Erik felt the warmth of satisfaction as Jon knelt down beside Angel and pulled him into a tight hug. Angel's hands gripped Jon's arm so tightly his fingers bit down into his skin, turning the surface of his flesh white.
"Why don't you take him to the shower?" Erik asked. "Help him get cleaned up and I'll run out and buy him a change of clothes."
Angel's and Erik's eyes locked in an intense stare, like Angel didn't understand why a complete stranger wanted to help him. It almost stopped Erik's heart mid-beat, but he understood. He'd given the people at the facility he'd gone to the same kind of look. Obviously, Angel wanted to say something. Maybe he wanted to ask why, but it seemed like the kid didn't know where to start. Erik imagined himself looking the same way at one point in his life. He recognized the unspoken, mutual understanding in their hard, worn gazes.
In a hoarse voice, Angel finally said, "Thank you."
"You can thank me when we get you well," Erik said. "We will get you well. Now go. Get cleaned up and we'll get you all taken care of." He watched as Jon led Angel into the tiny, hotel bathroom then he let out a soft, relieved sigh just before leaving the boys to take care of each other.
* * * *
No words were spoken. Angel sat on the toilet, head hung low in shame. Jon leaned against the wall. In their time together, they'd never shared such an awkward moment, but Angel had also never seen Jon be so strong. He'd never seen his best friend take control like that. Angel had always been the strong one of the two. He'd always led the way and Jon had happily followed along to the beat of Angel's drum.
Something needed to break the silence, and soon.
Hot water pounded down against the dingy bathtub. Angel couldn't bring himself to look at Jon, and Jon seemed to be playing the avoidance game too. He'd always been damn good at it. That was probably Angel's fault as well.
He opened his mouth to say something when Jon interrupted him. "The shower is ready."
Angel raised his head. Finally finding his voice again, he softly said, "Will you hold me, please?"
"You need to shower, Angel."
"I know. Shower with me, please. I just… I need to be held."
Jon swallowed so hard Angel could see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. Whenever Angel got high, he wanted to fuck and now wasn't the time for it. Not to mention the fact that nothing about what had happened turned either of them on. Angel, honest to God, only wanted to be held.
"Please," he said again. "I won't try anything. I just need someone to hold me. I'm going to be gone for a while and I… I guess I need to know I won't be forgotten."
Jon hugged Angel's waist. "I'll never forget you, I swear."
They stayed in each other's arms. Pain and fear consumed Angel to the point he shivered against Jon's body. He never once thought things would get this bad, never thought he would share something so humiliating and frightening with someone who cared so much about him. But he knew he had to accept help. He had to let someone in and the only person he trusted enough to get that close was Jon.
Jon's lips pressed against Angel's forehead. At the sound of Jon's voice, Angel raised his head. Jon said, "I love you and I know you're scared, but you have to do this or you'll end up dead and I'll…" His voice choked. Tears welled in his eyes again. "I don't want to ever be without you, Angel. I don't want to lose you."
"I don't want to lose you either. I can't lose you."
"Then we'll do this together." Jon gripped Angel's chin and lifted his head. Their saddened, scared gazes met and Angel had to force back the sudden feeling of shame just so he could look Jon in the eyes.
Angel reached down and gripped the hem of his Jon's t-shirt. He pulled it over his head and tossed it aside as Jon kicked off his shoes and pulled down his pants. Both men stood there in nothing but their boxers, staring at each other because words failed them. That horrible awkwardness came back again. Neither of them knew how to break through it. They could only pray that in time, love could heal whatever had broken between them.
Boxers gone, they climbed into the grimy shower. Angel leaned against Jon's body while Jon's hands brushed soap up and down Angel's chest. Jon rested his chin on Angel's shoulder, telling him that once he got better, they could go to school together, maybe even get a place together, a home they could call their own. They would move away from LA, away from the streets and the temptation of living in the city. Everything would be perfect, but first, Angel had to get better.
With a deep breath, Jon turned Angel in his arms and pulled him into one of the softest, most sensual kisses Angel had ever received. Their mouths met in the sweetest caress. Angel's tongue slipped through the slight part of his lips. His eyes closed. He gave his heart and soul to that kiss, let it embrace him and warm him, let it consume him and lift him from the fog he'd been living in.
When the kiss finally broke, Jon said, "You can do this. You'll beat the drugs because you're better and stronger. I've always looked up to you and nothing will ever change that."
"Thank you," Angel whispered. "I think I needed to hear that."
"You ready for this?"
Angel nodded. "Yeah, I think I am."
"Good."
Angel reached outside the shower and grabbed two towels to dry their bodies. The motel door slammed as Jon began getting dressed. His head shot up. A heavy dose of paranoia hit his gut.
Jon touched his shoulder and said, "Wait here. I'll be right back."
Standing naked in the bathroom, Angel listened to the low hum of voices through the crack in the door. He heard Jon say everything seemed to be fine now. Dr Daniels responded with something Angel couldn't quite hear. He hated that they were out there talking about him and he wasn't a part of the conversation. He hated not knowing what the two men had in store for him.
The bathroom door pushed open. Angel's eyes widened as soon as Jon appeared with a bag of clothes and toiletries in his hand. They both just stared at each other a moment before Jon finally handed him the bag and said, "Here. Get dressed. I'll be waiting with Dr Daniels."
When Angel rejoined Dr Daniels and Jon, it was time to take him to West Clinic—time to say goodbye. Jon and Angel held hands as they walked out to the car. Angel climbed in the backseat and Jon curled in beside him and the two silently held each other all the way to the clinic.
Chapter Sixteen
West Clinic had never looked so bleak before. The sterile gray brick building overlooking an empty courtyard and packed parking lot made the place look like death row. Walking into that hell could be a challenge at times, what with all the poor, broken, and desperate souls who went there for help, but tonight felt different. Tonight, Erik would be an active participant in the sad goodbyes, even if it wasn't him saying goodbye to his lover.
Erik knew how bad tearing Jon and Angel apart would hurt the two of them, despite it being a good thing for Angel. He hated to have to do it but…
"It's time," Erik said as he touched Jon's back. He felt the shuddering of Jon's shoulder against his palm, and he knew the kid had started crying again.
The boys took each other into a tight hug. Angel's hand rubbed up and down Jon's back. Erik saw the tears brewing in Angel's eyes as well. He heard the kid sniffle them back before Angel let his arms fall away, releasing Jon from the hug.
"I'll be okay, baby," Angel choked out, lifting his head from Jon's shoulder. He looked his friend in the eyes and touched his hand to Jon's cheek. "This will make me better."
Jon kissed Angel's forehead and the sweetness of the moment made a small, crooked smile curl the corner of Erik's lips.
Jon whispered, "I promise I'll come see you as soon as they let you have guests."
Angel nodded.
Erik's heart broke. He remembered having to say goodbye to Marshall in the rehab center's parking lot over a year ago. Yeah, they had broken up before that. Marshall had kicked him out weeks before, but that didn't make the goodbye any less painful. In fact, being sober and leaving Marshall, knowing he would never hav
e that man back in his arms again, it'd killed a little part of his soul.
Somehow, Erik managed to shake the memories away. "If you want to walk him to his room, you can, Jon," he said.
Jon's hopeful eyes darted from Erik to Angel.
Angel gave a weak smile and said, "Will you please go with me?"
"Of course," Jon said. Erik watched as the boys' hands locked together. "I guess we're ready then."
"Follow me," Erik said.
He led the boys down the same dreary, yellowing hallway he walked nearly every day for the last year of his life. Erik had gotten over the dread of the place a long time ago, but tonight, the dour walls seemed to be closing in around him. He'd become too involved with Angel and Jon, too invested. This case would have to go to someone else—he could already see a personal conflict blossoming there.
"You're going to have to take out all your facial piercings, and we'll need you to sign some papers, Angel," Erik said in a soft voice. He nodded to the nurse behind the reception desk and she pulled out the file that had been created for Angel after Erik's first call to the clinic. She placed a clear Ziploc baggy with Angel's real name "Luke Jacobs" scribbled on top.
As the nurse watched Angel take out each piece of jewelry and explained the paperwork and process to both boys, Erik quietly slipped away. He paced down the hall a few steps, took a deep breath, and rubbed at the back of his neck. He wanted to call Marshall, needed to hear his voice. And just as he sent a text saying 'I'm thinking about you,' Erik jumped at the sound of a scratchy, surly voice calling out his name.
"Dr Daniels! My office! Now!"
Erik slowly turned. The woman standing behind him could've put the fear of God in anyone. Her arms were crossed over a blue blazer, her wrinkled hands gripping her elbows. She stood five feet tall, maybe five and a half if she switched her orthopedic loafers for some nice high heels. Her hard brown eyes glared over the tops of her wire-rimmed bifocals and a pen had been crammed into the back of her deep brown bun. Erik took a deep breath, donned a fake smile, and headed toward her. Unfortunately, his smile didn't work on her like it did the other ladies.
"Dr Mathers," he said with his arm extended to shake her hand.
Her lips were pursed, jaw tight. Erik honestly believed the horror stories of Nurse Ratched were written about that woman.
"Drop the innocent smile, Daniels. I need a word with you."
He swallowed hard as she moved away from the door enough to let him in. The office smelled of hot tea and Bengay. It made him want to gag, or maybe the condemning look in her eyes and the angry tone of her voice knotted his gut more than the stench of her office. He sat down across from her desk and kept his face forward, hoping he wouldn't have to look her in the eyes.
"What are you thinking, bringing in a new patient like that?" she all but barked as she took a seat behind the desk.
"Excuse me?"
"Well, first off, you skipped every name on the waiting list. But that's beside the point. Erik, the clinic is being shut down." Erik's eyes widened and his heart sank. "The state cut funding and since we're one of the smallest facilities, we got the axe."
"How long do we have?"
"Three months."
"That's plenty of time for me to help him."
"You're missing the point, Daniels. We barely have the funds to cover the patients we have. He'll have to be transferred to another facility."
"No!" Erik blurted. The idea of Angel being shipped off to another facility took him aback like a stern slap right across the face or a swift kick in the ass. It made his heart skip, then pound harder than it had before. "Please don't. Look, I'll work more hours. I'll tend to him. Please, you can't send him anywhere else."
"You're already working too much as it is. We simply don't have the resources to care for him."
"What if I get a nurse to volunteer time?"
"What about food?" she countered.
"I'll buy his food."
"Erik, that's ridiculous."
"Please, Melba, don't turn that kid away. I promised I would help him. I have to do this."
She arched her brow and crossed her arms over her chest. She gave Erik a calculating stare that made his skin crawl. Whenever she sized someone up like that, she always dug deep and pulled out something the person being scrutinized thought they'd managed to hide from the world. Erik's throat knotted and he had to cough lightly just to get the air flowing again.
"Is this personal?" she asked.
"No," he immediately said. "I mean, I didn't know him or anything like that."
Erik proceeded to tell her about the trip to the hospital and how he'd been there with little Chris when the paramedics had wheeled Angel in. There was an urgency in his story, an urgency he hoped she understood. Erik knew if Angel didn't get help fast, he might actually succeed in killing himself next time. By God, Erik would argue with her until he was blue in the face if he had to, anything to save a life. Unfortunately, she didn't appear pleased or convinced.
Finally, Dr Mathers said, "Fine. He can stay, but he's your responsibility. You have ninety days."
"Thank you so much," he stood and bowed slightly. "You won't regret this, I promise."
Chapter Seventeen
Erik darted out of Dr Mathers's office before she had a chance to change her mind. He wouldn't put it past the woman, especially if more bad news happened across her desk. The way he saw it, he got damn lucky and wanted to get the hell out of dodge before his luck changed.
He started down the hall, back toward Jon and Angel. The nurse still had the boys' full attention. Their heads nodded along as she spoke. Angel scribbled on the papers she kept handing him. Apparently, they would be busy for a while. Maybe he still had time to get in a quick call with Marshall. He fished his phone out of his pocket and started to dial the number when a new message popped up. He was surprised when the text from his ex-partner read, "I haven't stopped thinking about you."
That old pain he used to have every time he thought about Marshall came back with a vengeance. His hand gripped at his chest. Erik sent back a reply, asking for a phone call. Almost instantly, his phone began to ring and Erik quickly dipped into the employee lounge to take the call.
"Hello?" he choked, voice hoarse from physical and mental exhaustion.
"Are you okay?" Marshall asked.
"Yeah." Erik sighed as he sank down on one of the old, brown sofas. "I'll be okay. I just need to rest, I think."
"Where are you?"
"At the clinic. I just got chewed out for bringing a new patient in because the clinic is apparently closing in three months."
"Oh," Marshall said in a short, airy rush. "I'm so sorry, Erik."
"It's okay. I'll figure something out. My main concern is the boy I brought in. I'm going to make sure he gets checked in and taken care of, then I am taking his partner home. Hopefully, I'll be able to get a little sleep before heading back here."
"Where does the partner live?"
"Not sure. Hollywood, I think. He mentioned it once, but I can't remember now."
"Wow, you are tired. You never forget anything." There was a long pause in the conversation, then Marshall said, "If it's closer, you can always come back to my room at the Palomar, get some sleep and a shower before going back to the clinic."
The thought of sleeping beside Marshall again excited him. The offer made him smile. "Sweetie, if I come to your room, sleep will be the last thing on either of our minds, and you know it."
Marshall laughed. "True, but the offer stands. If it's easier for you, please, don't hesitate to come back here."
"I won't," Erik said as he stood from the couch. He poked his head out of the door to check his boys. A slight laugh escaped his lips. His boys, huh? That wasn't a good sign, at all. They looked to be wrapping things up with the Admissions nurse and that meant Erik needed to go back to them. "I have to go. Should I call before I come?"
"Should I be expecting you?"
"I don't know yet."
"Okay. I'll talk to you later then."
"Good night, Erik."
"Night, Marshall."
Erik stepped out of the lounge just as the nurse started to come out from behind the counter. She had a patient file in hand. Jon still had an arm around Angel's waist. Angel's head rested on Jon's shoulder. They both looked as tired as Erik felt. The night had been one of the longest he'd lived. And if he were to be completely honest with himself, he just wanted to curl up beside Marshall and sleep a few days away.
The nurse handed over the file. Erik led Angel and Jon to what would be Angel's new residence for the next ninety days—if he stuck with the program. Erik gave the boys the guided tour of Angel's ten by ten home. He pointed out two beds—standard twin beds, not hospital beds. They would both eventually prove to be far from comfortable. A wooden chest of drawers sat across from them in the center of the wall. Angel could keep the clothes he no longer had in those drawers.
Erik frowned.
"I'll get you some clothes somehow. Don't worry about that, okay?"
Angel nodded.
"I can bring him some of mine," Jon offered. "We're close enough to the same size."
"Thanks," Angel mumbled.
"Okay," Erik said as he turned toward the door. "I'll let you two spend a little more alone time together. Then, Jon, you'll have to go. I'll give you a ride home, okay?"
Walking out, Erik closed the door to Angel's room. Roni headed right for him.
He looked at her and said, "Give them an hour or so alone. Make sure no one bothers them, okay? And come to the lounge and wake me up in an hour."
Roni said, "Sure thing, Dr D."
Erik went back to the doctor's lounge, closed the door, and lay down on the old brown sofa. Normally, the thing was tragically uncomfortable, but right now, lying down on the lumpy heap was the most heavenly experience Erik could've asked for.
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