I made a humming noise in the back of my throat. Not an agreement or a disagreement. I didn’t want to be just a safe place to land for these kids. I wanted to stand between them and anything that might cause them harm.
Griffin didn’t try to further make his point. He simply held me and let his presence be a balm. My eyes had just started to close when he shifted, pulling out his phone. “Hey, Parker. Come on up.” There was a brief pause. “Okay. We’ll meet you out front.”
“He’s here?” I asked.
“Yeah. He wants to talk to us alone.”
My stomach gave a violent twist. Alone meant something bad. Something he didn’t want to say in front of the kids. “Okay.” I hated the smallness of my voice, but I couldn’t seem to infuse any more strength into it.
Griffin pulled me to my feet. “No matter what, we’ll figure it out.”
I searched his face, looking for that silent promise that I would come first to him. That I wouldn’t be so easily cast aside as I had been by my parents, by boys and men I’d dated in the past. It was unfair to even quietly look for that vow. We barely knew each other; had only kissed. Yet somehow, it felt as if I’d known Griffin for a lifetime. That he could see inside every nook and cranny of my soul. And with that knowledge and vision came the potential for devastating hurt if he decided that I wasn’t good enough.
I tried to force the thoughts from my head, to settle in the knowledge that I wasn’t alone for now. It would have to be good enough. I laced my fingers through Griffin’s. “Let’s go.”
We rounded the house, making our escape without the soccer players noticing. We reached the front of the farmhouse just as Parker’s SUV rounded the drive. I gripped Griffin’s hand tighter as Parker came to a stop and climbed out. He wore an expertly fashioned mask. I couldn’t read a single expression on his face. And that scared me even more.
He strode towards us, stopping just a couple of steps away. “Caelyn, I’ve got some news.”
My eyes burned in my effort to keep them open, to not look away from whatever was coming my way. “Say it quick.”
Parker nodded. “Two deputies went to pay your mom a visit. There was no answer at first. But when they knocked harder, the door opened. I’m sorry. She’s dead.”
I stayed ramrod straight, willing all the steel I could muster into my spine. “Overdose?” I’d waited for that call ever since my mother’s arrest. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew there were ways to get drugs in prison. But to have it come now? I sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, God. This is all my fault.” My knees began to shake.
Griffin gripped my shoulders and turned me to face him. “What are you talking about?”
“I—I was awful to her this morning. I told her I didn’t want to see her unless she turned Dad in. Oh, God. She must’ve gone to score after that.”
“Caelyn,” Parker began. “It wasn’t an O.D.”
“Then what—?” I stopped mid-sentence at the look on Parker’s face, the brief moment when his mask slipped.
“She was murdered.”
I tried to take a breath, but I couldn’t seem to grab hold of the air. It just flew right through my body without actually bringing any oxygen to my lungs. My muscles cramped, and I heard Griffin mutter a curse though it sounded far away. Suddenly, I was lying down, the grass cool against my back with Griffin hovering over me. Worry, no…panic, etched his features. “Caelyn, I need you to breathe. Slow and steady.”
He raised and lowered a hand, guiding me through the breaths. Before long, my muscles seemed to release, and the world didn’t seem quite so fuzzy anymore. “I’m okay,” I croaked.
Griffin scowled. “You’re not okay.” He slowly helped me into a sitting position. “Do you want to go to the hospital? Go see Dr. Kipton?”
“No. No doctors. I’m fine. I just…” I didn’t know how to answer that. I’d just lost it.
Griffin cupped my cheeks, his large hands engulfing my face. “You’re allowed to feel whatever you need to. Just know I’ve got you.”
The burning in my eyes was back, but for a whole new reason. “I know.”
Parker cleared his throat. “Should I call the EMTs?”
“No.” I pushed to my feet, Griffin close by my side. “I’m fine. Really. I just…I need to know what happened.”
Parker looked understandably skeptical about sharing any details with a woman who’d almost hyperventilated herself into fainting. Griffin motioned him towards some benches that were at the front of the house. “Let’s sit. Then you can tell us everything.”
I squeezed Griffin’s hand. A silent thank you for having my back, for not allowing Parker to hide things from me out of some misguided protective instinct. We eased down onto the benches, Griffin plastered to my side and Parker on his own bench. He surveyed my face for a moment before proceeding as if checking to see if I could handle it. “She was stabbed.”
I swallowed against the bile creeping up my throat. A part of me hated my mother. Some days, that piece was larger than the others. But I loved her, too. And just like the hate, that bit fluctuated. But even on the days when I hated her the most, when Ava had a nightmare about the past, or Will took too much on his shoulders, or Mia asked why her parents didn’t love her… Even on those days, I wouldn’t have wished her dead. I simply wished for justice to be served. This wasn’t justice.
Parker continued. “So far, no witnesses. And you know that neighborhood. It’s not like there were security cameras.” He turned a piece of gravel over with the toe of his boot. “There was a message.”
“Where?” I asked.
“On the wall. It said: Traitor.”
I inhaled through my nose, trying desperately to keep from losing my lunch all over the drive. “My dad?” How had it come to this? Had she told him he needed to turn himself in, and he’d turned on her? As despicable as he was, I just couldn’t see him doing that. But then again, I hadn’t really known my parents at all.
Parker looked out at the land around us as if searching for the right answer. “Signs point that way. But it could be someone else mixed up in that crowd. A player we’re not thinking about.”
My breaths started coming quicker. “If that’s true, the list of possibilities is endless. How do I keep the kids safe when it could be anyone? Did you know that my dad got Patti’s husband hooked on that stuff? God knows how many people on this island hate us because of what my parents did.”
Parker’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know. But that’s no reason to hate you.”
Griffin rubbed a hand up and down my arm. “He’s right. It’s not.”
“People aren’t always logical. It doesn’t take much to breed hate or fear in someone.” I’d seen it time and again, and I knew Griffin had, too. I met his gaze, silently urging him to understand.
He brushed his mouth against mine. “We’re going to keep you safe.”
I gave my head a little shake. “We can’t be everywhere all the time. I’ll be at work; the kids will be at two different schools. Not to mention Mia’s gymnastics and Will’s football. How is it possible to keep eyes on them at all times?”
Griffin squeezed the back of my neck in a rhythm I knew was meant to calm. “We’re going to divide and conquer. Ford and Crosby already offered to help, and you know Hunter will, too. Between us, them, and Bell and Kenna, the kids won’t be alone outside of school. Not for a single second.”
“I’m stationing an officer outside of the elementary school for the next few weeks at least,” Parker added. “The high school already has a security guard. And I’m giving him a radio that will keep him in contact with the department. We’ve got the tiny terrors covered.”
Many on the island had thought it was a bit ridiculous to have a security guard in a high school the size of Anchor’s. But now, I was counting my lucky stars that someone would be on watch for Will. “What about recess?”
“All of the staff and teachers have been made aware of the situation. They’ll keep a close eye.”
“What about the store?” Griffin asked. “It’s not like you can have someone stationed at the door asking for ID before they go inside.” His hand gripped mine a little harder. “Maybe you should think about taking some time off.”
My mouth fell open. “You know I can’t.” I already felt insanely guilty for allowing Griffin to pay me for meals when we were living here, but he’d insisted that he should actually be paying me more with all the work we were doing around the farmhouse. I wasn’t sure Mia’s glitter drawings could really be counted as work. But the truth was, we needed the money. I was still paying the astronomical rent on the old house, and Mia’s gymnastics wasn’t getting any cheaper. I’d started tucking a little bit of money away for that cooking class I was hoping to take, but if I stopped my job at the store, it would all fall apart.
“Please.” Griffin squeezed my hand. “Think about it. You can get rid of the rental house and just store your belongings in the workshop here until this mess is over. You pay too much for that place anyway.”
My head was swimming. It was all just a little too much. “That place is our home, Griffin.”
He looked as if I’d struck him. It wasn’t that we weren’t comfortable here. If anything, we were too at home. But that little yellow house was where my family had made our way in the world from the moment we stepped out on our own. Out of the shadows and into the light. I wasn’t ready to let it go. Especially when the farmhouse wasn’t our forever. At least, not anytime soon.
I rubbed soothing circles on the back of Griffin’s hand. “That house has been the kids’ home for the past six years. I don’t want to lose that just to try and save a little money.”
Griffin’s jaw worked back and forth. “I get it.”
It didn’t seem like he did. Somehow, I wasn’t getting my point across, and I’d hurt him in the process. And I had no idea how to make it better.
Parker cleared his throat. “I’ll have deputies doing regular drive-bys and stop-ins. I know your friends have been stopping by, too. Let’s keep that up. And I spoke with Mr. Walters. He’s going to make sure you’re never on shift alone.”
“That sounds like a good plan. I’m just sorry everyone has to go to all of this extra trouble.”
Griffin’s hand spasmed in mine, and he released me. The withdrawal of the touch, his silent support, was physically painful. Griffin stood. “I’m going to grab a beer and check on the kids. You guys need anything?”
I stayed still and silent, but Parker shook his head. “I’m good.”
I watched Griffin’s back as he stalked away, biting my bottom lip to keep from crying. “I messed up,” I whispered.
Parker patted my knee. “You didn’t. There’s no more powerless feeling than when someone you care about is in danger. Everything feels out of control. And some of us don’t handle it so well.”
I looked over at Parker. “I’m not sure that’s all it is. He was mad that I wouldn’t give up the house. Like it was an insult somehow.”
A smile stretched across Parker’s face. “He wants you with him. Safe. Where he can keep an eye on you.”
My stomach churned. Did Griffin want me? Or had he just become fixated on keeping me safe?
38
Caelyn
For what felt like the millionth time that day, I jumped as the screen door to the store slapped against its wooden frame. “I swear I’m going to break that door in half,” I muttered.
“What did it ever do to you?”
I let out a little squeak as I caught sight of Max making his way from the back room, arms full of produce to restock. My cheeks heated. “Sorry. I’m a little jumpy today and ready to take it out on that poor defenseless screen door.”
He chuckled but sobered as he took in my face. “Everything okay?”
There was something about Max’s focus. It was intense and seemed as if he could read any expression like he was fluent in body language. I broke the stare. “I’m fine. Just a long few weeks.”
“Well, I was going to hit up The Catch after closing with some friends. Why don’t you join us for a beer or two?”
I studied Max for a moment. I couldn’t tell if this was simply a friendly gesture or something else. I got asked out occasionally, but it had been a long time. Some small part of me wanted to say yes. Not because I had any interest in Max, but because I felt a burning urge to stick it to Griffin. Ever since the conversation with Parker, he’d receded into his old scowly, grumpy ways. Only now, it was worse. He’d barely said two words to me since yesterday afternoon. And when you lived in the same house and ate all of your meals with someone, that was a feat.
I blew out a breath. No matter how much of a jerky grumpypants Griffin was being, I couldn’t do it. Because even at his scowliest and most grunty, I still loved the bugger. Falling in love with a man who might never be able to give me what I needed could be the biggest mistake I’d ever made.
“Uh, Caelyn?” Max began. “Are you all right?”
I blinked a few times. “Sorry. Got lost in outer space for a second. It’s really nice of you to ask, but I have plans with Griffin and the kids tonight.”
He nodded, heading for the produce section. “Maybe another time. We meet up every week.”
“Sure. Maybe.”
Kenna appeared right at that moment, rounding the counter and pulling me into a hug. “Hey, Cae. Was the new guy asking you out?”
I pinched Kenna’s side. “Quit it.”
“Ow! What was that for? You’re lucky I’m not nauseous today. Something like that could get you barfed on.”
I scowled at her. “Max might’ve heard you. Don’t embarrass him.”
Kenna arched a brow. “Do you want him to ask you out?”
“No. But he’s nice, and he doesn’t deserve to be embarrassed.”
Kenna studied me carefully. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I had a brick thrown through my window, my sisters were almost abducted, and my mother was murdered. Just a few things.”
She winced. “Sorry. I know it’s a lot. I didn’t mean to come across like a heartless bitch.”
“No, I’m sorry.” I pulled Kenna in for a hug. “It’s just been a very long twenty-four hours.”
She rubbed a hand up and down my back as she hugged me. “You know you don’t have to be here today. Nobody expects you to go on like nothing happened.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere else.” My voice broke on the last word, tears fighting to get free.
“Hey, hey now.” Kenna pulled back but kept hold of my shoulders. “What’s this about? Your mom?”
I shook my head. The tears should’ve been over my mom, but I just couldn’t summon them for her. The only thing I felt about my mom was a truckload of guilt, my last words to her playing over and over in my mind. “Things are off with Griffin. And that’s really inconvenient because I’m in love with him. I’m terrified that he’s just going to be done with me and throw me away.”
“Come on.” Kenna tugged me into the back office and shut the door. “There are lies taking root in your mind right now, and you need to yank those suckers out. Trust me. I know what it’s like to think that everyone who comes into your life is a breath away from leaving it, especially those you love most. But I don’t think Griffin’s shown any sign of that. He seems pretty stuck on you.”
I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to get my riotous emotions under control. “I’m scared all the time, Ken. Before Griffin came into the picture, I was scared that something awful would happen to one of the kids. That I would fall behind on my bills and we would end up homeless. That I’d lose custody. The list is endless. And I was so tired of carrying all that worry on my shoulders. Of having to hold everything all by myself. But then Griffin came along. And he took some of that burden without me even asking. The kids fell in love with him. Before I knew it, I was lean
ing on him. Depending on him. And he makes me feel so safe. I’ve never felt as safe as I do in his arms. But now I’m even more scared because what if he decides he doesn’t want this. Doesn’t want us. Me. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.”
Tears glistened in Kenna’s eyes, spilling over and down her cheeks. “Love is the most terrifying jump you’ll ever make. But I promise you, it’s worth it.”
“It’s worth it to you because it worked out for you and Crosby in the end. I might not be so lucky.”
Kenna dug her fingers into my arms. “It’ll still be worth it. Because no matter what happens, you’re expanding your heart. Increasing your capacity to love. But I wouldn’t count Griffin out. I think he’s going to come through for you in the end.”
I stared at the friend I’d known for my entire life. She’d always been more than a bit of a pessimist. Or a realist as she called it. I’d never heard anything like this come out of her mouth. “Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?”
Kenna gave me a little shove. “Oh, stop it.”
“You’re even crying.”
She wiped furiously at her cheeks. “It’s the pregnancy hormones. They’ve turned my tear ducts on at full power.”
I gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Ken. I love you. You know that, right?”
“I do. Now you just have to trust that some of that love you pour out into the world will come back around to you.”
I took a deep breath. I couldn’t lose myself now. I just needed to hold on to hope that, eventually, Griffin and I would find our way, and that what was meant to be would happen. Even if there was hurt along the way.
I moved the rag along the countertop, careful to get every nook and cranny of the surface. Something about the task soothed me. It always had. So many things were out of my control in my life—it had always been that way. But a good, deep clean always made me feel as if I could put my world back to rights, no matter how far it had veered off path.
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