The Midnight Gang

by David Walliams

  “If the Midnight Gang isn’t passed on, then one day it will die out,” continued Amber. “We must all remember, even the leader herself, that this is not something that can be done on your own.”

  “Especially if you need someone to push you around in a wheelchair,” remarked Robin.

  “The Midnight Gang can only succeed if all the members work together,” said Amber.

  “But to do what?” asked Tom.

  “This is the best bit,” whispered Amber. “To bring one of the children’s dreams to life!”

  “The bigger the dream, the better!” said George.

  “I am talking!” said Amber to George.

  “Sorry,” replied George.

  “It’s ‘sorry, miss’,” purred Robin.

  “So you better start thinking of what your dream is, Tom,” said Amber. “Something you’ve always wanted to do. Have you got one?”

  “I wish school dinners were nicer.”

  “BORING!” said Robin.

  “Well, erm, I guess I’d like to be excused from cricket matches from now on …”

  “TEDIOUS!”

  “Well then, erm, um, I wish I didn’t have double Maths on a Wednesday afternoon …”

  “Please wake me when he’s finished!”

  “I don’t know! I can’t think of anything.”

  “Come on, Tom,” said George. “Surely you can think of some’ink? Thinkin’ is not my strong point, but even I thunk of some’ink.”

  Sadly, though, the boy’s mind was blank.

  “It seems I was right all along!” exclaimed Amber. “Sorry, Tom, you are just not cut out for the Midnight Gang. Your trial period is now over!”

  “No!” protested Tom.

  “Yes!” replied Amber.

  “Give me another chance! Please? I can think of something!”

  “No!” said the girl. “There is no point you being in the Midnight Gang unless you can think of a dream you want to come true. Let’s vote! I say we don’t let Tom join our gang. Boys? Do you agree?”

  “I vote Tom can stay!” said Robin.

  “What?” demanded Amber.

  “As long as he agrees to push your wheelchair until further notice.”

  “Yes, if Tom pushes the wheelchair, ’e can stay!” agreed George.

  “You two are so annoying!” said Amber. “Right, it looks like you are staying. And pushing!”

  “YES!” exclaimed Tom.

  “Right! Come on, get up!”

  The boy did as he was told.

  “Now, spin me round. And push! FAST!”

  The boy pushed Amber along the corridor as fast as he could.

  “FASTER!” she shouted.

  The four children travelled along corridor after corridor in the basement of LORD FUNT HOSPITAL. They passed the boiler room. Tom peered in as he struggled to push Amber in her wheelchair. Inside was a giant water tank the size of a swimming pool. Coming in and out of the tank were huge copper pipes, which rattled and hissed away.

  Next the children passed a dark, dank storeroom. Again Tom peered in. It seemed to be full of nothing more than old junk. A ripped hospital mattress was lying on the floor. The gang pressed on.

  Finally, a sign ahead of them read DEEP FREEZE.

  “Here we are!” announced Amber.

  Tom was only wearing his pink, frilly nightdress.

  “You’re joking!” he exclaimed.

  “What do you mean?” replied Amber.

  “We can’t go in the deep freeze!” protested the boy.

  As they opened the door to what was a giant freezer, which stored tons of hospital food, Amber said, “We’re not going into the deep freeze. We are going to the North Pole!”

  “The North Pole?” asked Tom. He looked towards Robin and George, but they did not react. “What do you mean we are going to the North Pole?”

  “It’s always been my dream to be the very first girl to go to the North Pole,” said Amber. “As soon as I am out of hospital, I am going to be a world-famous explorer.

  I am going to be the first girl to reach the South Pole too. I want to sail solo around the world. I want to climb the highest mountain, dive down to the very bottom of the sea. I want to have adventures beyond your wildest dreams!”

  Tom stood silently listening, wishing he could dream this big. He had always been quiet and even rather timid at school. Tom never wanted to stand out. Now the boy was being asked to reveal his big dream, and to his shame he realised he didn’t even have one. Then Tom asked, “Were you exploring when you broke your arms and legs?”

  George gave Tom a look, as if to say “don’t go there”. As for Amber, she looked extremely annoyed at being asked the question.

  “If you must know,” she began, “it was a mountain-climbing accident.”

  “Well, that isn’t strictly true, is it, dear?” said Robin.

  The girl was starting to look uncomfortable. “Well, all right, I was doing mountain-climbing training.”

  That still sounded impressive to Tom.

  “I wouldn’t exactly call it mountain-climbing training,” said Robin.

  “What would you call it then, clever-clogs?” snapped the girl.

  “I would call it ‘falling off the top bunk’,” answered Robin drily.

  Tom tried hard not to laugh, but he just couldn’t help himself. He burst into helpless laughter. “Ha! Ha! Ha!”

  “Ha! Ha! Ha!” laughed George.

  Within moments, the rather dry Robin was laughing too. “Ha! Ha! Ha!”

  “SILENCE! The lot of you!” screamed Amber.

  Seeing how angry this was making the only girl, the boys laughed even more.

  “I’m waiting,” she said, sounding rather like a teacher.

  Eventually the laughter died down, and Amber announced, “Now come on, you silly boys. We are going to be the very first children to reach the North Pole!”

  George beckoned Tom to help him, and together the pair slid open the huge metal door to the freezer room.

  A blast of arctic air hit the four full in the face.

  As the cold air met the warm air, a white mist was formed. At first this mist covered everything. Slowly it cleared, and at last the children saw the most magnificent sight.

  The children’s faces lit up as they saw the North Pole.

  It wasn’t the real North Pole, but it was an incredible re-creation of it. Inside the hospital’s freezer room, there were inches of snow on the ground. It must have been made from all the flakes of ice that had gathered on the boxes of fish fingers and bags of frozen peas. There were snowdrifts and ice caves and even an igloo. A fan stuck to the ceiling swirled the air around, blowing little pieces of ice about the room. It looked like it was snowing. The snow sparkled in the fluorescent light from the corridor like diamond dust.

  “Wow!” said Tom.

  “It’s beautiful,” said Amber.

  This girl had always seemed to be the toughest of the group, but now Tom could see Amber had tears welling in her eyes.

  “Please tell me what you see,” said Robin.

  In this moment of wonder, the children had quite forgotten that, since the operation on his eyes, Robin could not see a thing. His bandages had to stay on for weeks yet.

  “It’s perfect,” replied Amber.

  “How?” asked Robin.

  “Robin, there is snow everywhere,” said Tom. “It’s falling from the sky.”

  “I can feel it on my face.”

  “And there’s a snowdrift, and even an igloo,” said Tom. “And I don’t believe it! Look here, Amber!”

  Leaning to the far side of the igloo was a Union Jack flag. It was attached to a wooden pole that looked as if it had been snapped off a building. Perhaps it had been snapped off the side of this very building, the LORD FUNT HOSPITAL.

  “That must be so you can place it in the snow!” said George. “Like adventurers do. To prove to everyone that you really were ’ere!”

  “Place what in the snow?”
demanded Robin eagerly.

  “A flag!” replied Tom. “Sorry, I should have said.”

  “Pass it to me!” ordered Amber.

  Tom carefully placed the flagpole in her hand. The girl tried to place it down, but as her arms were in casts she couldn’t.

  “I can’t do it!” said Amber, clearly frustrated.

  “Let me help!” said Tom.

  “NO!” she snapped. “Let’s forget the whole thing! This is stupid!”

  “It’s not stupid,” said Tom. “I thought you said the Midnight Gang was all about children working together?”

  “It is,” replied Amber grumpily.

  “Then let me help. In fact, let’s all help. Let’s all do it together.”

  “Good idea,” said George. He guided Robin’s hands to the pole and together they all stuck the end into the deep snow in the middle of the room.

  “I hereby declare myself, Amber Florence Harriet Latty, to be the very first girl to reach the North Pole!”

  “Hurray!” cheered the boys.

  “Thank you, thank you,” began Amber grandly. “I really do need to thank a few people.”

  “Oh, ’ere she goes!” said George.

  “This may take some time,” hissed Robin to Tom. “Amber loves making a speech.”

  “Thank you mostly to myself, without whom none of this would have been possible.”

  “So humble!” remarked Robin.

  “But I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my old friends and new friend in the Midnight Gang.”

  It might not have been the real North Pole, but the look of pride on the girl’s face was certainly real.

  Tom looked across this mini arctic wasteland. As the mist cleared, the boy saw that the hospital food that was normally stored in the freezer room had been piled up to one side, and covered in ice to disguise it. This begged an important question. Who had done all this?

  Just then a shadow passed the gang. Someone or something had moved past the doorway.

  “What’s that?” asked Tom, a note of terror in his voice.

  “What’s what?” asked George.

  “S-s-someone’s th-th-there,” he spluttered.

  “Where?” asked Amber.

  “Outside the door,” answered Tom.

  “It was nothing,” said Amber.

  “If it was nothing, then go out and have a look,” said Tom.

  There was silence for a moment.

  “Well, I can hardly go out and check in my wheelchair now, can I?” replied Amber.

  “I could go out, but the looking part I would find hard,” said Robin.

  All eyes turned to George. “I would love to go, just as soon as I’ve finished this tub of ice cream,” said George. He had chocolate ice cream around his face, and he dipped his hand into the tub to get another scoop.

  Now all eyes turned to Tom.

  “I can’t go!” he exclaimed.

  “Why ever not?” demanded Amber.

  The boy looked down to his pink, frilly nightie. “In this?”

  “That’s hardly a good excuse!” replied Amber. “Girls have to wear nighties. Let’s take a vote. All in favour of Tom going to see who it is put their hands up.”

  Predictably, the other two boys raised their hands.

  “Mine would be raised too if they could. So that’s settled then,” said the girl grandly. “Off you go, Tom.”

  “But …” he protested.

  “Do you want to be made a permanent member of the Midnight Gang or not?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Yes, b-b-but …”

  “Then get out there!” she ordered. “Right now!”

  The ice underfoot was getting slippery now and Tom nearly fell over with each step. Slowly he reached the doorway to the freezer room. Tom peered out to the left. He couldn’t see anything. Then he peered to the right. Out of the shadows came something, the unmistakable figure of … a polar bear.

  “Grrr!” it growled.

  It wasn’t a real polar bear. It was a man in a polar-bear suit. Not the best polar bear suit either. This one was made of cotton wool that looked as if it had been scavenged from the hospital. There were two holes for the eyes, the ears were made of sponges and the nose was made from the end of a stethoscope. The claws were curtain hooks, and the fangs were nothing more than folded pieces of white cardboard from a medicine box.

  On seeing the “polar bear” up close, Tom didn’t feel so scared any more. He knew it was a person in a suit.

  Then the person inside pulled the hood off.

  It was the porter.

  On seeing the man’s misshapen face, the boy screamed again: “Arrrggghhh!”

  “Hello, children!” said the porter cheerfully. “I am so sorry I’m late.”

  Tom was breathing in and out far too fast now. “W-w-what …?” he panted.

  “Slow down, young sir,” said the man. “It’s only me, the porter.”

  “So it’s you behind this?”

  “Yes! It took me weeks to sculpt that arctic wasteland from the ice in the freezer room. Thankfully it hadn’t been defrosted for years so there was plenty of ‘snow’ to play with.”

  Tom was bemused. He had been told that the Midnight Gang was for kids only, and a secret from grown-ups. Why on earth was this scary-looking man involved?

  “Hello, Porter!” said Amber as George and Robin struggled to wheel her to the entrance of the freezer room.

  “Good evening, young Miss Amber,” replied the man. “I was planning to pop out from behind the igloo dressed as a polar bear and surprise you, but I just couldn’t sew on the ears in time.”

  The man offered up the hood. One of the black sponge ears was dangling by a thread.

  “It’s brilliant!” exclaimed Amber. “It’s your best one ever. I’d hug you if I could.”

  The porter gently patted her head with his cotton-wool glove. “That is sweet. Thank you, young lady.

  The wish to go to the North Pole took rather a lot of thinking on my part.”

  “I never thought when I was admitted to ’ospital to ’ave my tonsils out that I would end up meetin’ a polar bear!” remarked George.

  “It’s not a real one, George,” said Robin.

  “Yes, I realised that!” said George. “Soon after ’e took the ’ood off.”

  “Oh dear,” purred Robin.

  “But, Porter, why are you doing all this?” demanded Tom.

  “Me? Oh well, I suppose I’ve always liked to help out the Midnight Gang, right from the start,” replied the man with a glint in his eye. “I’ve just got to be careful Matron doesn’t find out, or I would get fired. On the spot!”

  “So why do it?”

  “Well, I feel it’s worth the risk. I believe that if the patients in this hospital are happy, then there is a much better chance of them getting better.”

  That makes sense, thought Tom, before asking, “But what if they don’t?”

  “Even if the patients don’t get better, they might feel better. And that’s worth something.”

  “It certainly is,” agreed Robin.

  “I am just a lowly porter, the lowest of the low …” slurred the man.

  “You’re not the lowest of the low!” interrupted Amber.

  “That’s kind,” he replied.

  “There’s always the bog cleaner,” added George, not entirely helpfully.

  “Well, I am sure that makes him feel a whole lot better,” said Robin.

  “Bog cleaning is important if smelly work, young sir. I never had the chance to go to university and study to be a doctor. That’s what I would have really loved to do with my life. I spent a lot of my young life in a hospital, not unlike this one. Trying to straighten this, move that,” he said, indicating his misshapen face. “None of it worked. I missed out on a proper education. I would have loved to have gone to school, but I was told it was better I stay at the hospital where I wouldn’t frighten the other children.”

  Sudden
ly Tom felt a hot surge of guilt. The boy had screamed when he’d seen the porter. Not once, but twice.

  “I’ve been in hospital now for two months with these blasted broken arms and legs of mine,” said Amber. “And so many children have come and gone from the ward in that time. So many dreams have come true. And none of us could have done it without you.”

  The porter looked a little bashful. “Why, thank you, Miss Amber. I have to admit, there have been some absolute beauties, haven’t there?”

  “Tell me, tell me, tell me!” demanded Tom.

  “The Midnight Gang had a thrilling night of racing driving!” began Amber.

  “In wheelchairs!” continued the porter. “One young lad called Henry couldn’t walk at all. He had been born that way. But young Mr Henry desperately wanted to be a racing driver. So I rewired his electric wheelchair to go super-fast. Seventy miles an hour! He was a blur when he whizzed past. Then of course the other children in the ward wanted a go!”

  “It wasn’t fair!” said George. “Lucky old ’Enry!”

  “Lucky?” said Robin. “He couldn’t walk!”

  “I admit that wasn’t so lucky.”

  “So I found some old rusty wheelchairs that had been left down here to rot,” slurred the porter. “I fixed them up with engines that I ‘borrowed’ from the lawnmowers in the gardener’s shed. All the children got a racing number painted on the back of their pyjamas. I used a tea towel as a starter flag, and off they went!”

  “We raced round and round the hospital corridors all night!” exclaimed George. “I came third!”

  “There were only three children in the race,” remarked Amber.

  “Yes, but I still came third!”

  “I crashed a hundred and three times, but still enjoyed it,” added Robin. “Somehow I came in second.”

  Although the children had started shivering in the freezer room, they couldn’t stop sharing their stories of the Midnight Gang’s after-dark adventures. “Snow” fell from the ceiling as they told their fantastical stories, every one of them true.

  “Then there was a little girl in the ward called Valerie,” began Amber. “No more than ten years old. Obsessed with history. Wants to be an archaeologist when she grows up. Her dream was to explore the treasures of ancient Egypt.”