by Nancy Warren
“You are not. Look at you. You’re gorgeous. I’d kill for your body, men fall all over themselves for you.” She squinted at Chelsea’s chest. “You were such a late bloomer. It’s like you got to college and suddenly sprouted boobs.”
“And hips.”
“So, work sucks. You’ve only been home a few weeks. Give yourself a break.”
“I guess.” She sipped the licorice-flavored liqueur reflectively. She’d had such great plans to open her own catering firm. She knew she had the drive, the talent and the recipes. What she didn’t have was capital. Damn, reality sucked.
“I don’t even need much money. A decent kitchen would do me to start. I’d complain about the hot plate and bar fridge in my sublet, except that soon I’ll be homeless.”
“But you went to Paris! To Le Cordon Bleu. It’s the dream of a lifetime.”
Her forehead creased. “Do you think I might have watched Sabrina too many times?” She’d introduced Sarah to the classic movie where Audrey Hepburn, the prettiest chauffeur’s daughter ever, fell hopelessly in love with her father’s employer’s handsome son, William Holden, who barely noticed her. Her father shipped her off to cooking school in Paris to get her over her hopeless crush. Naturally, in the movie, Audrey ended up with the smarter, richer, older brother, Humphrey Bogart, and lived happily ever after.
Sarah laughed. “We loved that movie, didn’t we?” She tilted her head and studied Chelsea. “You are a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn, but you’re no chauffeur’s daughter.”
“I’m the next best thing. I was only living in that neighborhood because my aunt and uncle took Mom and me in after the divorce.” She made a wry face. “And I did have a big crush on a guy named David, your brother, who didn’t know I existed.”
“Hah! You did. You were so shy around him. You’d only ever open your mouth to ask him about homework. He thought you were a total brain. Never knew you had a personality. Or a pretty face under all that long hair you hid behind.”
“Don’t remind me. He always helped me, though.” Her fond memories of the godlike creature darkened suddenly. “Then one of his fluffies would drop by and he’d forget all about me, calculus, everything.”
“He still dates fluffies, if you can believe it. The guy never grew up.”
It had been more than ten years since she’d seen her teen crush. “Please tell me he’s bald now. And a beer belly wouldn’t hurt a bit.”
“I’d love to, believe me. But the guy’s still a major hottie. Of course, inside, he’s the same shallow teenage frat boy. Tragic, really.”
“Mmm. He never married?”
Sarah chewed an olive off her pick before saying, “You have to double-pinky swear not to tell anyone I told you, but he was engaged once.”
“Really? What happened?”
“I’m not completely sure. But she was smart, pretty, athletic, nauseatingly perfect, really, and then suddenly she decided to go back to her old boyfriend. David acted like it was no biggie, but he was devastated.”
Her eyes were round with amazement. Imagine, having a guy like David and letting him go. “He must have been so hurt.”
“Yeah. Now he’s back to his little fluffies. He’s only interested in women who share his comfortable worldview that he’s the center of the universe. Who don’t challenge him. He puts all his real focus into his career. Thinks he’s going to be running his company by the time he’s forty. Cretin.”
“I see you two still have that love/hate thing going for you.”
“I do love him. You know I do. But I’m pissed over the little prank he pulled on me at Christmas.”
“You still play tricks on each other?” It sounded to her like neither of them had grown up yet.
“He started it,” Sarah exclaimed, pretty much confirming her opinion. “He signed me up for one of those online dating sites. With the stupidest profile you could imagine. Made me sound like a fifties virgin looking for Mr. Right. Took me days to figure out why I was getting personal e-mails from all these conservative stiffs.”
She had to force herself not to laugh. Those two had been punking each other for years. “And what did you do to retaliate?”
“I haven’t found anything rotten enough.” She smiled a cunning smile and stabbed the last olive in her glass. “Yet.”
“Who’s your hot date with tonight? Another divorce lawyer?”
“You really do know me too well.” She shrugged. “I can’t help it. A good argument gets me all riled up. Trouble is, usually when we’re not fighting the chemistry fizzles. You know?”
“Oh, I know all about fizzling chemistry. In two languages.”
Sarah chuckled. “Look, why don’t I blow off this guy and we can hang out?”
She shook her head. “Can’t. I have to look for a place. Or a homeless shelter.”
“You’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you like.”
“And I would, if I wasn’t allergic to your cat, but thanks.”
Sometimes she wondered why she’d even come back to Philly. Her mom had remarried and moved to Florida, her aunt and uncle had retired to Palm Springs. Yet, somehow this was home. Her friends and all of her memories were here. As much as she’d loved Paris, she’d always known she’d come back.
Philippe had begged her to stay, convincing her that they could open the best restaurant in Paris together and if the authorities gave her any trouble with visas, then he would marry her.
But home had called to her, and now here she was, back home, ironically, without a home.
2
DAVID WAS PRETTY GOOD about staying cool under pressure. In his experience, things usually worked out fine. Maybe he needed to work a little longer, push a bit harder, find a way around a blocked path. But he worked a problem until he found a solution.
This was different. He’d stretched out the date of the engagement dinner as far as he could, but it was fast approaching. Having to produce a suitable fiancée in a few days? How was he supposed to do that without stumbling across a magic lantern or selling his soul to the devil?
And not just any girl would do. This one would be under scrutiny from the top brass, the board and their spouses. He’d mentally reviewed every woman he could think of, scoured Facebook, his personal contact lists, but none of the women he knew were the kind of women Piers and his brother would consider corporate-wife material.
Mainly because he was attracted to certain assets in a woman that had nothing to do with long-term plans.
He should have been spending this whole weekend tracking down high-end matchmakers who might know a suitable woman who wanted to be his fake fiancée for a few months. Somebody serious, maybe a little dowdy, who could hold her own in a conversation. Also, she’d have to be discreet. Then, once the VP job was in the bag, he and his wife-to-be would discover she didn’t want to marry him after all. He’d get all the sympathy of a jilted man and the job would be his.
However, instead of interviewing suitable candidates, he was heading home for brunch at his parents’ place before they headed off on summer vacation for a few weeks.
He pulled in to the driveway of his parents’ Cape Cod, noting that his sister’s car was already there. Suck-up.
He got out of his vehicle, leaned in for the huge bouquet, part send-off and part guilt gift since he hadn’t seen his folks in weeks.
As he walked by his sister’s car he saw that she was still in it, arguing on her cell phone as usual. He sent her a cheery wave and walked on, only to halt and head back a slow step or two until he was level with the driver’s door. He knew it was desperation driving him now, but Sarah was a lawyer with a ton of women friends, many of whom went to Vassar. One of them might impress Van Horne. Sarah was four years younger than he, so most of her friends were in the right age range. Of course, Sarah’s friends tended to be way too serious and definitely too feminist, considering a man’s balls not as one of his chief erogenous zones, but as the handiest place to kick him. Hard.
However, he was desperate.
She clicked off the phone, then gave a purr of satisfaction. His sister rarely lost an argument. Or backed down. As he knew from painful experience. She was the perfect divorce lawyer. “What poor schmuck are you screwing over this time?”
“You want to talk about screwing over? The guy hid millions of dollars overseas and now he’s suing the wife, a high school teacher, for alimony.” She tapped her phone against her chin, “We’ll get him.”
“Do you ever represent men?”
She gave him a scornful glance. “As if.”
Then her gaze sharpened on him. “Well, aren’t you the dutiful son?” she crooned, getting an eyeful of the blooms. Then she stepped out of the car and gave him a one-armed hug. “How’s my big bro?”
Winning an argument always made her mellow, so he decided to ask for her help, assuming he wouldn’t be any further behind if she laughed in his face, which she’d probably do. But maybe, just maybe, she had the perfect woman for him.
“In a jam, as it happens. I need your help.”
Her glance softened and a look of concern crossed her face. “Oh, honey, what is it? Not trouble with the law?”
“No. Nothing like that. Woman trouble.”
Her crack of laughter nearly wilted the roses in his bouquet. “Here’s your problem, lover boy. Those aren’t women you insist on going out with. They are emotionally stunted fashion dolls.”
“Exactly.” He grinned at her shocked expression. “I need to meet a real woman. Someone like you. Who obviously isn’t a blood relative.” He considered her. “Or a man hater.”
“I don’t hate men.”
“Okay.” He wouldn’t get anywhere by insulting her, he reminded himself. “Honestly, Sar, I really need your help.”
“Tell your counselor everything.”
So he did. And watched her eyes grow rounder as the story progressed.
“You lied about having a fiancée for career advancement?”
“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”
She shook her head at him. “What were you thinking?”
“Obviously, I wasn’t. Wasn’t thinking they’d want to meet this woman, anyway.”
She slammed her car door shut with her hip. “I cannot believe any firm in this millennium thinks it’s okay to withhold promotions based on a person’s marital status.” She shook her head. “It’s antiquated and wrong.”
She was clearly thinking deep legal thoughts. “The whole thing’s all but illegal. Want to sue them?” She looked so hopeful he almost laughed.
“No. I don’t want to sue my employer. I want the VP job.”
“Why did you say you wanted my help?”
“I was hoping you might know a nice, unattached woman, somebody smart and classy who would be good wife-of-the-VP material. Who might enjoy coming out to a few business occasions and posing as my fiancée. Then, after I get the VP job, we’d quietly split.”
Her face creased as though she’d tasted something bad. “If I knew any women like that I’d—”
He put up his free hand to stop her. “Never mind. It was a long shot. I really don’t need a lecture, either. Let’s forget we had this conversation and enjoy a nice family brunch.”
He turned to head inside when her hand shot out and grabbed his arm. “Wait.”
He turned back.
“Believe it or not, I do know someone who might just be desperate enough to do this, if you help her in return.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “You know her, too. Or you used to.”
“Who is she?” If he knew this woman, he’d have thought of her by now since he’d gone through every contact he’d ever made searching for a suitable candidate.
“Chelsea Hammond.”
“Chelsea Hammond?” The name rang a vague bell, but he couldn’t picture her.
She glared at him. “Chelsea? My best friend? Who lived right there in the Dennises’ home while she attended high school?” She pointed to a white two-story that shared a back fence with his folks’ place. “She was always over here. She used to bake the most amazing cookies and cakes and stuff.”
His confusion cleared. “Oh, you mean Hermione?”
“Nobody called her that but you,” Sarah reminded him.
He remembered her well. She was so serious. Always had her nose stuck in a book, often a cookbook, masses of long dark hair and eyes that were too big for her face. The minute he’d read the first Harry Potter book he’d thought of Sarah’s serious friend and from that moment on had called her Hermione, after Harry’s best friend, the superbrainy Hermione Granger.
Before he could ask more, the front door opened. “I thought I heard you two outside,” their dad said, beaming at them. He raised his voice and bellowed, “Meg, the kids are here,” and his mother came out from the kitchen with her arms spread wide.
Meg and Lawrence Wolfe were like the poster couple in the early retirement ads. They were exactly what they looked like. Successful, healthy and still—as far as he could judge—happily married. They traveled, got away in the winter to somewhere warm, golfed, gave dinner parties and attended church regularly. His mom volunteered at a soup kitchen and his dad had recently, to his and Sarah’s eternal embarrassment, involved himself in amateur theater.
Their only disappointment, as far as he could tell, was that neither of their children was married.
The minute they’d said their hellos and got the initial chitchat out of the way, Sarah went to the shelf of photo albums in the walnut bookcase beside the gas fireplace, chose an album and flipped through. She brought the album over to him.
“Here’s a picture of the three of us. Chelsea, you and me.”
He squinted at the album his sister shoved under his nose. The event was Sarah’s birthday and the three teenagers stood together. He had his arm around both girls. The cake read Happy 15th Birthday, Sarah, and they’d posed beside it. He’d have been nineteen, he supposed, and he towered over the two girls. A slight, thin girl, Hermione had shiny dark hair, he remembered, that was like a curtain, hiding her face. She used to blush when he was around, which made him suspect she had a bit of a schoolgirl crush on him. She’d been a nice kid, though. He was pretty sure he’d helped her with her homework a few times.
“What’s she doing now?” he asked, trying to sound casual.
“She studied at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris. She only got home a few weeks ago and is looking for a kitchen. She plans to start her own catering company.”
His mother came and looked over his shoulder. “She was such a nice girl. I’m glad she’s back. We’ll have to have her over when we get back from vacation.” Then she asked his next question for him. “Is she still single?”
“Yep.”
Meg sighed. “I don’t know what it is with you young people. Doesn’t anybody get married anymore?”
“Sure we do, Mom. David and I are selective, that’s all.”
David was still staring at the photograph, trying to imagine Hermione all grown up. He studied her at fifteen. Nice hair, big eyes, clear skin. He could imagine her older. He pictured a librarian type with her hair in a bun. Maybe glasses from all that reading. He really liked the image. He had one fear that Sarah’s update had raised. “Catering, huh. Has she gained a lot of weight?”
Both women sent him identical withering looks.
“What? I’m just asking.”
“I had drinks with her on Thursday. She’s not as skinny as she was at fifteen. She’s filled out a little. She looks the same only twelve years older. If anything, she’s prettier than she used to be. Otherwise, she’s exactly the same,” she assured him. “You’d know her anywhere.”
David felt like his world had suddenly transformed from a bleak black-and-white European film into a bright, happy Technicolor blockbuster. Chelsea Hammond was bright, studious, a little shy, which was fine. She’d been to Paris, which suggested a level of sophistication. And if she could cook? The old boys
were going to wet themselves.
Chelsea Hammond didn’t know it yet, but she’d just become his perfect fake fiancée.
3
“SO? AM I A GENIUS OR WHAT?” Sarah exclaimed, sounding ridiculously pleased with herself.
Another long second of silence passed. The coffee shop was busy with midmorning traffic, moms with kids in strollers, older folks with crossword puzzles, a large noisy table that seemed to be some kind of walking club. The babble of voices was punctuated by the steaming hiss of the espresso machine.
“Are you kidding me?” Chelsea finally managed to respond.
She’d spent the morning looking at two hopeless places to rent in the South Street area, one where a cat came to greet her at the door and her eyes started watering before she could even cross the threshold, and the other with a supposed nonsmoking roommate who seemed to think marijuana didn’t count. They’d met at a coffee shop in the area, Sarah pleased with her purchase of an old book of art deco photographs from an antiquarian bookseller. She’d bought Chelsea an old Pennsylvania Dutch cookbook, with recipes for things like schnitz pie and young duck with sauerkraut. So she hadn’t fully paid attention when Sarah promised she had the answer to Chelsea’s prayers.
When she glanced up, Sarah’s eyes were alight with mischievous laughter. She shook her head. “On the level. Dead serious. My brother wants you to pretend to be his fiancée.”
“I don’t believe it.” She’d had a hopeless crush on David Wolfe since the first moment she saw him, out in the back of his house shooting baskets. Her attention was caught by his long, athletic teenage build, his fierce focus and that face. She’d never forget that moment as long as she lived. She and her mom had just moved in with her aunt and uncle, since her parents, not content with messing up her young life with their divorce, couldn’t even work out an agreement that let her stay in her home, near her school and friends. She remembered feeling lost and lonely and hopeless. Then she’d looked out her window, seen that boy leap into the air, sun gilding his hair, and fallen hopelessly, madly in love.