I crossed the kitchen and placed my hands on his chest. “I trust you. I’d be more concerned if you didn’t lose yourself in me and frankly, it hurts that you want to be away from me.”
He set down his mug. His hands slid under my hair and clasped around my neck. “You know I don’t want that. But the only thing I want more than to be with you is to know that you’re safe.”
“So why do you have to go away?”
“Like I said, things in New York are slipping. Why don’t you meet me on Friday?”
“Maybe I will,” I said.
“Fine.”
I pressed my lips together and stepped back. “Fine.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll get something to eat at work.”
“Olivia,” he commanded, but I ignored him and headed for the shower.
The drive to work was predictably quiet as I agonized over what this could do to us. If he tried to throw cold water on our sex life, where would that leave us? When he pulled up to the curb, I kept my eyes down on my hands.
“So should I book you a ticket to New York?”
I shrugged.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Come on,” he said softly. “I know you’re upset, but I need a better send off than that.”
I tore my gaze from my lap and looked at him. “I want to go to Miami.”
“What?”
“If you want to throw away your ticket, that’s fine, but I don’t see why I should have to.”
He sighed. “Why would you want to go without me?”
“Because I was looking forward to it, and everyone else is going and . . . and it wouldn’t be fair to Gretchen if I ditched her.” And because I know you won’t want me to go without you.
“Olivia, be reasonable. Don’t just go because you’re upset with me.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re picking a fight with me.”
“Am not.”
“Look, I don’t like the idea of you going by yourself.”
“I’m not by – ”
“Don’t test me.”
Don’t test me . . . It was turning out to be his favorite thing to say, and incidentally, something that pissed me off. “You can’t order me around, David. I’m supposed to be your partner, not your plaything.”
He looked hurt. “I know that. Listen, I will take you to Miami whenever you want, but – ”
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“Precisely. You don’t even care about going, you just want to defy me.”
“Defy you?” I gaped. “Are you my father? My babysitter?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The point is, because I need time to think and because I must work, I can’t be there this weekend. I don’t want you going.”
“Aha,” I said. “You need time to think. You always tell me not to run away, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. This sex thing is something we need to work out together.”
“Your safety is not up for discussion,” he said.
I huffed in my seat. “This is so . . .” I clenched my jaw and undid my seatbelt, fumbling for the handle.
“Hang on, Olivia.”
“No,” I said and slammed the door before he could convince me otherwise.
I flew by Jenny’s desk and threw my things on the couch. How dare he? Does he think he can just order me around? I sat in my chair and pulled up my e-mail, searching for the itinerary. I scanned it and noted that my ticket was in my name. I’m going, and he can go cry about it.
~
With every passing hour that I didn’t hear from David, I gradually admitted to myself that I had intentionally pushed his buttons. There was no part of me that wanted to go to Florida without him, yet I had insisted anyway like a sulky child. I sighed at my computer screen.
We were both wrong. He was running away from something he had convinced himself was a problem, and I hadn’t handled it well. Fighting with David was my least favorite pastime, so I broke down and sent him a text.
Nov 21, 2012 11:01 AM
Can we talk? I’ll come over for lunch. Been thinking lots. xo
I felt instantly better as I went back to work. But when I still hadn’t heard from him by lunchtime, I became irritated. Was he ignoring me now? I wondered what the rule was on surprising him at work and decided to find out.
When I arrived, his door was open, but there was no sign that anyone had been there recently. I assumed everyone was at lunch since the receptionist was also gone and Arnaud’s door was shut. I pulled out my phone and texted him again.
Nov 21, 2012 12:28 PM
At your office. If you’re in the building, come up
“Hello, Olivia.”
“Oh,” I cried. “You scared me, Arnaud.”
“I apologize.”
“Have you seen David?”
“He left for New York.”
“Already?” I mumbled. When I looked up, the new receptionist was stumbling out of his office with flushed cheeks. Arnaud leered at her as she made her way back to her desk. “Are you okay?” I asked her.
Both pairs of eyes shot to me, hers huge, and his narrowed. “She’s fine,” Arnaud answered. “Would you like her to get David a message?”
My eyes darted between them. “No.”
Arnaud’s beady eyes stuck to me like glue, and I felt dirty just from the way he looked at me. He took a few steps toward me. “Then I’ll see you out,” he said.
I recoiled and walked speedily to the elevator, muttering something over my shoulder.
“Olivia?” he called, but I kept going because every part of me wanted to be as far away from him as possible.
I was disgusted. It was clear to me that I’d just witnessed something I wasn’t supposed to. I’d had enough of keeping my opinion of him to myself; I would tell David when I saw him next. For now, it bothered me that David might still be pissed at me or that he might think that I was angry. I went back to my office and crafted an e-mail.
From: Olivia Germaine
Sent: Wed, November 21, 2012 01:31 PM CST
To: David Dylan
Subject: Missed you
David,
I went to your office to talk, but I guess I missed you. I’m sorry about this morning – you were right, I was being irrational. However, that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like your possession. I know that you’re only being protective, but I have to be able to have my own life. That being said, I don’t want to take the trip without you. Gretchen will be disappointed, but we can go another time.
Olivia Germaine
Senior Editor,
Chicago Metropolitan Magazine
ChicagoMMag.com
In the late afternoon, my heart skipped happily when David’s name appeared on my cellphone. “Hi.”
“Hi, beautiful.”
“You’re not mad?” I asked.
“No. Thanks for the e-mail.”
“I’m sorry. I hate when we fight.”
“Me too. Look, I know you were looking forward to Miami. I was too. I’ll meet you there – ”
“Really?” I exclaimed.
“Yes, but not until Saturday morning. That way I can work late Friday to wrap things up.”
I sighed. “You work so much.”
“It’s the best I can do. I have to run. Anything else?”
I hesitated, debating if I should talk to him about Arnaud. It didn’t feel like something to do over the phone, so I let it go. “What about the bruises?” I asked.
“We’ll figure it out together when I see you.”
I smiled. “I love you,” I blurted. “And I miss you already.”
“You too, baby. I’ll call you before bed.”
I hung up feeling much better. We were back on the same page, and we would have our weekend in the sun.
~
Being alone in David’s apartment felt unnatural. I didn’t like sleeping
without him, and I told him so. His place was big, quiet and unfamiliar to me. Without him, my nightmares crept back in. They weren’t as jolting as they’d once been, but they edged my sleep still. And I could tell over the phone that it tore him apart to hear that.
I spent Thanksgiving morning writing, which made David ecstatic for some reason. I continued to do it because I enjoyed it and because I especially liked anything that made him that happy.
With a stern lesson from David about handling his baby, during which I painted my nails and made an occasional noise to indicate I was listening, he instructed that I take the Mercedes to his sister’s place in Joliet. It took me about forty-five minutes to get there, but I found her house easily. It was a two-story, traditional-style home with dark green shutters and a matching door.
She came outside to greet me with a hug. Inside, there were obvious signs of a ten-year-old boy strewn around the house: toy trucks, athletic trophies, video games, well-worn tennis shoes.
“Sorry it’s a mess,” she said, even though those things were mostly put away.
“It’s not,” I said. “It’s a home.”
“It definitely is,” she agreed.
It was just the three of us, as David’s parents were on a cruise for the week. Jessa had promised a casual meal for that reason and charged me with bringing a pumpkin pie.
She motioned that I should sit at the kitchen table as she finished cooking. “Excited for Florida tomorrow?”
“Oh, yes,” I said. “I could use the beach time.”
“Sounds nice.”
“Alex, how are you feeling since your appendectomy?” I asked when he came into the kitchen.
“Huh?”
“Your surgery, sweetie,” Jessa said.
“Fine.” He shrugged.
“I was more freaked than him,” Jessa said. “He had these awful cramps, so I took him right to the hospital. Good thing too, they said his appendix almost burst. Thank God for David. I was a mess. He told me he ran out on an important date with you, so thanks for that.”
I blushed. “Of course. I’m just glad Alex is okay.”
I did a double take when Alex narrowed his eyes at me. I was getting the feeling he didn’t like me, but I always got that impression with kids. I remembered I’d told Lucy that once, and she’d assured me it was my imagination.
When Alex disappeared to play Halo, Jessa asked, “So, David says he’s hoping to start on the house in the next couple weeks.”
“Really?” I asked.
“You must be excited. Going to get in there and knock down some walls?”
I nodded but bit my bottom lip. Weeks? That soon?
“You seem nervous about that.”
I shifted in my seat, wondering when I’d become such an open book. Or maybe reading minds was a Dylan family trait. “I am excited, I just didn’t expect it so soon. It’s a lot of money and a big commitment.”
“Well, he’s over the moon about it. I don’t think he cares how much he spends. He tried to fix this place up for me, but I told him not to bother. Alex would destroy it anyway.”
I smiled as Alex yelled from the other room.
“Video games,” she explained, rolling her eyes.
“They’re close, aren’t they? David and Alex?”
“Thankfully, yes. Alex’s dad has a new family now, so they don’t see each other much. Al looks up to David, even though he’s not around as much as I’d like. He works a lot.”
“He’s very passionate.”
She snorted. “He’s working on fucking Thanksgiving. But aside from that, he’s great with Alex. He’s completely devoted when he cares about something.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“He’d be a great father,” she said with a hint of suggestion, and I blanched.
“Oh.” I cleared my throat. “I agree. So how – ”
“You’ve talked about it then?”
“About what?”
“Kids?”
I blinked rapidly at her. “Um, no. It hasn’t come up.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “It hasn’t?”
“No,” I admitted. “Do you, um, think that’s something he wants?”
“You should probably talk to him about that, not me.” She removed her oven mitt and set it on the table as she sat down next to me. “But I guess I brought it up,” she said with a reassuring smile. “He’s never said it outright, but I’d be surprised if he didn’t.”
I froze and stared at her, swallowing loudly.
She laughed softly. “Honey, don’t worry,” she said, rubbing my shoulder. “I know he can be a little stiff, but you’ve seen him with Alex. I don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t give you. Really, don’t stress.”
Panic settled in my chest, and my eyes grew big. Her hand that had been rubbing my shoulder stopped.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. “Are you pregnant?”
“No!” I exclaimed.
“Then what . . . ?”
I waited until I had resumed air intake. “Bill wanted children. I didn’t.”
“Oh,” she exhaled. “Are you saying you still don’t? Even with David?”
“I – I don’t know. It seems early to even think about.”
“Yes, but – ”
“Did you have doubts before you had Alex?”
She shook her head. “No, sorry. I always knew I wanted kids, and if I ever marry again, I’ll have more.”
“Oh.”
“You should be having this conversation with him.”
“I know,” I said, looking away. “Things are still so new though. I mean, in a way, we’re still getting to know each other. It seems too soon.”
“Honey,” she said, “my brother is crazy about you. It’s definitely not too soon to bring it up.”
“It’s not?”
“No. If you’re as serious about him as he is about you, then you need to have that talk.”
“I am,” I told her, and my heart squeezed. Kids? Already? When I’d just, not weeks ago, been having that dreadful conversation with Bill? Didn’t I get some time to adjust, to enjoy what we were doing?
“You know, some women don’t feel maternal at your age,” she pointed out. “You might feel differently after you and David have been together a while.”
I nodded. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
She opened her mouth and paused before speaking. “Raising a child is not easy though. Don’t . . . do it for the wrong reasons.”
I swallowed dryly. “I agree.”
With Bill, I guessed that I would’ve eventually caved on having children, whether or not that was what I wanted. I guessed that because I thought I owed it to him, and because I knew, in the end, how hard he would’ve pushed. But David would never push me. And I could only be completely honest with him.
“For your own peace of mind, you should talk to him soon,” Jessa said, breaking into my thoughts. “He needs to know if that’s not something you want.”
“Yes,” I rasped.
“Either way,” she continued, “your secret is safe with me.”
I mumbled my thanks.
It was a laidback Thanksgiving during which I got to better know a piece of David: his family. That made me happy. On the drive home though, I turned up the music to a deafening level so I wouldn’t have to hear my own thoughts.
CHAPTER 24
I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT that spending a couple days without my boyfriend would be so hard. Even though Bill had traveled frequently for work, and at times was gone for up to two weeks, I’d always managed fine. By Friday I felt frustrated, restless and lonely. That was when I realized that not only was David my boyfriend and my exceptional love, but he had also become my best friend.
Something had been weighing heavily on my mind though, and I wanted to take care of it before I saw him next. Something that I knew he wouldn’t be happy about but that I wanted to do for him most of all.
On my way to the airport, I stopped b
y Bill’s office. The elevator ride up was strange; I hadn’t made an appointment so I wasn’t even sure that he was there. But from past experience, I knew he often worked the day after Thanksgiving, even though half the office didn’t.
The first thing I noticed about his office from the doorway was that our photo on the lake was gone. His head snapped up, but he didn’t look surprised. “What can I do for you, Olivia?” he asked, standing and straightening his tie.
“A very friendly gentleman delivered divorce papers to me at work earlier this week.”
He nodded. “I’m aware.”
“I was hoping we could go about this differently.”
“Why’s that?”
“I know that filing on the grounds of adultery won’t affect how much you get in the divorce. I also know that you might still have to pay alimony.”
“You’ve done your homework. Or maybe you have a lawyer already?”
“All I can think is that your intent is to embarrass me with a trial.”
“It’s not.”
I titled my head at him.
“My intent is to embarrass you both. The truth should be exposed.”
I sighed. “Bill, I’m not denying that what I did was awful, but it doesn’t make sense for you to waste money on this. Trust me, David has no problem shelling out whatever he has to. You’re smart about money. Don’t burn it just to watch me suffer.”
“Well, shouldn’t I get something out of all this? Chicago has him on a goddamn pedestal. If I don’t get a trial, then I’m going to the press. He deserves to be outed as the home wrecker he is.”
“You wrecked this,” I snapped. “You weren’t taking care of what you had, so he took it.”
He reeled back, and his eyes narrowed on me. “If you want something from me, this isn’t the way to get it.”
“I’m sick of both of you acting like little boys fighting over a toy. It was my decision to make, not his, not yours. If you make one slanderous move against him, I will spend all of David’s money making your life a living hell.”
He scoffed. “You can’t do anything.”
“Can’t I? Did you withhold evidence in Alvarez’s case so he’d get more time?”
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