Then, bam, the conversation in the car: a roller-coaster dive back to reality. Iain’s attitude towards Jacinta’s decision to bottle-feed her baby was such a let-down. Maybe some women would have seen nothing wrong with his assumptions, but she’d been there. She’d been the young mum in the position where everyone assumed they knew more than she did. Breastfeeding worked brilliantly for her, but not having pressure or expectations from others while she made that decision made it worlds easier.
Thank goodness she’d had Aunt Win right beside her saying, ‘You know best, he’s your child.’ No matter how hard she strained her brain, she couldn’t imagine Iain saying that to Jacinta. No. A relationship with Iain McCloud wouldn’t work – he would try to control them all. She couldn’t let him. She was strong enough to withstand him.
As long as he didn’t touch her or she didn’t touch him.
That was the problem. Every day she woke up and wondered if this weekend was the time she was going to make love with Iain. She was mad. Mad with lust!
He really was shallow, though. He’d never asked how her day had been when she came home from work. Wasn’t really interested in her at all, except for her body. She hadn’t even considered that part of her as particularly attractive. Unfortunately, her body was interested in his, too. It was all so very confusing.
Her bedroom door opened and Iain’s head appeared around the door. When she didn’t throw anything, his body followed.
‘Win said you were up here.’ He spoke very quietly as he peered into the darkness towards the bed.
‘Did she tell you I didn’t want to see you tonight?’ Her voice trembled a little as her traitorous senses refused to hate him. She did not want to see him.
She rolled over and turned her back to him. ‘I’m tired. Goodnight.’
She listened for the sound of him leaving. He moved so quietly that she couldn’t tell if he’d gone or not. It was killing her not to roll back and look. The door clicked shut and she sighed.
Iain’s voice came out of the darkness beside her. ‘Did you move to make room for me? Thanks.’
She felt the bed shift as he sat on the edge beside her. ‘Please leave, Iain. I’m not in the mood for games tonight.’
‘I will in a second. I’m not here for the fun of it, Noni. I hate apologising and actually, I haven’t had much practice.’ He put his hand on her shoulder and rolled her back to face him. His hand was warm and solid and it stayed resting gently against her skin. Heating it. ‘You were right. It’s Jacinta’s prerogative to decide how to care for her child.’
He chuckled in the dark. ‘She waited until I had my say, which was nice of her. Then she blasted me out of the water when I said she had to breastfeed. Said I could do it if I was so in favour of it. You would have loved it.’
Noni relaxed slightly. ‘So why doesn’t she want to breastfeed?’
‘She said she’s not flipping her breasts out for everyone to see. She hates the thought, and she just doesn’t want to.’
‘That’s a valid reason and not uncommon with young women. Some older women find it very difficult as well. I can’t think of much worse than a baby at his mother’s breast getting the message that she doesn’t like him being there. Despite the loss of some of the benefits, it’s important to enjoy holding and feeding your baby more than anything.’
‘I see that now.’ His voice became more rueful. ‘So I was wondering, can we go back to the part in the car where I wanted to hug you?’
Noni could feel herself softening towards him. That was what happened. Just when she conceded that to get closer to him was a bad move, here she was, with him next to her on her bed in the dark. With the door shut.
‘Harley is coming up to say goodnight to me in a minute.’ She didn’t say thank goodness, but it was in her voice.
‘Win said to tell you she tucked him in and he’s asleep already.’ His voice held the smugness that infuriated her.
She reached back, lifted the nearest pillow, and smacked him in the head with it. Thwack. ‘Well, ask her to tuck you in, too.’
She moved to sit up but couldn’t because he was sitting on the duvet.
‘Ferocious little ferret, aren’t you?’ His breath tickled her face as he dropped a kiss on her forehead and stood to release the quilt so she could move. He was going.
Except when she was sitting, he sat back down again. ‘Please let me apologise and then I’ll leave you alone.’
She stared at a star over his left shoulder and didn’t say anything.
‘Has to be that good, eh?’ He stroked a strand of hair out of her eyes. His finger felt like velvet touching her skin. So gentle. Then he said, ‘I’m sorry. You were right. I was a pig.’
Something told her that was a big concession for him. He stood up, the gap widening, the cool empty space rushing between them, and she missed him already. ‘Arrogant pig!’ she stated.
He stopped. Turned his head. ‘Arrogant pig,’ he conceded, holding up his hands in surrender. ‘Can I lie down again?’
Her eyes, accustomed to the dark now, could see his lips tilt. Her body said, Hmmmmm, yes, please. And the rest of her agreed. ‘For a minute.’ Not that Win would mind if he stayed. Win would say everything was her choice. Well, darn it. She wanted to choose.
‘Would you like a hug?’ He slid down next to her and she snuggled into his side to lie facing him. She played with the button on his shirt.
He stroked her cheek. ‘You know, I thought my trousers had shrunk tonight when you were demonstrating the way to latch a baby onto my nipple.’
She smiled. ‘Can I just undo these two buttons again?’ Her hand reached in as she had in the class and he groaned.
His skin felt firm and warm and Noni’s fingers slid across the solid wall of his chest until she found one of his small sinewy nubs. To her delight, his nipple hardened instantly in response to her touch.
She looked up and the heat in his eyes woke the hunger in her that had been asleep for too long. Too, too long. That’s what happened when you fought down urges indefinitely – lust jumped on you and swallowed you whole. Like she wanted to devour Iain.
A sudden wild and predatory need for power rolled over her. Like a cat, she pounced on his other buttons until she could push back the shirt, and the sight stopped the breath in her throat. His chest lay very broad and ripped, his sixpack remarkably impressive, and she felt like growling. Those few hairs drew her eyes as her hands slowed their rush. It took a moment to calm the thundering that had grown in her ears.
Finally, when her voice could work she asked with an attempt at innocence, ‘Where does this road go?’ But it came out husky as she traced the darker fine hair down his midriff.
Iain groaned. ‘I think straight to trouble for both of us. Now, give me your hands.’ He caught her marauding hands in one of his and held them, then dropped a swift, sweet kiss on her lips. He glanced once towards the corridor. ‘Does your door lock?’
‘No.’
‘Then I’ll leave because what I want to do requires privacy.’ She frowned as the words sank in through the fog. ‘Well, I suppose it does, but I’ve never used it.’
She watched him slide across the bed and pad to the door. Her body thrummed, her heart thumped like a steam engine, and she could feel the heat in her cheeks. Thank goodness it was fairly dim in here.
The lock clicked and her heart thumped again. He’d think she was an idiot for starting this then being nervous. Then Iain came back and discarded his flapping shirt on the bedside table, before climbing back onto the bed. Then he was beside her and his arms were around her and it didn’t matter about her nerves any more. His hands ran up her body and he proved he was much quicker at removing clothes than she was. Before she knew it, there was only her skin against his and together they felt like silk on silk. Then he slowed again. Slid against her.
His lips met hers and it was as if they had both been shipwrecked for days without water and Noni felt as if she’d fallen into an ocean of sen
sations.
He whispered, ‘There are a hundred places I’ve wanted to kiss for weeks.’ And broke away to kiss the hollow of her throat, the skin beneath her ears and the valley between her breasts. Each place seemed to glow after his lips had been there, and she didn’t know how much more of this she would be able to stand.
She heard his murmured endearments, and even some tiny moans of her own, and then she pulled his lips back to hers and was lost again.
The aching need grew in her belly and she rubbed herself against him more urgently. In the eye of the storm he reached over to remove something from his shirt pocket. Noni lay back and smiled. There were times when having a control freak in charge did help.
Then he pulled her to him and she forgot the mundane matters of safety and protection and discovered the ethereal world of losing herself in a man. The power and sensuality in both of them met and exploded into something dazzlingly magical. All she could do was hold onto the lifeboat that was Iain and exult in the storm.
Afterwards, he cradled her against him and she could hear the pounding of his heart matching her own. They dozed for a while under the quilt Iain had pulled over them both.
She turned her face and kissed the side of his chest. She loved him. He smiled down at her.
‘I can’t regret making love with you. It was beautiful,’ she told him candidly.
He kissed the top of her head. ‘You are beautiful and I love your honesty.’
‘Well, if we’re being honest, it’s getting late and I don’t like the door locked against Harley.’
‘I’ll unlock it, but first I want to say something.’
Noni felt her heart trip and drew a breath to steady it. ‘What?’
‘I love being with you, Noni. These last few weeks could have been hell, but they haven’t been. I’ve felt more at peace and at home than I can remember for a long time. Jacinta and I really appreciate your input.’
‘I thought you were the one with the input,’ she retorted naughtily.
‘Behave yourself, woman.’ His finger tipped up her chin to look at him. ‘You know our being together doesn’t have to end when I move back to Sydney.’
Her hand clenched. For one crazy second there she thought he was going to ask her to marry him. Goose! Of course he wasn’t, what did she expect after six weeks?
Chapter Thirty-six
Noni
So naive. Of course he wasn’t going to ask her to spend her life with him just because she’d slept with him once. Cold water couldn’t have done a better job of snapping her out of her fantasy. ‘I think you’d better clarify that!’
‘I’m asking you to come and live with me when we go back to Sydney.’
Not marriage. But he did actually ask her to go with him. To leave Burra. Leave Aunt Win. ‘What about Harley?’ she asked.
‘Well, obviously Harley has to come too. I’m very fond of him. There’s a very good school – I know, I went there. When he’s in high school there’s another quite close and he could come home for weekends.’
He really was looking long term. Then his words sank in and she stiffened. ‘You mean a boarding school? You’re planning my son’s life and he’s only five!’
Iain wasn’t listening. She hated it when he did that. He lifted his arm out from under her and his hands moved to clasp each other under the back of his head while he contemplated the ceiling.
‘Your motorbike really isn’t suitable there, though, seriously it’s far too dangerous in the city, but you wouldn’t need it as you wouldn’t have to work. I make more than enough money to support all of us. Jacinta and the baby could live with us, unless she wants her own flat – but you could see to all that.’
‘How useful of me.’ She saw him frown at her tone of voice and she moved away to sit on the edge of the bed with her back to him. She reached down and pulled on her pyjama bottoms and then her unbuttoned top over her head.
‘What a pretty little picture you’ve painted, Iain,’ she said, not hiding the sarcasm in her voice. But she did hide the pain. ‘I’ve got another picture.’ She switched on the bedside lamp and turned to face him. He blinked like an owl in the sudden light.
‘How about you stay here and sell your car because I can get anything you need from the shops on my bike for you?’ Her words came out in a hard little voice she didn’t know she had. ‘Jacinta can go into an unmarried mother’s home and visit on the weekends, and when I get home from work we can have sex when I feel like it because I’ll be paying the bills.’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you feeling flattered?’ She got up and opened the bedroom door. ‘Goodnight, Iain.’
‘That’s not what I meant. I’ve said it badly. We should talk about this.’
Yes. But it involved raised voices and she wasn’t doing that. She shook her head, not trusting herself to talk.
‘Can I get dressed first?’
She gestured towards his clothes and he stood up. He held her eyes as he pulled on his trousers and slung his shirt around his shoulders.
He walked out the door without saying another word and she shut it. Firmly.
She went for a turn around the room. Then another. Yes, it hurt. He had as much as admitted to her that she was great fun and welcome in his bed as his lover. Sort of a compliment. She didn’t need to work and he would pay for Harley’s private schooling. But he would organise her life to suit him. He obviously wasn’t ready for an equal relationship. Or a legal commitment. He’d told her that.
What about her commitment to the place she grew up in, all the people she knew, her job – though her job might go anyway. And what about her five years of being a single, independent mother? Should she just go off to be a kept woman in Sydney and lose all the respect she’d gained? And her self-respect as well?
She already had one child who didn’t know his father. What if she had another child and their relationship didn’t work out? Iain could dictate to her and not take her seriously for the rest of her life. More importantly, she would be cheating herself.
She didn’t want to regret the time she’d spent in Iain’s arms. It had been amazing; heartbreakingly beautiful, and promised so much more. Which left her with two options: say goodbye and try to forget him, or fight for what she hoped were good foundations to build an equal relationship with a real future.
Did he see what she was risking? Could he possibly love her like she suspected she loved him? Or was he just not thinking, and hadn’t stopped to look from her point of view? He didn’t have a great track record for that but he had listened and accepted when Jacinta had told him to take a hike over breastfeeding.
Noni had never backed away from a challenge and this could be the most important challenge yet. She would try to make Iain see his idea of their future short-changed them all, and she would give it until Jacinta had her baby.
Then the decision would be made. Either way.
With a dose of realism left over from the last hour and a sinking suspicion that she’d already lost round one, Noni set her chin.
The next day was Saturday and it started off well. Harley made eighteen runs before being bowled out. Noni turned to Iain and inclined her head in acknowledgement. ‘He’s definitely improving his cricket skills.’
Iain smiled and dropped an arm around her shoulders while they waited for Harley to reach them. Her son was looking and grinning at Iain, not Noni, but she didn’t mind. The intricacies of the male sporting mind would probably always escape her. Her son looked happier, that was all that mattered.
‘Well done, mate. Your mummy and I are proud of you. Your batting’s getting better every week.’
Grinning, Harley looked at his mother.
‘Congratulations, darling.’ He even suffered a hug before wriggling free and running over to join the rest of the team.
After the game they packed up and went home. Aunt Win disappeared off to her usual haunts and Noni and Iain watched her leave from the front verandah.
Iain’s brow furrowed as the car tha
t had collected her drove away. ‘Where does she go? You know, that’s the first time I’ve wondered.’ He looked at Noni and she tried to keep the mischief out of her face.
‘Have I said something funny?’
Was it funny? Not usually, but telling Iain had a certain amusing slant. ‘She’s part of a naturist group. It’s what used to be called a nudist colony. They have a retreat up in the foothills.’
Iain blinked and she could see he was trying to block out the picture that was forming in his mind of Aunt Win free to air. She saw him shake his head, blink again, and decide to forget about Win and look at her, instead.
Noni had turned to go inside. She stopped with her hand on the door, and spoke over her shoulder. Game time. ‘What were you planning on doing this afternoon?’
‘Are you sending out come-hither vibes?’ From behind her she heard his low, amused voice. ‘How about a video for the offspring and we could do some more talking in your bedroom?’
Okay, so round two had begun. Good. ‘That sounds interesting. But not in the bedroom. I’m glad you want to talk. What should we talk about, Iain?’
‘No idea.’ His expression belied that.
Noni nodded her head. ‘I have a few topics. I know very little about you, Iain. I’d like to hear about your life away from here. Somehow, I don’t think I’d get to hear any of that if we “talked” in the bedroom.’ She opened the door and paused for his response.
He gave an exaggerated sigh. ‘I’m not so sure I’m ready for this, but I guess it had to come.’
Chapter Thirty-seven
Jacinta
Jacinta answered the phone. Noni and Iain were still outside waving goodbye to Win, so she picked it up. It was Cathy asking for Noni. They needed her. Now.
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