‘I’ve seen what it does,’ I told Osric. ‘Best it stays locked.’
The warder nodded. I took the moment to study him from the corner of my eye. Here was a man who had more power in his grasp than anyone I had ever known. A true giant. The only legal first-tier warder. They were rare because that much power inevitably rotted the mind; bearers of first-tier magic had to be imprisoned before they hurt people. Which meant that this man had a much stronger mind than most, to withstand that rot. It was inevitable, though, and I wondered how he felt about such a fate.
‘I try not to think about it,’ he murmured. Then flashed a rueful smile.
‘We’re very lucky to have you,’ I told him.
His smile turned almost … shy. ‘You think me strong, Majesty, but you should know this: no strength equals what it takes to survive the death of a bondmate. And that is truth, not flattery.’
I smiled.
‘I could connect you to your husband,’ he offered abruptly. ‘Through your bond. Just for a few moments.’
The force of that slammed into me. ‘Wouldn’t they sense it?’
‘If we were quick, perhaps not.’
The brief moment of hope died as I looked at the children behind me. ‘No,’ I murmured. ‘I won’t risk their safety. Ambrose wouldn’t want to either. We’ll have to send word to him the old-fashioned way.’
That was when a body dropped over the wall in a movement so lithe it was acrobatic. The cloaked figure melted through the rain. I reached for my sword I didn’t know anyone who moved like that.
But in a flash of lightning I saw his face and confusion stalled my hand. It was Falco who pushed inside, lowering his hood. And something was very wrong. Because his eyes – eyes that never shifted, not ever – were the leeched white of hatred.
‘Falco,’ I started.
But he was looking past me at Finn, Jonah and Penn. ‘You’re her friends. Bring her home. She’s at a house on the cliff in the northern quarter. Tell her we’ll make an end to this tonight.’
They stared at him, uncomprehending.
‘Are you alrigh−’ Finn tried.
‘Go,’ Falco ordered and then vanished into his room.
Finn looked to me for guidance and I nodded. ‘Be careful, and be safe. I think it’s important.’
When they’d armed themselves and disappeared into the night, I turned to share a pensive look with Osric. ‘Did you catch any thoughts?’
‘Nothing.’
‘This doesn’t feel good.’
While we waited the rest of the household returned home from the tunnel, drenched to the bone and desperate for hot tea. As they bustled about I remained at the window, watching the courtyard.
It was nearing dawn when they came. There were, thankfully, four of them. Isadora entered last and removed her soaked cloak to reveal the bone-deep stiffness in her usually graceful gait, the bleak detachment in her scarlet eyes. She was a walking corpse.
I looked swiftly to Finn, who was visibly sick with worry. She shook her head as if to say she had no idea what any of this was about. Penn was agitated, staying as far from Isadora as he could. Jonah fussed over her, but she didn’t speak a word. He guided her to the lounge and sat beside her holding her hand, though I doubted she was aware of it. Her eyes were fixed on the closed door of Falco’s room, trancelike.
The rest of the household pottered about preparing for bed. ‘What’s wrong?’ Sara asked, peering at us. ‘Has something happened?’
Before anyone could answer, Falco emerged from his room and strode into the small space. He took one look at where Isadora sat, her hand in Jonah’s, and it couldn’t be clearer that he’d simply had enough. He was abruptly a man made of skin and bones and fury.
Into the silence his presence had created, Falco said, ‘Take your hands from my mate before I remove them from your body.’
Isadora
A bolt of shock struck the room. I realised belatedly that Jonah was holding my hand and I wrenched it free. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t felt his touch – I was now repulsed by it.
I willed Falco to remain calm, but he looked far from it.
After he left me I had stood by the window for a long time. When I could stand it no longer I turned to look at Quillane and Radha. I waited for them to tell me, and they waited for me to ask. But I had spent twelve years without saying a word – I could outwait even my ghosts.
‘It’s your will that makes it this way,’ the dead Empress of Kaya said eventually.
‘You will not receive forgiveness unless you ask for it,’ her dead bondmate agreed.
‘Why would I ever ask for something I don’t deserve?’
Before they could answer, Finn, Jonah and Penn found me. They said that Falco had demanded we end it tonight. I was confused, wondering if he meant for us to die. I followed in a daze. I thought only of seeing him again, of being near him, of his touch, his kiss, his eyes …
Now, in his presence, I was limerent, sick with love, mad with it. My soul threw itself over and over at the cage of my body, desperate to get at him, to have him.
‘Take your hands from my mate before I remove them from your body.’
A hush of disbelief fell over the room. I felt their eyes on me.
‘Finn,’ Falco said coldly – this was the cold mask, the detached one. It was thin, though, and didn’t well hide his fury. ‘You will break the bond between Isadora and I tonight.’
‘What?’
No one explained. I certainly couldn’t. Didn’t we need Thorne to break the bond? Confusion was drowning me. Had I not prayed for this?
‘Gods above,’ Sara whispered.
‘What bond?’ Jonah demanded loudly.
Finn shook her head. ‘No, I couldn’t –’
‘An order,’ Falco said flatly. ‘I know you possess the capability.’
So he’d lied to me. But why? Had he not wanted to end our bond? That thought was horrifying – it opened up a thousand other questions and possibilities and realities, all of which I had destroyed when I told him the truth.
‘Wait,’ Ava said quickly. ‘You don’t know what you’re asking. You can’t break the bond willingly. It will destroy you.’
He was immovable.
‘Falco,’ the Queen of Pirenti persisted desperately, ‘don’t do this. If the two of you are mated, then it is right!’
‘Right?’ he asked, looking at me for the first time. His beautiful eyes were white and swords through my chest. ‘I cannot be bound to this woman for the rest of my days,’ he said. ‘She’s too cruel for my heart to forgive.’
I couldn’t help it – tears spilled down my cheeks.
‘Falco!’ Finn gasped.
‘He’s right,’ I said. ‘I am. You must end it.’
Ava moved between us and I had never seen her look so fierce. ‘Do not rush into this. You will regret it. Give it time. Please.’
‘It’s been six months,’ Falco said flatly. ‘And enough. I’ve had enough. Finn, do it.’
Finn shook her head in horror. ‘I can’t. It’s not right. It’s clearly not right. Not like this, with the two of you so – Izzy doesn’t want it, and I won’t force her –’
‘I do,’ I lied. ‘I do want it.’ What was wrong with me that I had to lie? Of course I should want it! But there was a frenzied thing inside me screaming no no no.
‘Why?’ Ava demanded. ‘Tell us why.’
Falco stared at me. My heart flailed, wingless. Just as I was about to tell them everything – everything and be damned – he snapped, ‘The rulers of Kaya can’t be bonded – it makes us too easy to kill. If the Mad Ones were to find out …’
Even here, even now he was generous enough to lie for me. I didn’t think anyone would believe it though.
‘So this is about safety?’ Ava asked sceptically. ‘I never thought you were this much of a coward, Falco.’
Falco just shook his head – he was past caring what they thought of him.
Jonah was stiff besi
de me and I could see his hands trembling. I was too far away to care. I managed to get to my feet. ‘What do you need?’ I asked Finn.
She shook her head, rubbing her eyes. Couldn’t gather her thoughts. Said eventually, ‘For one of you to die.’
Ava
An overwhelming urgency had taken root in me. This was wrong. I could feel it in every cell of my body.
I followed Falco, Isadora and Finn into Elias and Sara’s small bedchamber. Osric had busied himself cloaking the house against detection. It would take a lot of power to ensure no warders felt what was about to take place. I closed the door to buy some privacy.
The bondmates weren’t looking at each other. I had never witnessed mates acting this way. The bond shut out all else, made you crave touch and closeness and connection. But they’d been fighting the love between them with every inch of willpower they possessed, and why? What could possibly motivate such a brutal, pointless fight?
‘One of you must die in order for the bond to break,’ Finn said. ‘I will bring you back using the necromancy powers my ma left me.’
‘The bond doesn’t break even in death,’ I snapped.
‘That’s true, but Thorne’s blood, through our bond, will give me the power to break it.’
I shook my head. It was heinous.
‘I will die,’ Falco said.
Isadora smiled this wretched, empty smile, and simply said, ‘Don’t.’ To Finn she murmured, ‘Me.’ Hidden within the fluidity of her muscles I saw a stiffness, something that ached deep inside her as she lay on the bed. She had aged a thousand years in the span of a heartbeat. Falco watched like he might argue or change his mind, but didn’t.
Stop them, Avery urged me from within my frantically beating pulse. He knew exactly what this would do. ‘Wait,’ I tried again.
‘Leave the room, Ava,’ Falco said tonelessly. I’d never seen him like this and it was frightening.
‘You must hear me. You don’t understand what you’re doing. The bond makes you infinitely stronger than you are on your own. To end it now is … like intentionally wounding yourself before a battle. We need you both strong, not lame.’
‘We’re no good to anyone like this,’ Falco said faintly, like he was barely listening.
I ran my hands through my hair, not knowing what more I could do. Could I knock them both unconscious? It would be better to hit Finn and incapacitate her.
‘Jonah!’ Finn shouted suddenly.
Her brother pushed in immediately, looking pale.
‘Contain the Queen.’
‘What?’ I gasped. And then felt my body freeze. I was locked, couldn’t move a muscle, could only watch. Jonah’s warder magic had bound me to witness this nightmare. Finn gave me a look that said it all – that she was sorry, but she would do it because it was their choice. What no one but a half-walker could understand was that if they truly knew what they were doing, they would never choose it freely.
‘Are you sure you can bring her back?’ Jonah asked his sister nervously.
The girl hesitated. It was clear she had no idea. ‘Of course.’
I wanted to close my eyes in horror but couldn’t.
‘How …’ Finn cleared her throat. ‘How do you want to do it?’
Isadora slipped a blade from the sleeve of her tunic. She held it out to Falco.
‘No.’ He shook his head vehemently. ‘I won’t.’
‘You will, or no one will,’ she replied.
Their eyes met and I watched it. I watched this indefinable thing pass between them, like truth or infinity or death, and larger than all three. Their eyes shifted gold and I felt a sound leave me. There were tears streaming down my face, but I was lost in the look they shared. It was a parting look, a farewell, an immense sea of farewells. They would march blindly into the cold dark together, no matter how foolish it turned out to be, and I would be forced to watch because not even my eyelids would obey me.
‘I’m sorry,’ Isadora said softly.
Falco’s face twisted with pain and he broke the look, reaching for the knife.
A surge of denial flooded me and I felt the magic freezing my muscles, got my mind’s fingernails into its edges deep enough to drag it down, down until it freed my mouth and I could cry in one last effort, ‘It’s not warder magic! The bond – it’s love!’
But they weren’t listening.
Falco pressed the tip of the knife over Isadora’s heart.
‘Not through the breastplate,’ she told him gently. ‘Here, and slide quickly up into the heart.’ She guided the knife to her ribs and angled it correctly, her fingers lingering on his. He nodded once. His hands were steady.
‘Are you ready?’ he asked Finn.
The warder girl closed her eyes, breathed deeply and nodded.
‘Are you ready?’ Falco asked his mate, his voice growing tender.
Isadora murmured, ‘Fate’s fools no longer.’
Falco’s anger disappeared as though stripped from him – for a moment he flickered in the light, discarding something or drawing something on, and I could have sworn I was witnessing the appearance of an utterly new person, a man none of us had yet met. He gentled with a breath into something stronger than iron and as he pressed his lips sweetly to Isadora’s, Falco slid the knife with one swift movement up into his bondmate’s heart.
Chapter Thirteen
Isadora
It is a stripping away of everything to nothing. It is a void and an infinite brutal shrieking within this void. It is pressure and weight and squeezing squeezing, pounding into small tiny nothing gone.
His hands are ripped from mine in a great whoosh and I scrabble desperately for them in the black but they are swept away. He is lost from me and I’ll stay here forever in this screaming void, alone.
But
As I am ripped back up into life, it is worse: it is everything in my body rupturing into endless endless agony.
And no more of him.
Falco
It is torment. Absolute fucking torment.
And worse, indescribably worse: the absence of her.
Ava
As the knife found its home, Isadora coughed and blood spluttered from her mouth and onto Falco’s. As she died he dropped to his knees with a haggard, airless gasp.
I looked to Finn, whose eyes were completely glazed over, her skin glowing a bruised kind of blue as she worked her magic. We all knew the moment she severed the bond – Falco let out a hideous scream and slumped unconscious to the ground.
‘Let me go!’ I snarled at Jonah, who belatedly freed me.
I rushed to my cousin and tried to rouse him, but he was very far gone, circling death himself. I knew then that if Isadora had died and stayed dead, Falco would have passed almost instantaneously. An extraordinary thing, given it usually took at least days for a half-walker to waste away. As it was, only Finn now stood in defense of the loss of them both. The young warder’s spine arched and her fingers curled unnaturally as she wrenched at her hold on Isadora’s life. ‘Sword help me,’ Finn gasped, groaning and trembling until with a final pull, Isadora lurched back to life. I watched her face as she blinked to get her bearings. It took her a moment, hair and eyes wild, and then she saw Falco on the ground, and a terrible cry tore from her: ‘Is he dead?’
‘No!’ I assured her. ‘Unconscious only.’
Isadora curled into herself as though her severed soul was trying to claw its way out of her. Finn slid wearily onto the bed and held her, cradling the hysterically sobbing woman. She looked to me, horrified, not knowing what to do.
I ran from the room. ‘Sara!’
The woman stood immediately. ‘What’s going on?’
Isadora’s sobs were tearing through the whole house. Everyone looked terrified. ‘Have you got a sedative?’
‘I can make something.’
‘Do it now. Make it strong.’
‘Help!’ Finn screamed from the bedroom. I raced back to find her desperately trying to hold Isadora’s wr
ists to the bed. In both the woman’s hands were knives, and she was flailing savagely.
‘She’s trying to kill herself!’ Finn gasped as I launched myself onto the bed and pinned Isadora.
‘Hurry up with the sedative!’ I shouted. ‘And get Osric in here now!’
My gods, she was a strong little thing. I was almost bucked from her. ‘Get your whole weight on this arm,’ I instructed Finn, and then I took Isadora firmly by the throat, forcing her head still.
‘Look at me,’ I ordered her. ‘Isadora. This will pass!’ A lie, probably.
Her eyes were awfully dilated and shifting a thousand colours a moment. Scarlet azure lime ebony steel aubergine rust violet white. The speed made them look almost crystalline. Like Falco’s, I realised with an ache. ‘Make it stop,’ she wept. ‘Make it stop.’
‘I will,’ I promised her, ‘I will.’
We were not made to endure this, we humans. This was why we died when our mates did – as a mercy. This was why the bond pulled the other half of us into death instead of severing – as a mercy. This pain she was feeling was beyond what I had known, because my bond with Avery had never been broken. This was a pain unlike any human had endured, and we had no way to predict what it would do to either of them.
Sara hastened in with the sedative.
‘Drink this and it will stop,’ I promised Isadora, and the poor girl finally ceased struggling. The daggers fell from her fingers as she reached urgently for the liquid. It took thirty seconds for her eyelids to droop. Her weeping ceased and she drifted into a heavy sleep.
I sagged in relief, resting my forehead against her sleeping one. What force had such power over us? From whence had it come, and could it be fought? Was it meant to be fought? I thought I’d known it well, I thought I’d understood, but I didn’t think that was true anymore. If any mortal in this world understood the bond, it was this wrecked woman and that ruined man.
‘Ava,’ Finn said, her throat thick with tears. ‘What have I done?’
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