by Jackie D
“What did your boss say about you coming up here?”
“He was all for it. They don’t have to pay for a hotel, and the story is getting covered. It’s a win-win.”
“I assume you didn’t tell them about the secondary mission?”
“There is no secondary mission.”
He leaned behind the seat and scratched Holly’s ear, who was in her dog seat, buckled in. “That’s what she thinks.”
“You’re impossible.”
He pulled out a bag of chips and started munching. “Tell me more about Erica Chance.”
“That’s not why we’re going to Clearbrook.”
He rolled his eyes. “Would you humor me, please? We have several hours to kill, and this is how I’d like to spend them.”
“What would you like to know?”
“Do you miss the sex?”
“Okay, no more questions.” She and Grayson had discussed several of their sexual escapades in the past, but she kept the memories of her time with Erica tucked away in a small corner in her mind. They were her little treasures, tokens for transport to another time where she felt whole.
“Okay, okay, I’ll start out a bit softer. How did you two meet?”
“How did we meet? I don’t know, I’ve known her since I was nine. So, I guess at school.” She remembered exactly when and how she met Erica, but she also enjoyed aggravating Grayson as often as possible. They’d been in the same class and were assigned seats next to each other. Lucy had forgotten to put her pencil box in her backpack one day and ended up having nothing to write with. Erica had opened her box and said they could share. They quickly started doing everything together, from tetherball at recess, to walking to and from school.
“Meh, boring. When did you start dating?”
Her first inclination was not to answer any of his questions, but she could feel herself smiling at the memory. “When we were sixteen.”
“Are you going to make me ask a thousand questions to get the story out of you in pieces? Could we just skip that?”
She pulled her water bottle out of the console and took a sip. She might have been biding her time with the question, but the water was also a symbol of how she and Erica had started. “I’d dated boys up until Erica. Not tons but enough to know something was always missing. I had fun with them, and I knew they were attractive, but I was never really attracted to them. Does that make sense?”
“Well, not to me, but I understand what you’re saying.”
“Anyway, Erica and I were laying out by my mom’s pool, the summer before our junior year. It was an insanely hot day, something like one hundred and five degrees.”
“Holy hell. I hope it’s not going to be that hot while we’re there.”
“Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”
He motioned across his lips, zipping them shut.
“I was lying there, not realizing I was staring at her. I wasn’t intentionally doing it, but she was just so beautiful. She caught me looking at her, but she didn’t tease me or ask what I was doing, she just smiled at me. I knew then I wanted her differently than I had any of the boys I’d dated. I wanted her to touch me, I wanted her to kiss me, I wanted her. The thought had crossed my mind before, but for whatever reason, this time it was more than a passing curiosity, it was a need. I asked her to hand me one of the water bottles out of the cooler, and when she did, I kept hold of her hand. I took a sip out of the bottle, and looking back, I realize I was trying to buy myself time. I guess I wanted to give her a chance to pull away, you know? I put the bottle down and kissed her. I’d never felt anything like it. It was like everything I’d felt like I was missing was suddenly right in front of me. I felt it in every nerve of my body, and I wanted more.”
“So, then what happened?”
“We still spent all our time together, but obviously it felt different. We went to movies, ate at each other’s houses, did all of the same things, but now we held hands when no one was looking. We made out in every empty room we could find, and believe me, we tried to find as many empty rooms as possible.”
He smiled at her. “You get all glowy when you talk about her.”
She knew he was right, and she could feel her skin flush at the memory. “She was my first love.” The words felt thick as they left her mouth. The weight of their truth was heavy with regret and longing. It made her uncomfortable to say them out loud because the outcome had been so final and all by her own doing. It was embarrassing to admit. She hadn’t realized it thirteen years ago, but she knew it now. The finality of such rash decisions leave their mark, a brand burned into the soul and mind. Time might help to heal, but the scars will always remain.
“Has there been a second?”
“No. No, it’s always been her. It was her even before we were sixteen, I just didn’t realize it yet. I mean, sure, there have been other women. Celibacy has never been a defining attribute of my personality. But no one like Erica. I never felt anything the way I experienced it with her. I never thought of forever, never wanted one. I was stupid enough to think those feelings were common, easy to replicate.”
He crunched on a few chips. “How in the world did you manage to fuck that up?”
“Because I’m an idiot.” She didn’t want to revisit that memory, and she was glad when he seemed to sense that.
“True, but you’re my favorite idiot.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“It’s her loss, by the way.” He wiped his hands on his pants and took a sip of his soda. “If she doesn’t take you back, it would be her loss.”
Lucy appreciated that Grayson was trying to be a good friend. But he didn’t know Erica. He didn’t know how Lucy had treated her and how she had broken her heart. She didn’t want to tell him, and more so, she didn’t want to say it aloud. It was too painful, too many tears, and too many missed years. Besides, last she heard, Erica had moved on. She was someone else’s Chance now. She needed to move on. She needed to look Erica in the eye and know it was over, that it was truly beyond repair. Wading around in the pool of what-ifs and maybes would eventually cause her to drown. But thinking of the finality of it all was just as suffocating. She had often thought she’d built up their relationship in her head, made it out to be better than it was in moments where missing her had become almost too much to bear. But then she would have a flash or a memory, and she knew it wasn’t true. They had been the real deal. Their relationship was woven into the romance novels she read in her down time. The kind that saved lost souls and repaired damaged individuals.
It was there, in the words of cheesy country songs and poems that continued to be quoted years after. It had been real. But it had been wasted on her young and foolish heart. Now, she needed to put it to rest, to allow herself to let it go so that she could move forward. Erica had put it to rest years ago, but she hadn’t been as fortunate. The irony of this predicament wasn’t lost on Lucy. She had delivered the deathblow to their union, and she was the one left feeling unresolved. The semantics didn’t matter after all these years, and she needed the closure.
Chapter Seven
Erica and Diego sat in the conference room with Sheila and her aunt and uncle, talking about their daughter. Jessica’s mother, Beth, was gripping a tissue in her hand as if it was connecting her to this plane of existence. Her father, Roger, was doing his best to remain stoic.
Whenever Erica met with a family under tragic circumstances, she couldn’t help but think of her own. Her grandfather had raised her. She had always felt loved and appreciated, but she often wondered if it was a different love than she would have received from her parents. All she remembered of her parents came through anecdotes and pictures. Her mother had died of breast cancer when she was two years old. Her father had left not long after she passed. Her grandfather said he couldn’t handle the loss. He had tried, but it had been too much. She’d never heard from him again.
After her grandfather died, she thought about contacting her dad, but the
thought was short-lived. Her therapist had suggested there were possibly unresolved feelings or issues, but Erica had never felt like that. She felt like her father’s decision to leave her with her grandpa had been done out of love, and it had been the only gift he was capable of giving. There was no need to resolve anything because she never felt as if she was missing out. And, of course, she had the Rodriguez family, who had never let her feel alone.
Diego brought in several bottles of water and set them on the table. “Is there anything else I can get any of you?”
His question was met with silent headshakes.
Erica flipped to a fresh page in her notebook. “Can you tell me why you think Jessica’s missing?”
Beth let out a small sob, and Roger put his hand on her leg as he spoke. “Jessica is a good girl. She stays at Sacramento State, Monday through Thursday, then comes home on the weekends to help at the shop.”
“Your family owns the bagel shop up on First Street, right?”
Roger nodded. “It’s going to be hers one day.”
“Has she ever not come home without telling you before?”
Beth’s words were drenched with despair. “Never. We talk almost every day, and she would’ve mentioned it. I’d spoken with her on Tuesday, and she said she had a big project to turn in and would see me Thursday night. When she didn’t show up on Thursday, I thought maybe she was tired after her project and would be out Friday morning. I tried to call, but her phone was going straight to voice mail, which isn’t unlike her, since she’s not great about charging it. But when she still hadn’t shown up by this morning, I knew something was seriously wrong.”
Diego asked, “She has a boyfriend, right?”
“Yes, that’s right, and he’s driving down here now. He’s just as worried as us.”
Sheila had been sitting in the corner tapping her foot. “It wasn’t him. Can’t you put out an APB for her car or something?
Diego stood and started toward the door. “First, I’m going to call the cell company and see if we can identify her last known location. It’s a long shot if her phone is off, but it’s a starting point. We also need to call Sacramento PD and campus police, and let them know what’s happening. At this point, we can’t be sure where she went missing.”
“Do you know any of her passwords? Social media, email, anything?” Erica asked.
“Can’t you get access to that?” Sheila almost yelled.
“Not without a subpoena or search warrant. There are pretty strict laws about this kind of thing. I have no problem trying to get one, but I figured I’d start with the easiest solution.” Erica answered in the calmest voice she could muster. Sheila was understandably on edge, frustrated, and scared. But in these situations, a cool head was one of the best weapons you could wield. The calmer you were able to remain, the clearer you could think, and possibilities were all they had at the moment. The emotional disconnect she felt for Sheila in the moment caught her off-guard. She was compartmentalizing the situation, able to see her as a distraught person, as opposed to someone with whom she shared a romantic link. The realization hurt, but not because she wanted to be with Sheila. It hurt because it was apparent this was another dead-end relationship.
Roger pulled a laptop computer out of his bag and put it in front of her. “This is mine, but she uses it sometimes when she’s home. You might be able to find something in there.”
Erica took the computer and looked at their weary faces. Experiences like this were not only unfathomable for most people but also exhausting. “You should go home and get some rest. I’ll call you if we find anything, and if you hear anything, please let us know.”
Beth tried to stand, but Roger had to brace her. She was understandably shaken. Sheila put her arms around them both and led them to the door. “I’m going to walk them to the car, but I’d prefer to be here.”
The last thing they needed in this situation was to have a civilian, a related one at that, looking over their shoulders. But Erica knew Sheila well enough to know she wasn’t going anywhere. When the time was right, she would gently encourage her to go get some rest. She would have been sympathetic to anyone in Sheila’s position, but their personal relationship made the emotional part more complicated. “I’m going to start going through the computer.”
She sat at her desk and opened the laptop. She opened Facebook first, and luckily, Jessica’s log-in was saved. She scrolled through her timeline, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. Next, she checked her messages, but there was nothing that stood out there, either. Finally, she scrolled through the pictures. Jessica and her friends filled the frames, in various stages of playfulness and joyousness. Images of her boyfriend were sprinkled in, and she had to admit, they did look incredibly happy together. There were several pictures of her and her friends at a local Clearbrook bar. She kept scrolling and noticed they frequented the bar at least once a month.
Diego pulled a chair up next to her. “The cell company says the last place they had a ping from her phone was the Sac State campus. I called the Sacramento Police Department and filled them in, and they want to be kept in the loop but don’t seem all that concerned.” He pointed at the computer screen. “Write down the names of those women tagged in the photos so we can talk to them.”
Erica hadn’t noticed Sheila back in their workspace until she spoke.
“I’ve talked to all her friends, and they haven’t heard from her either.”
Erica finished writing down the names of the three other women who were consistently in every photo. She knew Sheila was trying to be helpful, trying to save them precious time. But her insights into the young women’s reactions to Jessica being missing were shrouded with bias. Sheila would want and need to believe they knew nothing. Any other possibility was inconceivable to most people. “I’m sure you have, but we need to do our job too.”
She put the notebook in her pocket and moved past Diego toward the door. It was then that she allowed herself to take in the worry and sadness etched on Sheila’s face. She stopped in front of her and pulled her into an embrace. Sheila was tense for a moment and then almost collapsed into her arms.
She rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. Erica wished she had words to accompany the gesture, but she couldn’t find anything that would bring relief or comfort. She couldn’t promise they would get through this together. She didn’t have an example from their short history together that she could reference to prove she’d be there for her. So she settled on the only promise she could bring herself to keep. “We’re going to find her.”
Sheila grabbed her tighter. “Please, you have to. She’s all they have.”
“We’re going to do everything we can.” They would do everything in their power to find Jessica. She just hoped they wouldn’t be too late. “Go be with your family. I’ll call you as soon as we know something.”
Erica didn’t let herself feel the anger until Sheila was out of sight. Anger toward a man she didn’t know how to find, and toward his intentions, of which she wasn’t aware. She didn’t know if he had Jessica, but just the possibility that he could was infuriating. She was furious he’d dumped poor Claudia Ramos near an abandoned house as though she hadn’t mattered.
Whoever this was, had a plan and was a step ahead, at least. There were very few things Erica disliked more than being behind. She allowed herself this moment of anger. She needed it to center her thoughts, to bring everything into focus. Anger had a way of doing that, but the trick was knowing when to put it away or fashion it into something else. In this case, she chose to transform it into determination. She’d get to the bottom of what was going on in her town and hold the bastard accountable.
* * *
“So, this is Clearbrook?” Grayson resembled one of those cats suction-cupped to a car window. “It’s so much nicer than I imagined.”
Lucy let the car roll to a stop and turned on her left blinker. “What were you expecting?”
“I’m not sure, but I think I imag
ined places along the road where you can tie your horse off while you shop for grain or something.”
“What the hell? Did you think there was some time portal on the Five that would take us back to the eighteen hundreds?”
“Don’t blame me. That’s kind of how you described this place.”
“I’m pretty sure I never described a gold rush town.” Lucy turned down the familiar street. The small downtown shops hadn’t changed much over the years, but that was part of their charm. Although there had been several upgrades since her last visit. There were more parks, more people, but the feel was the same. No matter how long Lucy was away, Clearbrook would always be home. Home. She wanted to put off heading to her parents’ house for a bit longer. She needed time to relax before being confronted with Erica. She had been able to avoid her before, but talking to her was inevitable this time around, and she wasn’t quite ready. “Want to grab some lunch and a drink?”
“Yes, please.”
“Okay, there’s a place called Junior’s right down here. We can sit outside and bring Holly.”
It was turning into a beautiful day. The temperature was perfect, and the slight breeze was refreshing. Lucy grabbed Holly and went straight to the back patio of Junior’s. Grayson went inside to let the hostess know they had seated themselves on the patio. A few moments later, Grayson emerged, the hostess behind him with a pitcher of water and a small bowl for Holly.
Grayson flipped through the menu. “So, this place what, doubles as a night club?”
Lucy leaned her head back, allowing the sun to seep into her pores. “Something like that. It’s a pretty popular bar at night.”
“Fancy.”
“I swear, you’re fueled by snark and wine.”