Elizabeth Tudor- Ancestry of Sorcery

by Theresa Pocock

  Kat was back now and, though we knew how to be silent, Thomas did not come for several days.

  In that time, I did as he commanded and talked to the maids. It was as I thought. The next step was what resulted in a child. That was what he was asking of me. As I listened to what the servants had to say about the matter, I felt very curious but frightened. I also saw that none of the girls had children, though they had firsthand experience. This all weighed heavily on my mind.

  Still, I was not ready for that yet. And the fact that Thomas knew this and wished for me to get ready—that he did not rush ahead like he’d wanted to do in the garden—meant something to me. I felt my goals shift once more from the academic to personal. I did care about Thomas. I cared a lot.

  So our time together changed again. I allowed him to progress things. Things that sent my heart racing.

  Several times I did see a faint light in his eyes that told me he would not stop, and that was when I had to use my power against him. Thankfully it always worked. I wondered to myself if this was the exact thing my mother did to my father, and that made me sure that someday it would stop working and I would have to give in.

  That time came on the first of May. I was finishing my studies and Dr. Grindal was leaving my antechamber. I’d had a hard time concentrating that day. Flashes of Thomas marred my every thought. Kat was spending the day going over the books with her husband and I was purposefully keeping to my room. Jane Gray—who was living with us to be tutored of Dr. Grindal—sat by me, working on her studies as well.

  Occasionally she would ask me a question and I would answer her as thoroughly as I could. But soon her questions began to wear on my mind and I asked her if she would not go to Dr. Grindal for help, for I was having enough trouble with my own work. I think that I offended her for she gathered her things and left in a huff.

  Finally there was peace to work on my translation. I did not clearly acknowledge the sounds of a door opening or the footsteps across the floor but when I looked up and saw Thomas’ eyes, I knew that, ready or not, now was the time.

  “Kate is fairly about to pop,” Thomas growled, “and I am but a man. I hope, my lady, you are ready now for what must be done, for my patience is gone.” Without any other interlude, he moved behind my chair, his beautiful hand swept my papers to the floor and roughly pulled me out of my seat, ripping at the laces on my corset. As he did, he kissed my neck and back passionately, and finally, he got the thing loose enough. He growled again as he turned me around and plopped me on my writing desk; gathering my skirts, he pushed his way between my legs and resumed kissing me everywhere.

  While he did this, he whispered, “I shall make you blossom, my little rosebud. I know exactly what you need.” He pulled his lips away from my chest to look up at me, and the desire I saw in his eyes could match none other than my own. “You can stop me if you wish, but you must say so now, for in a moment it will be too late and I will not stop until I am done.”

  My hands ran over his shoulders and up to his face, where I traced his lips with a fingertip. I now knew what he sought to hear. I had learned so much in our months together, so I said it. “I want you,” I whispered as I looked into his eager eyes and then he was pulling at the laces of his codpiece.

  It was that moment that Katherine walked through my door, a smile on her face—until she saw us.

  I saw the scene slowly register in her face as she looked from the mess on the floor to Thomas’ half undone codpiece, him standing between my legs and my dress up around my waist. She glanced at my loose corset, which exposed far more than any stepfather should see.

  Once she had seen it all, she whipped around, her pregnant belly banging into the door as she hurried from the room, clutching at her abdomen.

  Thomas looked at me and all my exposed parts, his eyes full of deep frustration. Not guilt or sorrow: frustration. He quickly backed away and went after her, retying his codpiece as he ran.

  Katherine’s eyes ran up and down me and I did not meet her stare. I was of course humiliated, but only because I was caught. What happened had built so gradually that any feelings of remorse had been easily set aside.

  Katherine grudgingly recognized that Thomas was the pursuer in all of this, for she called me “an innocent youth only trying to do as she had bade me do.” However, she did go on and on about how I had chosen badly, asking how I could receive attention from a married man and my stepfather. I had no answers for her. It would have been completely inappropriate for me to remind her that she’d married the biggest scoundrel ever to enter my father’s court. Not even I would have expected him to keep his vows had I married him. Still, I did not fully understand how I’d talked myself into allowing it either.

  She also insisted on knowing if I had succumbed.

  “No, you saved me stepmother, for it would have happened that very moment had you not walked in.” These were the only words I said in our interview. As Katherine continued to preach at me, I reviewed in my mind my actions and wondered at my stupidity. How did I think the situation would end? He was married, and to a woman I loved and respected. My only answer was that I hadn’t thought of it. It was all about the game, the education, the vengeance.

  Also, I realized what a sacrilegious girl I was, for I did not ever truly recognize the marriage. I had decided long ago that Thomas would be mine and that was where my mind had remained. I did not care about anything other than the way he made me feel and what he taught me and what I wanted. Selfish, stupid, lustful girl!

  Only now could my mind see the potential consequences to what Katherine called my fragile reputation. I felt acutely the cost of my actions as she told me I would be put out of her house. Sent to live without all that knew me and loved me.

  When she was finished with me, I felt the long consuming madness of lust finally lose its control, and for the first time since meeting the man called Admiral Thomas Seymour over two years ago, I was in my own mind.

  Before I left, I apologized profusely and expressed my love and gratitude to Katherine.

  Also, in that moment, I vowed that I would never again use my power to induce love or passion, or any emotion such as these. They were too powerful, and as I looked at my own actions, I began to believe that God had naturally given mankind sufficient amounts of these emotions to cause problems enough to last a lifetime. I need not aggravate the matter.

  Episode 7

  June 1548

  Cheshunt, Hertfordshire

  Visiting Sir Anthony Denny and his wife, Joan Champernon Denny, was Kat’s idea. Joan was Kat’s sister and their manor in Cheshunt seemed the ideal place for me to ride out the tide of disgrace that resulted from my actions with Thomas. Denny was all a-dither about it and instantly began constructing a plan to halt the gossip, bless his practical heart!

  Edward had heard of the debacle and sent me a letter of deep censure, which was exceptionally difficult for me, for it meant not only that I had displeased my king and brother, but that the scandal was out in the open. Any visitors the Denny’s had seemed to look at me with disdain, princess or not, and I began to feel the injury in my heart.

  I feared that I had become too vain a girl, for when I learned the mood of the people of my country and the atmosphere in court, I felt that all hated me and would like nothing better than to be done with me. It was in this moment that I realized that my actions had consequences that could be felt throughout the entire realm. I was the princess, and though I felt as if I lived a secluded life, I found that I was not alone with my sins. Everyone seemed aware of what I was doing.

  What did they think of me? After several letters from court describing these exact sentiments, I felt so humiliated that I hid in my room for days. I wished I could march myself into court and use my power on the lot of them.

  A further detriment to my mood was that only days after arriving, Doctor Grindal left us, for he had yet again contracted the plague and was very sick. I hoped that he would get better and that I could resume my st
udies, for I needed something to take my mind off my misery.

  Before the second week in Cheshunt had ended, I received a different kind of visitor. I was in the sitting room on the front side of the house gazing out the window when a man on horseback appeared. It took me all of one minute to recognize the man’s seat and I was running out of the house and down the lawn toward him.

  Robert. It was Robert.

  He had come to me, though I was censured. Though I was in the deepest abyss, he had come, and this time I would not be angry with him. This time I would throw myself at his mercy and beg him to be my friend and talk with me in the old way, so that I might heal somewhat from this cruel situation.

  He did see me for he made his way toward me, and when he was close he leapt out of his saddle and came to me. Tears were streaming down my face and I could not catch my breath.

  “Robert! Oh Robert!” I flung myself into his arms and my sobbing heightened as I smelled the earthy odor that I loved so well and felt his familiar arms encircling me and patting me in his special way. “Will you ever forgive me?” I asked, and looked into his face through my tears.

  How could anyone be as beautiful as he was?

  His face was gaunt and serious, but I saw love in his eyes and it gave me hope. When he spoke, his voice no longer held any of the boyish tambours I knew so well. It was a man’s voice that came out. “Do I need to forgive you?”

  My eyes left his and I looked at the ground unable to comprehend how he would react to the truth of the situation. What gossip had he heard? His deep voice again brought my head up.

  “Tell me all that has transpired—the truth of it, Elizabeth.” He whispered, as if to himself, “Though it may be painful for both of us.”

  After pulling him and his horse into the shade, I told him everything, every tiny horrid detail, except of course the part where I used my power against Thomas. I saw his face turn whiter and whiter with each explicit scene and his hands were in white-knuckled fists. I described how strange it all felt, like it was not me doing the actions. How I did not like it. How it was not all I thought it should be. Though my cheeks burned so hot with shame that I could not meet Robert’s eyes for several long minutes, I told him of my obsession with Thomas and how it grew and changed. How educative it all was, but when I saw that he did not appreciate my need to educate myself this way, quickly I added how out of control I felt. How almost possessed I seemed to myself.

  How could I help but tell him everything? It was so relieving to finally talk to someone about it. I felt liberated just saying the words and felt as if now that they were said I could absolutely leave them behind.

  When I was finished Robert looked at me and spoke the first words he had since I started. “That is all?” I sensed a bit of relief in his attitude and it gave me hope. “He did not—you are still”—he cleared his throat and wiped his sweaty palms on his hose—“he did not violate you any further?”

  I looked at him with shock. I had just told him! “No, Robert. No! We were caught.”

  “I can understand wanting to, Elizabeth. We are all human,” he said, though he looked at me with a bit of something in his eye that told me he was not entirely sure what I was. “Do you think you are the only one who has been tempted with the carnal?” His cheeks flushed, and he said quietly, “Sometimes I feel like it is a raging river and I am thigh high in it. All I need do is take one step and I will be swept away and drowned, only the drowning would be pleasurable. It takes herculean strength to not take that step. I know, my Lady. I know.” Now it was his turn to be embarrassed.

  Partly to put him at ease and partly to let him know that once again we had thought of something in exactly the same terms, I took his hand and said in a thoughtful tone, “Precisely.” When he looked at me, I smiled and nodded my head once with over-exuberance.

  He smiled too. It was only a slight upturn of his perfectly proportioned lips, but a smile still. I had forgotten how ideal his face was and I could not take my eyes from him. He searched my face as well before becoming excessively serious.

  “My brothers tell me to give in, Elizabeth. They say it is natural, but I do not believe it is so. I believe that we should do as God asks us and keep ourselves virtuous until we are married. That is what I intend on doing.” Then his eyes asked me if I intended to do the same.

  I wanted to answer him, but I did not know what I felt. I knew him to be right, but I wanted that river. Part of me wanted to be neck deep in it. I struggled but said nothing, only looked down at our intertwined hands and then back to his gloriously beautiful eyes.

  He kept his eyes on mine and soon he took a deep breath in. I felt his fingers tighten around my small hand and suddenly my heart started thudding, blood rushing to my cheeks. Desire began to spread its bittersweet tentacles through my insides, yet there was something that felt very different. Instead of the hunger starting deep within me, it seemed to reach out from my heart, sweeping smoothly—not violently—along my veins, warming me like the rays of a beautiful, yearned-for sunrise.

  The feeling did not abate. It only intensified, and I knew that if I did not look away from him that moment…but I did not look away and then Robert’s hand was out of mine and it was on my face. Softly he brushed my cheek and pushed a wayward hair back. His lips moved as if to say something, yet his voice did not work and I could not stop myself from wondering how those lips would taste; how embracing him would feel, not as a friend but as a lover. As these thoughts came to me, I realized I was just a lustful girl. Or was it something other than lust this time? It felt very different.

  It did not matter. What I needed was to get control of myself somehow. I would not push myself on a boy I cared so deeply about, for had he not just told me he wanted to be virtuous? Shame for my thoughts almost sent me into tears again.

  Quickly I looked away. My eyes squeezed shut as my mind demanded that my body calm down. I forced myself to talk. “Robert, am I truly forgiven for so blatant a misstep? Can you still love me—as a sister, I mean?”

  I stumbled over the words. Was it love that I had just now felt?

  “I see nothing that I need to forgive. You are not betrothed to me and you cannot be faulted, no matter what my feelings are. You were facing the same temptations I fight every day. Perhaps I have been a tad more successful in the fight of late, but I do not know how I would have fared if in your situation.” He took my hand again. “I am just so glad that nothing more took place, for I know your fears and I would not want you to face them without someone by your side that could help you get through them.” He looked embarrassed.

  Robert brought everything full circle with this speech. He was too good. I did not deserve him at all. He spoke so much like a man—the man that, I suppose, I had always known he would be. It was so strange to see him this way. “For how long are you here?”

  “I could stay with father at Hampton. It is not that far, but I have not seen you in so long I hate the thought of being even that distance away. Do you think it would be improper if I petitioned Sir Anthony to stay a night or two here?”

  “Oh Robert, I think that would be wonderful. Let us go ask him right this minute.”

  Sir Anthony knew Robert, but considering the circumstances, he was uncertain whether to allow him to stay until after Kat vouched for him.

  “They are only dearest friends. I will stay by their side the entire visit. I promise you, my brother, nothing shameful will happen between these two.”

  Sir Anthony agreed to let him stay a few days, though he watched us with hesitation and anxiety in his eyes. Kat or Blanche stayed with us at all times, which I was glad of so that they could report on my good behavior to Sir Anthony. Hopefully he would in return report me to the King in a good light.

  The feelings between Robert and I were the same, yet deeper, more intimate, and that changed the mood of our activities. Though we acted the part, I knew that we were no longer only friends. We rode horses and talked, but we no longer played as we always
had.

  When normally I would have asked Robert to race through the meadow and frighten larks, now we walked through the meadow and he would pick interesting leaves or small flowers to stick in my hair. Then he would say, “I love the colors of summer in your strawberry curls.”

  In the old times when we wanted a picnic, we would just take the food out of doors. Now we combed the grounds for the most beautiful spot and set it all up as if we were playing house.

  We played chess, and instead of focusing on winning, Robert would be a gentleman and let me win more often than skill alone could procure. Secretly I did the same. It is amazing either one of us won with both of us trying to lose.

  However, the biggest change of all was in the intense talking, playful bantering, and blatant flirting that had ever accompanied our friendship. Robert had always complimented me outrageously in front of other people, but now all that he said held a ring of truth and not the feel of a courtier. He had either perfected the craft or he was making love to me in earnest. I tried not to think of which it could be.

  When it came time for him to leave, I snuggled myself into his neck and wept. I did not want him to go. I desired his company more than that of any other person I had ever known. The thought of facing the tide of rumors alone was very discomforting as well. I had all but forgotten them while he was here and now misery would be my companion, it seemed, until I was once again with him.

  Episode 8

  September 1548

  Cheshunt, Hertfordshire

  Only a few days into September, we received word that Doctor Grindal had died from the plague. It was also told us that my new tutor was to be the glorious Roger Ascham, who would join me soon. In the meantime, I was to receive some tutelage from Sir Denny himself. I would return to Hatfield in February, and Robert would be joining me again in my studies in March. He would bring his tutor, Doctor John Dee, who was very well spoken of.