“He’s trying,” said Darla. “But there’s a wall around you. Try to be less negative.”
“I’m not negative!” Laina bit back, but her friend gave her a look of obvious disbelief. “I just don’t like him,” she added.
“The bodysnatcher was wicked, but there was some truth in his words,” posited the Arkeshi. “You are dishonest with your emotions.”
Laina bit her lip, but she didn’t argue. Facing Will again, she opened her arms, and her expression changed. The perpetual glare faded and something more vulnerable appeared. “I’m open,” she said hesitantly. “Let me help you.”
At that point Will was a foot or two distant, but the look in her eyes drew him in, as though a channel had opened. He felt a rushing sensation, and then the world dissolved into a chaotic riot of sensations. Laina was gone, and when he looked around, he saw that only he and Darla remained. “What?” he muttered.
But it wasn’t his voice. It was distinctly feminine. His eyes widened in alarm, and then he felt her. She was inside him. Will? she asked nervously.
He closed his eyes—her eyes. Laina? As the name formed, he felt the connection between them. They weren’t two souls in one body; they were one oversized soul in a single body. The boundaries between them had vanished, and their thoughts and emotions were rushing back and forth, like waves on a beach. As her name crossed his mind, so too did all the emotions he felt regarding her—anger, annoyance, concern, worry, and behind it all, a fearful love that he was always afraid to admit.
And she was much the same. Her anger was greater, and when her thoughts turned to him, he felt her self-loathing. Laina hated him with the passion of her own self-loathing, and behind that was a similar tentative love, mixed with pity and compassion. Drowning everything else, was an ocean of guilt.
Will began to cry as he felt it all, especially the guilt.
Laina had known all along, since she was a child. She had always been intelligent, and even as a girl she had quickly deduced the reason her father went to visit the remote village of Barrowden, and who the dirt-smudged peasant boy that lived there must be. She had known, and she had hated him—and pitied him. Laina had loved her family, and when she looked at the peasant child in Barrowden, she had felt guilt, for she knew she possessed a treasure he could never have.
She had known, and she had buried the feeling behind a wall of guilt so high she couldn’t even fathom its meaning. It was invisible to her. Every flaw she had found in herself, in her father, in her mother, and even in Tabitha, she pushed into that dark place, heaping it full of her rejection and scorn.
And while Will found himself inundated by that river of sorrow, Laina experienced his own heart. His pain and sense of rejection, his desire for love and belonging, feelings he could never give voice to in the light of day. He had felt continually unworthy, an outsider begging for things that he didn’t deserve.
Will sank to the ground, hugging himself as the misery threatened to swallow him whole. The feelings were so powerful that he wanted to die. No, she wanted to die. Laina had devoted herself to the suffering of the poor, secretly trying to assuage the guilt she didn’t even know existed within her. Filling her days with a passion for charity that had driven her from the age of fourteen until the present, as she stood on the cusp of full adulthood.
It’s all right, he told himself, speaking to her. We were children. It wasn’t our fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.
She felt his acceptance, his forgiveness, and something similar came from her in return, but they were still forlorn, ravaged by the storm of emotions that the meeting of their souls had unleashed. Until he felt strong arms encircle him, pulling him back to his feet. “Shhh, emshee,” cooed Darla softly, using a pet name he didn’t recognize. “Shhh, it will be all right. Come with me.”
He let her lead him, and Darla took them out of the middle of the road to the shelter of a doorway so they would be less visible. She stroked his hair and kissed his brows gently. “Relax, emshee, breathe. You must get control of yourself,” said the bodyguard.
It felt so natural that it was several seconds before Will realized how intimate Darla’s treatment was. She kissed me? His body felt a familiar, yet unfamiliar stirring as his sadness faded. Unsure of himself, he slid one hand down to check his—Oh, holy fuck! In the confusion he had forgotten what body he was in.
He probed the region for a moment more, curious, then he felt a sudden surge of anger coming from the other half of his joint-soul. Stop!
Will was paralyzed with a welter of strange emotions, from curiosity, to fear, to disgust. He wasn’t entirely sure where each originated from. Is it incest if I want to see how everything works from the inside?
It didn’t help that Darla was still trying to bring him, or rather Laina, back to her senses. “Wake up, emshee! We must go. You cannot wallow in your emotions here.”
Laina was forlorn, and desperate, and while they were two, she felt terribly alone. Lifting her chin, she gazed into Darla’s warm eyes. The other woman’s eyes scanned the street behind her for a second, then her lips parted and she darted in for a quick but passionate kiss. She pulled back after barely a second. “There. Are you awake? There is no time for this!”
Will was awake. He was terribly, amazingly wide awake, and the danger of the moment only made things worse. He could barely remember the last time he had been so horny. Despite the change in anatomy, the feelings were similar, and he could feel a compelling heat growing in his lower regions, as well as an increased sensitivity that seemed to include his entire body, which was relatively more intense than what he had experienced as a man.
The beast reared its head within him, and he pressed Darla back against the door as he nuzzled her neck, the line of her chin, and then finally brought his lips back to hers. The Arkeshi received his passion willingly, but her eyes widened a moment later. “It isn’t like you to be so forceful, emshee, you—”
They both froze, then Will pulled himself away. “Forgive me. I’m not sure who I am right now.”
“I thought he vanished. You—you are both in there?” exclaimed Darla.
He nodded. “Forgive her, she wouldn’t have done…” He paused as his brain worked through the moment, processing what had happened. She kissed me first, but she thought I was Laina. His internal perspective reversed itself, and Laina’s thoughts reached him. You didn’t realize. It wasn’t you that wanted her. It was me.
Will’s eyes locked onto Darla. The former assassin wasn’t just Laina’s bodyguard, she was his sister’s lover. “Ohh…,” he said slowly, letting his eloquence fill the air.
A loud explosion rent the night, and rocks and debris flew through the air. Will quickly constructed a force-dome to shelter within, while at the same time the earth elemental surrounded them with a heavy stone dome. He heard heavy boards hitting the stone a few seconds later. I had that. You didn’t have to use the elemental!
How was I supposed to know what you were doing? returned Laina. Her frustration permeated his chest. This is getting too confusing, she added. What are you doing?
Feeling guilty, he put his hand back down by his side. I was just curious.
Don’t touch my breasts.
I wasn’t feeling it with the hand. I wanted to know what it felt like from the other side, he tried to explain.
Just don’t. Don’t ever. And if we get out of this, I never want to hear another word about it. None of this happened!
He couldn’t argue with that. Deal. Let’s just hope this is over before we need to go to the bathroom.
She sighed, taking control of their lungs for a moment. “Why did you have to say that?” groaned Laina.
“Say what?” asked Darla, who was standing beside her within the earthen dome.
“Sorry,” said Laina, then Will nodded. “I was talking to myself.” Damn, this really is confusing, he thought. By the way, thank you.
Her response was a nonverbal feeling, a question without words.
For coming to help me tonight. I would be lost and doomed if you weren’t here, he explained.
You’re welcome, she replied, and the words carried her emotions with them, a surge of warmth that washed back and forth between them, like a wave caught perpetually between two shores. A resonance seemed to grow, and the wave became higher and higher, until at last she managed to put an end to it. Enough of that. I’m going to have nightmares for years after this.
He smiled inwardly.
Chapter 43
Darla wanted to return and wake Tiny, but Laina had changed her mind. Will wasn’t sure what was right, but since it was her body he felt it best to leave the decision to her. “We can’t leave him to run loose in Will’s body. The man is mad. He might well get killed, and then where would we be?” she said aloud.
I wouldn’t stay. This is only temporary, one way or another, Will reassured her silently.
Shut up, came Laina’s response. You can do stupid things and get yourself killed when you have your own body back. Until then don’t be an idiot. You’re in my care for now.
The Arkeshi sighed. “He will be easy to find, since he’s in the middle of all the commotion, but it’s unlikely you can approach without being seen.” She eyed Laina’s dress with mistrust.
“Speak for yourself,” said Will, lifting one hand. He quickly constructed a chameleon spell and then cast it on himself, fading into near-invisibility before adding a silent-armor spell to complete the set.
One of Darla’s brows went up. “I suppose there are advantages to having both of you in there.” She lifted the hood of her cloak, and the enchantment on it activated, producing a similar chameleon effect. A second later her turyn also shifted, blending and fading. It wasn’t a visible effect, but somehow it made her even harder to find. His eyes kept sliding away if he let his concentration slip.
“What is that second spell you’re using?” he asked suddenly.
“I don’t use spells,” she stated, no doubt in her voice.
“Is it the cloak then? You’re hard to find, even when I know where I should look. My eyes don’t want to go there.”
Inside their head, Laina’s interest was also piqued. What are you talking about?
It’s more than the chameleon effect, he explained. She’s doing something with her turyn.
Darla understood immediately. “It is no spell. It is the lim-leesi. A special technique the Arkeshi train in.”
“Wild magic,” Will realized, speaking out loud. “You’re using wild magic, like the fae. Can you teach me?”
The former assassin’s eyes narrowed. “The Arkeshi do not use magic,” she said emphatically. “And it is forbidden to teach outsiders the technique.”
“But you’re no longer part of the Arkeshi,” Laina pointed out.
“I have betrayed them, but my other oaths still hold. I will not break my teacher’s trust.”
Will had already learned to adjust his senses, stamina, strength, and speed, to varying degrees. By watching how Darla’s turyn moved, he was already beginning to get a feel for what she was doing. Ignoring the conversation, he began trying to emulate her, though his turyn moved clumsily at first.
The Arkeshi couldn’t see turyn, but after a moment she stopped talking and her gaze locked onto Laina’s body, then drifted slightly before returning. Her face grew alarmed. “You cannot!” she insisted.
Will’s tongue was sticking out to one side as he concentrated, an expression he imagined was probably cuter on his sister’s face. “Am I getting this right? It feels weird, but I think I’m close.”
“Impossible. This takes years to master! I have not taught you.” A second later, she dropped to her knees and clasped her hands together. With eyes closed, she began chanting in a foreign tongue, the words taking on an almost ritualistic cadence.
What is she doing? Will was confused.
Laina sighed internally. I’m not sure precisely, but she did this a lot when she first came to me. It’s some sort of prayer for forgiveness or atonement. She thinks she’s broken her oath.
Will knelt down beside the Arkeshi. “Darla. It isn’t your fault. I’m using magic.”
The woman paused, opening her eyes and staring at him doubtfully.
“You don’t use magic,” he repeated. “I do. I’m using magic to imitate you. This isn’t your fault.” Inwardly he thought otherwise. I’m doing exactly the same thing. She uses wild magic whether she realizes it or not.
If it’s the same thing, how did you learn it so quickly? asked Laina.
I’m a wizard. Manipulating turyn is what I spend every day training to do. It’s just like a dance instructor learning a new dance within minutes.
Laina’s reply was full of humor. I heard you’re a terrible dancer.
I’m better! he insisted. But it took me a long time just to learn two dances. The same holds true for Darla. She was taught a special form of magic without even knowing it was magic. Of course it was hard!
But this is easy for you? questioned Laina. I can’t even tell what you’re doing. It feels like my skin is dancing across itself.
You aren’t a wizard.
I’m a sorceress, she shot back. I’m just like you, only with more power.
Remember you said that, Will told her. After this is over and I have my body back, remember you said that. You’ll feel foolish when you think back on it.
Darla was staring at him. “You’re having another conversation in your head, aren’t you?” she asked.
Laina nodded, then stood back up. “Are we going to go find him or not?”
The Arkeshi stood and began to move away, taking point. Will started to follow, but as he began his first sustained walk in a single direction, he realized something was wrong.
What are you doing? demanded Laina. You’re moving weird.
It’s your hips. There’s something wrong with them.
Mentally she pushed him aside. There’s nothing wrong with them, idiot. They have more play in them than your stupid man hips do. You have to adapt to it. She took over walking for a while, and Will paid close attention to the process from within. Laina made it seem easy. Of course, she replied. I was born like this, dolt.
I always thought… he stopped himself before his thought got him in trouble.
What?
It was useless trying to hide it, so he went on. I thought you people did it on purpose.
You people?
Uh, women, I mean.
Her spirit swirled around him, filled with suspicion. You thought women did what on purpose?
This walk thing. I thought it was deliberate.
What’s that supposed to mean?
As a man, it’s very distracting, he answered, trying to project honesty. I thought it was a sort of deliberate act of femininity.
Oh, so we were acting? her thought was tinged with annoyance. This is acting! Her walk shifted, swaying farther and becoming more fluid. If she had been visible instead of hidden any onlooker would have instantly known she was vying for attention. If you see a woman doing that, then it’s deliberate.
Got it, he told her quickly. You can stop now.
Why? Does it bother you?
It just feels weird.
She was laughing silently. Oh, this is too good! You need to get in touch with your inner woman, Will! Her stride became even more sultry, and her hands slid up over her hips and across her torso.
He couldn’t see exactly what she was doing, but from within, he could perfectly envision it, he was just as aware of the body as she was. It was a powerful feeling, but it was strange nonetheless. You’ve made your point, he told her, signaling his surrender.
They came to a stop. Darla had halted in front of them, and she was now exerting all her concentration to keep her gaze locked on Laina. “We’re going to get killed if you keep behaving like a whore. Pay attention to our environment.”
“That was Will,” Laina lied. “He’s having too much fun with my body.”
“No, I’m
not,” he protested.
“You’re a pervert.”
“What?”
Darla covered her face with her hands, then hissed, “For the love of the Mother! Stop! You’re giving me a headache.”
Will nodded. See what you did?
Don’t blame me, stupid, Laina shot back.
A silent explosion of light followed by howling screams, heralded their proximity to the latest battle. Darla moved closer to the building they were passing by, and Will matched her example. The Arkeshi eased forward to look around the corner, then blurred into motion.
A vampire hurtled around the corner at speed. The creature was in full flight. Though Darla couldn’t match its speed, her long knife, inlaid with silver, moved in line just quickly enough to cut a deep, smoking slash across the vampire’s thigh, sending it into a tumbling roll.
Will sent a force-lance into the creature’s head as it started to rise, then he blocked the rush of a second monster coming around the corner. Brought to a violent stop by Will’s point-defense shield, the vampire was stunned for a second, during which Darla’s blade moved with perfect efficiency, cutting across, over, then down, severing vital tendons in the wrists and arms of her opponent.
Before the thing could stumble back or retreat, Will sent a force-lance through first one, then the other leg.
Laina had only just begun to react, and more of the creatures were spilling around the corner as what seemed to be an endless horde swarmed toward them. Darla looked back in panic. “Run!”
Slow to start, Laina wasted no time once she realized what was happening. A brief command sent her earth elemental into action, and a dense, earthen wall grew up and over their position, keeping the vampires at bay.
Will had been about to start a force-dome, but seeing what Laina was doing, he switched tactics. He had time now.
“We’re trapped,” observed Darla.
“Not for long,” Laina announced. “He’s got something special planned.”
Don’t spoil it, complained Will as Ethelgren’s Illumination came together above his palm. “Close your eyes,” he warned, then released it. Inside the enclosed space, the radiance was searing, even through closed lids, but after a few seconds the glowing orbs moved out through the solid walls and beyond, to where the vampires were trying to dig their way through.
Scholar of Magic Page 43