by Woods, Emily
“He's a what?”
Maddie shook her head. “It doesn't matter.” In a week, he'd be gone anyway. There was no way her father would allow him to stay after he found out the truth.
“You look completely miserable, my dear.” Tallie reached across the table and patted her hand. “Would you let me pray for you?”
“I don't think that God cares too much about my broken heart. I'm just one person.”
“Ah, but that's where you're wrong. Did you know that God cares about your heart? It even says so in the Bible.”
Here was yet another attempt to turn their conversation to the Bible and God. Maddie became frustrated.
“Why do you always turn everything back to the Bible? Can't you just give me a normal answer?” She hadn't meant to shout, but she felt like Tallie wasn't even fully listening. “I don't need a sermon right now. I need advice!”
Far from being stunned or hurt, Tallie gave her a soft smile.
“I'm giving you the best advice I know, my friend. Turning my life over to Jesus was the smartest thing I ever did. He is the One who can heal you and show you the best path for your life. I can make a guess, but I don't know your heart or Cole's. You don't want to tell me everything, and that's fine, but God already knows it all, so He's the best one to ask.”
Trembling with frustration, anger, and something else that she couldn’t identify, Maddie felt tears seeping out of her eyes. “But what if I don't like His plan? What if He wants me to forget about Cole and marry Mark?” Finally, she’d voiced her fear. She didn't want to put her trust in God, or ask Him what He wanted from her, because she was worried that it would be something she couldn't endure.
Now Tallie stood and drew her chair close to Maddie. Sitting down right next to her, Tallie pulled the younger woman into her arms. “Sweet girl, God isn't a demanding boss who wants to force you into a job that you hate. He's a loving Father who wants to shower you with wonderful gifts. In the Bible...”
Maddie tensed. It was only out of respect that she didn't storm out of the house right then and there. Instead, she gritted her teeth and tried to listen.
Tallie continued patiently, ignoring the tension she must have felt in her friend.
“...in the Bible, it says that when we give our lives to Him, when we love and trust Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts.”
“What if the desire of my heart is something that He thinks is bad for me?”
“Then He will change that desire. Trust me on this. When you let go of the control that you think you have on your life, things become so much more pleasant. I fought against God for a long time, but when I finally realized that He only wants the best for me, I felt such peace.”
“But...I don't know how to do that,” Maddie whispered. “How do I give up control?”
“Tell God that you want to give your life to Him and that you want to follow His ways. Commit to reading the Bible a little bit every day and see how you can apply it to your life. And never stop praying. Whenever you're worried or confused or anything, ask Him for guidance. And you know what? The answers to every question can be found in the Bible. That's why I talk about it so much. It's the book of life.”
Her head started to pound, and her throat ached. “I don't think I can do it,” she mumbled. “It's easier for someone like you.”
“No, dear girl. It's not easy for anyone, but it's worth it. Do you want me to pray for you now?”
Shoulders slumped, Maddie heaved a weary sigh and nodded. “Yes, please.”
There, in the sunny kitchen in the arms of her closest friend, Maddie finally let go of all the things that were weighing on her shoulders and decided to trust in her Heavenly Father. She prayed alongside Tallie and agreed to stop chasing her own idea of happiness and seek out what God would have her do with her life.
When they were done, Maddie buried her head in Tallie's shoulder. “I feel so strange,” she murmured. “I can't even explain it.”
Tallie pulled back a little and looked into her eyes. “Try.”
“It's like... I don't know, I feel tingly and floaty. I don't feel like myself.” She paused to collect her thoughts. “One time, I let the river carry me downstream wherever it wanted. It's a little like that.”
“And how does that feel?”
She swallowed hard. “Kind of wonderful.”
Face glowing, Tallie nodded. “I know exactly what you mean, sweetheart. That's God's power washing over you. Now, I won't make any silly promises like everything will suddenly become easy to endure or understand, but with God's help, you can get through every situation.”
Maddie wasn't sure if her legs could hold her, but she forced herself to stand.
“I have to do something,” she declared, her voice a little wobbly. “Thank you, Tallie, for never giving up on me. I didn't think I would ever give in, but I'm glad I did.”
“You are very welcome, my dear. And don’t think of it as giving in, but letting go. One day, you will do the same for someone else. You won't be able to help it. When God's love comes into your heart, it shines on everyone you meet.”
Her heart did feel warm, and even though her body felt drained, she knew she had to go.
“I'll come back and visit soon,” she promised. And she left her friend sitting and smiling, waving her good-bye.
Chapter 15
Maddie rode back to the house as if her life depended on it. She didn't stop for a second, and by the time she arrived in the barn, Spark was covered in sweat.
“Sorry, girl,” she murmured, giving her a quick rubdown. “I'll be back soon to give you a proper brush, but I need to do something.”
Running into the house, Maddie hoped that she had the courage to say the words that had been flashing in her mind for the past fifteen minutes.
“Mama!” she called when she spotted her mother in the kitchen kneading dough. Kate, startled, turned to look at her daughter.
“What is it, darling? Are you okay?”
“Yes, no, I...I don't...”
The words didn't want to come, so she just rushed over to her mother and threw herself into her arms.
Kate didn't miss a beat. Despite having flour all over her hands, she embraced her daughter and held her tight. Neither one of them spoke.
“I'm so sorry,” Maddie finally said. “I've been so stubborn and difficult these past few months. I just wanted what I thought was best for me, but I was foolish. You and Daddy want what's best for me and you know better too.”
Tears shone out of Kate's eyes. “Dearest girl, I'm so happy that you can see that now. What made you realize it?”
Maddie could hardly put it into words. “I-I just know it. I mean, well, God...” She stopped for a moment. It was hard to explain that God had given her a revelation. She wasn't accustomed to talking about Him and the words threatened to stay in her throat, but she took a deep breath and pushed on. “He showed me your faces in my mind, so kind and loving. I think I've been a child for long enough. Now I need to grow up.”
Holding her tight, Kate released a soft breath and smiled.
“I've prayed for this moment for a very long time, my girl. I'm so glad that you know this now.”
“I don't know how I didn't see it before. He's been right here all along, waiting for me.”
Now both their faces were wet with tears. “That's right, my love. He has infinite patience.”
“I don't know how to make up for every selfish thing I've said and done, but I'm going to try.”
Kate nodded and kissed her cheek. “You don’t need to make up for the past. Just do your best in the present, and He will help you. You'll see.”
And Maddie believed it.
* * *
The sun seemed to shine a little brighter that afternoon, Cole thought. Unburdening himself of the secret that he thought he had to keep had proved to be a great relief, and far from arousing his boss's anger, he could see that Luke respected him.
When they rode together over th
e range, Luke talked to him more like an equal. He explained things in great detail and Cole soaked up every word.
“Now, there's still a fair amount of land to the west of here that hasn't been claimed, from what I understand. I don't know how long it will stay that way, but I'd encourage you to buy it now and then, when you're ready, invest in your livestock.”
It made a lot of sense to him. “How can I do that?” he asked, trying not to sound too naive or eager.
“We'll go into town tomorrow and talk to the bank manager. He'll get the papers in order and tell you all you need to know.”
By the end of the day, Cole was nearly bursting with excitement. He wanted to share his news with someone, but he was reluctant to tell the other hands for fear of sounding superior. And then he realized that there was really only one person he wanted to tell anyway.
“Do you have a minute?” he asked Maddie when the others were occupied after dinner. For some reason, he was even more drawn to her than he had been the day before. There was something a little different about her. It was as though she'd lost the hard edge that had always put him on his guard.
“What about?” The question wasn't hostile, just curious. He also noticed that she seemed a bit nervous, an emotion he'd never noted in her before.
“Uh, well, if we could just take a short walk around the house...”
“Let me ask my mother first.”
That was new. The girl, or rather, the young woman he'd come to know over the past three weeks rarely asked permission to do anything, let alone take an innocent stroll. However, she scurried off for a moment and returned less than a minute later.
“Mama said to stay within easy sight of the house,” she told him. “But yes, we can go.”
Outside, the air felt warm as spring started to yield to summer. Cole smiled when he thought of the season ahead.
“I thought you might want to know that I told your father about my plans this afternoon.”
“You did?” Her face became anxious. “And you're still here?”
He laughed and nodded. “Yep, and what's more, he's offered to take me under his wing and teach me all he knows about ranching. Isn't that something?”
“It sure is,” she replied, her voice lowered to a whisper. “I can hardly believe it.”
“Me neither. I wanted to tell you because, well, I had asked you to keep it secret, but you don't need to worry about that anymore.”
“I see.”
He didn't know how to take her reaction. She seemed...distant. “Are you disappointed that he didn't kick me off his ranch? Did you want to see the back of me?”
Although he strove to keep his voice light, his words came out tight.
“No, that's not it. I just... Well, I'm surprised.” Her eyes flickered to his. “And happy for you.” There was a bit of a pause. “So, um, how long will you stay?”
“Oh, I don't know. It'll take some time to learn everything. Your father said that most things can't be taught and are best learned through experience, but I guess I'll be here a while yet.”
He tried to read her expression in the setting sun, but she kept her face slightly turned away from him.
“Thank you for telling me. I hope everything turns out the way you expect.” She looked toward the house. “We'd better get back now. I told Mama that we'd only be a few minutes.”
Confusion rattled his brain. “Maddie? Are you okay? You seem...different.”
Now she gave him a soft smile. “Yeah, I am. I guess I just…got over myself today.”
Her cryptic statement made him press on. “What does that mean?”
“Well, I suppose that I’ve realized there's more to life than what I see of it. My mind has been opened a bit.”
He still wasn’t sure what that meant, but he found the change incredibly appealing. “Who opened your mind?”
Although she had turned toward the house, she made no move to walk back. He stood a respectful distance away and admired her slight form set against the darkening sky. Sensing that she might tell him if he didn’t push, he waited patiently, enjoying the sight of her.
“It’s kind of personal,” she said at last. “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it, but I can tell you this… My friend Tallie helped me see that I’ve been very selfish and pigheaded. That’s not who God made me to be. I-I think that I need to make a change.”
Part of him wanted to blurt out that he thought she was perfect the way she was, but who was he to give her advice? On top of that, he knew he shouldn’t rush to comment on a person’s feelings or faith.
“I’ve been giving God a bit more thought these days than before,” he admitted, opening up a little. If she could confide in him, he’d do the same for her. “Austin and I have been talking some, and a lot of what he says makes sense, and, well, speaks to something in me. I’m not sure what I’m feeling or what it all means, but I’m seeing things a little different now.”
She angled her face toward him, a thoughtful expression on her face.
“Truly? You’re not just saying that?”
“No, why would I? It’s the truth. I haven’t been too happy in life since my parents died. I expect you know that much from what I’ve said, but more than that, I’ve only had one goal in mind: to have a ranch of my own and show up my uncle. He thought that I would take my parents’ money and waste it all in a year or two, but I’d planned to show him. Now, though, I’m beginning to feel that it doesn’t matter what he thinks. I want to do it for myself.”
“And Austin helped you realize that?”
He grinned and took a step toward her. “In a way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be eaten up by anger and bitterness anymore. I want a different life.”
She gave him a tentative smile. “Me, too. We have that in common.”
They stood there smiling for a moment longer. It might have been the twilight, her sweet demeanor or the excitement of the day, but Cole wanted to keep her talking.
“Your father asked me about my intentions toward you today.” The words were out before he fully knew what he was going to say. Maddie blinked several times and her mouth opened and closed twice before a small squeak came out.
“Your…intentions?”
He figured he was in this deep now, so might as well keep on going.
“Yep. Your ma figured she saw something between the two of us yesterday and told him to have a talk with me. I assured him that I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
The sun was almost completely gone now, but he could still make out her face. Her expression was confused and nervous at the same time.
“I believe you. It’s true that I wasn’t happy about you keeping secrets from my family, but now I can see that I maybe overreacted. You’re a good man.”
Taking a step toward her, Cole kept his eyes on her face.
“I didn’t lie to your father, but I didn’t tell him the whole truth either.”
“What’s that?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Should he tell her? Could he?
“I-I don’t know exactly. Maddie, I don’t want to make any promises or lead you on in anyway, and until he asked me, I didn’t admit it to myself, but now I can’t deny that my heart does some strange things when you’re around.” There. The words were out. He felt a little lightheaded and suddenly, his mouth was dry, but he didn’t regret putting himself out there, at least, not right away.
He didn’t expect her to throw herself into his arms or even confess similar feelings, but he was certainly unprepared for what happened next. Maddie’s face crumpled and he heard a choked sound come out of her mouth. Without warning, she turned on her heel and fled to the house.
Watching her flee, he regretted saying anything. It wasn’t the right time to confess his feelings, especially when he didn’t know what he wanted to do about them.
Cole heaved a sigh and turned his gaze toward the stars.
“If what Austin said is true, co
uld You give me a little help? It might not seem like much compared to the problems of the world and all, but I need to know what I’m supposed to do here.”
It was a pretty pitiful prayer, he admitted, but as he kept looking toward the heavens, he thought maybe it reached his intended audience because a warm wind suddenly blew and the slightest bit of peace entered his heart.
At least she hadn’t laughed in his face.
Chapter 16
“What in the world? Maddie?”
She heard her mother call her, but she couldn’t stop. She didn’t want to. How could she explain the sobs that threatened to choke her when she didn’t even understand them herself?
In her room, Maddie threw herself down on her bed and allowed the torrent of emotions to pour forth. She soaked the pillow with her tears, her shoulders shaking and convulsing the whole time.
“Dear girl!” her mother exclaimed, rushing into the room. “What’s wrong? Please tell me. Are you hurt?”
Maddie shook her head without breaking her crying.
“Did Cole…do something? Do I have to send your father to find him?”
“No!” Now she pushed herself into a sitting position and tried to see her mother’s face, but her sight was too blurry. “He didn’t do anything. He’s… Well, he just…” A lump rose in her throat. “He says he has feelings for me.”
The worry on Kate’s face eased away and was replaced with confusion.
“Why does this make you cry? If you don’t care for him, then just say so, but unless he hurt you in some way…”
“I don’t know why I’m crying!” she fairly shouted, but then quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Mama, but I can’t help it. It’s too much.”
Kate sat on the bed next to her daughter and smoothed her hair off her forehead. “Can you try to explain?”
Maddie took a few deep breaths and let them out shakily. “I can’t handle this right now. I’m just starting to understand that I need to change my attitude in life, and now I have to think about Cole.”