by E. L. Todd
A moment later, Silke sat in the chair beside me. She glanced at me. “Hi…”
“Hi.”
Silke turned to her parents. “I assumed it would just be the three of us…”
“The more, the merrier, right?” Ryan asked.
Silke opened her menu and didn’t answer.
Every time we took one step forward, we took twenty-five backwards. Silke and I would get close, almost back to what we were, but then she would become distant with me all over again. I wasn’t sure why she did that, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was afraid if I pushed her too hard I would lose her altogether.
“What are you getting, sweetheart?” Janice asked Silke.
“A big ass piece of lasagna,” Silke said.
I smirked and tried not to laugh. She could be so cute sometimes. I wanted to rest my hand on her thigh but I reminded myself I couldn’t.
“Hungry?” Ryan asked, amused.
“Starving,” Silke said. “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Why?” Ryan asked.
“It was busy at work so I skipped lunch,” she answered.
“Slade wouldn’t skip lunch even if I paid him to,” Ryan said with a laugh.
I glanced at the menu then set it down when the waiter came over. Ryan ordered for Janice, and automatically, I ordered for Silke. I realized my mistake after it was too late. I avoided her look and tried to act like everything was normal.
“Mom and Dad, I know you really want this to happen between Arsen and I, but arranging surprise dinners and trying to push us closer together isn’t going to work. Just stay out of it.”
Ryan and Janice remained quiet, having nothing to say.
“I’m disappointed in you for not treating Pike with the same welcome as you obviously give Arsen. He and I may not have worked out, but I still care about him. Don’t become like Sean and Mike and start manipulating my personal life to your preference. It’s my life, not yours.”
Ouch. That even burned me.
“We aren’t trying to manipulate you, honey,” Janice said calmly.
“It seems like it,” Silke said.
“We don’t want you to reject Arsen when he’s a completely different person now. Sometimes our pain and bitterness clouds our judgment.”
“And sometimes our sense of protection over our kids clouds our judgment,” Silke snapped.
Ryan sighed and leaned back in his chair.
“If Arsen and I can make it work, we will,” Silke said. “But mind your own business in the meantime.”
I felt bad her parents were getting burned like this. I knew they meant well. “Silke, I arranged this.”
Silke turned to me, suspicion in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just want to spend time with you in any way I can. I meant well.”
The anger left her eyes and she gave me a look full of affection, not fury. Now that we’d become close, it was hard for her to stay mad at me. I was glad we were making some sort of progress, no matter how small it was. “It’s okay.”
Ryan released a noticeable sigh of relief. Janice just smiled at us.
Suddenly, I became bold. I grabbed her hand under the table and interlocked our fingers on a whim. She would either pull away or let the affection linger. Since she was already soft toward me, she let our hands hold each other.
Yes.
Ryan and Janice looked away, trying to behave normally. But they were doing a poor job.
I decided to change the subject. “How was your day?”
“Good. Yours?”
“One of the mechanics got oil all over my suit. It’s totally ruined.”
“How did that happen?” she asked in surprise.
“He accidently turned too quickly, and the oil from the bottle splashed on me.” I shrugged. “It was actually pretty funny.”
“Well, that was nice you didn’t get mad at him,” she said.
“Accidents happen,” I said.
“Are you going to make him pay for it?” she asked.
“No,” I said immediately. “I’m not going to do that.”
She gave me a smile and it warmed my heart.
Ryan and Janice watched our interaction in silence.
“Did you smell all day?” Silke asked.
“Like a mechanic,” I said with a laugh.
“At least it gives you an excuse to go shopping,” she said.
“I hate shopping,” I said honestly. “I haven’t gone since I bought my original wardrobe.”
“Why do you hate it?” she asked.
“Its just boring. Frankly, I’m not very good at it.”
“I like all your clothes,” she said.
“Well, I had the lady at the store pick everything out.” I was slightly embarrassed. “I would be truly grateful if you came with me and helped me pick out a few things…”
“Dressing you up on your dime?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’ll take you to lunch as a thank you.”
“I get to dress up a hot guy,” she said. “That’s enough of a thank you.” She realized what she said and blushed slightly. She averted her gaze, unable to look at me.
I loved it when she said stuff like that.
“I buy all of your father’s clothes,” Janice said.
“And then I take them back,” Ryan said.
Janice rolled her eyes. “He still wears the clothes he had when we met—if you can believe it.”
“Well, you get the most bang for your buck,” I said.
“I know, right?” Ryan said.
“His shirts and sweaters have holes,” Janice said. “He looks like a homeless person sometimes.”
Ryan shrugged. “I couldn’t care less how I look when I go to work. But my outfits seem to be enough for the ladies…”
Janice shot him a glare.
“It’s true,” Ryan said.
“It’s because they know you have money,” Janice said.
“When they hit on me at a bar, they have no idea how much money I have,” he said. “And judging my attire, I got a few bucks in my checking account. So, that’s a stretch, baby.”
She shot him another glare. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“You brought it up,” he said.
“I’m not opposed to slapping you in public,” she said quietly.
“Ooh…” Ryan smirked. “That’s pretty hot.”
She pointed her finger at him. “Knock it off. Now.”
Silke leaned toward me. “You get used to it…”
“I like their relationship,” I said. “They fight but they love each other. All my parents ever did was fight.”
Silke’s eyes fell at the mention of my parents.
Ryan and Janice finally dropped their feud.
The food was brought and we dug in.
“Can I ask you something about your parents?” Ryan asked.
“You can ask me anything,” I blurted.
“Have you heard from either one of them?” Ryan asked. “Ever?”
“No.” I kept eating. The fact my parents had abandoned me didn’t bother me anymore. I had a family even if we weren’t related by blood, I had a woman who loved me completely, even if she was a little distant at the moment, and I loved my daughter and gave her the childhood I had needed. So, I made my peace with it.
“That’s unfortunate,” Janice said. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m over it,” I said honestly. “Maybe they didn’t want me but other people do.”
Silke rested her hand on my thigh and squeezed it. The look of affection in her eyes made me feel weak. “You’re right. And we love you very much.”
She had no idea what that meant to me. And I knew my words meant a lot to her. She’d always tried to convince me I was worth something, that people did love me for who I was, that I deserved to be loved. I hadn’t believed her until I lost her, unfortunately. But now I did.
“I feel bad for your parents,” Ryan said. “They missed out.”
“They did,” Janice said.
We continued to eat until our bellies were full. Silke finished every single piece of her meal, and then she eyed my half eaten plate with interest.
I grinned, feeling myself fall more in love with her. Then I traded plates with her. “It’s yours.”
She picked up her fork then finished it.
I tried not to laugh. When she was adorable like that I found her irresistible.
When the tab came, I snatched it then put the money inside.
“What the hell are you doing?” Ryan demanded.
I handed the tab back to the waiter. “Buying dinner.”
“We insist,” Ryan said.
“Nope.” I turned to the waiter. “Take it away.”
Ryan shook his head but didn’t say anything.
“I’m never letting you pay for anything,” I said. “Like, forever.”
“You don’t need to do that, Arsen,” Janice said.
“I know,” I said. “I want to.”
We left the restaurant then walked outside.
“Good night.” Ryan hugged me then Janice came next. Then they hugged their own daughter. Ryan turned to me before they left. “Basketball on Wednesday?”
“Count me in,” I said.
He high-fived me then walked off with his arm around Janice’s waist.
I turned to Silke. “Can I walk you home?”
“Sure.” She shouldered her purse then walked beside me.
I grabbed her hand, not giving a damn if she didn’t want me to.
She took it without objection. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”
I didn’t know what she was talking about. “Sorry?”
“I can never date someone else because my parents will always be loyal to you. I can never get away from you even if I try. You’ve infiltrated my family and friends. It’s like I don’t have a choice at all.”
“That’s one way to look at it,” I said gently. “But you don’t want anyone else anyway. So, what does it matter?”
She gave me an unreadable expression then looked away.
We were silent as we walked back to her apartment. Tension hung in the air and we both felt it. However, neither one of us acknowledged it. When we reached her door, we faced each other.
I decided to speak my mind. “Silke, I’m not going to go anywhere. I’m always going to be here, hovering. Everywhere you go, I’ll be one step behind you. I won’t have another woman, so you may as well let me have you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and stayed silent.
“I’ll wait as long as you want to wait, but I think it’s a waste of time. You want me and I want you. Just let me in.”
Still, she said nothing.
“If you’re waiting for me to mess up, waiting for me to push you away because of some insecurity I don’t have, you’re wasting your time. I’m here, and I’m going to be here forever. I want to marry you and begin our lives together. Just…trust me.”
“I know…” She ran her fingers through her hair anxiously.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know, honestly.”
I put my hands in my pockets and sighed. “Well, the problem isn’t lack of love. That’s for sure. And it’s not a lack of physical attraction. That’s stronger than ever. It can’t be friendship because we spend all our time together and have a great time. It can’t be trust either. You claim you don’t trust me but I think you do. So, what’s left?”
She stared at me blankly.
“There is nothing left. Just your fear.”
She pressed her lips tightly together.
“No one can promise they’ll never hurt you. It’s impossible. But with me, I can. I will never hurt you again. I’m obsessed with you to the point of insanity, I’ve aged a hundred years living a life of misery, I’ve been with tons of women and none of them have ever caught my loyalty and adoration like you have. All I want is to love you every day until I die. I’ll marry you tomorrow if that’s what you need. Just give yourself to me. Be fearless and strong like you once were. Just one more time.” I took a deep breath then stared her down, searching for some answer in her gaze. She was hidden from me, not letting me in.
“You’re never going to go away…”
“No, I’m not. I’m not going to stop until you’re mine.” I stepped closer to her. “Now give me what I want. Give me what I deserve. Because I do deserve you. I worked my ass off to stand here and look you in the eye. I worked my ass off to get Ryan’s approval. I. Deserve. You.”
Her eyes flashed in emotion and her lips parted slightly. Those last words meant something to her. They were words she had said to me countless times. They were words I never believed. But then the emotion left and there was a void in place. “I…” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I need to think about it.”
I sighed in defeat, wishing she had a very different answer. “Then I’ll keep trying.”
She averted her gaze then opened her door. “Good night, Arsen.”
Somehow, my words of love had pushed her away. Our night ended prematurely but there was nothing I could do to fix it. For the first time, I felt like giving up. I kept losing her over and over, and it was painful every time. My shoulders sagged under the weight of the impossible. “Good night, Silke.”
***
I gave her space for the next few days. Honestly, I was a little discouraged. I’d done everything I could to gain her trust but it wasn’t enough. I would never give up, but it was still a painful hit. I feared my dream of making Silke my wife and having her as a step-mom to Abby would never come to pass. I’d always be alone, tortured by the amazing thing I had but threw away.
Sometimes I just wanted to sit in the dark and bask in my pained thoughts. Sometimes I didn’t want to do anything at all, not even work. That’s how depressed I was. But I had to focus on the task and what I had to do. If I just kept being patient, Silke would be mine—eventually.
I was in my office on the phone with my insurance company when there was a knock on the door. I pulled the receiver away from my mouth. “Come in.” Then I turned my attention back to the phone. “I’d like to add another employee under the policy number.” When I looked up, I saw Silke standing in front of my desk, looking nervous. “I’ll call you back.” I hung up immediately. “Everything okay?”
She fidgeted with her hands like she was nervous.
I suspected she’d come down here to voice her thoughts like last time, to go back and forth in her wants and desires. She didn’t know what she wanted and she tried to explain that in a complicated way. Or maybe she wanted to stop seeing me altogether. Judging the fear on her face, she wasn’t exactly thrilled to be here.
“I’m fine,” she finally said.
At least she told me that.
“I’ve been thinking about our last conversation…”
She was going to end it with me, whatever our relationship was. She was going to drop me. I pushed her too hard too fast. “Silke, I—"
“Let me talk first.”
I closed my mouth, not wanting to hear this.
She was quiet for a long time, anxiety written on her face. Normally, Silke was fearless and didn’t stutter in conversation. She spoke eloquently and with purpose. But now she seemed weak and afraid. “I’m scared to be with you again. I can’t forget everything that happened or how you let me down so many times. But…I love you.”
My heart stopped beating.
“And I want to be with you.” She stood there awkwardly, still unsure of herself.
Did she just say that? I rose out of my seat, feeling my hands shake.
“If you still want me.”
Adrenaline spiked in my body, and joy like I’d never known spread through every inch of me. The darkness that consumed me disappeared as the light broke through. I came around the desk and reached her. “Of course I do.”
She stared at me hesitantly.
“Why are you
so nervous?” I asked bluntly.
“I want to take this slow,” she said. “Not jump back into what we were before.”
Now I understood. “We can go as slow as you want. And I don’t want what we had before. I want something new, something beautiful. Because you and I are pretty terrific together. Imagine what we could have now that the timing is right and the stars have aligned.”
She nodded then relaxed. “I’m tired of trying to keep you away. Nothing I do works.”
“About time you figured that out.”
She chuckled. “I’ve never been very bright.”
“You’re the most intelligent woman I’ve ever known.”
“I don’t know about that…”
My hand moved to her chin and I forced her to look at me.
“Don’t hurt me,” she whispered.
“I promise.” I hooked her pinky with mine. “Pinky promise—as I do with Abby.”
She smiled then looked at me with bright eyes. “What now?”
I shoved everything off my desk except my computer. “We make out until closing time.” I picked her up and set her on the desk.
“Good thing I brought Chapstick.”
“Like you’re going to have the opportunity to use it.”
Chapter Five
Sean
With Mike out of the office, I was left with a lot of extra work. Since Skye was under my wing, I had to teach her at the same time. I didn’t mind, but it forced me to stay at work a lot longer than usual.
I was a bit of a lazy worker. I was only at the office as long as I had to be—not a minute later. My wife was at home waiting for me with a hot dinner. So why the hell would I want to be here?
When five o’ clock came and went, I realized I was going to be here pretty late. I picked up the phone and called Scarlet.
“Hey, are you on your way?” she said as soon as I answered. She sounded like she was working in the kitchen.
“I’m sorry, baby. I have to work late tonight.”
“Oh.” She sounded a little disappointed. “That’s okay. I understand. Not having Mike around must be stressful.”
“I didn’t realize how much work he did around here until he was gone,” I said in a teasing way.
“Mike is a powerful asset. And you know that.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said with a sigh. I wish that asshole were there now. If he hadn’t been driving drunk and being an idiot I wouldn’t be telling my wife I wouldn’t make it home for dinner.