Ensconced in the office, in private, I pressed my back to the door and spoke to the voice in my head, “Is she safe?”
Wouldn’t be going if she weren’t.
There was a finality to his tone that settled me. “What happened, man? Do you know?”
Found Bomber hiding the drugs in Lucie’s room. Took a picture of it. When he exiled Lucie, I knew some shit was going down and that she needed me with her. When I went to leave, he told me I couldn’t. I knew then that he wanted her isolated. I showed him the picture, told him I’d sent it to someone I trusted and that if he didn’t let me go, I’d show the club. The rest is history.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell us? Show us that picture?”
Because you had to stay here.
“What? Why?”
This was Lucie’s home. She was always coming back here, and she’d always need to come back to you. You weren’t ready for her. Weren’t ready for what she needed. She’d already told me she was pregnant, and I knew you fuckwits couldn’t deal with that.
I’d already seen the way you were starting to get interested in the sweetbutts, and I saw heartbreak on the horizon. I made sure to limit that, made sure that you were a safe haven for her to come back to. If you’d cheated, she’d never have forgiven you. She isn’t the sort.
My throat worked as I thought back to that time. We’d been in our early twenties, and yeah, had been thinking with our cocks. We still did to some degree, but over six years of fucking whoever we wanted whenever we wanted, of being without Lucie, had pretty much soured me for anyone else. I knew the others were the same too.
If he’d been alive, I’d probably have beaten the shit out of him for his presumption, but I didn’t. I didn’t know how long he’d be able to talk to me like this, and sure, maybe I was losing my mind, but Ryan seemed to have answers to questions that we were all dying to know.
One day, before all this shit went down, I heard Bomber on the phone with someone. He was concerned. He’d been skimming from the shipments and the cartel had just figured it out. When, a few days later, I caught him planting that shit in Lucie’s room? I knew what was going to go down, knew he was going to let her take the fall. So, I blackmailed him with the picture. I made him let me go, but also, made sure that he cut a deal with Ramon to keep her safe from the cartel’s reach. Plus, I got the kilo of coke and used that to fund our new life.
Kid had always been a clever bastard. Even as respect for him filled me, I questioned, “Who did you send the picture to?”
A neighbor of my sister-in-law. The one who lived in Graceville.
I frowned. “What the fuck? Why her?”
She was an old lady of a Satan’s Knight.
Fuck.
“She showed Lucifer?”
Figure as much. Knew we had Knights tailing us.
“Do you know why he let her go? Why he didn’t keep a hold on her?”
You think you’re the only one I talked to? Been haunting that man since I died.
No fucking way.
“That isn’t possible.”
Isn’t it?
Overhead, the bulb in the ceiling light exploded. Glass shards rained down over me, tinkling as they cascaded on the ground. It was followed by the explosion of every single lightbulb in the office.
I heard pounding footsteps, the heavy thudding of boots, before fists were slammed into the door. I looked up, saw Ink, watched him take in the room.
“What the fuck?”
I shook my head, because, yeah. What the fuck?
“Must have been a surge,” I mumbled, staring at the chaos.
A laugh sounded in my head.
I’ll be watching. Don’t fuck up.
And with that, he was gone, and I was left wondering if I had a tumor of my own to worry about or if, somehow, from beyond the fucking grave, Ryan’s love for Lucie had somehow managed to resolve the impossible.
Somehow, when I thought of it that way, it made complete sense.
12
Lucie
Seven years later
I wanted to get into bed with her, but she was asleep and it had taken three hours of soothing to get her to close her eyes.
Not that I could blame her.
I wasn’t sure if we could use this house again. Wasn’t sure if I’d ever feel safe in it.
From this very bedroom, that bastard had managed to creep into my baby girl’s room and steal her out from under us.
I didn’t care that he was dead now. Didn’t care that he’d made some pigs very happy tonight.
The damage was done.
The house was no longer a sanctuary. A place to get away from the clubhouse. Maybe if we’d been there, maybe among the others, we’d have been safe. The fucker would never have been able to get to her, and I wouldn’t feel like I could never take my eyes off her—
I’m sorry, baby.
My eyes flared wide.
“Ryan?”
Yeah. I’m so sorry. I let you both down.
I felt like my heart was imploding. I hadn’t heard from him in so long, and though the circumstances were dire, I was so happy to connect with him, to feel his mental touch once more.
Closing my eyes, I was unable to think of anything else to say other than, “I love you.”
And I love you. So much. Don’t blame my brothers, baby. It’s not their fault.
My mouth pursed—not in anger, but with the need to withhold more tears. I reached up and rubbed at my sore eyes. “I don’t blame them.”
They think you do. They blame themselves.
“Not their fault.”
And it wasn’t.
It wasn’t their fault that Jodie-May had somehow messed Aaron up. Wasn’t their fault they’d been kind and had let her go when they should have slaughtered her too.
Kindness was a sin in this world, but it wasn’t one I’d hold against my men.
I sucked down a breath and tried to remain calm when I heard Amaryllis begin crying in her sleep again.
You’ll get through this. You always do.
“I’m tired, Ryan. We were supposed to be safe here. These are our people—”
They’re our people, but this isn’t a safe world. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in an MC or living in the suburbs, the world isn’t safe, baby. But, I promise you this, I’ll never leave her. Never leave either of you. Not again.
My eyes grew wet again. How could I rely on that? Some figment of my imagination that only appeared when I was stressed or terrified or… worse.
Worse because nothing had ever been more petrifying than these past two days.
Forty-eight hours.
That was all it took to rob me of the haven I’d made for myself here.
I’m here, Lucie. You can think you’re going crazy, in fact, I get that from all of you—
“You speak to the others? I know Dagger said you did, but I don’t know…”
It’s farfetched, yeah. But Lucie, I love you. This kind of love doesn’t die. I’ll be here until you take your last breath.
I pressed my fingers to my eyes. “What did I do to deserve that kind of love?”
You were you, and you let me be me.
My mouth twisted at that. “You say that like you were a freak.”
No, but for this world, I was. I wasn’t made for an MC. You and I both know that, but you never held it against me.
“Of course I didn’t,” I rasped. “You were perfect just as you were.”
Sure, he’d written poetry and had liked to paint, but that wasn’t a fucking crime. I knew what he meant though. This world I lived in wasn’t a creative one. At least, not for the men.
He’d become a prospect for me. Had become a brother for me.
That kind of love?
Jesus.
They love you just as much.
“I know,” I whispered.
“What do you know?”
Wolfe’s voice came out of nowhere, and I jerked in surprise before he rested
his hand on my belly and dragged me back into him. “You should be asleep.”
“Can’t,” I mumbled. “Can’t leave her.”
“You need the rest, babes. It’s not long now.”
And it wasn’t.
Three weeks until my due date. Only God knew who the father was—
Flame. I hope the kid has his red hair.
My eyes widened at that, and somehow, from out of this chaos, I managed to smile.
God, I hoped my kid had that shock of auburn hair too.
“The fuck?” Wolfe rasped, making me jolt. He reached up and rubbed his forehead. “Did you hear that?”
Course she did, dumbass. Was speaking to both of you. My momma didn’t raise me to be rude.
I could sense Wolfe’s surprise, sensed it when his knees buckled and he backed into the wall.
“Is that Ryan?”
“Yeah. He comes and talks to me every now and then.”
“Talks to you?” he demanded, his voice as close to a squeak as his baritone would allow.
Yeah. I keep her company, don’t I, babe?
“I’m going crazy. These past few days—”
I wasn’t in the mood for this conversation. Instead, I stated gruffly, “I’m not going anywhere. Ama needs me.”
“So do we all.” He sighed as he rested his chin on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lucifer.”
My brows furrowed at his formal tone. “It isn’t your fault.”
“I don’t know how you can’t think it is.” He sighed again, and then when he turned his face into my throat, I tensed when I felt his tears, and immediately melted into him, not stopping until we were pressed tightly together. “I’m so sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault,” I repeated, my tone harder this time. I needed him to know that I didn’t blame him. “We did everything we could. We had the alarm systems, we had everything in place. H-He just got in.”
“Nobody will ever touch her again,” he rasped. “As God or as Lucifer is my witness, I don’t care which, so long as you know that I will die before I let anyone take her—”
I grabbed his hand, tightened my fingers around his, and whispered, “I believe you.”
They’d all come to me. All four of them, well, five if you counted Ryan too. All of them apologizing, all of them saying that it wouldn’t happen again, and I knew why…
They were terrified I’d leave.
Terrified I’d pull up roots and take myself, Amaryllis, and this baby in my belly away from them. Away from the MC, from the brothers who still weren’t sure whether they could trust me or not even though I’d brought millions into the coffers with the guns that Ryan had designed. Away from the Rebels’ enemies.
My phone buzzed, breaking into my thoughts. I reached for it in my jeans pocket, and seeing Martin’s name, frowned.
“That your dad?”
“Yeah.” I connected the call—not because we were friends now, but because if I didn’t, shit had a habit of happening. Not bad shit, just weird shit. Like I’d get a bouquet of amaryllises or he’d send me a box of sweets that he knew were my favorite. That he was watching me was always the message behind them, and yeah, it was creepy, but he was the Prez of an MC who had been given the nickname Lucifer… There wasn’t much creepier shit around.
“You need me to come get you?”
Behind me, Wolfe tensed.
“No.”
“They didn’t keep her safe.”
I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose. “If you’re only just hearing about this, then neither could your guys.”
Silence fell at my words, and I knew I was on point.
Wolfe too, because he snorted.
“Is the bastard dead?”
“What do you think?” I scoffed. Hell, the second Flame had gotten his hands on him, it was a wonder there’d been anything left to feed to the pigs.
My man was currently retrieving Jodie-May on my behalf, because I wanted to slit her throat myself. He’d promised me that, had promised me I’d be able to end the bitch who’d poisoned a decent kid against us, who’d made a martyr out of the fucker’s scumbag father. Aaron had been normal before he’d left, but she’d obviously poisoned his mind, twisted it until we looked like the bad guys, and the second he was old enough, he’d come to get his revenge for a fucker who didn’t deserve anything but for someone to piss on his grave—if he’d had one, of course. The pigs had fed well on his body, after all.
Like father, like son.
I had less than twelve hours to wait. Twelve hours before I could kill the piece of shit mother who’d ruined two kids’ lives—my baby’s and Aaron’s. I wasn’t completely enraged that I couldn’t see the woods for the trees.
Not long, I told myself. I’ll make her pay.
Make her bleed, baby, Ryan whispered in my mind, firing me up, doubling down my resolve. Amaryllis will be all right. I’ll never let you down again.
Martin sighed, and the noise billowed into my thoughts. “I’m sorry. How’s she doing?”
That was probably the most normal question he could have asked me. “Bad. Nightmares. Lots of them. He didn’t hurt her, not like that, he just scared her, but—”
“That’s bad enough,” Martin rasped.
“Yeah. Yeah, it is. She’s so young, and we’ve kept her away from the club as much as we can. She didn’t know—” My mouth quivered with tears that ached to fall. “She wasn’t like me. I knew too much. Now she does as well.”
Wolfe’s hand pressed into my stomach, and the warmth of his palm, the heat of him along my back, had me sighing and relaxing into him again.
No, everything was not right with my world, but I wasn’t a princess in a fairy tale. I was an MC princess, and that shit came with blood, death, and enemies.
The second Jodie-May was back here, I’d show her exactly who I was.
My name was Lucifer, and I was a fallen angel in the flesh, with demons who’d do my bidding.
She’d crossed the wrong person, had fucked with the wrong family. I’d been content to let Wolfe be Prez, had been happy to let him rule the MC, and that wasn’t going to change too much, but this had forged me.
Anyone who got in the way of my family’s safety, who fucked with their happiness?
They weren’t going to walk on this earth for much longer.
Today was Jodie-May’s day to die, and while she wasn’t my first, I knew she wouldn’t be my last.
This was a hard, cruel world, but I was done sitting back, and letting my men do the dirty work.
If anyone, and I meant anyone, hurt my baby girl, this baby in my belly, or my men? They’d have me to answer to.
And that was a fucking promise.
Amaryllis
Six years later
Dying. I was dying.
A moan escaped me, and though the noise was soft, my eyes flared wide open as I realized I was dreaming.
Thank God.
As always, I was dreaming.
I wasn’t back in that dirty house. Wasn’t locked away, hidden from my parents, my family, everyone who loved me.
I was home.
I wasn’t twelve anymore. I was eighteen.
Those days were gone, behind me.
As I turned my head, rolling it on the sweat-stained pillow beneath me, I heard a noise from below and recognized that I was in the clubhouse.
What the hell was I doing here?
Rubbing my eyes that were wet with tears, I heard the slight snore to my left and tensed.
I was with someone?
Doing a quick check of my body, I frowned when I recognized that I was fully dressed—my jeans were still on, and I had a hoodie over me. That was why I was hotter than usual. I normally wore a cotton nightie to bed, but I was dressed like I’d been on a ride—
Wait.
I had.
I’d been with Ink, Saint, and Keys today. I’d been safe, so why the fuck had I awoken with that bad dream?
A glaring light shone through t
he window, illuminating the face beside me.
Ink.
Eighteen years older than me.
Seriously sexy with it, but more than that, my savior.
I released a shaky breath because, the second I saw him, I knew I was safe.
Safe.
Well, everything but my heart.
But that was another story altogether, and if I had my way, that story would be coming soon enough.
II
No Saint
13
Amaryllis
Everything smelled bad.
So bad.
It was like that time Lawrence, Jamie, and I had gone into the stables and found a dead cat. I’d cried when I’d seen it, had been terrified it was my cat, and when Jamie had pointed out that Jezzy was all black with no white socks, I’d been relieved but just as sad.
There were flies all over the small body, and lots of crawly things that, even in this place, still made me want to barf all over everything.
But that was how it smelled here.
Like heat and dirt, death and decay.
I’d been raised in an MC. I knew about some of the darker stuff in life. My daddies rode bikes and my mom called herself Queen Bitch when she thought I couldn’t hear, and they were nothing like the girls in my class’ parents.
Not that I’d change them.
I loved them so much and I might never get to see them again.
Ever.
My bottom lip trembled and tears began to roll down my cheeks. The liquid burned the raw skin beside my nose before it was caught by the fabric covering my eyes.
I’d known Aaron a long time ago. Hadn’t really spoken to him that much, but he’d always been popular among the biker brats, as we were known. Then his momma had taken him away, stolen off ‘like a thief in the night,’ as my daddy Flame had phrased it, and I hadn’t seen him again.
Until three days ago.
I’d thought I was having a bad dream. Waking up to see someone standing over me, someone who wasn’t my momma or my daddies. But I’d seen his face and had known him instantly. Just as I was about to whisper his name, his fist came out of nowhere.
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