by T J Vertigo
Cayden listened and nodded. "Okay, what else?"
Jodie got comfortable, it was going to be a long afternoon.
PART 26
B ROOKE SAT ACROSS from Bev at lunch and picked on her napkin as she spoke. "The thing is, I know enough about Cayden now to know what I'm up against. I don't want to change her, I don't mind her moods."
"But you do." Bev argued.
"No, not really. I can handle whatever mood she throws at me, I've been warned by Wade and Jodie, and even experienced Cayden at her worst. I can handle her, for craps sake, I grew up with Harriet and Bert! Let's just say, I'd like to enhance her." Brooke said with a giggle,. "And, most importantly, I don't want her to feel as if I want her to change either."
Bev smiled. "I see. Hmm. " she took a sip of Diet Coke and pondered that thought. "Yeah, if she thought you wanted her to change, she'd feel insecure. So, you think leaving it up to her friend is going to help?"
"Definitely. Jodie is the perfect choice." Brooke replied confidently. "Wade may be a problem though," she added with a snicker. "He'll have her wearing leather and combat boots."
Bev snickered too. "You're sure Jodie knows what you want from Cayden?"
"I don't want any astronomical alterations... just some insight into couplehood. I don't think Cayden has any good history to base her behavior on. Jodie knows her best and I think she'll do the right thing."
"And you're so sure Cayden's willing?"
"If she hasn't already asked for help, I'll eat my napkin."
Bev laughed. "She's worth it all?"
"Every single bit."
* * *
Jodie stuck her chopsticks into the Chinese food carton and pulled out a pea pod. Cayden looked on with great intensity. "Her needs come first. I mean if your finger is hanging off at the joint, or you're having a stroke, of course you come first..." She popped the pea pod in her mouth and chewed. "But all other times, she does. Capice?"
Cayden nodded, still perplexed at the whole chopstick thing. "How do you do that?" She looked at her fork and frowned.
"Never mind the chopsticks... do you get what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, I guess." The tall woman stabbed at a shrimp with her fork.
"Okay, and example, if she drinks Coke and you don't, you make sure you have Coke in your fridge, even if there's no room for your Pepsi. It's the little things, Cayd."
"The little things, huh?" Cayden replied, digging around in her container with chopsticks.
"Yes, and stop that." Jodie took them away. "You're only going to drop a shrimp in your lap again and be annoyed all day." She pointed to the drop ceiling. "Look, the chopstick is still hanging there from your last tantrum."
"They were my good pants!" Cayden explained.
"Okay, I gotta run, I'll drop by tonight and we can talk about this more. Maybe Wade has some suggestions."
Cayden looked horrified. "Not Wade!"
Jodie winked and giggled. "Later Tater." She picked up her food and left.
Cayden stuck her tongue out at Jodie's back and picked up the chopsticks, making a big effort to place them in her fingers properly. Her tongue poked out as she concentrated on trying to open and close the two sticks, and suddenly, her face lit up. She held the chopsticks in the air triumphantly, opening and closing them over and over again. Eyeing the white carton of shrimp and black bean sauce with determination, and holding the chopstick hand very still, she picked up the box with her free hand. carefully and ever so slowly, she lowered the open chopsticks into the container, and closed them securely around a shrimp. She glanced around the shop, wishing someone was there to witness the big event. She began to lift the shrimp, slowly... slowly... she opened her mouth wide in expectation, which was hard to do with a smug smile , and lifted the shrimp higher.. almost there.... she bent her head to meet the tasty morsel and.... plop.
"Dammit to hell!"
Cayden jumped up and threw the shrimp from her lap, a big brown stain already in it's place. She threw the evil chopsticks across the store and cursed a blue streak.
* * *
Brooke was more than happy to get home, the heat was oppressive and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She threw her keys on the side table, scooped up an excited Fred, and plopped herself on the couch. Dad watched with sympathy from his chair.
"Oh, good! You're home! Dinner's almost ready, honey." Harriet called from the kitchen.
"I'm too hot to eat, let me soak up the air conditioner a while first."
"Take a cool shower, it'll help." Bert offered.
"Daddy, was it always this hot in the summer, or is it getting worse as I get older?"
"It's both. When I was younger, there were days I didn't want to get up from my seat on the subway because I was sure it looked like I wet my pants. Back then, it wasn't the heat that bothered me as much as the sweat. Now, though, I can hardly tolerate the heat itself."
"It's the ozone layer." Harriet said from the kitchen. "From the hair spray."
Bert and Brooke shook their heads and rolled their eyes.
"Yeah, ma, damn the 80's and the freakish hairstyles."
"Don't be fresh young lady, if I recall, you had quite the hairdo. Rather high if you ask me."
Brooke made a sour face at the kitchen and turned to her dad. "I took a cab home, trying to avoid melting off of the subway platform. The only access for the air conditioner to reach the back seat was through the tiny little holes in the partition. I swear I wanted to strip off all my clothes and hang out the window but it only opened four inches."
Bert nodded. "I know, just the other day your mother and I went shopping and she kept her face pressed up against the money slot the whole way." He snickered.
"I'd have given anything to see that." Brooke giggled. "I feel better now, I'm going to take my shower and I'll be out in a minute."
* * *
It was almost time to close the shop, and Cayden was preparing to leave, when Butch came strolling in. She had to grin, the man's attire never ceased to amuse her. Today, he was wearing a powder blue cut-off tank top and lime green bicycle shorts, with a bright pink bandana tied around his neck like a cowboy.
"God, is it hot!" Butch exclaimed, fanning himself with a tissue. "Did you know there's a chopstick in the window?" He asked as he sat down heavily into a chair.
Cayden grunted in embarrassment.
"This place feels delicious, bless you for being open. I was coming dangerously close to a swoon out there."
"If there's one thing I don't skimp on its AC, you wouldn't like me very much when I'm hot." Cayden said, disappearing into the back.
"You mean you get crankier?" Butch joked.
"Just for that.." The shop keeper pulled away a cold bottle of water she was going to give Butch.
"Oh please Mary. like I just told a secret, gimme that water or I'll flick my chest sweat on you."
Cayden handed it over quickly and watched with a grin as he wiped the bottle all over his neck.
"Bliss and joy." he breathed, then stopped what he was doing, and pointed at Cayden's crotch. "Starting a new fashion trend?"
Cayden looked down in confusion, then blushed. She had forgotten she hung a doggie T-shirt from the front of her pants. "I dropped something in my lap." she explained, red faced. At the time, the "Spoiled Rotten" T-shirt seemed like a good choice.
"I'm not even going to ask you to explain, that's how nice I am."
"I'm letting you suck up all my cold air, you better be nice." Cayden warned playfully. "Need anything, or just loitering?"
"Loitering, I was just heading for a manicure when the heat got to me." Butch sat back down and crossed his legs.
Cayden observed the man with a smile. He sure is feminine, maybe I can talk to him about my problem? Nah, how the hell could he know what a woman wants. She snickered to herself as Butch primped his hair. Who am I kidding? He's more woman than I'll ever be.
"Hey, did you see the new carpenter on Trading Spaces? His name is Carter, and he i
s to die for."
"Yeah, I saw him. I dunno, I think he's too pretty if you ask me."
"OOoo, speaking of pretty..." He turned around in his chair and faced Cayden, "What ever happened with that cute girl you had a date with? Did you go?"
"I went, it was alright." Cayden answered with a shrug.
"Well? What's the news? Is it special?"
Cayden thought about not saying anything, but figured it couldn't hurt. "I like her... a lot, but if I want it to be special, I need to be more butch."
Butch leaned over and sucked his lips into his mouth. "Hmm. How butch?"
"I don't know!" She said with frustration.
"Are we talking easy, like opening doors and pouring wine... or serious, like fatigues and steel toed boots, because frankly honey, I don't see you on a Harley."
"Nooo, not to extremes, pouring wine is fine.... I think."
"You think? Sweetie, did she tell you this point blank or are you just assuming?"
"Well, actually, she didn't say anything, Jodie said I have to be more butch. Brooke said I should have been more chivalrous after I sent her home from the date in a cab. Jodie said I need to be aware of her needs right?"
"Yes. That's exactly what you have to do. Open doors, bring her a flower, tell her she looks pretty.... the little things."
"That's what Jodie said!" Cayden remarked. "How am I supposed to know what the little things are?"
"Trial and error. You'll need to spend more time with her before you get it right. You can't anticipate her needs until you're more aware of them."
"Okay." The shop keeper narrowed her eyes in thought. "Spend more time together, that's easy." She smiled. If anything, she couldn't wait to spend more time with Brooke.
* * *
Bert was right, as soon as Brooke came out of the shower she was starved. She ate dinner and was looking for dessert. "Mmm, ice cream." She opened the freezer expectantly and grinned when she found not one, but two cartons of ice cream, the vanilla, chocolate, strawberry kind. "Pay dirt!" She quickly opened one box and found only the stripe of strawberry left. Frowning, she pulled out the other box and found the same thing. "What the hell is with the ice cream?"
"It's strawberry, dear."
"I can see that ma, but why?" Brooke pouted.
"Your father likes chocolate, and I like vanilla."
"So you leave the strawberry in here for what?"
"For guests. Bert, that reminds me, we need more ice cream. Put it on the list."
"Why don't you just get one vanilla and one chocolate?" Brooke asked, feeling cranky now.
"Then what will the guests eat?"
"Argh!" Brooke slammed the freezer closed and stomped off to her room. "How old is that ice cream anyway." she grunted as she passed.
* * *
Despite her prayers, Jodie and Wade were waiting for Cayden when she got home. She tried to duck passed them unnoticed but they caught her.
"I made fruit salad for dinner," Wade announced then looked down and snickered. "Nice look." he said, pointing to the doggie shirt.
Jodie smacked her in the arm. "I told you to leave the chop sticks alone!"
"I almost did it!" Cayden replied defensively.
"Almost." Jodie repeated with a chuckle.
"I'm taking a shower, half of the city is stuck to me. My subway car had no AC."
When Cayden reappeared, Jodie had a dish towel over her arm, and Wade was wearing a rubber dress and a hideous blonde wig. "What in god's name..."
"Right this way ma'am." Jodie said with a strange accent, leading Cayden to the kitchen.
"I'm not going anywhere, Wade, what the hell is that?" She pointed to his outfit and then his hair, unable to decide which she wanted explained first.
"Can't you tell? I'm Brooke! This is Dinner for Dummies." Wade said excitedly.
"Ohhh nooo. I'm hot and tired and I just want to grab a bowl and eat in bed."
Jodie pushed Cayden with a finger to the small of her back all the way to the kitchen table. "Your seat ma'am."
The tall woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't need lessons, I already know how to eat." She tipped the chair until La La jumped off.
Wade blinked demurely and giggled. "Aren't you going to pull out my chair Caydiekins?"
Cayden narrowed her eyes and then smiled innocently. "But of course, honey lamb pie." She went over and pulled out the chair with a small bow, and when Wade went to sit, she pulled it all the way out. He landed on the floor with a shriek and his feet in the air.
"That's not funny! I could have broke my spine!" He pouted scrambling to his feet.
"You landed on your fat ass, drama queen." Cayden hid the amused grin as his skirt rode way up in the fall.
"Cayden, just behave for five minutes will you?" Jodie said, pushing the tall woman back into her chair.
Wade made a show of smoothing the back of his skirt before he sat in the chair. "Ooo, sweet lips, the salad looks so delicious!" he said in a high falsetto.
Cayden rolled her eyes and Jodie poked her with a fork. "Ow! Quit that!"
"Now's where you offer your date some food, air-head."
"Brooke has arms, she can spoon her own fruit salad. Besides, the waiter is going to bring all the food to us anyway."
"Pretend, will you? One day you're going to cook for Brooke and you should show some manners. Sheesh!" Jodie complained.
Cayden frowned at first then sighed. They weren't giving up. "Would you like some, sugar butt?"
"I'd love some, ginger snap." Wade lifted his bowl and winked dramatically.
Cayden spooned some salad into his bowl. "Say when, tulip."
"When, marigold."
"I'm gonna throw up." Jodie announced.
Cayden gave her the evil eye. "Shut up, I'm sure this was your idea, now you have to deal with it." she turned to her date, "Right, sweet potato?"
"Yes, Brussels sprout." Wade pointed to his glass with another big wink.
"Oh, sorry, would you like something to drink, peach cobbler?"
"That would be splendid, apple crisp."
"Good lord, just eat already!"
They both turned to Jodie and she put her hands up in surrender.
Cayden began to eat, when she was struck with an attack of the willies. "I can’t do this."
"What happened?" Wade asked with concern.
"God, are you a butt ugly woman." She replied seriously.
Jodie laughed loudly and soon Cayden was laughing too.
Wade primped his hair and straightened his dress. "Well, I didn't have time to wax."
Jodie snorted a few times before getting it together. "Wade, it's not the stubble, you're just butt ugly."
"Where the hell did you get that outfit? That hair?" Cayden wondered.
"I stole it off of a mannequin at the shop." he said with a giggle.
"Put it back, you're much better looking as a guy."
"Well, that's funny, cuz," Wade jumped up onto the chair and began dancing, "Man, I feel like a woman!"
Jodie began to sing the music part. "Da da da da da da!"
"The best part about being a woman..." Wade shook his hips back and forth.
"Is the prerogative to have a little fun," Jodie jumped up on a chair and began swinging the dish towel in a circle.
"FUN!"
"FUN!"
"FUN"
They each shouted the word alternately and did the bump as they sang.
"OH OH OH..."
"I'm getting the hell outta here!" Cayden said as she grabbed her bowl and tried to leaved. Wade and Jodie jumped off their chairs and each grabbed an arm, shimmying up and down the tall woman.
"Totally crazy... men's shirts, short skirts.. oh oh oh..."
Cayden broke free and disappeared into her bedroom, wide eyed. "Come on, La La, they're nuts."
* * *
Brooke ran to the phone. "I'll get it!" she shouted, grabbing the cordless away from her mother. "Hello!" She said breathlessly.
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"Did I catch you in the middle of something?" Cayden wondered.
"Oh, hi! No. I just saved you from Harriet hell." Brooke said with a giggle, closing the door to her room.
"Thanks, I'm glad you answered." Cayden nodded, and popped some cantaloupe in her mouth.
Brooke heard Cayden chewing, "What are you eating?"
"Dinner, fruit salad. It's pretty good."
"You didn't have to call if you weren't finished with dinner yet."
"Oh, no, La La and I had to escape the kitchen, Wade and Jodie have flipped out or something and are singing Shania Twain songs. Besides, I wanted to call you." She admitted.
"I wanted to call you a few times today myself, but I didn't want to seem pushy." Brooke also admitted, lying back on her bed and getting comfy.
"Pushy? You? Nah." Cayden replied sarcastically, but with a grin. "I almost called you today too, but I dropped the shrimp so I didn't call."
"What?" Brooke asked in confusion. "What shrimp?"
Cayden blushed on her end of the phone. "Oh yeah you'd have no clue would you. I almost got some chopsticks to work today and while I was lifting the shrimp to my mouth, the first thought I had was calling you to brag. But I dropped it."
"Oh, Cayden, that is so sweet." Brooke smiled warmly. "You just scored, big time."
Cayden sat up straight. "I did?"
"Yes, you did. See? And you didn't even know it, it's not so hard is it?"
"Well, no, I suppose not." She smiled proudly. I scored, and I didn't even do anything.
"So how'd the rest of the day go? Anything interesting happen?"
"Besides wearing my lunch, nothing much happened. Your visit this morning, was the most exciting part of the day. Everything was boring after that." Cayden said matter-of-factly, popping a grape into her mouth.
"Wow. You just scored again!" Brooke beamed happily.
"Huh? Yeah? I mean, yeah." She said confidently, puffing out her chest.