Everyone laughs at that. And we talk of brighter things for the next few hours, until the first rays of light spill into the cave.
"It's time," I say, standing. My strength has mostly returned, and everyone looks well enough, though we are all clearly nervous about this plan that could get us all killed.
Bix takes the lead, and we begin our journey retracing our steps. "We need some kind of cover to avoid getting picked off one by one if the drakes come back," I say.
Raven points to the large green leaves that grow from a plant on our path. They are huge, and I smile. "Perfect."
We each grab one of the leaves, and straps of leather from our cloak. I show them my plan by placing the leaf on my head and tying it in place. It holds its form, and creates a kind of floppy hat that covers my body if viewed from above.
Zev and Landon frown, and the handsome blond sighs. "This is not an attractive look."
But they both do as instructed, and we walk in tight formation, so that from above we look like green foliage.
Moving green foliage. But still. It's better than nothing, and we don't know how intelligent the dragons are, or if they are really controlled by the red dragon, or where that dragon is. So many questions. So much uncertainty. But we have to move forward as best we can.
We walk for hours, mostly in silence. We are fearful of attracting any attention to ourselves. Occasionally we hear the distant sound of dragon calls, or wings flapping. Once I see the silhouette of a dragon through the dense trees, but none attack. Not yet at least.
Bix continues to leads us, slowly but steadily. We return to where the fighting began, the bodies of the Ashknights gone, presumably eaten by dragons or other predators that might live in these forests.
The horses that died are picked clean to the bone. The dragons feasted on our carnage.
Occasionally we stop so Mabel or Zev can find edible roots and berries for us to partially satiate our hunger on.
And we keep following the trail Vane and his wolf left. It leads away from the Wall, There is blood. Torn plant and tree. Disturbed earth and stone.
We are weary. We are sore. But still we move. No one complains. No one suggests we turn back. And for that, I am grateful. For that, my respect for my squad grows.
It's late afternoon and we are resting under a tree, nibbling on a bitter root that turns my stomach, but that Bix assures me will "put fire in my belly and hair on my chest"—though I'm not sure I want either of those things—when we hear a growl.
We stand, flanking each other, swords out, Spirits on call, when a giant white wolf approaches us.
He's blood-stained and limping, and I nearly weep from happiness. "Master Wolf, where's Master Vane?" I ask, approaching the beautiful creature with my palm out. The wolf sniffs my hand, then licks it and whines.
"He's a wolf. He doesn't understand you," Zev says with disdain.
I ignore him and wait.
The wolf barks once, then turns and walks away from us.
I follow him and the rest follow me.
The wolf leads us through a maze of trees to a makeshift fortress formed from the earth through the use of Spirit.
Inside is Master Vane.
I crawl in and he opens his eyes and scowls. "I thought I told you Ashlings to get back to the Cliff."
"We don't leave our people behind," I say. I wait for him to scold me more, but he sits up and flinches. "How badly are you hurt?"
I give him water and what remains of my bitter root. He ignores the root but accepts the water. To his side I see a dead rabbit, bloodless but with meat still on its bones. The wolf must have been hunting.
"I'm fine. Let's get out of here." He crawls out of the fortress with me and stands to face our group. "How you seven survived you'll have to share when we get back to the Cliff. In the meantime, follow me, and stay quiet and alert."
He looks at the leaf hats we're wearing and shakes his head. "Clever. Ridiculous, but clever. Someone get me a leaf."
We travel in silence, following his lead and avoiding any areas that would get us in more trouble.
When we finally catch sight of the Wall, I nearly sag in relief. Those last few steps are fraught with fear. We are so close, I can almost taste freedom. But we aren't there yet.
Screeching fills the sky in the distance. Flaps of wings sound too close for comfort.
We sprint the last leg of the journey, and once outside the Wall, we all fall to the ground, exhausted and relieved.
And then the calvary finally arrives.
Ashknights with horses, wagons and food, sent to find us when only a few riderless horses returned to the Cliff.
The ride home is jolting, but still we all somehow manage to sleep on and off after having our fill of food and drink.
We are relieved of our duties and training the next day, and given potions that are promised to increase our stamina and strength and restore our balance. We soak in hot baths, eat carb-laden foods and lounge in bed reading and talking.
I enjoy a long walk through the gardens in the afternoon, with Ashpaw joining me, as I contemplate what I've learned about myself on this journey. What it means. Was my father really a High Dragon? What does it mean that I have dragon blood flowing through my veins?
I think back to the journal I found in the hidden compartment in my closet, back in Ukiah. To the strange writing I saw in there. The dragon on the cover. The symbol on my arm and the fact that my mom somehow knew enough magic to form a bracelet that would block the leaking of my Spirit, to keep the Ashlords from finding me. Or perhaps, to keep the Emperor's Shadows from finding me.
I'm startled out of my thoughts when Kaden jogs toward me, his face one of relief as he pulls me into a hug. I let myself sink into him, into the hardness of his body and the gentleness of his embrace. Into his scent and into the feel of him. Ashpaw weaves in and out of our legs purring and rubbing himself against us.
Kaden brushes a lock of hair out of my face. "I was tracking a Corrupted Spirit when rumor spread that a dragon attack left Ashknights dead. I came back as quickly as I could. Were you injured?" His eyes travel the length of my body, looking for wounds.
My stomach flip flops at seeing him. It feels a lifetime since I first came here and had to say goodbye to him to embrace my training. I rest a palm on his cheek, soaking up the hard set of his chin and the piercing gaze of his eyes. "I'm fine. Others didn't fare as well. It was brutal." I pause, then step closer to him, reaching for his hands. "I've missed you."
"I haven't stopped thinking of you," he says. "Much to the chastisement of Phoenix, who swears I'm too distracted."
Distractions in this line of work can get us killed. And I don't want to be the reason he dies. But I can't turn away from him, and so we steal a few hours, hiding out in the garden, sharing thoughts and a few forbidden kisses, before we're forced to say goodbye yet again.
When I return to my room, my squad is there, and they look as if they've been talking about me.
They are all staring, and I stand awkwardly, Ashpaw at my heels. "What's going on?"
Landon steps forward first. "We've been talking. About… who you are and what you went through. About what you told us about your daughter and Pike."
I nod, waiting for him to continue.
"You saved our lives," Mabel says. "And you saved Vane's life. We wouldn't have gone back for him if not for you. You put others first, always sacrificing yourself in the process."
"We owe you a blood debt," Landon says. He pulls out his sword, and then they all pull out swords and kneel before me, heads bowed.
Landon speaks for all of them. "You are the true ruler of this kingdom. We vow to follow where you lead. To protect your identity. Our swords are yours. And when this training is over and we are free to travel between worlds, we vow to aid you in finding Pike and avenging your family. We will be your knights. Now and always."
And then their voices join as they chant, "Long live the queen of dragons."
"Long
live the queen."
Thirty
Ashknights
THREE YEARS LATER
I'm not who I once was. I'm somehow more. And less. Changed and the same. I exist in a contradiction. The me who lived in Ukiah, who watched The Bachelor with Blake while drinking cheap wine, who dreamed of fighting fires and saving lives, who suffered the abuse of an addict step-father, who raised three kids who weren't mine, but who I loved as if they were… this girl is still in me somewhere. When I dream at night it's of her. Of them. Of that life.
But those dreams are growing further apart.
The faces in them are dimming.
The events becoming less focused. More feeling than details.
I'm not her anymore. Not really.
But I wouldn't be this version of myself if she hadn't existed.
I've been at Dragoncliff for three years now.
I've trained until my body aches and bleeds and studied until my mind grows numb. I've bonded with my squad in ways I never imagined possible, as we live, breathe, eat, sleep, bathe and bleed together.
We started as eight.
Now we are seven.
And soon, we will take our final test together. Soon, we will be Ashknights…
Because if we fail, we all end up Charred.
I still see Naoki from time to time, but I barely recognize them anymore. They're not the person they used to be when our little squad was first formed. The last time I saw them, I noticed they had a distinct limp. Whatever is done to the Charred, it's no life at all.
I have seen Kaden, from time to time, these last few years, but our moments together have grown further and further apart, and our relationship more distant. There is no space in our lives for those things we dreamed of as we traveled to the Cliff, no space for something more.
Yet today, the day my life irrevocably changes yet again, he surprises me downstairs with breakfast. His face is harder since I last saw him, his eyes wearier, as he hands me a bowl of porridge. I try to eat, but my stomach is too full of butterflies.
"You're ready for the test," he says, his blue eyes pulling me in the way they do. “I have seen you train in the courtyard.”
My glance drops back down to my food, because I do not feel ready.
He takes my hand in his. “I'll be waiting for you when it's over."
I struggle not to let my mind follow a darker path, but there is too much between us, too much history to ignore the pain that lingers in my heart like a thorn wedged inside my chest. "Have you found anything? Have you any news?”
His eyes drop. I don't have to clarify who I'm talking about. He knows. He always knows. “There have been no signs of Pike,” he says somberly. “I’m sorry.”
I am sad, but not surprised. This has been his answer for three years now, after all.
I clear my throat. "This is another step. Another step toward Pike. Passing the test today."
He nods solemnly. I know he still mourns the loss of his best friend. Still suffers the burn of vengeance in his desire to find the Outcast and bring her to justice for what she's done.
This too, we share.
And I wonder, will we ever have something between us that isn't rooted in pain?
We part ways, and I wander to the training field where I know I'll find my squad stretching and warming up. We don't know what the challenge will be today, but we know we must succeed at all costs.
Bix is sparring with Raven, their swords clashing loudly in the quiet morning. She is fast. He is strong. They strengthen each other's weakness by training together.
Enzo and Mabel have grown much closer over the years than I would have imagined, and I see them sometimes sneaking away to be alone together. They engage in hand-to-hand combat, combining different martial arts styles from this world and Gai. Their bodies move gracefully, flowing together as one, like a dance they no longer have to think about. I can see what has become between them and hope they find what little happiness they can in this world.
My mind flits back to Kaden and I wonder… but it's only ever a wondering. I have too much else to focus on. Too much else to master in my life.
Love takes a piece of our soul, of our heart, and holds it hostage. I don't have any pieces left to give right now.
Landon and Zev are unlikely friends, but friends they have become. Like brothers, they are now, and though any one of us would take a drake's claw for the other, these two are now tied even more tightly. It's not romantic. At least, I don't think. Landon has never gotten over the girl he left behind to join the Ashlords, and Zev still mourns the death of his lover. But they share a platonic kind of love that is stronger than passion, having found comfort and solace in each other that has both softened and strengthened them. No longer are they both so barbed with anger, that brittle kind of strength that turns to dust. Now they have a strength that comes from the soul, that is tempered by empathy and understanding. By wisdom. It has been rewarding to see them grow closer. Today, they practice Transmuting and fighting with their Spirits as they ready themselves for the trial.
We've all grown so much in our time together.
We never speak of the allegiance they swore to me. Of who I really am, and what my role in this world could be—should be—if you go by their beliefs. But it has formed a new kind of foundation underneath our friendship.
And it has set me outside the squad in a way.
Raven relinquished the position of Squad Leader to me with the support of the group.
Their fates now rest on my shoulders, and it is a heavier burden than I sometimes know what to do with.
But I won't let them down.
They pause their sparring when I arrive, each giving a small nod of the head—the only kind of concession I could be talked into, since Bix and Landon felt obligated to do full bows befitting the High Dragon status at first. But I don’t want them to see me as something other, as something beyond them.
"It has come to this," I say, smiling. "We have been through much, and today we will prove we are true Ashknights." I make eye contact with each of them. "I'm proud to call you each my squad mates. And even prouder to call you my friends.”
Master Vane and his white wolf come forward then. The man hasn't aged or changed in all the years we've known him. Not a single new line mars his face, but I see the weight of time's passage in his eyes. He misses his wife. His daughter. His home.
This will be our last day with him. After this, he returns to his world and his life. For better or worse, our training as Ashlings will be complete.
"Ashlings, are you ready?" he asks.
"Yes, Master," we say in unison.
He smiles. "Good, because it begins whether you are ready or not. Today, we cross the Wall yet again, and you will show what you have mastered during your time here."
We mount our horses and set forth. The journey is mostly a quiet one, each of us lost in thoughts, or overcome with nervous energy. Occasionally Bix makes a joke, then laughs at it so loudly and with such abandon that we can't help but join in. Even if his jokes aren't funny, or we don't understand them, his boundless joy always cheers us.
We have no idea what to expect from this trial. Everything about the process of becoming an Ashknight is a tightly guarded secret, but given we are going beyond the Wall, I'm guessing it includes dragons.
My hands dampen at the thought, and I close my eyes and let the smells of fresh flowers fill my nostrils as I enjoy the sun on my face and the gentle breeze in the air. My horse has become an extension of me, with all the training we've done together, and I don't have to guide her much as we follow the well-trodden path from Dragoncliff to the Wall.
My breath hitches as we pass through the gates and into the Ashlands. I look up, instinctively, but see no silhouettes of flying creatures marring the bright sky. I strain my senses but hear nothing that would give me worry.
Still, I stay on guard. We all do.
None of us have forgotten the bloodshed, the lives lost, the terror of our f
irst time within the Wall.
Vane takes us a different way this time, north through dense countryside until we arrive at wide arena. It looks ancient, with crumbling stone walls, but it seems to still be functional. And in the center…
In the center is a dragon.
Scales dark and shiny. Wing membranes red.
This is no hatchling or drake.
This is full grown.
Perhaps even larger than the red dragon.
And it looks pissed.
Heavy chains have pinned each of its legs and wings to the earth. It writhes and screams in anger and pain, trying to break free. Nine Ashknights stand at the ready, weapons drawn, waiting. The ground beneath us shakes and our horses neigh and pull against their reins. I steady Moon but keep my eyes focused on the dragon.
Vane dismounts and paces in front of us, his wolf as always at his heels. "Meet your trial," he says, gesturing to the dragon. "Its bonds will be undone, and you will have no outside aid. Your task is to kill the dragon and carve out its heart. If you do this, you will become Ashknights."
"What if it flies away?" Zev asks, voice trembling.
"It won't. It's angry. And hungry."
Just… great. "What happens if we cannot defeat the dragon?” I ask. “If we reach a standstill?”
“I can assure you,” says Master Vane grimly. “By the end of today, either your squad or the dragon will be dead.” He lifts a finger. “However, your leader may call for reinforcements. But in doing so, your entire squad forfeits the challenge, and you will all be made Charred.”
They all look to me, and I swallow my fear and worry, because I may have to decide between our lives and being Charred.
"Dismount, ready yourselves, and prepare to begin," Vane shouts.
We settle our horses beside a nearby stream and come together before entering the arena.
"How do you want me to handle reinforcements?" I ask.
Of Dreams and Dragons Page 25