“Hey,” she greeted him with a smile.
Walking in, he replied, “Hey, right back at you. You ready? You look great by the way.”
Blushing, again not knowing why, Sam replied, “Yeah, I’m more than ready. I’m tired of being cooped up in here. You look good, too, and thank you.”
“Thanks. Okay, then. Let’s do this.”
On the way outside Sam felt confused about a few things. She decided it was because she had been shut off from everything for so long and dismissed her feelings. She was happy about finally spending time with an old friend again and wanted to have a good time. When they sat in Junior’s truck she was thankful it was already warmed up. The heat felt wonderful on her bare cheeks and hands.
“One of these days I’ll remember to wear gloves,” she complained.
“Open the compartment box. I think there’s an extra pair in there,” Junior told her.
“I’m fine. Thank you. I have three pairs; I just never remember to bring them.”
“If I may make a suggestion…” Junior offered, “Why don’t you put a pair in your purse tonight. That way you won’t forget tomorrow if you go anywhere.”
Sam smirked. “Yeah, that’s a great idea, if I remember to do that.”
They both laughed as they drove away. It felt good to laugh. It didn’t seem to happen as often as it used to and she missed the incredible feeling of it.
They decided to go to the restaurant and pub in the small center across from Coe’s Park. They had a great menu that wasn’t very expensive. The only problem was that her eyes were usually bigger than her stomach.
Samantha chose the Bubble Green Tea for her drink and Junior decided for a glass of water. He said he was trying to cut out sugar and didn’t want alcohol while he was driving.
“Smart man,” Sam told him.
“Thank you. What kind of appetizer do you want? Anything you want. My treat tonight.”
She smiled up at him and replied, “Oh, that can be dangerous for me. I don’t think you realize what you are telling me.”
He grinned and they scanned the menus. She chose a garden salad, stating she had to have at least one healthy item. Junior decided to get the French onion soup, being not quite as concerned as she was. For their main course, Junior chose the grilled angus chopped sirloin with red skinned mashed potatoes. Sam told the young and pretty waitress she would love the balsamic grilled chicken with rice and broccoli.
Their evening together went great. It was the first time the two of them had ever been out together, alone. In a small way, it felt a little weird to her, but she ignored that feeling and did her best to enjoy herself. She laughed out loud when she remembered the trick Tonya played on her when they last ate out, and told Junior about it. He thought it was a great idea and said he would have to remember that one.
“You better not do that to me,” she warned him with a grin.
“I promise it won’t happen…tonight.”
She squinted her eyes at him and he quickly changed the subject.
To Junior it was more than he could have asked for. He had been having a hard time with his attraction to his best friends’ wife. He had never told a soul how he felt and always felt guilt over it. He missed Chris terribly, but he tried to convince himself there wasn’t anything wrong with his feelings any longer. Sam had been single for months and even though he wouldn’t do anything to hurt their friendship, having dinner was perfectly innocent.
They talked about her going back to school the following Monday and her excitement about graduating. He talked about the possibility of getting promoted at his job and how he could really use the substantial raise that would come with it. She told him about her trip to Florida to be with Tonya and helping Tonya’s uncle at their restaurant and how much she loved it.
When Junior took her home, it was dark and felt about twenty degrees colder. The time had slipped away from them and he knew he needed to go home and get in bed. He had to work the next day, and 5:30 in the morning would come a lot quicker than he would like it to.
They pulled up in front of Sam’s apartment and for the first time that evening there was a slight discomfort between them.
“Thank you for dinner and for all the laughs tonight. I really needed that and I enjoyed myself very much,” she told him. She was looking at him and could sense something different. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she knew it wasn’t a bad thing. Just different. What surprised her at that moment though was how she was beginning to feel. She had the sudden want for him to kiss her goodnight. The thought hit her so fast and suddenly she felt immediate shame and almost burst from the truck, but managed to control herself because she didn’t want to be rude.
Turning to look at her, Junior could feel his heart picking up its pace. He already knew better than to even think of anything more than the friendly goodnight. No kiss, no holding hands. Nothing of the sort. But, that didn’t mean he didn’t want to.
“You’re welcome. I enjoyed it too. Maybe we can do it again, soon.”
“I would like that,” she told him. Without thinking and wondering why she suggested, “Why don’t you come over Saturday? I’ll cook something. I don’t know what yet, but something.” It was as if someone had taken over her mind. What is wrong with me?
“Sounds like a brilliant idea. Just let me know what time and if you need me to bring anything.”
“I’ll call you and let you know.”
She unbuckled her seatbelt and they said goodnight. Junior watched her walk away and enter her apartment. He sat there a moment longer to gather his thoughts before leaving. He shook his head and wondered again if his feelings were wrong. He wondered how Chris would feel if he were around and the situation was switched. What would he do?
***
An hour later they were in separate beds and on different sides of town. Both were staring up at the ceiling and listening to sirens. Sometimes it sounded like New York City instead of Torrington, Connecticut.
There were many times Sam would watch the news or see the newspapers and would be appalled at the mid-sized town. Drug busts and deaths due to an overdose. People getting stabbed in an argument over some guy or a liquor store being robbed. It was insanity and it didn’t look as if it was getting much better.
That wasn’t what was on either of their minds as they lay there. Both were thinking about their dinner together. Although on different scales.
Junior was thinking about how she looked with her hair in a bun, and how he thought she had added makeup for him. He remembered the fragrance she had been wearing and how it intoxicated him. Of course, he didn’t mention any of those things to her, but none of it escaped his attention. He wondered if she picked up on any of his feelings. Through the entire dinner, he had to control his expressions and how he looked at her. It was difficult, but he thought he managed well.
Sam was thinking about her sudden desire when he dropped her off after dinner. She couldn’t understand why she would feel that way. It’s not possible. Even if it was it’s too soon.
After she thought it couldn’t happen she started to think about his smile and how often he showed it to her through dinner. She wondered several times through the evening if he was okay. Even though he acted fine, Sam felt something was different and she couldn’t figure out what it was. She wondered if maybe he was nervous because he found her attractive. She grinned at the idea and told herself it wouldn’t be that. Before she fell asleep the thought of how nice that would be skimmed through her mind and she felt ashamed of herself.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The weekend passed without either of them spending any more time together. Although they had planned on dinner, Junior claimed he wasn’t feeling well and asked if they could do it another time. Sam told him that would be fine and hoped he felt better. She had a gut feeling that it was something else entirely, and hoped it wasn’t her.
Monday morning arrived and she woke with excitement; she couldn’t get ready for sc
hool fast enough. She was looking forward to seeing everyone and actively learning more and sharpening her skills. Three more months. That was all she had left and it couldn’t get there soon enough.
She ate only a banana and yogurt for breakfast and got ready after a cup of coffee. She didn’t have any reason to rush. She had plenty of time to get there. Once she did she was pleased to be greeted with affection from the staff and her teachers. Her fellow students were thrilled to see her and most of them gave her a hug when she walked in.
The day flew by as Sam prepared several dishes, both for entrees and desserts. She was in her element again and she was elated. When the class had their dishes plated and on the tables in front of them she felt like she was on Hell’s Kitchen. Of course, she didn’t have to be berated in front of millions on television. That thought almost made her burst out in laughter because Tonya suggested she go on the show. Thankfully, she managed to hold it together.
Her instructor and the Dean of the school were both tasting her two dishes and her mind was at ease when they both smiled at her.
“I see you didn’t lose your touch while you were out,” her instructor said and went to the next student.
She couldn’t help but to feel proud of herself, but didn’t allow it to go to her head. When the instructor and the Dean finished tasting and grading everyone they told them they could go home. It was a half hour early, but they were all happy and not one of them argued about it. They would have to wait until the next day to know what their grades were.
By the time she pulled into the lot in front of her apartment traffic had become full swing and chaotic. Most people were either leaving their jobs or going to one. She almost had a collision on Route 8 and felt blessed she made it home alive.
Some idiot who obviously thought the highway belonged to them sped by her and instantly swerved in front of her without a blinker. She had been doing ten miles over the speed limit herself, going seventy miles per hour. The person that almost hit her had to be doing at least ninety. When it happened, it was so unexpected it caused her reflexes to go into overdrive. She came very close to swerving into the tree filled median on the left side. That, of course, would have been the end of her altogether. Thankfully, by the grace of God Himself she believed and as the speedster continued on their way, she held it together without any serious incident.
She threw her coat on the couch, not bothering with hanging it up as usual, and placed her purse on top of it. Her nerves were still touchy after the close encounter home and she wanted a cup of coffee. Normally, she wouldn’t drink reheated coffee but she poured a cup and nuked it in the microwave. With it she sat at the table and enjoyed the heat of it as it flowed down her throat. As she waited for the caffeine to settle her she thought about her first day back at school. She was pleased with herself.
She called Tonya to have girl talk and see how she was doing. They talked about each other’s health, checking on the other like best friends do and laughed as they did. Tonya had been freed from any cancer and she gave all the credit to God.
“You know my uncle seriously misses having you here,” Tonya told her. “I know he still means what he said to you before you left—about working for him.”
Sam grinned and let Tonya’s words gently flow through her mind. Sitting back, the memory of being there flowed with them as well.
“Tell him I said thank you and he is so very kind.”
“Have you considered it at all?”
Sam had to be honest. “With everything that has been going on and having been sick for those few days, no I haven’t. I’m sorry. That doesn’t mean I don’t love the idea. I loved being there, especially being close to you.”
“Me too. Give it some thought, okay? I know he’s serious. You made a huge impression on him and he asks about you at least twice a week.”
“Seriously?” Sam heard the surprise in her own voice and hoped it didn’t resonate too badly to Tonya.
Tonya laughed and said, “Yes, seriously. Don’t get me wrong. He likes the cooks he has there now, but was really impressed with the way you moved around the kitchen and how you connected with everyone there. You were a leader even if you were only there a couple of weeks. Plus, I think you captured his heart with your special touch to his menu.”
Laughing out loud. “I didn’t do anything special to his menu. At least, I don’t think I did.”
“Well, you did something and he still wants you there. That’s all I know. Again, think about it, okay?”
“Okay, I’ll think about it.”
After a few more minutes of chatter, they said goodbye. Still grinning, Sam undressed, walked into the bathroom, and turned on the hot water in the shower. Stepping in after she adjusted it so it wouldn’t scald her, she enjoyed washing the day away. Not that anything about it was bad in any fashion at all, but feeling clean from the smell of cooking was always a pleasant feeling.
When she was dressed in a camisole and shorts, she made herself a salad for dinner and sat with it on the couch. She found a Friends episode on TV and watched it as she ate. She enjoyed watching Ross fumbling whenever he was around Rachel, and always found it so sweet how being around her made Ross feel. It was her favorite part of the series and she always hoped they would get back together.
She thought about Junior again and wondered if he was being honest with her about not feeling good the other day. She had a feeling there was something going on with him that he wasn’t telling her. She hoped she hadn’t done anything to upset him. She thought back and couldn’t think of anything.
Watching Ross with Rachel made her realize something. Was it possible he had feelings for her? Yes, they had a good time together, and yes, she did think about the possibility the other night herself. But she had dismissed it without another thought.
The idea came to her with a more powerful force, front and center in her mind. Could she ask him if that was the case? No, that would be a bad idea. Asking him would make him uncomfortable and embarrass him. She wouldn’t do that to him.
She also couldn’t totally dismiss how she felt that night. She frowned when she realized it was possible she was also attracted to him. She felt like she was losing her mind the way her heart was all over the place.
Junior had been her husband’s best friend and she had always liked him. He was a good man and she didn’t want to say anything to make him feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Her heart began to thump harder against her chest. She knew she couldn’t be with him. She knew she couldn’t because of two reasons. One, she would always love Chris, and two because she couldn’t give her heart to another man. Not ever.
Sam rinsed out her bowl and fork and placed them in the dishwasher. Drying her hands off she crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. The feeling wouldn’t leave her. As she thought more about it the idea wasn’t a bad one and she was appalled at herself. She had literally just told herself in the other room that she couldn’t do it. The idea of being with another man, especially so soon, would be wrong. The thought of another man holding her or kissing her or anything else would make her feel like she was cheating. She knew she wouldn’t be. She had become a widow and there was no changing the fact, but she didn’t feel right about it.
Rubbing her eyes, she thought about being a young woman with many years ahead of her. She thought about spending the rest of her life alone. Never being romanticized again. Never being made love to again. Never having children or being put in a situation where her heart could be broken again. That was the kicker right there. Never again did she want to go through the pain of losing someone.
She wished she had thought about all of this while she had Tonya on the phone. She looked at the clock and decided to call her again. Maybe she could help her figure this out.
“Hey, are you busy?” she asked when she had Tonya on the phone again.
“Nope. I’m sitting here with my leftover lunch from work getting ready to finish it off. What’s up? You missed my voice and had to ca
ll me back right?”
Laughing, Sam said, “Yeah, sure that’s what it was.”
“I thought so.”
“Do you want to call me back after you eat? There’s something I need your help with.”
“No, it’s okay. I can eat and listen and chime in occasionally, too. What’s bothering you?”
“I’m seriously struggling with something,” Sam began and told her everything about the dinner with Junior and how she was feeling.
She could hear a slight gasp from Florida and waited to hear what Tonya had to say about her thoughts.
“Really? Are you certain?”
“Well, no I’m not certain about his feelings, that’s why I said I have a feeling about it and yes I’m very certain about the struggle.”
“Right, okay, so what makes you think that? Wait a minute, hold on, tell me everything again if you don’t mind.”
Samantha filled her in on the other night when they had dinner together. She said she had a great time, but there was something about him dropping her off afterwards that stuck with her and the overwhelming desire that she had with him.
“Like I said already, it might be my imagination but he seemed different. Sort of like…well, I think he wanted to kiss me goodnight.”
“Oh, and you wanted him to?” That was all Tonya could say.
“Yeah.”
“How did that make you feel then?”
Folding her legs underneath her and lying her head back, Sam thought about it before answering.
“Honestly, it caught me off guard and scared me so that I almost ran from the truck. Of course I didn’t but it almost happened. Then, I planned on cooking dinner for us Saturday and he cancelled on me. He said he didn’t feel good.”
“Wait a minute. Back up,” Tonya said with a touch of excitement in her voice. “You thought about it later that night? What were you thinking? And you invited him over for dinner on top of that? It sounds to me that maybe you liked the idea of it, just a little. Maybe.”
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