2.12.1.1 Experiment # 2—Discovering Confusion & Clarity
What causes you confusion? Consider something that you find confusing… As you recall that experience, notice how you represent it—pictures, sounds, sensations, words, etc. And just let that confusion come, and experience it fully… for a little bit.
You probably have a picture of it. So notice that picture and check for its submodality distinctions:
Color: in color or black-and-white?
Dimensions: 3D or flat?
Inside/Spectating: associated or dissociated?
Edges: panoramic or framed?
Motion: a movie or a still picture?
Distance: how far away?
Brightness: bright or dark?
Focus: focused or out of focus?
Location: where located?
You can also allow yourself to take time to identify the qualities of the auditory and kinesthetic systems. After you do, take a break … Think of hot fresh bread baking in the oven. Good.
Now, think about something you truly know. What do you know without question? What do you feel certain about? Allow yourself to think of something about which you feel certain. Do you feel certain that the sun will rise tomorrow? Do you feel certain the politicians will play partisan politics in Washington? Do you think you will eat tomorrow?
As you think of anything that you feel certain about, run the same kind of analysis with the pictures, sounds and sensations you have of that certainty. Fully elicit the submodalities of this picture of certainty as you did with confusion. As you do, you will discover some differences. List those differences.
Ooopps. We did it to you again! We quoted verbatim the traditional NLP approach using the “Confusion to Understanding Pattern.” But if you picked up on the new distinctions about multiple levels of awareness and that submodalities work at a meta-level, then you might have had an uneasy sense about this pattern. In exploring this, we have found that nobody that we know uses this process for moving from confusion to understanding.
Why not? Because understanding (like belief) operates at a meta-level. To understand we have to have a pattern, structure, or model that orders and organizes things. Merely making pictures brighter, sounds closer, kinesthetic sensations more compelling will not create “understanding.”
Now that you know the meta-level governs and creates the difference that makes a difference, you have some really powerful transformational energy at your fingertips—or “mind”-tips! When you go meta and bring a new quality to bear on the representation—a quality that makes a difference— then you can change that experience.
In a belief, we bring the quality of confirmation to bear on the thought. In dis-belief, we bring the property of dis-confirmation to bear on the thought. In understanding, we bring the quality of order to bear on the confusing thoughts. The submodality quality may make the difference—but it does so from a meta-level. After all, as Bateson so repeatedly argued, the higher meta-levels always modulate the lower levels.
So take the image of confusion and put it in the same submodalities that you use to code certainty all you want, and you won’t turn it into “understanding.” If your picture of confusion occurred in black-and-white and of certainty in color, then make your picture of confusion colorful. Now you have colorful confusion, do you not? Merely changing the submodalities of confusion into the submodalities of certainty will not change how you feel about that particular state of confusion. Nor will your state of confusion give you a feeling of more certainty. After all, close and colorful have not given you any way to order the confusion.
But move above the confusing images, sounds, and sensations and bring an organizing structure to bear upon it. You could use a metaphor or story, a diagram, or piece of explanation, but whatever you use that organizes the pieces and gives it structure, that allows you to now “understand” the relationships between the parts — suddenly and completely brings order out of chaos. In this move, we did not change anything except the relational structure of the internal representations.
When you change a submodality and it changes other submodalities you have discovered a driver submodality.
In changing one’s internal representations through changing the quality of the modalities, you will discover that some submodalities play a more critical role than others to make such changes. We refer to such submodality distinctions as driver submodalities. And these “drive” because they create a new frame of reference for the thought.
For instance, in turning the sights, sounds, and sensations of confusion into the coding of certainty, if changing the location of the representations simultaneously changed other submodalities and brought order or structure, then this property set a new frame.
Changing the submodalities of one image into the submodalities of another image we call submodality mapping across. In mapping across, usually two or three submodalities will typically change other submodalities. When this happens, you have a critical submodality or driver submodality. A submodality that drives other distinctions and brings about significant changes when mapped across into another image provides a key change mechanism in human personality. In changing one experience using submodality mapping across, using the driver submodalities describes a crucial piece of understanding in helping people.
Even though we cannot change historical facts, as making those external events to have never happened, we can change our current internal representations of those events. And, as we change the internal representations, we signal different cues to our brain and body about how to feel about it. By changing how we feel, we change our response. This describes the heart of how NLP and its patterns for renewing the mind work. Rep systems, eye accessing cues, submodalities, meta-states, etc, describe some of the key elements in how we structure our subjective experiences. Later in this work you will discover several models for working directly on submodality shifts.
Another building block of subjective experience lies in how we sequence these elements. We refer to the sequencing of our rep systems in the production of thought and behavior as strategies.
2.13 Conclusion
With this model of human subjectivity and how we “work” through our nervous system (neurology) to generate our unique model of the world that then initiates us into a particular neuro-linguistic state of consciousness, we have a model for understanding and working with the particularities of human subjectivity. Most of all, it gives us specific things that we can do to connect with people, create a relationship of rapport, and understand their reality from their point of view.
2.14 Thought Questions To Assist Your Learning:
Using what you now know about rep systems and eye accessing cues, identify the favorite rep systems of five close associates or family members.
What did you learn in this first session about how you process information?
How will you use this to improve your own learning strategies?
Find some old letters, journals or reports that you have written and underline or highlight all of these process/predicate words.
With the eye accessing chart before you and some blank paper, watch talk TV interview shows to track both the eye movements and people’s use of language. What did you notice about the “lead” rep system in contrast to the system used to represent information?
Explain in your own words how higher logical linguistic levels modulate lower submodality levels.
2.14.0.2 Notes – Chapter 1
1 Tad James, The Basic NLP Training Collection (Honolulu: Advanced Neuro Dynamics, 1990), pp. 16-17.
2 Genie Z. Laborde, Influencing With Integrity (Palo Alto: Syntony Publishing, 1987), pp. 71-72.
3 Tad James, The Basic NLP Training Collection (Honolulu: Advance Neuro Dynamics, 1990), p. 19. (Used with permission)
4 Michael Hall, Ph.D. Meta-states Journal. Meta-States Patterns in Business, Vol. III, Number 6. (Grand Junction, CO: E. T. Publications, 1999), p. 2.
3
The Basic
s
Connecting With People: Building And Maintaining Rapport
3.1 What you can expect to learn in this chapter:
Sensory Acuity—What “Up time” means
How to use the representational system to gain immediate rapport
How to “pace” (match) people for rapport
How to use predicates in pacing
How to pace non-verbal aspects of experience
Sensory acuity refers to the ability to notice, to monitor, and to make sense of the external cues from other people.
3.2 Sensory Acuity
In NLP we use the concept of sensory acuity in training our ability to see and listen more effectively and consciously when comprehending non-verbal communications. Sensory acuity refers to the ability to notice, to monitor, and to make sense of the external cues from other people. The other person constantly and inevitably sends out unconscious external signals of some of their internal processing and state. As we develop our own sensory acuity skills, this allows us to “read” those cues. If so much of the communication messages come to us non-verbally, then developing our sensory acuity skills becomes essential to becoming truly an accomplished communicator. Developing our sensory acuity skills enables us to recognize the quality of another’s signals in terms of their congruency and incongruency.
By developing and using our sensory acuity we make available to ourselves a great deal of the non-verbal aspects of communication. These non-verbal areas of communication comprise the fuller picture of communication. Knowing and using these levels enables us to build and maintain rapport at these levels—levels that usually operate unconsciously for the sender. Furthermore, sensory acuity of these non-verbals provides us with a set of indicators with which we can gauge the level, depth, and quality of rapport.
3.2.0.3 For Daily Practice
Developing sensory acuity skills requires time and practice. As you allow yourself to believe that you will develop these skills as you continue to practice them on a daily basis, you will find yourself surprised at times at seeing, hearing, and sensing parts/details of the communication process that previously went unnoticed. To do this, “chunk down” the pieces into small enough chunks to work with without feeling overwhelmed. Shortly, we will introduce you to some new things to watch for in people. We will offer them to you in chunked-down, bite-sized bits. Then, on a daily basis, begin to observe these in those people with whom you come into contact. Once you master one area, go on to the next one. Genie Laborde (1984) wrote:
“You can train your sensory acuity in fifteen minutes a day for a week or two by allowing yourself to look closely and listen carefully.”
She pointed out that our culture (generally) does not give us permission to stare. How do we become proficient at rapport building, looking intensely at people, but without staring? We can do this non-intrusively at home, work, restaurants, TV talk shows, etc., without offending or drawing people’s attention to our interest! As you become a better observer of people, you will develop your sensory acuity so that you can learn how people respond to various communications. Once you have learned their response to certain stimuli, you can then adapt your communications to them to get the response you want. After all,
“The response you get specifies the meaning of your communication to the other person in spite of your intent.”
Below we have listed five crucial areas wherein you can begin your daily practice.
Things to look for:
Breathing
Color changes
Minute muscle changes
Lower lip changes
Voice sounds/tones
1. Breathing. A person’s breathing patterns tells a great deal about them. A change in breathing usually indicates a change in internal state. As you begin to observe the variety in people’s breathing, notice where they breathe. Do they breathe in their chest or from their stomach? You can also detect differences in the tempo of breathing. Notice the pattern of breathing while in conversation. If, while conversing, the other person’s breathing changes, seek to identify what thought-feeling shifted within them. You can count on breathing shifts to almost always function as a signal of an internal state shift. As you learn to calibrate to these shifts, you will have an answer to your questions before they verbally give them to you. Calibrating a person means that you can recognize certain states in an individual by their non-verbal signals.
Sometimes it becomes difficult to see their breathing because of heavy clothing or shallow breathing. Also, starring at the chest of some people may get you in trouble(!). So watch the tops of their shoulders. Usually, you can pick up their breathing patterns by watching their shoulders move. This also works well for it allows you to observe their face as well. To further strengthen your observational skills of breathing, turn the sound down on your TV set and observe the breathing of the actors. As you develop this skill, begin to watch the pulse rate of people. You do this by observing their heart beat on the carotid artery in the neck or observing the pulse rate on the temple.
2. Color Changes. At first this may seem impossible. However, if you begin to recognize the extent to which you already have expertise in this, then you can become aware of how your unconscious mind already picks up on these color changes. You can then bring this skill into conscious awareness as you practice awareness of a few things. First, think in terms of contrast. This will help you notice color changes. Notice that a person’s face does not have just one color. Faces have areas of pink, cream, brown, grey, green, blue, lavender and yellow. These colors constantly change as a person talks. Facial colors also tend to reflect the internal state of the person. For instance, detect the differences between the color under the eye with the color of the upper cheek. Secondly, notice how these colors change as the person changes subjects. Often I will change the subject matter in order to have the person reflect an opposite emotion. This will allow me to calibrate the person’s response to different feeling states.
3. Minute Muscle Changes. As the color of the face changes to reflect internal states, so do the muscles of the face change. The facial muscles change as to tension and relaxation to reflect internal states. Watch specifically the small muscles around the mouth, at the jaw line and at the outer corners of the eyes. Often when people feel tense, the forehead will tense and the muscles around the eyes will crease. The phrase “tension headache” speaks literally about the process. Anticipate these changes to function in an idiosyncratic way. Each person will respond in his own way to his own internal state. By listening to what the person says and observing his unconscious body signals, you can calibrate what each muscle tone means in that person’s system. As your skills develop, you will become proficient at observing muscular tension and relaxation in other parts of the body.
4. Lower Lip Changes. We doubt that anyone consciously controls the shape of their lower lip. Indeed, we would probably find it impossible to control the lower lip consciously anyway! Given this, our communication partner will give us some direct unconscious signals if we observe their lower lip. As you begin to observe someone’s lower lip, take care that you don’t get into trouble! Just notice the changes in size, color, shape, edges, texture, movement, stretching and tumescence (swelling or filling). Do not attempt to interpret. Only as you have begun to notice distinct changes, then begin to calibrate as to the internal state the changes indicate. Calibration becomes possible as we make mental photographs of what each state indicates for a given person. Then we take that picture and compare it with what we see in the other person and whether or not we see the same or different state we are calibrating to.
5. Voice Sounds/Tones. Obviously, voice tone plays a significant role in communication. Learning to hear the sound quality of a person’s voice represents a skill essential in becoming an excellent communicator. Again,changes in a person’s voice signify internal state changes. Begin by listening for changes in volume, pitch, rhythm, tempo, clarity, and resonance. A good way to do this, again, involves l
istening to the radio or TV. In this way you do not have to worry about the content. Begin to detect the shifts in tonality, pitch, etc. Each of these changes reflects a different internal state on the part of the individual. Once you develop adeptness at this, you will notice just how much more attuned you have become to truly listening, understanding, and entering into another’s world.
As your acuity develops, start connecting voice shifts with breathing patterns, muscle movements, lower lip configuration and color changes. Remember, to chunk this down into learnable bites. As your skills develop in one area, move on to the next. With time it will unconsciously come together. The secret to this involves: practice, practice, practice.
3.3 Directions for Group Work
You will need three people (triads) to do most of the exercises. Each person in the group will choose a letter: “A,” “B,” or “C.”
“A” -begins as the operator (therapist, teacher, salesperson, etc).
The User's Manual for the Brain Volume I Page 7