by Lee Monroe
‘Let’s begin by going round the room and introducing ourselves,’ he went on. He pointed at Tom, sitting in the far corner. ‘Let’s start with you …’
The Art orientation class lasted a very long forty-five minutes, during which I tried hard to focus on what I was there for and not cast dagger-like looks at Soren Balzac. I had to admit he seemed to know his stuff, he sounded convincing enough, so that part of his story was true. As to the rest of it, I didn’t care whether it was true or not. Now that I had got through most of this day and actually not disliked it, I decided I had no choice but to stop moping after the past. I tapped my pen on the desk as Soren wound up his coursework itinerary, every so often nudging studious-looking black-framed glasses further up his nose. My eyes rolled in a bored fashion.
‘So,’ he concluded, ‘does anyone have a question they would like to ask? Has there been any confusion in what I have been telling you this afternoon?’ He looked casually around the room. I waited for his gaze to arrive and settle on me, which it did.
‘You.’ He pointed at me, then bent and pretended to study the list in front of him. ‘Jane … Jonas? You look a little confused … Is there something of concern to you?’
Stupid question, I thought, my eyes narrowing in response. I gave a barely perceptible shake of the head, as though dismissing him.
‘Nothing?’ His mouth widened into a broad grin. ‘I was mistaken then.’ His eyes lingered infuriatingly on me before he checked his watch.
‘So … I look forward to seeing you all again in a few weeks’ time,’ Soren said to the room. ‘Please now make your way back to the school noticeboard, where your next orientation class will be listed.’ He removed his glasses, placing them in a case, and started packing books inside a leather bag. The rest of the class trailed out, and I waited until the last student had left the room before I stood, slung my bag over my shoulder and walked slowly to his desk.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ I hissed as he put on his corduroy jacket. Looking at it, I gave a short derisory laugh. ‘Just because you’ve got the geeky jacket and glasses, Soren, you’re not going to fool anyone you’re an actual teacher. You’re nineteen, for heaven’s sake.’
Soren merely looked amused. ‘Ah, that,’ he said. ‘Well, I am actually any age I choose to be … Didn’t I tell you?’
‘No. You didn’t tell me.’ I sighed. ‘But why I am surprised? It’s not like you’re a human being.’
Soren pouted. ‘You’re cruel,’ he said. ‘I can assure you my emotions are very human indeed.’
‘Whatever,’ I said. ‘The point is, I want you to leave me alone.’
‘You don’t really mean that,’ he said. ‘I know, it looks strange, but really … I don’t think you will be happy until you have resolved your situation.’ He paused. ‘I know I won’t. At the very least I want some … closure.’
‘Does that exist?’ I said. ‘ I mean …’
He stared at me for a minute and then his mouth twitched. ‘I like you, Jane,’ he said, smiling. ‘You’re impossible, but you have a little fire inside you.’
I shrugged, though I couldn’t help feeling quite pleased by the remark.
‘Which is why …’ he went on, more intently ‘… I know you will regret not doing everything you can to save what you love so much.’
‘I’ll meet someone else,’ I said, with a bravado I didn’t feel.
‘But don’t you see? Luca believes he has an obligation … This is not what he wants.’ Soren put his hands on my shoulders.
‘And what about Lila?’ I said. ‘She doesn’t seem to see it as an obligation.’
Soren bit his lip. ‘Maybe not. But at least now I have a chance to win her back.’
I crossed my arms over my chest. ‘So you need me more than I need you?’
‘We need each other,’ he said calmly. ‘Without me you can never return to Nissilum.’
He left me to think about that prospect, which was indeed hideous.
I leaned against the desk behind me, defeated. ‘Well, you’re certainly persistent. I mean how on earth did you find out my new phone number?’
‘Oh that sort of stuff is easy,’ Soren said dismissively. ‘But impressive, I suppose. I thought it would be nice to keep in touch.’
I stopped myself from smiling.
‘OK,’ I said at last. ‘I will come with you once, but that’s it. I have no wish to be humiliated like that again. He was so … He doesn’t want me any more.’
‘And how did that make you feel?’ said Soren.
‘Terrible. It felt like my heart was being ripped out.’
‘See … you remember that strength of feeling. I know somewhere underneath his sense of responsibility, Luca feels exactly the same.’
‘He can’t.’ I felt my eyes welling up. ‘You should have seen his—’
‘Jane. Boys do that. They make a decision and it is as though an iron shield comes down between their heart and their head,’ said Luca. ‘If you were more experienced, you would know this.’
Soren’s plan seemed like such a long shot, but it was my only hope. If it didn’t work then … I couldn’t bear to think of it not working.
‘I’m about to start college,’ I said. ‘Luca is getting married in a matter of months. That’s all the time we have.’
Soren nodded and picked up his leather bag. ‘I know … And don’t be afraid. You are doing the right thing.’ He suddenly looked more genuine than I’d ever seen him. ‘I’ll be in touch.’
As the door swung shut behind him I realised how fast my heart was beating.
Was I being incredibly stupid? Would this hurt me more in the end?
I didn’t know, but I was sure now that I would only regret it if I didn’t try.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Henora held a swatch of grey silk up to Luca’s face.
‘The colour is good,’ she said. ‘But you have grown in the past few months I see. You are broader.’ She smiled. ‘You look like your father.’
Luca, embarrassed by her scrutiny, made a dismissive gesture with his hand. ‘I want a plain suit,’ he told her. ‘Nothing ostentatious.’
She shook her head. ‘It is important that you dress in the manner in which you wish to conduct your marriage,’ she told him. ‘With exuberance.’
Luca sighed, allowing himself to be turned by Henora, who brandished a tape measure. ‘Yes,’ she went on, ‘your back is at least two inches wider than it was.’
She took hold of his sleeve.
‘Lila will be back with her family, now,’ she mused, bringing her tape measure to Luca’s arm. ‘I miss her about the place. She is a very mature girl.’ She sniffed. ‘Dalya could learn a thing or two from her indeed. That young lady is showing signs of rebellion too …’
She paused, pointedly.
Luca rolled his eyes above her bent head. ‘Dalya is a good girl,’ he said loyally.
‘Well … you would think that,’ she said archly. ‘Right, I think I have the measure of you now.’ A small smile played about her lips.
‘Good. Can I go now?’ Luca felt ten years old again. ‘He disliked being fussed over. It would help if he could muster some enthusiasm for his forthcoming nuptials, but as the wedding date loomed, the reality of his future was weighing heavy on him.
‘Luca.’ Henora’s voice was quiet but authoritative. ‘You will not let me down again. I am relying on you …’ She sighed. ‘Lowe and Dalya are relying on you.’ Her eyes swept over his face. ‘I am proud of you for what you did for Raphael. Truly … But that other matter … that girl. You have to tell yourself she doesn’t exist. Never existed. It can be done. It is down to your will. As a family we have built a reputation on our mental strength. Our ability to resist fickle temptation. It is the true test of character not to indulge selfish desire.’ She drew her shoulders back. ‘Do you understand me, Luca?’
In that moment Luca came close to hating his mother, but he hid his feelings, and instead nodded, looking aw
ay from her immediately.
‘Good.’ Her demeanour softened. ‘And Lila is such an appropriate companion for you.’
Appropriate. Luca realised what a tedious word that was. How joyless and cold.
‘Yes, Henora,’ he said. ‘May I now leave?’
‘Of course,’ she said, shooing him away. ‘Go and find your brother. He needs to be measured too.’
Luca walked out through the gardens, whistling for his horse, Indigo, who cantered happily over to him. Mounting, he set off for the palace, where he was certain he would find his brother.
As he circled the field he deliberately didn’t look at the distant patch of trees across the acres of corn. He hadn’t been back to the Water Path since that day he had lain with Jane in his arms, both of them convinced that their struggles were over. How happy, how blissfully unaware they had been of what was waiting for them back at his home.
Luca dug his heels into Indigo’s flanks, urging her to speed up. He was trapped and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. In time, he would learn to live without her … But she would always be there at the back of his mind, just as she had been before he had even met her. He needed to be a man for his mother, he couldn’t betray his family.
As he raced towards the Palace’s back entrance, he allowed a single tear to roll. He would cry once, and then never again.
When Luca finally found his brother, Lowe was combing Raphael’s horse … Raphael himself was laughing at something, trying to remove his riding boots. Luca slowed Indigo down to a trot, wishing to observe the two of them for a while before they noticed he was there.
Raphael looked almost back to his old self. His streaky blond curls framing his now handsome, honey-brown face. Luca was glad to see it – despite what the boy had done to Jane and her family. It hadn’t been the real Raphael, he had been possessed by something quite evil.
But as Luca watched the boys together he felt uneasy at his brother’s recent closeness with Raphael. Lowe was suggestible at the best of times.
‘Brother!’ Lowe turned to see Luca approaching them. ‘Enjoying your last weeks of freedom?’
Luca ignored him, dismounting and nodding at Raphael in greeting.
‘Henora is anxious for you to be fitted for your suit,’ he told Lowe, a little breathlessly. ‘She is in a determined mood today … Don’t anger her.’
‘When do I ever?’ Lowe said, accurately enough. ‘That’s your role, Luca …’ He paused. ‘Except now you are putting in such a good show with her. I am impressed. Bravo.’
The dullness in his tone betrayed his contempt for his older brother, and wasn’t missed by either Luca or Raphael.
‘Hold your tongue, Lowe,’ said Raphael, calmly. ‘You are a troublemaker.’ But his expression was thoughtful. He continued to stare at Lowe as though mulling something over.
‘Luca is used to me,’ said Lowe, grinning now. ‘He knows I am always watching … waiting.’
‘Perhaps you need to find yourself a girl?’ Luca said a little wearily. ‘Something to distract you from my business …’
‘A girl like Lila,’ Lowe replied, a dreamy expression now on his face. ‘She would do me very nicely. Those smooth alabaster breasts—’
Instinctively Luca’s fingers snapped forward to give Lowe’s cheek an admonishing pinch. ‘Enough,’ he said sharply. ‘Do not disrespect her.’
‘Sweet,’ cooed Lowe. ‘I should wrestle you for that, but I find your defence of your fiancée heartening. Perhaps now you will see what a plain nobody that mortal girl really is.’
He stared at Luca, daring him to react, but Luca just breathed deeply, two pink spots appearing in his cheeks from the effort of not retaliating to his brother.
‘Take Indigo,’ he told him, when he felt calm enough to speak. ‘I will walk back.’
Lowe rolled his eyes, pushing past Luca and grabbing hold of Indigo’s reins. The horse skittered back nervously as he attempted to mount her, and she stared mournfully at Luca.
‘Good girl.’ Luca stroked her nose then patted her side to see her on her way.
With Lowe gone, Luca turned his attention to Raphael.
‘How are you?’ he asked awkwardly.
‘Never better,’ said Raphael, pushing his hair from his face and buttoning his shirt. ‘Fully restored to good mental health and ready for duty!’ He gave a comedy salute at Luca, who laughed a little nervously, wary of the boy.
Raphael stopped laughing and gave him a long look. ‘You are ready to be married then?’
Luca kept his expression calm, answering in a stilted tone. ‘Lila is a worthy bride. I’m lucky she has been chosen for me.’
Raphael chewed his lip, thoughtfully. ‘But she is not the one you would have chosen for yourself?’
Luca cleared his throat. ‘You more than anyone understand what is expected of us here.’
‘Expected, yes …’ Raphael was about to continue his tack, but appeared to change his mind, straightening his shoulders. ‘It is the mark of adulthood. Duty … Selflessness.’ He smiled a little too brightly at Luca. ‘Celeste says it is a privilege and we should all be thankful.’
The boys locked eyes in what seemed to be an understanding.
‘She is pretty enough.’ Raphael kicked lightly at the ground.
Pretty, yes, thought Luca; a sweet, harmless, pretty girl.
‘Great beauty is dangerous, Luca,’ said Raphael, as though he had read his thoughts. ‘Be glad that Lila doesn’t stir jealousy in you. You can be safe in the knowledge that she will be devoted.’
The moment was intensely awkward, and heavily tinged with the memory of Jane. Raphael’s manner unsettled Luca. He seemed a little emotional. Luca reminded himself that the boy was still recovering from his … breakdown. He was anxious to change the subject.
But Raphael pushed further, daringly. ‘You believe that the way of your elders is the right way?’ He kept his eyes trained on Luca’s. ‘That all this is for a greater cause.’
Luca was careful not to betray his true feelings. ‘I believe that we live here without conflict … That breaking the fundamental rules of Nissilum – those laid out by your family – means we abuse that protection.’
‘Ah. Protection.’ A small tic appeared in Raphael’s cheek. ‘One thing I learned from the mortal world is that they live without that security … In fact, they see the lack of protection as vital to building strength.’
Luca saw clearly the truth in his words, yet the thought of turning his back on all that his parents had given him, albeit in their own austere way, was too much.
‘One thing,’ Raphael added. ‘Mortals live with lack of certainty – except for death. They live with the knowledge that love may not last for ever.’
‘No.’ Somehow this fortified Luca. Gave value to what he was preparing to do. Jane may love him now … if she still did. But he could not be sure that she always would. What then would he do, if he betrayed Henora and Ulfred – and the Royal Seraphim? He would be alone, outcast. His act of rebellion for nothing.
‘I feel that there is reward in not giving in to the sliver of weakness that exists in us all here. The reward is satisfaction in being selfless – the knowledge that you have given to others … self-sacrifice,’ Luca said, after a pause.
‘And life here goes on for ever and ever …’ Raphael murmured, in a miserable tone. ‘That sacrifice never ends.’
Luca frowned.
‘Ignore my melancholic ramblings,’ Raphael said, recovering himself. ‘I am questioning everything. It is no doubt connected to the weight of dubious responsibility I will have soon.’
Luca’s head was too full of profound discussion to pick up on the odd meaning in Raphael’s words. He planned to walk off the conversation, never to return to it.
‘I had better get home,’ he said.
‘Of course,’ said Raphael, turning away. Already Luca was dimissed from his thoughts.
Luca started to walk away but something made him hesitate. He tur
ned back to Raphael, who was staring after him, a strange intense look on his face.
Raphael couldn’t see him, Luca realised. He was looking straight through him. As Luca watched, Raphael shut his eyes, wincing as though he was in pain. Even from this distance his face was tense.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘Where are we?’ I whispered, struggling to see in the dark. ‘It’s like the middle of the night.’
‘Hmm.’ Soren squinted, crouching on his knees, looking over the low stone wall we had appeared in front of. ‘My timing was not perfect. It does seem to be late.’ He put both hands on the wall and leaned out into the pitch black.
I shivered, pulling my jacket closer around me. ‘Is it winter here?’
‘No,’ he sighed. ‘It’s late. The temperature drops at night.’
I ignored the patronising tone to his voice. ‘Well, what good is it arriving when everyone is asleep?’
‘We wait,’ he said calmly, ‘until the morning.’
‘Excuse me, but I have a really nice, warm bed back home,’ I grumbled, ‘which I could be making good use of right now.’
‘Stop whining,’ said Soren, but with a half-smile. ‘I thought you were the tough mountain girl?’
‘Soren,’ I said, careful to keep the whinge out of my voice, ‘do you have a plan? Somewhere civilised we can go?’
‘I am thinking,’ he said. ‘Please be patient.’
I slumped against the wall, pulling my socks further up my legs. ‘Well, let me know when you have thought,’ I replied dryly.
Finally Soren dropped down again, rubbing his hands together.
‘OK, I have friends here. Of course, it is impossible for me to go back east – where I was born. But I do have some … acquaintances here. Fortunately they don’t sleep at night … In fact, this is when they are most awake.’
I stared at him. ‘Please say that again but in a way that makes sense.’
‘Well,’ he said carefully, ‘I don’t want you to be alarmed. I am sure you have been told many exaggerated stories about my friends. But they are decent, really … And they have always been good to me—’