“I know.” Nick’s eyes squeezed shut as he winced. “Couldn’t agree more.”
* * *
Amanda cradled the wineglass as she leaned over the railing. Her room at the spa was small and adorable, and had a little terrace that overlooked the beach and ocean. The view was breathtaking, and the sounds of the crashing waves soothed her. She could have stayed there all evening, until the sun disappeared and the stars came out.
She missed Nick. She hated herself for it, because it was her own fault.
He’d tried to call, text, everything. She’d ignored him. She should have talked to him like a rational adult, but she’d shut him out. Because nothing about her feelings for him felt rational. She hadn’t even known him for two months; she had no business thinking she was in love with him. Much less so in love with him that she’d even considered his ridiculous idea of moving to Florida.
She’d love to write off his crazy presentation as his submitting to a wildly romantic impulse, but the whole thing had just left her unnerved. So, radio silence.
She’d had enough time to realize the truth and admit it to herself: he’d been right. She was scared. She’d pushed him away because she wanted it too much. And wanting anything too much scared the hell out of her, because sometimes she lost herself. It’d happened with Cooper, it’d happened with nursing school, it’d even happened with caring for Myles. She went all in and lost herself in the process. Loving Nick felt like that. She didn’t want to go into a free fall when she wasn’t sure if he’d be there to catch her even if he wanted to be. So she’d ended it, just like that.
Not fair to him. Not even fair to herself. She hadn’t given it a real chance.
A seagull screeched overhead as it soared through the sky, hanging in the air for a long moment before diving toward the water. She watched it fly until she couldn’t see it anymore. Sipped her wine. Inhaled the sea air. Chastised herself for being a lovesick fool.
Over dinner, Roni shot Amanda a sharp look and said, “Stop wallowing.”
“I know,” Amanda said. “I hate myself for it. After all, I’m the one who ended it. I have no right to wallow.”
“Then knock it off,” Roni said, but gave her hand a quick squeeze.
“I haven’t seen you this sad over a guy since Cooper,” Steph said gently.
Amanda opened her mouth to say something . . . but found herself at a loss for words. She looked at her friends, closed her mouth, and nodded.
“Then just call Nick,” Roni said. “You love him, he loves you. Work it out.”
“He flies back to Miami today,” Amanda said. “He’s probably on the plane right now, actually.”
“So what?” Roni nudged her under the table with a little kick. “Text him.”
“What’s the last thing you heard from him?” Steph asked.
“Voice mail this morning.” Amanda’s stomach did a little wobbly flip as she thought of the voice mail. She’d listened to it three times; she’d all but memorized it.
“I’m leaving today, Amanda. I’ve tried calling, texting. . . . You’re not having it. I get it. So after today, I won’t try anymore. I don’t give up, usually. I fight. But I’ll respect your wishes and stay away. I just had to try one last time. I just had to tell you that I love you. And I think we could’ve been something amazing together. I hate that we’ll never find out.” A long pause before he’d cleared his throat and added in a thick voice, “Voy a pensar en que siempre. Te amo, mi reina.”
“He said he won’t try to contact me anymore,” Amanda said quietly. She picked up her fork and aimlessly pushed around the salad on her plate. “That since I’ve made it clear I don’t want him, he’ll leave me alone. And he . . . ended it with horribly sweet things. In Spanish.”
“Oh, swoooon,” Steph said.
Roni blinked at her. “You got that big hunk of alpha male falling over himself like that over you,” she said sharply, “and you’re here with us? Girl. Girl.”
“He wanted me to just drop my life and fly off with him!” Amanda reminded her friends.
“That romantic bastard,” Roni said in fake outrage, putting her hand to her head.
Amanda gaped at her. “You both agreed that was a selfish, dick move.”
“Yes, it was,” Roni said. “But he’s tried to reach you every damn day since. Right?”
“Yeah,” Amanda mumbled.
“Maaaybe he thought about it and realized that. And wanted to work something out anyway.” Roni slanted her a look and reached for her wineglass. She drained it before pronouncing, “We’re gonna need more of this.”
“We’ve gone over this,” Steph said. “Dumb move, yes. But don’t all people in love do dumb things? Make mistakes? The point is he kept trying to reach you. You . . . you could’ve just heard him out. You were afraid to. You don’t like not having control over your life. Falling in love is about as out of control as it gets. No wonder you’re fighting it. You always did. You forget, we’ve known you forever.”
Roni clinked her empty glass to Steph’s. “Amen.”
With a sinking feeling, Amanda drained her wineglass too. They were both right and she knew it. She’d been fighting her feelings for Nick from the beginning, telling herself it’d just be a fun fling—who the hell had she been kidding? No, he wasn’t perfect. But he was wonderful, and she’d pushed him away.
“Voy a pensar en que siempre.” She’d Googled it to understand what he’d said. I’ll think of you always.
Her heart dropped to her stomach as she sighed.
“I looked up some things online,” she said quietly, staring into her empty glass. “I probably could get work down there pretty easily. He was right about that much.”
“Is that so?” Roni said.
“Yes.” Amanda turned her empty glass in circles as her heart thumped away.
“You’re so in love with him,” Steph said.
“Yeah,” Amanda whispered. “And I’m terrified. So I blew it.” Tears sprang to her eyes and she sniffed them back.
Roni caught the eye of a waiter, charming him with a smile to bring him over. She asked for another bottle of the Riesling, then turned back to Amanda with an intent stare. “Okay. Listen up. I’m going to make a proposal to you.”
“You’re not my type,” Amanda joked. Steph snorted out a laugh, and Roni rolled her eyes.
“Go visit him there,” Roni said. “Stay with him for a week or two. Check out job opportunities, the local hospitals, all of that. Wake up with him with morning breath, see how he reacts when you ask him to help with the dishes or take out the garbage. Be with him enough to get real. See what it’s like. See if you two work outside of this high-emotion chaos you’ve been in since you met, see that you can do normal life.”
“So far,” Steph said, leaning in on her elbows, “I really like this proposal.”
“Give serious thought to moving there,” Roni said pointedly. “Because all three of us know if you really wanted to, very little is holding you back here. And honey, he knew that too.”
Irritation pricked Amanda as she said, “How about my job?”
“Do it after Myles recovers, of course,” Roni said.
“Maybe have a long-distance relationship at first,” Steph said. “To see if you two can even do that before taking it further.”
“Right,” Roni agreed. “Finish the job with Myles, then do this. Because I’m sorry, but you’re not the only nurse on Long Island.”
“You’re the one who just said you could probably find work easily there,” Steph pointed out. “Sorry, your bullshit excuse is officially declared bullshit.”
“What about my family and my friends?” Amanda asked.
“You can barely stand your family for more than an hour at a time,” Roni reminded her. “And your friends will always be your friends. You’re stuck with us, sister. Here’s proof . . .” She pinned Amanda with such a commanding look, Amanda felt a whoosh of uneasiness, knew something big was coming.
“If
you decide to move down there,” Roni said, “and give it a shot with him, do it one hundred percent. And if you give it your all, and if it doesn’t work out?” Roni reached out and took her hand. “It’s not the end of the world. You move back to New York. You get a job at the hospital, and you can stay with me until you find a new place to live. I won’t let you feel stuck down there. You hearing me?”
The lump that formed in Amanda’s throat felt more like a boulder.
“I love this proposal,” Steph said, smiling wide as she took Amanda’s other hand. “I’ll up the ante: I’ll personally help you move back to New York if you need to. I’ll fly down to Florida and help you pack up all your things so you won’t feel overwhelmed or alone. Husband and kids will live without me for as long as that takes. I’m in too.”
Again, Amanda’s eyes filled with tears. She swallowed hard and whispered, “You’re both incredible. I . . . my God. Wow.”
“Think it over,” Steph said.
“You have nothing to lose,” Roni said, “but so much to gain.”
“We love you,” Steph said. “We want you to be happy.”
“We will always, always have your back,” Roni swore.
The tears finally spilled over. Amanda swiped them off her cheeks impatiently. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “It’s too late—he left.”
“He would take you back in a heartbeat,” Roni said.
“I don’t know about that anymore,” Amanda said. “I think his pride kicked in. He sounded done.”
“He tried to seduce you with Spanish,” Roni said. “Hello. He’s not done.”
Amanda snorted out a tiny laugh at that.
“Think it all over,” Steph suggested. “We’re here for another day and a half. Plenty of time for you to just think about everything.”
“That’s already all I’ve been doing,” Amanda mumbled.
“Well, now you have even more to think about,” Steph said as the waiter approached the table.
“And more wine,” Roni said, smiling brightly. “Which is always a good thing.”
Amanda looked at her friends, squeezed their hands before releasing them, and whispered, “Thank you. I love you both so much.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Nick pulled himself out of his car, tired and weary after a long day at work. In contrast to the air-conditioning in his car, the humidity in the parking garage swamped him, making him break into a sweat in about ten seconds. He unknotted his tie as he walked and popped open the top button of his shirt. It was Friday, and his buddies wanted to take him out to welcome him home, but he’d turned them down and asked for a rain check. All he wanted was to get up to his apartment, take a shower, grab a cold beer, and sit on his terrace to watch the evening sky darken into night.
He’d been back for a week now. His hip twinged once in a while, but he was fine. He’d gone back to work immediately and thrown himself into his caseload. He sometimes got tired, but he pushed through it. No way would he show that at work.
His mom had come by on Monday night to make him dinner and hover over him. The home-cooked meal had been nice, but spending some one-on-one time with his mom was even nicer. They talked about the surgery, the Harrisons, and what he wanted for his future where they were concerned. Turned out, he did want them in his life.
He even told her about Amanda. She’d been surprised, but offered support and not too much advice, which he appreciated.
“Give her some time, mijo,” his mom had instructed. “Let her miss you. Let her think about you. And in a few weeks, try again.”
He’d taken a sip of his soda as he mulled that over. “You’d like her, Ma. She’s down to earth, not a phony or pretentious bone in her body. She’s amazing.”
His mom had only nodded. “So, in time, you’ll go after her again. If you want to.”
“I’ll want to,” he’d mumbled. “I miss her like crazy, Ma. I’m . . . Christ, I’m helplessly in love with her. I never felt like this before. I think she’s the one for me.”
“Wow. Okay. Well . . . if it’s meant to be, it’ll be,” she’d said, and spooned another serving of rice onto his plate. “But I have to say, if she lets a man like you go, amazing or not, it’s her loss.”
“You’re totally biased,” he’d said with a grin.
“Of course I am!” She had smiled back. “But it’s still true.”
He worked long hours. He went back to the gym, taking it slow but getting in his workouts. At night, he fell into bed, utterly exhausted. But Amanda was never far from his thoughts. She showed up in his dreams. Awake or asleep, no matter what he was doing, she was there, in his head and in his heart. She owned him.
He hadn’t heard from her at all. The pain of it was like nothing he’d ever felt before, only showing him that yes, he was truly in love with her. He’d never felt like this about another woman. And the fucking misery of it, the ache of knowing how deeply he felt about someone who had cut him off, was a palpable thing that never let go. He didn’t know how to let go of her, because he didn’t want to.
He’d try again soon. But for now, he’d live with the heartache and push through. Other than the pictures and texts on his phone, the heartache was all he had left of her.
As he emerged from the garage, the late-evening sun slanted at an angle that blinded him, even with his sunglasses on. The leaves of the palm trees overhead barely swayed; there was no breeze. It was just hot and humid, typical mid-June weather. Nick thought about jumping in the pool for a quick swim before a beer. He wasn’t hungry; he’d had a late lunch at the station. Maybe a swim would be good, he thought as he approached the front door of his modest building. Swim, beer, scroll through his pictures of Amanda and miss her some more like the pathetic idiot he was, Netflix, bed.
Yup, those were his plans for the night, done, he decided as he pulled open the door to the small foyer.
He stopped cold. Amanda stood there, between the metal front door and the glass door that allowed people access to the building’s lobby.
He blinked, his brain taking a few seconds to process that. She straightened up, her eyes widening a drop. She bit down on her bottom lip for a second before clearing her throat. The corners of her mouth ticked up shyly. “Hi.”
His heart rate started climbing. “Hi.”
“I wanted to wait for you somewhere I knew I’d definitely catch you,” she said. “But I didn’t want to bother you at work, so I decided to wait here.”
He gave her a quick once-over. Her silky blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She wore a simple light blue tank dress and green flip-flops. Her pale skin was dewy with sweat; the air-conditioning in the small foyer was on, but weak. A burgundy suitcase stood perched beside her feet, her flowered tote bag resting on top of it. She licked her lips and stared back at him.
She was the most welcome, beautiful sight he’d ever seen in his life.
“How’d you know where I lived?” he asked.
“I asked Charles for your address,” she said. “I told him I wanted to send you a ‘hope you’re feeling well’ card. Blatant lie, but you know . . . desperate times call for desperate measures and all that. I’m not sorry.”
“I’m not either.” Warmth bloomed in Nick’s chest, along with a surge of hope. She was there. “How long have you been here?”
She grabbed her cell phone from where it poked out of the pocket of her tote and glanced at it. “About an hour. I thought you said you usually work until six o’clock, so . . .”
He winced. It was just past seven now. “I worked late every night this week. Sorry to make you wait.”
“Don’t be! You didn’t make me wait—you had no idea I was here.”
He couldn’t stop staring at her. She’d come all this way, for him.
She fidgeted with her silver bracelet. “I hate seeming like a stalker, but I didn’t want to miss you. I know this must seem a little creepy, but I . . .” A shadow of ambivalence crossed her features.
“No, it�
�s okay,” he said quickly. “You’re the one stalker I’m happy to see.”
She blinked, and a hint of a hopeful grin lifted her lips. “I didn’t know if you’d even want to see me. I didn’t know if I blew it for good, if you’d even take my call if I called.” She reached up to adjust her ponytail and brush it off her shoulder, an endearingly nervous gesture. “This week, I picked up the phone so many times, but I didn’t know what to say. How to break through the wall I put up between us. I did that, so it was on me to reach out. You stopped trying, so I thought you were done, and so I . . . did something a little crazy. I just took a chance.” Her eyes widened a little. “I had to try, Nick. I just hope it’s not too late?”
He gripped her face with both hands, pulled her against him, and took her mouth with a heated, consuming kiss. She whimpered into his mouth and opened for him, kissing him back with equal passion, matching his fervor as her arms snaked around his waist to hold him tight.
He kissed her long and hard, the feel of her mouth and arms and body making his blood race. He kissed her without holding back as adrenaline and pure joy shot through him. He’d never felt such elation in his life.
When he broke the kiss to gaze down at her, they were both breathless. He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled. “Ahhh. Yes.”
“I guess that means it’s okay I just showed up at your door.”
“It’s more than okay,” he said. “Christ, I missed you, baby. I’ve been a wreck.”
“You still want me,” she said, but it was more like a question, seeking assurance.
“Hell yes,” he said, still cradling her head with his hands. “More than anything.” He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs and kissed her again. She tasted minty and sweet and like heaven on earth. “And I guess you want me too, since you’re here.”
“Of course I do,” she said. “I missed you too. Every minute, really.”
He kissed her again, needing to taste her sweet mouth, feel her breathe into him.
It Might Be You Page 30