‘Are we just part of his addiction?’ she asked.
Luthor gave his head a vehement shake. ‘I don’t think so. I don’t want to believe that.’
She didn’t want to believe it either, but that possibility loomed large in her mind. ‘I’m not sure how we go forward from here.’
‘Tomorrow’s a new day.’
‘It’s his birthday.’ Dani doubted Xane would feel like celebrating after all the crap Elspeth had dealt him. She rubbed at her still puffy eyes and yawned. Then again, maybe he’d decide not to let Elspeth ruin his fun.
‘Dani, are you sure you want me here? Maybe it’d be better if I went,’ Luthor said. ‘You and Xane are going to need to talk.’
‘We’re all going to need to talk. We are talking now and I feel better for it. So stay right there, and don’t argue about it.’
‘OK.’
They both snuggled down on to their pillows, and Dani turned the lights off.
‘Goodnight.’
Dani fell asleep long before Luthor did. He figured she was exhausted, and she’d obviously shed a bucketload of tears before she’d come in here to face them. That had been brave of her. He hardly dared put faith in it, but he thought maybe their relationship had made a turn for the better as a result. Certainly, he hadn’t expected to end the night in bed with her and Xane.
The curtains were still open, and the mist outside had turned opaque. Luthor listened to Xane and Dani’s quiet breathing, and prayed his world didn’t turn to shit again come daylight.
He hoped he didn’t come to regret any of the decisions he’d made either. Having unprotected sex with a self-confessed sex addict had been shockingly stupid. Normally, he wasn’t nearly that dumb.
Chapter 23
Xane came alive the next day when the mid-morning sun blazing through the windows rang his internal alarm clock. He was sweating like a pig and his throat was so dry it hurt to swallow. The fingers of his right hand were stiff, and a flash of pain shot up his arm when he tried to straighten them. Still, he was far too enamoured of his current position to do more than stick a foot out of the bottom of the duvet. Unless someone had wedged a couple of life-sized dolls in bed beside him, he was currently the filling in a Dani and Luthor sandwich – a state of being that definitely required savouring, since he knew there was a shit-storm headed his way.
Xane eventually cracked an eyelid. He was face-down between the two piles of pillows on the bed, the sheet crumpled against his cheek in a way that told him he probably had red creases in his skin, but hey, that didn’t matter because Dani was indeed lying to his right and Luthor to his left. Apparently, the birthday faeries had worked some magic and a half this year. They’d delivered exactly what he’d wished for, despite circumstances that ought to have screwed his chances of ever finding happiness with his two loves.
He turned onto his side and watched Dani sleeping. Her skin was all pink this morning, except where her mascara had left dirty track marks down her face. He’d made her cry. There was a reason to hate himself. Assuming he needed any more reasons to add to the extensive list. At least, when he’d lost it last night, he hadn’t exposed her to his darkest side. She might not appreciate why he considered that a boon, but he did. He never wanted their lovemaking to be about salving his wounds. What he shared with Dani meant too much to reduce it to the level of pain relief, like she was an aspirin or one of those effervescent things that made Spook loopy.
Obviously, he didn’t feel very good about having used Luthor in that way, but he wasn’t as fragile as Dani, and the alternative had been ripping himself apart and bloodying far more than one fist. Elspeth was going to suffer for what she’d done.
He gagged as quotes from that article leaped off the phone screen in his memory and into his thoughts.
Xane promptly shoved Elspeth, the exposé and everything to do with it into a strongbox in his brain. No way was he letting that bitch ruin his birthday. He was going to sort out the mess she’d made of his love life, and then he was going to have fun at all costs. Starting as soon as he’d gargled some mouthwash and taken a gloriously long piss.
‘Neither of you move,’ he said, as he shimmied out from between his sleeping lovers. ‘Not a single muscle.’
Dani opened her eyes when he crawled back into the space between her and Luthor.
‘Hi,’ he said.
She yawned. ‘Hey.’
Apparently she was speaking to him. That was a good start. He couldn’t handle the silent treatment. He’d suffered too much of that as a kid. Go away, Alexander. Mind your manners, Alexander. Do be quiet and be a good boy. Practise being seen and not heard. That’s right, Alexander, be ghost-like, so we can forget you exist.
He swallowed, and barricaded another pile of hurt behind a fortress door. ‘You let Luthor sleep with us … You slept with me …’ he muttered.
Dani scratched her nose. ‘Seems that way.’
‘Why?’
She looked straight at him. Her brown eyes shone with raw emotion and completely entrapped him. ‘Because I love you, and so does he.’
She loved him. He wasn’t at all certain he deserved her love. Hell, he wanted it. He wanted it more than anything else in the world. More than he craved fame and the adoration of scores of music fans. But he definitely wasn’t worthy of it.
Xane reached out with his horribly stiff hand and moved a strand of hair from across her face so that it sat tucked behind her ear. ‘I don’t deserve you.’
She smiled. It was only a tiny thing that tweaked the edges of her lips, but it was there nonetheless. ‘I didn’t say I’m not angry or hurt, or even that you’re forgiven.’
‘I realise that.’ He withdrew his hand but she grasped and held it, even bringing his sore knuckles to her lips in order to give them a gentle kiss.
‘Sometimes I think you’re determined to break my heart, but then I remember how trapped and frozen I was before we met, and the ups and downs and crises seem worth it. You warm me, Xane. I realise I can’t have all of you, but I’m not ready to give up the piece I have got. So I’m still here and not on a plane to England.’
Thank God! ‘I don’t want you to give it up. I want you to hang on to what we have for ever.’
She nodded. Then her expression clouded again. ‘I need to hear you say it, Xane. You hurt me … again … with him.’
He could see her hurt. It burned right at the back of her eyes, not quite masked by her quiet understanding. It made her a saint in his eyes that she was even willing to try and understand him, let alone attempt to forgive him.
‘I’m sorry for letting you down and that I broke your trust. I’m not going to make excuses, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, although I hope you will.’
‘How about being sorry that you let yourself down? You know Elspeth’s poison. You ought to know better how to defend yourself from her by now.’
‘She took me by surprise.’
‘You went to pieces. You had unprotected sex with Luthor, smashed in your fist and had to be put to bed.’
‘Yes.’ He ground his teeth as he grimaced. He sounded like a teenage truant, not an adult. ‘I’m not proud of my actions.’ Particularly the part relating to Luthor, which had been spectacularly dumb. He’d rather hoped that Dani had been unaware of it. Though obviously he’d have told her, once he’d had a chance to speak to Luthor and establish how big a risk they’d taken.
‘Is that something you do often?’
He hated that she was frowning, and that she felt it necessary to ask.
‘No. Definitely not. Other than with you, of course.’ They’d been going sans condoms for some time now. No wonder she was worried. She was probably wondering if he’d screwed anyone else behind her back, and whether he’d bothered to use any protection then, and whether she needed to take herself off to some clinic for tests.
He closed his eyes, unable to look at her any longer. He was such a fucking prick.
‘You are a prick,’ she echoed, m
aking him realise he was muttering his thoughts aloud. ‘An absolute idiot prick, and a knob, and a dick too, but I still love you, and I don’t want to be angry today, so I’m mostly forgiving you.’
‘You are.’
‘Yep.’ Her smile broke, right before she stealth-bombed him with her pillow. It walloped him hard across the head.
Xane raised his arms to defend himself, as she drew back ready for another attack. ‘You’re a stupid fucking idiot and you … deserve … to be hit … with something … far harder … than this pillow.’
The activity caused the man behind him to stir. ‘Morning, I think.’ Luthor squinted at the pair of them: Dani with her iron grip on the pillow and Xane with his arms crossed over his head, and his knees drawn up.
‘Oof!’
She targeted a blow at Luthor too. ‘That’s for helping him to be a prick.’
‘OK,’ Luthor squawked. The poor sod was still blinking at the daylight.
‘I think you’ve made your point.’ Xane captured Dani’s wrists and pulled her down on top of himself. Unfortunately the pillow got squashed between them, so he was deprived of much of the pleasure of her wriggling about in her cutesy spider pyjamas trying to find a way out of his hold. He kissed the tip of her nose, making her squeak.
‘No! You’re not allowed to do that. You’re still in the doghouse.’
‘Spook only has a chicken coop,’ Luthor drawled around a yawn, which distracted her enough for Xane to roll them over so he was on top. Dani squealed and wriggled some more, which, joyously for him, dislodged the pillow so he was blessed with all the awesomeness of her squirmy softness against his naked flesh. It resulted in a rather predictable response.
‘Ooh!’ Dani wrinkled up her nose.
‘I take it you’re feeling more yourself this morning,’ Luthor remarked.
He wasn’t wrong.
‘I’m in bed with my two favourite people, how do you think I’m feeling?’
‘Sore, perhaps.’
Um, no. Well, all right, his knuckles did feel like they might pop out of the joints at any moment and one other part in particular did feel slightly tender, but not so much so that he felt he needed to express his discomfort. He’d only got what he’d asked for. ‘Horny,’ he replied. ‘I feel horny.’
‘You’d better not be,’ Dani hissed, her eyes going wide and round, as she rubbed her hip against his loins. ‘You’re not allowed to be.’
Yeah, well, that was going to be a problem, especially if she insisted on jiggling against him.
Luthor snorted so hard, it sounded as if he might choke. ‘You’re telling him he’s not allowed to be horny? Isn’t that like telling the sun it’s not allowed to shine, or the tide it can’t come in?’
He definitely liked having Luthor here.
‘Well, don’t think I’m going to consent to anything.’ Dani stuck her nose in the air huffily. ‘Bad boys don’t get inside good girls’ knickers. Especially bad boys who do naughty things with other people, when they’ve explicitly been told not to.’
‘By text,’ Luthor said.
‘Whaa!’
He oughtn’t to laugh, but he couldn’t help it.
‘You only told him he couldn’t go all the way with me by text. You didn’t spell it out in person. And actually, if we’re going for a literal interpretation of the text, you only said that he wasn’t allowed to fuck me. Which he didn’t. I was very definitely the one inside him.’
‘Well, I meant that too.’
‘But you didn’t say that.’
She fixed Luthor with a vexed stare, and then zapped Xane with it too. Xane knew her well enough to know she wasn’t actually irate. She was thinking about it, though. ‘Is that actually what I said?’
Xane nuzzled closer to her, and explored the line of her collarbone with his lips. ‘Yes.’
‘Then you didn’t technically break your promise.’ She fell quiet.
‘I knew what you meant, Dani. So don’t go letting me off the hook. I’m still the crown prince of Knob Haven.’
‘You are.’
‘I am going to have to contradict you over a different point though. Bad boys most definitely do get into good girls’ knickers, and you know why that is?’ He grabbed hold of the belt that was dangling from the loops of Luthor’s dressing gown, pulled it out and used it to secure Dani’s wrists. ‘It’s because –’ he shimmied down her body and undid the ribbon tie of her pyjama bottoms with his teeth ‘– bad boys know a whole host of tricks, and we never, ever play by the rules.’ He blew a raspberry against her stomach, making her howl in outrage.
‘Xane Geist, can’t you take the fact I’m mad at you seriously?’
‘You’re not mad at me. You’re madly in love with me,’ he corrected her. Yes, he was risking provoking some genuine ire, but goddammit, he wanted to be light-hearted. He was sick of being chewed up with angst. Yes, he’d fucked Luthor when he wasn’t supposed to. Yes, it’d been wrong, but obviously it wasn’t a deal-breaker or he wouldn’t have woken between the pair of them. And yes, actually he was horny and he wanted to have sex, a tremendous amount of sex. It was his birthday too. Getting laid on your birthday was virtually compulsory. He reckoned even Spook gave himself a handjob every four years when his February 29th weird-ass official leap-year birthday came around.
‘So, question,’ he said, resting his chin against the gentle swell of Dani’s tummy. ‘Are you going to get wicked with me, girl who isn’t anything like the goody-two-shoes she once was, or am I going to have to search for fun elsewhere in this bed?’ He reached across and splayed his hand across Luthor’s abs where his dressing-gown had fallen open.
His two lovers eyed one another suspiciously across the two feet of mattress that lay between them.
‘Or we could all play together.’ He slid his hand lower and found Luthor gloriously perky.
Luthor caught hold of his wrist and repositioned Xane’s hand against his own thigh.
‘Well, that’s no fun.’ He rolled into the space between Luthor and Dani.
‘I think you and Dani need some time alone before I start encroaching on anything again. However, I do have one little gift for you before I get out of bed.’
‘Oh, what’s that?’ He liked presents. Actually, he liked giving them more than receiving them, but what the heck.
Luthor rolled onto his side and hooked one slightly hairy leg over the top of Xane’s. He brushed Xane’s hair out of the way and kissed the side of his neck. ‘This.’
Xane’s eyes rolled back, and his eyelids drooped as Luthor wet the side of his neck with the kiss. ‘Mmm.’ Yeah, he appreciated this gift. Tendrils of bliss snaked across his skin, as he silently urged Luthor to suck. He was right over the pulse point, right where Xane liked to be bitten best of all. He was arched against Luthor, his head tilted back to expose his throat, mouth open wide around a cry of ecstasy, when Dani got in on the act and tongued one of the silver hoops through his nipples. The ring turned beneath her petting, teasing a second orgiastic groan from his throat. ‘More.’
‘Later.’ Luthor smacked him on the arse. ‘I’m going to clean up and make some breakfast. Do you want it brought to you in bed, or are you getting up?’
‘I’m already up.’
Luthor pushed him towards Dani, then rolled over and tumbled out of bed. ‘When is that ever not the case?’
‘Pretty much never.’ And mostly he considered that a good thing. ‘Champagne and caviar, in here,’ he called out, as Luthor neared the door. ‘Don’t worry about bringing glasses. I’m going to drink it out of Dani’s navel.’
‘Say what?’ She threw a super-wary glance at Luthor. ‘Not while he’s …’
‘If you could bring it and then not come back for a few hours.’
Luthor gave him a salute.
‘You’re not really going to, are you?’ Dani asked. ‘It’s too early for alcohol.’
This girl … sometimes he wondered what planet she’d arrived from. ‘Birthday. Rock St
ar. Alcohol restrictions. Does not compute. Besides, I like putting bubbles in your tummy. Oh, and much as I love these silky things you’re dolled up in –’ these were his favourite pyjamas because it cracked him up every time he saw the big fluffy purple-fanged monster in a top hat and boots grinning at him from the beautifully rounded cheeks of her arse ‘– Dani champagne cocktails definitely require naked skin.’
‘Luthor’s going to walk back in.’
‘He doesn’t have x-ray vision. You can hide under the duvet. Or better still, come here and hide underneath me.’ He caught hold of her again and solidly pinned her wriggling form beneath him, then held her bound wrists above her head while he undid the tiny pearl-like buttons of her pyjama top with his teeth. Having exposed her full breasts, Xane buried his face between them. ‘Champagne first, but then can I fuck these mounds of gorgeousness? I think I need to come all over them.’
‘Xane.’
‘Can I, baby?’ He sucked one broad pink nipple into his mouth. ‘They’re so beautiful, I want to rub up against them and bury myself in their bounteous embrace.’ He squeezed both breasts together, giving her an awe-inspiring cleavage. ‘Can I? Can I?’
‘All right, birthday boy, but only because it’s your special day, and, just for the record, I’m still mad at you.’
‘You’re the best girlfriend ever.’ He dropped a kiss on her pointy chin, then went back to sucking her nipples into towering peaks. Today was one hundred per cent definitely going to be the most awesome ever, and absolutely nothing toxic he’d caged in the back of his brain was going to dissuade him of that fact.
‘Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me,’ he crooned quietly to himself. ‘Today is going to be totally fucking awesome. Happy Birthday to me.’
Dani rolled her eyes at him.
‘You’re not actually still mad, are you?’
‘I am totally mad.’
‘Oh, dear. Will you be after an orgasm or three?’
Come Alive Page 21