Episode 3
January 1543
Ashridge House, Hertfordshire
As Kat and I walked to my apartments, I heard footsteps following us. Apparently, so did Kat, for we both turned around at the same time.
It was Robert. I stopped and waited for him to catch up with us, and as he did he said, “I know that it is late, my Lady, and you are no doubt tired from your journey, but I was hoping to beg an audience with you.”
I looked at Kat, not only for permission but also because looking at Robert’s face for any prolonged amount of time made me begin to shake. I was again unaccustomed to his beauty. Thankfully, I knew my reaction to him would lessen with time and exposure.
Kat nodded and said, “But come into our sitting room so that we can get warmed up. I have our things to set out, so I will be able to watch you.”
Robert smiled debonairly and said, “Thank you so much, wonderful and beautiful Lady Katherine.”
I shivered with cold, excitement, and a touch of dread. I wondered if he was going to ask me about the strange things he had seen.
Edward was correct in saying Father had outdone himself with our apartment. It was magnificent. Thick rugs littered the floor, plush chairs reposed in every corner, and freshly beaten velvet drapes swooped across windows. The tile-worked fireplace was intricate with gold-carved flourishes and ebony inlays. I walked directly to the flames to warm my hands. It was so cold here. Robert joined me, and Kat went about lighting more candles before going to the bedchamber to warm herself there.
I looked over to Robert to find that he was staring at me. He looked so amazing by firelight. His dark eyes did not leave me as my eyes moved from feature to feature on his face.
“I have missed you terribly, Robin,” I said, my voice a bit wobbly.
He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but his countenance changed, and he looked into the fire for the first time. “I have missed you as well, my friend. I did not know how difficult it would be to act my part around the other boys, but I find I can do it.”
“Sometimes I wonder what you are talking about, Robert. Are your parents cruel to you that you must always play a part when around those who could report on you?”
He stiffened and looked at me in alarm. “What do you mean by...oh, never mind. I can’t fight with you right now. All I came to tell you was how I have missed you and missed being able to be myself with you. I also wanted to warn you about the situation here. I think that there is a delicate balance I have to maintain. Because I want to stay, I must act my part. I need you to know that if, at any time, I say something that in any way is unkind, I do not mean it. You are my closest friend, but I think it would serve us both if no one found that out.”
My eyes narrowed. “So, you want to keep the depth of our friendship a secret so that I will continue to be the outcast of the group? Or are you asking me to forgive you if you have to be unkind at times in order to maintain your clout? Which is it, Robert?” My voice rose as I spoke, and I knew that I was nearing anger.
Robert looked at me as if he had never seen me before.
“My Lady, you have always been able to read into what I was saying, but to have my own thoughts untwisted and regurgitated in this manner is quite alarming. Moreover, when you lay it all out in that way, I must say my whole speech was quite unforgivable and I am ashamed of it. What kind of thing for me to ask of a friend? How am I such a numbskull?” He looked down at the fire again and shook his head at himself.
As he always did, Robert dissipated my anger with his humble wit and charm.
I smiled slightly and turned to warm my backside. “You are not a numbskull, Robert Dudley. You are just a boy,” I said with a bit of degradation in my voice.
It was then that I realized I was somehow so much wiser in the matters of human nature than I ever had been before. What had happened to me? I thought for several moments on this subject, but then looked back at Robert, whose face was downcast.
“Oh, Robert, forgive me! You are not as stupid as a boy—well, not all of the time.” I elbowed him. “You see, two can play your boy’s game.”
It struck me just then that Robert had always treated me as an equal girl. Here was the proof. He came to apologize in advance if he ever accidentally acted like the other boys. More proof was how he acted when they were mean to me, like about my mother. He did not laugh or joke because he would never do such a thing.
A thought occurred to me then. What if the reason my light did not touch Robert was because he was already aligned with me and my request? This made me think how important a distinction this could be for me. By intentionally manipulating the minds of all those around me, I could always know who agreed with me.
I imagined myself as queen and my whole Privy Council always agreeing with my silliest whim. That, however, could cause some difficulties. All my opposition could not suddenly be on my side without raising eyebrows. Those not manipulated would sense strangeness, just as Robert had done both times it had happened in front of him. I wondered if I could choose whom I wanted to affect, and if I could do it at varying levels.
Suddenly a surge of delighted excitement tickled my mind. I knew exactly what I would do with this time surrounded by the rougher sex. I would glean all I could from Dr. Coxe, of course, and I would have as much fun with Robert and Edward as I could. But I also now had subjects to practice my gift upon. I would hone and perfect my gift until it was as sharp as a rapier sword.
I knew that I could use this opportunity to experiment with my power as a stepping stone. I could make myself into something great. What if I could manipulate my way into a crown someday? My thoughts had betrayed me for had I not just thought of myself as such? I had, and I felt, in that moment, as if I understood exactly how it could happen for me.
And what a thing it would be. A woman, a single woman, uninterested in having children or getting married ever…queen.
A woman alone on the throne, powerful yet loved, feared yet respected. How would that be? I truly could be all that my mother wanted, for look how far she rose with this power.
I turned to my friend and took his hand. I squeezed it with as much affection as I could muster and smiled, my very skin and breath and fingers anticipating the future ahead of me. But as I looked into Robert’s beautiful face, with its bright eyes and full mouth, I understood something about myself. Of all the scary, seemingly impossible things I saw ahead of me on that futuristic path, having my beloved Robert by my side felt like having a suit of armor, a buffeter against my own cowardice. And it was not the hope of being queen or the power of my magic but Robert’s face before me, in my future, that sent a chill of excitement up my spine.
February 1543
Ashridge House, Hertfordshire
The bitter January weather kept us in the schoolroom for the majority of every day, and I felt distracted from my practice of manipulations by the rigor of our studies. In the mornings, we would go through language exercises, and then we would move to science and math. I was at almost the same level as the boys in these two subjects. However, since math and science were considered unimportant for me to know, Dr. Coxe asked if I wanted to be excused so that I could practice my needlework with Kat. I quickly informed him that I would much rather stay and learn the new subjects.
After the sciences, Dr. Coxe had us read history, and then we would conclude our studies with him by listening to him read out of the Bible. He would often give us a sort of impromptu sermon on the meaning of what we read.
I was thrilled by the stories of Christ, his miraculous healings and superb manner of teaching his followers. I felt the words flow from the scriptures and touch my soul with such force that I often wept. I wanted to do what Christ taught. I had heard sermons before, but not anything like what I was hearing from Dr. Coxe. He was a Catholic bishop, but everything he said suggested his inclination toward Protestantism. I loved the God that I met while listening to Dr. Coxe, and I knew in my heart that I agreed with
this religion and not the one which my sister Mary was always subjecting me to.
Besides, I was proud that my mother's work as a monarch was one reason Dr. Coxe was able to hold the scriptures he read from, and proud that the religion my father was forming was one my heart loved. I had an awakening in my soul as I heard the sacred word, and I treasured Dr. Coxe’s explanations.
As I learned more about the teachings of God, I wondered what he would make of me. I had a power that was otherworldly. How did I fit into his master design? Then Dr. Coxe read the beginning of the Bible. As I heard the story of Adam and Eve’s creation for the hundredth time, I learned something new. No matter how strange I seemed, I was created in God’s image and I was his child. Moreover, when we read of Noah and Moses, how they not only walked and talked with God but had great duties to perform in his service and with his power, I knew that I had also been given a power that could do God’s will. This brought me great comfort and I was surprised by my strong desire to do good with what I was given.
Dr. Coxe noted my devotion and sometimes I felt as if he gave his lectures for my benefit alone. It was one subject in which he could openly pay me attention without seeming to neglect Edward, his primary charge. However, I soon saw that I was receiving attention from our tutor outside the schoolroom. Every morning Dr. Coxe had a different and invigorating lesson for me which I could only assume he had contrived in his off hours.
I watched him try not to praise me too highly or too often. However, the boys did notice his attention and I could see that at times even Robert got a little offended by my abilities. I did not care. I felt as though a veil had been taken off my mind and I was able to perform far better than I had come to expect of myself. But, then again, I was always shrouded in the light of my power.
One day in early February, wondering if my heightened astuteness was due solely to my power, I let the light around me go out. Dr. Coxe asked me if I was feeling well because I was not doing my figures correctly. He also commented that my countenance looked all wrong and wondered if he should not send for a doctor. Consequently, I had to spend the rest of the week confined to my rooms to make certain I was not ill.
While quarantined to my apartment, I had a lot of time to myself to think and to read. I thought of my gift and how it seemed to work. I mentally listed what had happened the two times I had used it openly. Firstly, I had gotten angry. Secondly, I had spoken the words that I wanted others to believe, and then the power left me. The other times that I had tried to work the manipulation I had not been angry, nor had I said anything aloud. This made me wonder if that was how it had to happen. After going through each circumstance repeatedly in my head, I finally realized that I would not be able to figure this out on my own, so I turned to the only place I could: my mother’s journal.
I could not understand many of the languages, but for now it did not matter because my mother’s words were of most interest to me. I began at her first entries and marveled at her experiments. It seemed that my mother and grandmother had the power at the same time. Having someone to guide my mother made the learning go smoother for her than for me. This was evident in the fact that her entries were experiences while mine were all questions. Mother wrote of the first people she had manipulated, and then she shared how her skill grew with practice. When she was ten, she wrote, “I have found that I can now choose how strong I want the manipulation to be. This makes things much better, for that way I do not cause trouble for myself.”
This was wonderful news for me. I too wanted this type of control and understood just what troubles she meant, for I had already foreseen the problems that could arise by not limiting the strength of the manipulation.
Mother talked of how, when she got angry, she had a reaction similar to mine and she could not control herself at all when upset. However, as I read on, she became better.
By and by she talked of Father. They met when she was very young. Out of curiosity, she tried her hand at manipulating him. At this point, I was surprised by her words.
I was in the Lady Queen’s antechamber when the king entered. He saw my sister Mary for the first time, and I could tell that he was interested in her look. I concentrated on him and mentally demanded that he make Mary his mistress; and you will never guess, but within a fortnight she was one of the Queen’s ladies-in-waiting, and within a month the king had called her to his rooms.
It was a shocking story, but I focused on the fact that Mother had singled out Father. There were many other people in the room, yet she had only used her power on one. This was wonderful news and I was anxious to try my hand at it. I would need to get the boys one-on-one and then see if I could get them to do something small, using so little of my power that it might seem like their own idea. I thought of practicing on Kat, but Kat and Robert were both out of bounds. I loved them and did not want to manipulate them. Besides, they were usually on my side anyway.
When I returned from my confinement, the boys showed their happiness to see me again. Barnaby was the most enthusiastic. “I fear we’re all quite bored without you here to make cheeky comments,” he said in a whisper while Dr. Coxe was busy helping Edward with something.
I replied, “Yes, well, I missed you too, Barnaby.” When he smiled overenthusiastically at me and his face flushed, I decided that he would be the perfect test subject. Having no idea what my limitations were, I determined that I would wait to force an action and just practice changing his mind, as I had already done, but hopefully in a more controlled fashion. I waited for an ideal situation to present itself.
However, when an opportunity arose, it was not with Barnaby.
Edward and I sat together at dinner. We ate baked fish and winter vegetables—again. The menu Dr. Coxe had us abiding by was not at all varied, and I longed for a tart or some hearty venison soup. When Edward pushed his plate away from him, food half-eaten, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands.
“Excuse me, Edward,” I said politely as I got up from our table to walk over to Dr Coxe’s. With all the energy of mind I could muster, I looked the man in the eye, and in a voice so quiet no one else could hear, I said, “You have decided we are all in excellent health and that the variety of our food should not be restricted anymore.”
I waited for the light of my power to go to him, but it did not.
“Excuse me child, I did not hear you. There is a terrible clattering of dishes and you were speaking so softly. Kindly repeat yourself.” he said and wiped his mouth and beard with a napkin.
I panicked. What could I say? The blood rushed to my cheeks and before I knew what I was doing I seized the power and with every part of my mind willed my words to be heeded.
This time when I said them they were rushed.
“You have decided we are all in excellent health and that the variety of our food should not be restricted anymore. Tell the cooks now!” As I spoke, a strangely large orb of light left me and went to Dr. Coxe. I saw his mood shift at once.
“I am sorry, child. I know that you have something to converse with me about, but I need to talk to the cooks. It is a matter of urgency…I think.” He added the last with a confused look on his face and raced off toward the kitchen.
I smiled to myself as gratification fumbled through my tense nerves. I had done it. Though it was rather awkward to have all the boys gawking at me for yelling at our tutor, their expressions frightened as they turned confused faces toward the tutor for not censuring me, but obeying me instead.
After, I made my first entry in the diary.
A Lady should not yell an individual manipulation at the top of her lungs; those should be quietly spoken so one does not get found out and burnt to the stake for a witch.
Episode 4
February 1543
Ashridge House, Hertfordshire
I had to practice my skill, so practice I did, on everyone. I endeavored to keep my manipulations small, singling out some one person. I figured since I started with food, I should see that th
rough, and talked Nan, the cook, into baking a plethora of tarts, meat pies, and crumpets. Everyone seemed pleased about the change except Dr. Coxe, who still looked a bit perplexed.
Once, when we played hide and seek, I told Edward not to find me just as he was about to do so, and at once he went off in a different direction.
I had our dance instructor, Marvelo Baroush, convinced that I needed to dance with Robert more than with the other boys. As a result, we became quite accomplished together.
Dr. Coxe suddenly felt the need to instruct me most intensely in the subjects I liked best. This brought my knowledge of languages along so quickly that even I was astounded.
Sir William wrote to Father telling him that for some reason my dresses were getting a little ragged and I needed new ones. I was still waiting for that one to pan out. I hoped Father did not wonder why the news had not come from Kat.
Moreover, this one made me wonder if there was a distance factor, could I influence someone far, far away from me? How much energy lived within the little balls of power? This would be an experiment for later and the idea of unraveling that mystery intrigued me.
Entrenched as I was, I left that question and focused on enticing Henry and Barnaby to play a terrible prank on a grouchy maid, and that resulted in Barnaby getting a whipping of his own. I decided that, funny as a wet maid could be, it was not worth watching Barnaby protect his tender bottom for the next few days.
The skill I gained from these small manipulations was priceless. I could now manipulate one person in a room full of people to whatever degree I wanted; I had but to whisper my desire. It had to do with how much power I seized. When I was angry, my tendency was to grab far too much, which resulted in the person I manipulated acting rashly or feeling a sense of emergency and leaving him confused about what he had done. Once I could do it without anger or excessive fear, I figured out how to control the amount of power I took. The resulting orbs of light that broke off from me were very small indeed.
Elizabeth Tudor- Ancestry of Sorcery Page 11