. Hope that perhaps this could work. Perhaps in time we could move away from London, far away from Clarissa. And soon she'd forget about me and my obsession with the amber-eyed girl, and we could live in peace.
On a foundation of lies.
I cringe internally. I couldn't do it. It isn't fair on Annalise. When it's time for me to go, when I can man up and leave her, perhaps I'll tell her the truth. It would serve me right if she called the police, had me arrested. I should face the music. This is my doing, after all.
Annalise rings the doorbell and a moment later, Kat wrenches the door open in an opalescent dress, looking fierce. “You've been gone all day!”
“Shit – I'm sorry, Kat. We lost track of time.”
Kat rolls her eyes, heading upstairs. Annalise jogs after her and Kat's voice carries back to me. “-supposed to be my weekend-”
I grind my teeth, not warming to the girl. It might be her engagement party tonight but Annalise has the right to do what she likes before and after it. I head upstairs and Annalise throws me an apologetic look as she follows Kat into a room. I just catch sight of Libby wrapped in pink chiffon before the door slams closed.