At the end of April, Robert finally came.
While in the schoolroom one morning, I happened to see him and his horse charging down the lawn at a fast pace.
Hurriedly, I excused myself and was running to him before Lady Tyrwhitt could set aside her crocheting. I did not understand the woman’s obsession with the needle.
It was still cold, but I did not even stop to pull on a shawl. I could not wait to see his face. I could not stand to know that he was coming to me and I was not going to him, so I ran. I could not think of his magnificent blue eyes without trembling and I could not imagine his quick smile without one of my own parting my lips. I did not care that I was not a girl any longer. Robin was here, and the faster I ran the quicker I could hold him and look into his face.
We met halfway down the lawn, my shoes and dress now wet with the dew that still clung to the cold, shade-covered grass. The dampness sent a chill down my back as I waited for Robert to dismount. He approached me slowly and his face held the beautiful smile I loved so much. His eyes studied me in a cautious manner. With a squeak of excitement, I threw myself at him and squeezed him so tightly that I was afraid I would hurt him.
He laughed and said, “It is good to see you too, my Princess.”
I swooned a little at the smell of him: cold air, burning wood, and soap.
“Oh Robert, I am so happy to see you! You cannot understand how content I am right now, holding you in my arms.” I realized what I was saying and how strange I must sound to him, as he did not yet know of my secret love. Instantly my cheeks flushed, and I pushed myself away from him, hoping I had not appeared a shameless hussy. Then I laughed nervously and quickly said, “How was that? As good as any courtier welcoming home her beloved soldier?”
His face went through several emotions, but his eyes never stopped evaluating me. Finally, he settled into his courtier manner and said, “Yes, my Lady. A welcome only a prince could expect of his princess.” And he bowed slightly.
What in the world was that supposed to mean? I cursed my lack of self-control. I did not want him to turn into the courtier. I wanted him to be my Robin. When he rose and met my eyes, I finally saw what was there. He wanted to know how I fared now that the news of Thomas’ death was known. He wanted to see how I was handling the tide of speculation surrounding me. I decided to put him at ease.
“Come now, Robert, you have not told me how wonderful I look, for I am sure you have heard that I only recently had a baby. The small child is inside, and Dr. Ascham watches her while I come and welcome you. He is marvelous with children.” It did not take Robert but a moment to look relieved and to laugh heartily with me. I added for good measure, “I know that the death of the child’s father was a shock for the whole country. However, I had been warned that it would happen, by the dearest and truest of friends, and have had plenty of time to gain the peace needed. I only pray that there is a place for the worst rogue of all history in the Kingdom of Heaven.” I was making more light of the situation than I felt, just so Robert would not think I had feelings for Thomas still. Guilt pricked me as I did this.
“I am glad your wit has not been hampered by all of this and I am so glad to see you in such good spirits.”
“You are here. How could I be anything but joyful? The world could be tumbling around me, but as long as I have my Robin to comfort me, I will smile and move forward.” I meant these words, so fervently.
He laughed. “You must really be missing Kat.” He misunderstood me, though he was right in a way. I did miss having a confidant. However, I let it pass and he continued. “I do bring some good news in that regard. She and Parry have been released, though they are not to return here.”
To my shame I squealed again and wrapped my arms around him. “Truly, they are free? I do not even care if they cannot return if they will not die because of me! Oh Robert, I am so relieved,” I gushed, not realizing until I was done that my lips had pressed against his bare neck as I spoke, and consequently a damp spot stood where the moisture from my mouth had rubbed onto his skin.
There was a moment of silence and I stayed in his arms, not wanting to show him how my cheeks burned. He was suddenly stiff and this time he gently pushed me away. As soon as I was out of his arms, his hand went to his neck, fingers touching the place my lips had been. His eyes changed in that moment and I saw something I recognized. Desire. Pure, unabashed desire. My cheeks continued to flush as I watched his moist fingertips curl into a fist and slowly move from his neck to his chest. It was then that I saw how he was breathing. His chest seemed to be heaving. I looked back to his eyes and had to quickly look away for I did not want to drown—not yet—and I knew that those blue pools of liquid desire would have me instantly should I let them.
“So,” I said, desperately searching for something to say. “How was your—your training?” I still did not look at him. “Do you think you will be called to fight for God and country?” I frowned to myself and chanced a glance at him now.
Robert smiled at me, his face a picture of discipline and friendship, that smoldering desire completely gone. The admiration I had for him doubled. He was so good, so controlled, so beautiful. I felt my eyes exploring his face and my breath began to quicken. No, no, no! I told myself, just as Robert innocently took my hand and placed it over his arm.
“My Lady, you are freezing. Let’s get you to the house and I will tell you all about my soldiering.” He pulled off his riding cloak and set it on my shoulders. It was a bit muddy but very warm and it smelled of him. My heart sung with pleasure.
Once inside I asked, “Where are your servants?”
Robert cleared his throat and helped me lift his cloak off. “I rode ahead of them. I was eager to—to be done with traveling.”
I smiled to myself. Robert could ride a horse all day, every day, for the rest of his life and be happy, so he did not want to admit that he was eager to see me. That was interesting. I led him over to the fire just as Lady Tyrwhitt came crashing into the sitting room.
“What on earth do you mean by—”
I cut her rampage short. “Lady Tyrwhitt, this is Robert Dudley. Robert, this is the Lady Tyrwhitt, Lord Robert Tyrwhitt’s wife.”
“We have met before,” Robert said with a sweeping bow and a dazzling smile. “When I was ten, this lady was so kind as to paddle my bottom for stealing roses from her private garden for my mother. She taught me a valuable lesson about thievery. I might even have scars to remind me,” he laughed congenially.
Her face was shocked for a moment, but she quickly covered it and said in her high voice, “Just as well. I hope you learned the lesson and have not had any more problems, for I would not have a problem turning you over my knee again if it were needed.”
“I am sure that will not be necessary,” Robert said in a tone that sounded oddly sweet, even coming from him. He did not like this woman either. A thought occurred to me, and without considering, I called my power to me. Stepping closer to Lady Tyrwhitt, I said, “Robert and I are only friends and I will be spending much of my free time with him. There will be no need to watch us so closely, for we play as innocently as children.”
The light spun toward her and when she looked back at me, she nodded curtly and said, “Well I can see that you two have things to discuss. I will be over in the corner minding my needles.” And with that, she promptly walked to the far edge of the room, plopped herself down in a chair, and began her concentrated sewing.
Still surrounded by light, I turned to Robert. It was then that I remembered that he could see the real me. His eyes were startled, and they ran up and down me like I was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. Hesitantly, he touched a golden, light-infused curl that had come loose at the nape of my neck. Tilting his head to the side for a better view, his fingers moved to my ear. Then he gently pressed his fingertips to my cheek.
His eyes never left what his fingers touched as he whispered, “You are so beautiful.”
My heart raced, my blood pul
sed, my cheeks flushed, and then I was releasing the light. He looked strange standing there with his head tilted, his hand still raised, and a look of wonder in his eyes. After a moment he dropped his hand and spoke.
“What—what are—”
I cut him off. “Have we not canvassed this subject?” I wanted desperately to tell him everything. He thought I was beautiful in my strange power and I could tell that it was not just curiosity that made him ask, but a desire to know me better and to understand me. But I just could not tell him. The words would not form. The thoughts would not organize. “I have already told you Robert, I cannot—not yet.”
I saw disappointment flash in his eyes, yet it was gone with a blink. He cleared his throat, straightened his coat, and casually walked over to the fire, now speaking conversationally. “Father sent me to a camp that is set up just outside of London Township, and there we trained in the skills of warfare. The sword, bayonet, the pistol, and shotgun were all expounded. I saw Barnaby there. Can you believe it? Barnaby, after all this time. He looked well and asked after you, of course. I told him all I knew of you and he begged me to give you his greetings.”
I smoothed my face and exhaled deeply before joining him in front of the fire. “Thank you,” I said softly. Then I continued loudly, “So did you best him in all this martial? I know the two of you have always had a competition between you.”
He laughed gaily. “Yes, well Barnaby has grown. He is a half-a-foot taller than me and he has long, gangly arms that strike as quick as vipers. Consequently, I did not best him with the sword, but I am a better shot than he. And of course, no one is quite my equal on the horse—excepting you, my Lady.” He smiled brightly and motioned for me to sit with him next to the fire. “I am not certain what we will be called to do, but I hope that it will not take me away from my studies too long. It seems as if ages have passed since we last were in the schoolroom together. Do you know if Lady Jane will be joining us?”
Instantly, jealousy raged in me. Jane was a very pretty little thing and I did not want her around taking Robert’s attention, not now that I felt so close to him, so in love with him. “I hope not,” I said frankly. “She would just be one more person to tell tales about me.” I added that last so that I would not sound so mean about Jane.
“But my Lady, you and she are friends, and if you are not planning on doing anything scandalous then why should it matter if she joins our party? If anything, she can serve as another witness to your purity.” As always, Robert tore my excuses apart and forced me to analyze my true motives. Perhaps my mind was planning something scandalous—something that involved him. Flashes of best forgotten dreams came to my mind. Robert played a central role in every iniquitous scene. How I longed to have those images come true. Without thought, I closed my eyes and gave over, for just a moment, to the sensations that raced through me and then I felt Robert’s warm hand touch my arm.
He had crossed the small space between our chairs and was saying, “Elizabeth, are you alright?”
Lady Tyrwhitt pushed herself between Robert and me and began assessing me.
“I am fine. Quite well. I just had some unsettling thoughts. That is all.” My eyes flashed to Robert, saw the pain on his face, and I once again chided myself. Would I never gain control over my lustfulness? Lady Tyrwhitt poked at me in a competent way which only made my annoyance mount quicker. I called the light to me and told her, “I am fine. Let me be.” However, before I pushed the light to her, her hands left me, and she turned to go to her chair. Relieved that she simply listened, I turned to Robert.
As expected, his eyes were filled with wonder and amazement. “Do not take it away,” he whispered almost pitifully. “I only want to look at you. I will not ask any questions. Only let me see you like this right now. Let me memorize you.” Sure that I would do as he asked, he sat back down in his chair and did not take his eyes off of me. I felt them following my every move, my every breath.
I looked over at Lady Tyrwhitt, who was busy with her needles, and could not bring myself to return my eyes to Robert. We already had so much history between us, so many feelings, that almost any interaction could take us to the place we longed in our hearts to go. Awkward silences and flushed cheeks told the story without words. It was as if someone had dowsed the air between us with alcohol. All that was needed was a spark and everything would go up in flames.
I did not understand how we were to study and live together when the span of half an hour had brought us here. At this rate we would have to get married, and soon, before both of us made choices that we would never regret…until we were caught.
Thankfully it was then that Dr. Belmain, our new French tutor entered and asked if we were ready for French. I gratefully jumped to my feet and went to the door, calling behind me in French, “Robert, will you be joining us? You could use the practice.” I shot a smile in the direction of his still-seated body but refused to find his eyes to see what reaction my taunt had caused.
I did hear a small chuckle.
Episode 11
June 1549
Hatfield House, Hertfordshire
Life continued as it always had in the schoolroom, though I knew that Robert found Dr. Ascham very diverting in comparison to our previous tutors. Robert spurred me to do better, and I him. Master Belmain had us do some playacting, all in French, which was new and great fun. All would gather round and listen to me play the lute when Master Broushe’s lessons commenced, and I was proud of the way Robert’s eyes twinkled when I began singing. Master Ascham took a great liking to Robert, although he did not spend time teaching him.
Also, he and Robert’s tutor got along famously.
Even Lady Tyrwhitt seemed to take a liking to Robert, once she saw that we were indeed great friends. Consequently, she let us sit and read, play chess, and ride alone together frequently, and we took every opportunity to do all the things she gave us freedom to do.
During most of our previous visits, conversations about marriage flowed freely and frankly. However, Robert now only brought up the subject in passing, saying things such as, “When the war is over, I suppose it will be time to settle down. That is, if I do not get shot,” or, “On my honor, I would do so, wife or no.” Once, he said, “Fortunes being what they are, I hope to have a well-off bride, for I have nothing but a loving heart to offer and a promise of a governing office one day.”
I could not understand his evasive measures until one evening when we rode to the crest of a wonderful hill that looked down on a valley of sprouting fields. It was beautiful and hot, and I was in a happy, chatty mood. Robert for some reason was not, and listened as I went on and on about horses and carriages, and even when I moved on to lace and hats.
When finally I did pause, Robert took on a rather formal tone and said, “My Lady Princess?”
I whacked him on the leg with my riding glove, “My Lady Princess?” I said in a mocking tone. “Where does this come from? You have called me Elizabeth when only my father or Kat would dare, and now you say my Lady Princess?”
“Elizabeth.”
“Yes,” I said as I scooped the pitch of my voice up and lengthened out the word.
“I know that you see what way the tide of politics is taking us.”
“Yes, I do. I can see that your father is in position to take the power of the Lord Protector, if the current one does not gain a victory and soon.”
Astonishment filled Robert’s face. “Well thought out, my Lady. I can see that you keep a very close eye on the matters of men.”
“Yes, of course I do. I am my father’s daughter, am I not?” I said, pleased by his surprise.
“I am keenly aware that the position of the Dudley family is on the rise, for it might make a difference in my future.” His checks blushed as he spoke these words.
What was he getting at? Robert never boasted—no more than other men. I could not see where he was taking this. “Yes?” I prompted with no pretense about the question.
He pulled o
n the reins of his horse and turned her toward me. “I was wondering if there could be some sort of—” He shook his head in disgust and murmured something to himself that sounded a great deal like a curse. When he looked up at me, his eyes were that smoldering liquid fire that tortured my dreams. He took a deep breath and burst out, “What I am wondering is if you have perhaps reconsidered your opinion toward the institution of marriage?”
I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He had finally come to it. I pulled my horse around his and started walking her slowly. “I think that there may be one person in this world that I possibly could consider as a husband,” I said carefully, looking at him askance. I was surprised my voice came out so even, considering the way I was breathing.
“Really? So, you have made a single allowance. Who is the lucky man? I hope for your sake that it was not Thomas Seymour.” His brow furrowed.
“No! It certainly is not Thomas!” I said almost on top of his last words.
He stared at me and I laughed nervously while we looked at one another for a long moment. Finally, he continued, “Well that is a relief.” He moved his horse closer to mine. “So, there is a man out there that may win your heart and have your hand?” His face seemed to be bursting with joy.
“I suppose. Though he would have to get permission from the council first, just as my father’s will dictates,” I answered a bit uncertainly.
“Yes, of course. Of course, he would.” Now Robert was rubbing his hands together awkwardly. “Um, shall we find a nice place to sit and rest?”
“Certainly, it is rather hot,” I commented and finally my heart began to slow. I felt hope that after all this time Robert and I might finally come to an understanding.
But once I found my seat, the conversation turned to other matters and did not lean toward matrimony again.
Over the next few weeks, many conversations of this tenor came and went. Robert was probing, and I understood why. He knew I once had said I would never marry or have children. I had in fact ruined our previous chances. If not for my idiocy, we would have gotten engaged at my father’s wedding and could possibly be married by now.
Elizabeth Tudor- Ancestry of Sorcery Page 25