I rubbed a hand up and down his arm. “Will, no matter what, we’re going to figure this out. We’re a team, remember?” He nodded slowly. “Now, tell me what happened.”
His head rose, his eyes blazing. “Is Mom dead?”
I sucked in a sharp breath. My gaze jumped from Will to the principal and back again. At least Mr. Henry was giving us a moment to talk before he jumped in. Griffin squeezed my shoulders. I wanted to sink back into his hold. Run away from the truth I had to lay at my brother’s feet. “I’m sorry, Will.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I—I needed some time to figure out how. And Sheriff Raines didn’t want people to know yet—” My words cut off as I realized someone had spilled the beans. “Who told you?”
“Drew,” Will muttered.
I gritted my teeth. Drew’s mom was a dispatcher at the sheriff’s department. Parker was definitely getting a heads-up that he needed to have a talk with her. I refocused on Will. “And you punched him when he told you?”
“He said she was probably whoring herself out for drugs, and that’s why she got killed. He said we were homeless.” Will swallowed, his voice catching. “That no one wanted us, so you were forced to drop out of college and take us in.”
A fiery rage lit through me so fast, I nearly toppled off my chair. I never thought I’d have an urge to be violent towards a child, but I wanted to deck Drew myself. I gripped Will’s arms, making him face me. “You are wanted. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you and Ava and Mia. You’re my life. Not because it was forced on me, but because I love you. From the minute you were born and started terrorizing me.”
Will’s lips gave the faintest twitch, and I pushed on. “I’d be lost without you three. You make my life so much better. And if anyone says otherwise, it’s because they’re miserable. You hear me?”
Will nodded. “I hear you. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have hit him, but it was instinct. He started shoving me around and I just reacted.”
“He shoved you?” I asked, my voice tight.
“Yeah. Tried to knock me into one of the columns in the cafeteria.”
Blood roared in my ears. “He shouldn’t have done that. But you’re right, that doesn’t mean you should’ve punched him.” There was a grunt behind me, and I wasn’t sure if Griffin was siding with me or with Will. I turned to the principal. “What are we looking at here?”
Mr. Henry gave Will and me a gentle smile. “It’s an extreme situation. But we have a zero-tolerance policy for violence.” My stomach dropped. “Will is suspended for one week.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. That wasn’t so bad. “What about Drew?”
Mr. Henry’s jaw hardened. “We also have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. Drew is also suspended for one week, and he’ll have mandatory sessions with the school counselor for the remainder of the year. Possibly to be continued when we return in the fall.”
“Was anyone else involved?” Griffin asked, but it wasn’t directed towards Mr. Henry; he was looking at Will.
Will shrugged. “No one else said anything, really. Just laughed.”
A muscle along Griffin’s jaw ticked. “You did the right thing, Will.”
“Griffin,” I hissed. “He should not be punching people to solve his problems.”
“Sometimes, there’s no other choice. They would’ve given him hell for the rest of the year if he hadn’t stood up for himself, defended himself. Now, they’ll all know to keep their mouths shut and their hands to themselves.” Griffin turned to Will. “But if you’re man enough to stand up for yourself, you’re man enough to deal with the consequences. The ones from school and whatever your sister decides for at home.”
Will nodded solemnly. “I’ll do what I have to.”
My head ping-ponged back and forth, looking from Griffin to Will. When had this happened? And as irritated as I was at Griffin for telling Will that punching some kid was the right move, especially in front of the principal, I couldn’t argue with his reasoning.
I sighed and looked at Mr. Henry. “Sorry about…” I wasn’t even sure how to finish that sentence.
Mr. Henry’s lips pressed into a firm line as if he were trying not to laugh. “Don’t be. You’re raising a good young man there. We all have our moments where we have to take a stand.”
“Thank you. We’ll be back next week.” I pushed to my feet, heading out of the office. “Come on. Will, you’re going to have to ride home with Griffin. I have to go back to work. If I haven’t been fired for bailing on them so much this month, that is.”
Griffin grinned, shaking his head. “You’re not going to be fired. You’re too good at what you do.”
“We’ll see.” I held my palm out and looked at Will. “Phone.”
His mouth fell open. “But it’s my birthday tomorrow. None of my friends will be able to call or text me.”
I wavered a bit in my resolve. Will would only turn seventeen once. “You can have it for an hour tomorrow, but other than that, no tv, video games, or phone for a week. You’ll help Griffin with the farmhouse this week when you’re done with your schoolwork for the day, and you won’t be getting paid.”
I turned to Griffin. “And don’t even think about paying him behind my back.”
Griffin held up both hands in surrender. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Why don’t you head back to work? We’ve got it from here.”
I nodded and started to walk away. Then I turned back and pulled Will into a tight hug. “I love you more than life. Don’t you ever forget it.” He nodded against my shoulder, and I fought the tears that wanted to surface. I released him and started for the exit. I just hoped I didn’t run into Drew on the way. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself from giving him a nice uppercut to the jaw.
41
Griffin
“You’re not going to give me a lecture?”
I kept focused on the task in front of me, rolling a smooth line of paint onto the wall. In another twenty-four hours, the living room would be finished. With Will’s help, the house would be done by mid-Fall. “Do you need a lecture?”
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I might feel less guilty if Caelyn had yelled at me.”
I chuckled. “The worst is when they say they’re disappointed in you.”
Will paused his painting. “I don’t think Caelyn’s ever said that. Not to me, or Ava or Mia. Not even when Mia painted the hallway with her bright pink glitter nail polish.”
Of course, she hadn’t. I often forgot that these kids carried around a world of wounds invisible to most eyes. And Caelyn’s tender heart would refuse to risk the addition of any more. “That’s because you guys make your sister proud.”
“Not today, I didn’t.”
I set down my paint roller. “Sometimes, you have to do what’s right for yourself. Even if that means letting someone else down.”
Will gave his head a stern shake. “I never want to let Caelyn down.”
“Even if that means abandoning yourself?” I’d had flickers of concern the first time Will and I had talked about his future, but the more time I spent with the teen, the more that worry grew.
His jaw flexed. “I’m not abandoning myself. I’m just making things easier for Caelyn. For Ava and Mia, too.”
There was too much on those slender shoulders. Too much on the shoulders of everyone in the O’Connor family. They all carried more than their share of burdens in hopes they could make it easier for those they loved. The weight completely disproportionate because of all that had been leveled on them at such a young age.
“Come on.” I motioned for Will to follow me. He set his brush down and headed after me as I wound my way through the halls and upstairs. There were two guest rooms at the far end of the house that I wanted to make into a single room. It would make for a perfect rec room. Space for a large television with overstuffed couches. And more than enough room for whatever games the kids wanted to play. Somewhere along the lin
e, I’d started making plans for the house that revolved around each of them.
We came to a stop in the first room, and Will looked around. “We haven’t worked in here yet.”
“Nope.”
“What are you thinking?”
I motioned to a wall. “That’s coming down.”
Will’s eyes widened. “The wall?”
“Yep.”
“When?”
“I think now’s a good time.” An idea was forming in my mind, circling around a memory. When I’d gotten in trouble mixing it up at school, my father had taken me to cut firewood. We hadn’t even had a wood-burning fireplace in our house in Marin, but he’d known that I needed to let off some steam. A pressure release so I could finally talk things through with him.
I picked up one of the two sledgehammers and a pair of goggles and handed them to Will. I’d already checked the farmhouse’s plans, and there were no pipes or wires we would disturb. “Have at it.”
“You want me to swing this at the wall?”
I chuckled. Will looked as if I were trying to trick him into something. I picked up the other hammer. After putting the goggles in place, I heaved the hammer over my head and sent it flying into the wall.
“Holy shit,” Will said.
I inclined my head towards the wall. “Have at it.”
It took him a moment, but he finally took a swing, sending the end of the hammer into the wall. Plaster and bits of drywall went flying. “Whoa.” He turned to face me. “That’s awesome.”
I grinned. “Let’s do this.” We let it fly for the next fifteen minutes, and when I thought he’d begun to work some of the energy out of his system, I paused in my destruction. “You ready to talk?”
Will launched his sledgehammer at the wall again. “About what?”
“Your mom, Drew, take your pick.”
He yanked the hammer free of the wall. “She’s not my mom.”
I froze. “What do you mean?”
“A mom isn’t just someone who shares your blood. They’re supposed to look out for you, take care of you, love you. She never seemed to be able to figure that out. Caelyn is more of a mom than Chrissy will ever be.” He paused, letting the tool come to rest by his side. “Would ever be. Not like she’s going to get a chance to make things right now.”
My heart ached for the kid. No matter how much his mom had let him down, a part of him had still been holding onto hope that she’d get it together. “You’re allowed to be sad. Just because she was a crappy mom most of the time doesn’t mean there isn’t a part of you that won’t miss her.”
Will’s jaw clenched, and he sent the hammer into the wall again. “I’m not sad.” He wailed on the wall another few times.
“Then what are you?”
Will whirled on me. “What is this? Some messed up therapy session? I don’t want to talk about it.”
I considered my words carefully as if each one had the potential to set off a landmine. “You can’t keep holding all of this inside.” After spending the past few months working alongside Will, I’d started to realize that he stuffed everything down. He didn’t want to be a burden to his sister, to worry her, so he simply kept silent and pretended that he wasn’t feeling anything at all.
“Why not? Isn’t that exactly what you do?”
I sucked in a sharp breath, opening my mouth to deny his accusation and then thought better of it. “I used to. And it almost killed me.” Will was silent, but his eyes were intensely focused. “After my family died and so many people betrayed me, I didn’t have a safe outlet for my pain. I shoved it all down. Just like you’re doing now. But the thing is, pain finds a way to the surface, and it’s usually ugly if you’ve been trying to control it.”
“What happened?” he whispered.
“I started drinking so much, it’s a miracle I didn’t end up with liver failure. I needed six or seven drinks just to quiet the memories so I could sleep. And during the day, I was barely living.” Memories of the years I’d spent just traveling the country flooded my mind. I had no purpose and was so damn alone.
“I’ve never seen you drunk.”
“No. I have a beer now and then, but I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I’d find another way to deal. It took me a while to find it, but this house became my outlet. I worked myself to the bone so I could pass out at the end of the day. But as I was hauling trash and refinishing floors, I started to work through some of the worst of the memories. There was nothing else around to distract me. I had to face it.”
Will swallowed hard. “Did it work?”
I leaned back against the wall. “It helped. A lot. But it wasn’t until I let people in again that I finally felt some peace.”
“Caelyn?”
“Yes.” My chest constricted. “She’s this soft place to land that I didn’t think I’d ever have. She’s unconditional acceptance and complete trust. But you and your sisters have helped, too.” Will looked skeptical, and I chuckled. “You brought life back into this place. Back to me. I’ll never be able to repay you for that. But I can be a safe space for you, Will. You can tell me anything. It doesn’t matter how ugly or selfish or hard. I’m here.”
Will’s face reddened with the force of holding himself back. I pushed off the wall and started towards him. He shook his head, pulling off his goggles. “No, I’m fine.”
I kept coming. “You don’t have to be fine. No one is all of the time.”
His breathing picked up, coming faster and faster. “I—I. No.”
I gripped his shoulders. “Let it out.”
He shook his head. “I’m not weak.”
My gaze locked with Will’s as I squeezed his shoulders harder. “Let it out. You’re safe here.”
He broke. Sobs wracked his body, and I pulled him into my arms. “Never be ashamed of feeling deeply. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you so incredibly strong.”
He shook violently as he cried. “I hate her. Both Mom and Dad. For what they did to us. For everything.” He sucked in air. “And it’s all my fault.”
I didn’t let go. I held on as he wept. “What’s your fault?”
“I knew they were messed up in bad stuff, but I didn’t tell anyone. I just wanted Caelyn to finish school so she could get us out of there. I didn’t want to go into foster care and maybe have to switch schools or be separated from my sisters. So, I kept my mouth shut. I almost got us killed.”
My heart shattered at his words. The weight this boy was carrying was too much for anyone. “I need you to hear me, Will. None of this was your fault. Not a damn thing. You did everything you could to protect your sisters. You picked the wrong path. Everyone does. All you can do is learn from it and carry the lesson with you.”
“But choosing the wrong path doesn’t usually almost get your family killed.”
I held him tighter. “But they didn’t. They’re alive and thriving. You guys are together, and your life is so good.”
Will’s sobbing slowed. “Caelyn works too hard. She doesn’t think I see it, but until you came along, she was practically killing herself just so we could have anything we wanted.”
I pulled back a little so I could see Will’s face but kept a hold of his arms. “Is that why you give up everything you want?”
Wariness filled Will’s expression. “What do you mean?”
“You play a sport you hate in the hopes of getting a scholarship. But you say you might not even go to college because Caelyn needs help. You don’t take music lessons even though you love it. I’m guessing because they’re expensive. What else are you giving up on because you think it might be a burden to your sister?”
He bit down on his bottom lip. “I just want to make things easier for her.”
“You not being honest about who you are and what you want isn’t going to make things easier on Caelyn. It’s robbing her and the rest of the world of experiencing the real you. Name what you want. Chase it. We’ll figure out how to support you, and I promise I
won’t let your sister hurt herself because of it.”
Will was silent for a moment. “I want to play music. And I want to go to college. I want to take architecture classes and see if I like it. I want to see more of the world than this island.”
I smiled and knew it stretched my face so wide it was probably scary. “Then let’s chase those dreams.”
42
Caelyn
I headed up the stairs and towards the sounds of destruction, leaving Ava and Mia drawing on the back deck with Kenna. My muscles protested each step. The last couple of days had seemed like a lifetime, and all I wanted was a long bath and to sleep for at least twelve hours. Instead, I needed to have a long talk with Will.
I paused in the doorway, watching as Griffin and Will attacked a wall that separated two rooms. They seemed to move in tandem, a silent and invisible rhythm tying the two of them together. As Griffin pulled back for another swing, he spotted me in the doorway. He set his hammer down and pulled off his goggles.
As he strode towards me, my stomach hollowed. He radiated power and self-assurance as he moved through the space. Without a word, he pulled me towards him. The kiss he laid on me wasn’t a casual hello. It was hungry and just a bit desperate. When I pulled back, I had to take a second to steady myself. “That was a heck of a hello.”
“Missed you,” he said as if that were the only reason necessary.
“Missed you, too. I’m ready for food, wine, and bed.”
Griffin glanced over his shoulder at Will, who was still working away. A flicker of guilt passed over his features. “I think we need to talk before that happens.”
My stomach pitched. “What now?” Had this week not rained down enough hardship?
Griffin grimaced but linked his fingers with mine, tugging me into the hallway. “Will and I had a talk this afternoon.”
“A talk?” That wasn’t exactly something to write home about. I often found Will and Griffin with their heads together, talking about the house or school or a million other topics.
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