Chapter Ten
Anna washed the last dish from dinner and went to find Thomas (her husband!) and Thomas Jr. (her son!). Along with Jo, Thomas Jr. enjoyed his last meal for the evening. Anna had grown accustomed to the sight of Thomas Jr. suckling against Jo’s gracious bosom. She watched as Thomas stood with his back to a wall, his arms crossed, his eyes distant. Anna could only imagine the thoughts going through his mind as he had to endure the knowledge and sight of a wet nurse caring for his son in a way he couldn’t. And even worse, in a way that Thomas Jr.’s birth mother should have been able to do.
But even still, Anna told herself she would be thankful that Thomas had someone like Jo willing to go beyond the job of wet nurse when needed.
Once Thomas Jr. finished, Thomas took the infant and turned, cradling his son as Jo properly dressed herself.
“Can we?” Anna asked Thomas. “Together? Put him down?”
Thomas looked at Anna. His lip was slightly curled. “Not tonight. I’ll join you in the bedroom in a little while.”
Thomas was short and rushed from the room. Anna gasped, but Jo quickly reached for her.
“Don’t worry,” Jo said. “It’s just part of this...”
“It’s okay,” Anna said. “It was just such a good day. He seemed so happy and so alive. I feel as though it’s been stolen from him.”
Jo stood from the bed and put a hand to Anna’s shoulder. “Sweet Anna, just think about what he had to watch. I’ve told him so many times not to be here when I feed Thomas Jr. but it’s something that he forces himself to endure. I know it shouldn’t be my breast the baby nourishes from. It should be his mother’s. Up until today, that was impossible because his mother was gone. But now, Thomas Jr. does have a mother.”
“But that’s still impossible,” Anna whispered. “Right?”
“I’ve never conceived a child in my life,” Jo said.
“So how did...” Anna’s eyes looked down to Jo’s ample chest and back to Jo’s eyes.
“It just did,” Jo said. “I thank God for it. He blessed me with a big heart and a big chest!”
Anna giggled and blushed.
“But he also blessed me with the milk I can provide to those who need it,” Jo continued. “Some families are wealthy enough that they just pay a wet nurse to nurture their child. Even families with mother and father in good health, and mother with capability. Other families have suffered. Some mothers can’t nourish their babies and in the worst of them of all...”
Jo opened her hands as if to say, right here, with Thomas and Thomas Jr..
“When did it first happen?” Anna asked. “I’m sorry if I’m being intrusive.”
“Not at all,” Jo said. “I see what you’re thinking.”
Before Anna could ask Jo what she meant, Jo started to speak again.
“It was just after becoming a woman, you know? I was bathing myself one evening and I just noticed something. That’s really how it happened. When I touched it, my nipple, I mean, I noticed liquid coming out. Just small droplets at first, but enough to scare me. After bathing, I dried myself but couldn’t help but try it again. It happened again. I slept that night and when I was able to do it again the next morning, I told my mother about it. She ran to my father and I was instantly accused of being with child. I had never been touched by a man, sweet Anna, ever. But they said it was the only way possible. I assured them otherwise, but the relationship started to crack that fast.”
Anna felt the strings of her heart pull. How sad. To be accused and treated poorly for something that came as no fault to Jo. As Anna thought it, she touched her own stomach, understanding the feeling.
“I was not with child,” Jo said, “and as months passed, it was proven. The doctors couldn’t find a baby and I knew there wasn’t one inside me. But that didn’t stop my breasts from providing milk. Each month it happened more and more. My parents couldn’t accept what was happening and I soon had to leave home. To make my long story shorter, I found work as a wet nurse thanks to a kind woman who gave me a chance to open up and explain what was happening to my body. I thank God every night for that woman and all she did.”
“Sounds like the woman who helped me get here,” Anna said. “She was so kind and honest, willing to accept me - and my divorce - and she waited for someone like me before showing your letter, Jo.”
“I’d like to hug that woman,” Jo said. “You know, Thomas wanted to get rid of me after I admitted what I had done. But Thomas Jr. did have anyone else to bond with. I knew Thomas didn’t mean harm by his words or command, and there was no way I could leave Thomas Jr. without nourishment.”
“Were you mad? Hurt?”
“Not at all,” Jo said. “I had done wrong. It was his letter to write. His feelings to share. But sometimes you just have to give someone a nudge. I grew tired of seeing Thomas hurt. I grew tired of seeing him kill himself in the fields. I grew tired of him coming to me and looking at me as though he had an interest in me. Sometimes he would drink a little, using a little left over money from a good crop to purchase whiskey. He tried to compare me to his wife, wanting life to be how he planned it.”
“And you stayed?”
“Of course I did. For him. For Thomas Jr.. And for you, Anna. Because each night I prayed to God, knowing that someone had to be out there. I knew something would happen, it would just take time.”
Anna hugged Jo, tighter than she ever had before.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“No, Anna, thank you,” Jo said. “Now go see your husband.”
Anna nodded. She looked into Jo’s dark eyes and wondered more about the wet nurse. To be banished from her home because she had a gift. That’s what it was too, a gift. Without Jo’s breast milk, Thomas Jr. couldn’t survive. Yet somehow Anna knew there was more of a reason why Jo wanted Anna and Thomas together so bad.
Anna didn’t have the time to explore it.
Jo smiled and had a mischievous look in her eyes.
“Your first night as husband and wife,” Jo said. “Go enjoy...”
Jo turned and Anna walked down the hall towards Thomas’s bedroom - our bedroom, Anna’s mind reminded her - and when she stepped inside, she saw Thomas standing, slowly taking his boots off.
“Hello,” Anna announced.
“My Anna,” Thomas said.
He looked happy, right?
Anna wasn’t sure what to believe.
Anna shut the bedroom door and waited for Thomas to finish before she could find a way to slip into a nightgown without doing so in front of Thomas. Unless he wanted her to, but even then, Anna wasn’t sure how it all worked.
Thomas stood from the bed and walked to Anna. He took her hand and smiled.
“Sometimes, there are moments...”
“Of course there are,” Anna said. “You need not explain.”
“But I feel I do.”
“Then, I’m here to listen.”
“I know you are,” Thomas said. “I’m a lucky man right now, my Anna, a very lucky man. I’ll return in a minute so you can dress.”
Thomas left the room and Anna changed into her nightgown. When Thomas came back, he and Anna got into bed. Tonight the window was left open, allowing cool air to filter in. After Thomas extinguished the flame, the only light came from the moon. Anna’s eyes adjsuted and when she turned her head, she could see Thomas.
Her husband.
Next to her.
Anna smiled and felt content. She rolled to her right and waited for sleep to come.
But it didn’t come.
Her eyes blinked. Her body waited, with some kind of desire and excitement. She reminded herself that with Thomas everything would take time. She felt lucky enough just to be near him, to have him talking to her, and to have him marry her. It occurred to Anna just how much she wanted Thomas. The thoughts weren’t very pure, but at least they came now after they wed. The attraction was obvious before, but because Anna held Thomas Jr., nothing happened.
But right now... they were in bed... alone...
When Thomas’s hand touched Anna’s shoulder, she shuddered and let out a small gasp.
“Anna...”
“Don’t stop,” she whispered.
Thomas’s rough fingertips moved down Anna’s smooth skin. He pulled the nightgown down, exposing Anna’s shoulder. The bed then creaked as Thomas moved closer to Anna. She felt his warm breath on her shoulder a moment before his lips touched her.
Anna shuddered again as Thomas began to kiss her. He moved up with his lips as his hand moved down. He kissed at her neck, gently, but with passion. His hand followed the path of Anna’s arm. Her hand rested on her own hip, but that’s not where Thomas stopped. His hand left Anna’s arm and hand, not stopping until he rested it between her legs. As his fingers curled, Anna felt the pressure of his touch. Her body tightened, ready for her husband.
Thomas rubbed his nose against Anna’s ear and whispered, “My Anna...”
Anna turned her head and rolled to her back, opening her legs for her husband. Thomas’s lips came to Anna’s lips as his hand started to claw at her nightgown, forcing it up, up, up. Anna felt the cloth sliding against her body. Her legs became exposed and once the nightgown was up far enough, Thomas touched her bare legs.
Anna softly moaned, wanting the touch from Thomas. It was such an amazing feeling to have... with William it had always been assumed and somewhat forced. William touched her only for the purpose of wanting to conceive a child. After a while it became a struggle and William would stare angrily at Anna, act angry towards her during their time together, thrusting at her too hard, forcing himself upon her too much.
But not Thomas.
When his fingers touched between her legs, again Anna jumped. Her own body’s urges felt like they were getting out of control.
“Anna, will you take this off for me?” Thomas asked.
Anna sat up on the edge and tore the nightgown off herself. She felt the heat racing to her face, knowing how intense the moment was becoming. That same heat appeared elsewhere, in places so delicate and tender, it left Anna’s heart racing and her body shaking.
She moved back to the bed, completely nude for her husband. She heard the sound of Thomas doing the same for himself and when she looked as Thomas climbed back into bed, the soft light in the room bounced off his body, showing Anna the muscles her husband had from working so hard.
Back in bed, Thomas wasted no time continuing where he had been. One hand slipped behind Anna’s neck and the other traced the line of her body. Slipping between her legs again, Thomas rubbed her with a gentle care. Anna’s toes curled. No man ever touched her there, with fingers, like this. She could feel every movement Thomas made and she enjoyed it.
Her breathing became shaky and even after Thomas took his hand away from her body, touching her hand again, Anna couldn’t contain herself. Thomas kissed her shoulder, but this time he carefully kissed down towards her chest. Anna was actually holding her breath, waiting to feel Thomas’s soft lips touch her tender nipple. When he did, she let out a small cry, trying her best to suppress all noise for the sake of Jo and Thomas Jr., but it was certainly hard to do so with Thomas.
As Thomas’s mouth came over Anna’s breast, she finally found some more air to breathe. Her hand squeezed Thomas’s hand tight, telling him just how she felt. His tongue sampled, her soft skin, his lips coming together in a sensual kiss that he repeated over and over. When Anna expected him to offer his body he remained at her chest. His lips closed for what had to be the fifth time. Only this time he pulled a little, using his lips first then adding his teeth for a quick second. The feeling left Anna shivering everywhere.
Thomas moved to her other breast, offering the same attention to her nipple with his lips and teeth. When he finally stopped and looked at Anna, there was a slight pause and odd moment between them. Right then Anna knew what Thomas had been wanting to do, what he had been looking for.
It was something Anna couldn’t do or provide right then.
Anna knew her role now was wife and mother. One of the two she offered right then, being Thomas’s wife, giving him her body for pleasure. But to be Thomas Jr.’s mother, it would never be complete. There was still the need for Jo in the house, no matter what.
With a slight flicker of pain in Thomas’s eyes, he climbed Anna’s body, positioning himself between her legs. Anna swallowed and tried to usher away the regretful feelings that seemed to always chase her. She wanted that intense feeling from just a few minutes ago, that desperate urge.
But it never came back all the way.
Thomas pressed himself forward, gently gliding his way into Anna’s soft, warm entrance. Anna felt a mild pain, but only for the first few seconds. After that it became something Anna never experienced before. Thomas lowered his full body to hers and Anna sought comfort at the curve of his neck, allowing herself to breathe hard, moan when needed, and enjoy it. She never wanted the feeling of it to end because she feared she’d never experience it again.
And that part suddenly became more than a thought or worry.
Once Thomas finished, he moved from Anna’s body in a hurry. He remained next to her in bed for a few minutes in silence. Anna could feel something in the room changing - no, something had already changed - and when Thomas sat up and got out of bed, Anna was overcome by emotion.
“I need to be alone for a moment,” Thomas said. “Please don’t worry. Please don’t follow.”
Thomas said no more as he dressed himself and walked out of the room. Anna pulled the covers towards her nude body and hugged them. She couldn’t stop the tears from coming. A few minutes later as she forced herself to get dressed back into the nightgown Thomas had asked her to take off, she felt almost as bad as when she and William were together. When William finished he would always remain on top of Anna for a few minutes and then leave her, rolling to his side to sleep, never speaking of anything. And now Thomas... a man Anna found truly attractive, a man she cared for, had left the room.
Anna could only imagine why.
The way he had touched her breasts, Anna knew he wanted her to be able to give nourishment to Thomas Jr.. But she couldn’t do that. She wasn’t Jo! And she wasn’t the birth mother, given milk by God!
As Anna lay in bed, she felt useless. She thought about the extra money, tucked away in a drawer. She could just up and leave, find a different place to go.
But that wasn’t the promise she made to Thomas, or to herself.
Being the wife she wanted to be, she forced herself to stay awake until Thomas came to bed. Which he did, and even though it felt like hours later, Anna was able to fall asleep peacefully. Even if Thomas didn’t acknowledge her or even touch her, he came back, and that was enough for Anna to hold onto.
West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (1) (Anna & Thomas) Page 11