by Brook Wilder
I had never told her about that part of my life. Nobody knew, not even Mason. And I wasn’t about to change that, just because Amber was carrying my baby. I cleared my throat, finished my awful coffee, and stood up abruptly.
“Are you nearly done?” I snapped. “We need to get back.”
Chapter Seven
Diesel
The ride back to Eden was silent. I was feeling a little shaken. I had revealed a little bit too much of myself. But, then again, Amber had that uncanny ability to do that to me. She could charm the birds out of the trees, if she so wished.
While I had found her a surprisingly wise person, giving me advice when there was no one else to talk to me, I had been careful about how much I shared with her. Amber could not know about that side, otherwise I was going to end up with someone giving me pity. I didn’t want pity; I was happy as I was.
Was I? Sometimes, I did wonder if I was really lying to myself. I had the bikers, and that should be enough. So why did it feel like something was missing?
Maybe it was the baby. I had wanted to be a father at one point, long ago. I had been Amber’s age the last time I had entertained the idea of becoming a parent, but that had been short-lived. It shouldn’t have happened again.
What the hell had I been thinking, having sex with a whore without protection?
I had never been so careless before. But there was something about Amber that touched me deep inside. I couldn’t get enough to her. And I had forgotten myself.
Which was the reason we were stuck in this mess now. I wished that Amber wasn’t pregnant, but she was. We couldn’t change it, and I wouldn’t entertain the idea of an abortion. I would look after my child and Amber as well. And if anything happened to Amber, I knew the child would be safe with me.
My gut twisted at the thought of anything happening to Amber. She was too young to die, too sweet. Too lovely.
Stop it. That line of thought had to be stopped right now.
It felt like an age before we got back to Eden, but we finally arrived, turning into the street where Khloe’s brothel was. The truck that had housed the girls was already outside, empty. Noah was leaning against the truck, hands in pockets as I stared up at the brothel.
“There’s the truck.” Amber sat forward. “How did they get back before us? I thought we left first.”
“Well, we did stop off for something to eat.”
I saw that Amber was looking a little green, and her hand was absently rubbing her belly. I pulled the jeep up behind the truck and turned off the engine. Then I turned to Amber.
“How are you feeling?”
“Sick.” Amber made a face. “I don’t know if it was all that greasy food I ate too quickly, the adrenaline, or morning sickness.”
“More than likely, it’s all three.” I squeezed her hand. “You’re going to have to get used to it for another seven or eight months.”
Amber grunted.
“I suppose. How people go through having more than one kid is beyond me. It feels awful.”
I knew I should laugh at that, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Have you been to the doctor yet?” I asked. “You need to get confirmation on your pregnancy and appointments set up.”
Amber shook her head miserably.
“No. I-I haven’t got any insurance, and I can’t afford it.”
“Then let me make an appointment with my doctor. I’ve got insurance. We can go from there.”
“What?” Amber’s head snapped up. “You don’t need to…”
“Yes, I do. It’s my baby as well, remember?” I laid my hand over Amber’s, stilling her motions. I met Amber’s startled eyes. “The least I can do is look after you.”
“You…” Amber looked like she was experiencing a dream. She looked dazed. “You really want this baby?”
I couldn’t help myself. My fingers slid into the soft tresses at the nape of her neck, catching on the tangles. But Amber went to me willingly as I drew her across the seat. They shouldn’t be considering anything now – Amber had just been kidnapped, for God’s sake – but I found myself ignoring everything. All my focus was on the woman in my arms.
Amber’s lips trembled as I kissed her, tentative, but she didn’t pull away. If anything, she melted into my embrace. I had only meant it to be a gentle kiss, one to comfort her. But that never happened with Amber. Each time I touched her, kissed her, I had to claim her.
That was the problem. Amber wasn’t a woman who was supposed to be claimed. And I didn’t want to claim a woman. Yet there was something about her, something that I refused to let go of. I couldn’t walk away, no matter how many times I told myself.
Amber’s sigh had me groaning. My arms tightened around her and I felt Amber’s teeth nip at my lower lip. Hard. I drew back sharply, feeling the throbbing in my mouth. Amber looked up at me with glazed eyes and swollen lips. There was a shine in them, something that I hadn’t seen before.
She had never looked lovelier.
I had to get a grip on myself. Otherwise, I was going to end up taking her in the jeep, in front of everyone. I had a feeling that the neighbors were going to object to that. Mason, especially, would object to my jeep being used as a place to fuck.
I cupped Amber’s jaw in my palm. I was still startled at how small she was compared to me.
“Of course I want this baby.” I brushed a thumb across her lips. “And I know you won’t think about abortion. That’s not you at all. I’ll stand by whatever decision you want.”
For a second, I thought Amber was about to cry. Then she flung her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I held onto her, feeling her body trembling. Some part of me didn’t want to let go.
“I don’t want to be a whore for the rest of my life,” Amber whispered. She drew back, letting out a slow breath. “I want out.”
I knew that. I could tell by the look in her eyes. Amber was a very determined girl. Being a prostitute had taken some of the life out of her, but whenever I was around, Amber became someone else. Someone I wanted to see more of.
Someone I shouldn’t be getting attached to.
But getting out of the business was easier said than done. And Khloe wasn’t one who would let anyone go. Clearing my throat, I reached for the door.
“Let’s get you inside.”
I jumped out and hurried around to Amber’s side. My blood was pounding in my head. This was getting far too personal. Something I should keep away from. But, try as I might, I couldn’t keep myself at a distance. Amber sucked me in.
And that was simply asking for trouble.
Amber climbed out slowly when I opened the door, not objecting when I tucked her into my side. We reached the brothel, just as one of the other girls came out with a cup of something. She came down the stairs and gave it to Noah with a small smile.
“Get that down you, chuck.”
“Thanks, Lorraine.”
Then Lorraine turned and saw Amber. She gasped and hurried over.
“Oh, my dear! We were beginning to think someone else had spirited you away!”
Amber snorted.
“I should be so lucky.”
That hurt me more than I cared to admit. The older woman snagged Amber out from under my arm, tucking her against her side. She gave me a solemn look.
“I’ll take her inside. She needs some rest now.”
“Thanks.” I said. “How are you feeling?”
“Like someone sucker-punched me.” Lorraine made a face. “But I’ll live. Come on, Amber. Let’s get you back to your room.”
I watched Lorraine and Amber go back inside. I wanted to go after them but stayed back. Lorraine was one of the more experienced prostitutes in the brothel. She had been around quite a while and was still quite popular. She was also very protective of the other girls, much more so than Khloe.
Amber would be fine with her.
“How’s Amber?”
I turned to Noah, who was sipping at his coffee.
“Khloe’s not going to like that.”
“She won’t have a choice. Her clients won’t want a pregnant woman.”
I knew there was a niche for pregnant women, but I also knew Khloe didn’t cater for fetishes. No kink, just straight-up sex. Once Amber’s pregnancy became physically obvious, she wouldn’t bring in any money.
Noah frowned. He looked as concerned as I felt.
“She’ll make Amber get an abortion,” he warned.
I snarled. “Over my dead body she will. Where is she now?”
“In her office.”
I turned and went inside. I wasn’t going to let Khloe dictate anything to me and Amber. It was our choice. And if Amber wanted out, Khloe had no say in it. She would just have to put up with it.
Khloe was at her desk, the office now clear and no longer looking like a bomb had hit it. From the look of it, she had been solely focused on fixing up her office instead of looking for her girls. So much for wanting to help in exchange for protection.
Khloe was tapping away at her laptop, her eyes narrowed in concentration. She didn’t look up as I came in without knocking.
“So, you managed to get the girls back.”
“You didn’t come through for me, Khloe,” I snapped. “And you promised you would.”
“I was trying, Diesel. But I couldn’t find out anything. Everyone was stumped.”
I snorted. I didn’t believe that for a second. I folded my arms.
“Not that stumped, seeing as Noah managed to find out where they were heading.”
“Good for Noah.”
Khloe barely stopped working. She looked like a very professional businesswoman. I could very well see her sitting in a high-rising office in the city, as a lawyer or a high executive. Nothing about her screamed ‘madam’. There was nothing sinister about her. But I knew better, and it did make me nervous.
Khloe had that ability to make anyone nervous.
“Amber wants out.”
That was the only time Khloe paused. Her fingers stopped typing, and silence filled the room. But she didn’t look up. I waited, expecting her to blow up in outrage. That didn’t happen, Khloe merely going back to her typing. She didn’t look up once.
“I’ll talk to Amber about that,” she said woodenly. “That is not a discussion for anyone else.” Khloe gave me a sharp look. “Not even with the supposed father of her baby.”
I bristled. I didn’t like being spoken to like this, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less from Khloe. She was a cold fish when she wanted to be.
That was becoming to be a regular expression for her lately.
I wasn’t going to get anything out of her now. I would have to take a step back and try again later. I huffed.
“Fine. But we do need to talk.”
“Do we?” Khloe raised her eyebrows. “Because I don’t think we need to. Now, you promised protection from your pals against the cartel. Do I get it?”
She was still expecting protection after failing to come through on her promise? I was half-tempted to tell her that the protection I had promised was now null and void, that she could go screw herself. But there was Amber to think about. I wasn’t about to let her be anywhere without protection.
This was for Amber, not for Khloe. The bitch didn’t deserve it.
I sighed.
“You do. Noah’s going to make a few calls when I tell him. I’m just going to get rid of the truck.”
“Don’t hurry back.”
I sneered.
“Ever the sweet and considerate bitch.” I shot her the middle finger as I left the room. “Don’t wait up.”
Chapter Eight
Amber
I hadn’t wanted to leave Diesel’s side. Every part of me being wanted to jump him. My sexual appetite always came to life whenever he was around, but there was something different going on. It was as if someone had flipped a switch, turned my libido up a notch. It had to be the pregnancy, surely. Because now I wanted to pull Diesel up to my room and ride him until both of us collapsed from exhaustion. I didn’t care who heard or saw us.
But most of my body was exhausted. I was still feeling groggy from the drugs, and my nausea hadn’t abated. The more I thought about it, the more I just wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep.
As if Khloe would let me sleep. There were still clients to deal with. Maybe if I spoke to Khloe and asked for the evening off…
Thankfully, Khloe had been way ahead of them. Lorraine told me as she led me back to my room that Khloe had cleared the schedule for the week, so we could reassemble the brothel back to its former glory. We wouldn’t need to entertain anyone.
That was something. I didn’t feel like entertaining any men. Unless it was Diesel. I could entertain him anytime.
And I had to stop thinking like that. Diesel was nothing more than no-strings attached sex. It wasn’t anything meaningful. I had to stop it. Just because I was pregnant didn’t mean a happily-ever-after.
Much as I wanted it.
I needed to keep my head screwed on. My hormones seemed to be going haywire already. They were beginning to want things I knew would never come to me. I had to be practical, think on my feet. Diesel might be able to help me get out of the brothel, but I needed to do things for myself. The only person I could trust, truly rely on, was me and no one else.
Diesel came a close second, but even then, I wasn’t sure. My natural instinct for flight was coming in fast.
Lorraine offered to stay with me, but I refused. I wanted to be left alone. Lorraine meant well, and the poor woman was hovering around trying to find something to do, but I didn’t want company. A long hot shower – or a bath, if the jacuzzi wasn’t being used – and a long sleep was in order. I didn’t want to talk or do anything else.
Except claim Diesel’s body again.
“That’s enough!” I grumbled as I hobbled into the bathroom. “You can’t keep thinking like that. It’s going to get you into a bigger mess than before.”
Thinking about stuff I desired had gotten me into trouble as a child. My mother had laughed at my little girl ideas, ideas about what I wanted to do with my life. My father told me that I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I would be a whore just like my mother. And my foster parents… Well, to say they were less than friendly was an understatement. I could still feel the burn on my skin from where they had beaten me. Always careful not to leave a mark.
Even then, the scars I had ended up with had taken a long time to fade. It was like they had wanted to make sure I remembered my place.
Running away at seventeen had been the best thing I could think of. If I hadn’t, I knew I would have been raped by my foster brother and, more than likely, my foster father as well. They had been giving me lewd looks ever since I came into their home three months before. Then the ‘accidental’ brushing against me started, nudging at my breasts, hand sliding over my backside. I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly where it would all lead to.
When the straw that broke the camel’s back happened, I had simply reacted. Just packed one bag and left. It had been two years, and I couldn’t recall seeing myself on any missing persons file.
My parents had given me up because I was an extra mouth to feed. My foster families had given up on me, seeing me as an inconvenience or a plaything. I wasn’t having that.
But wasn’t that all I was now? A plaything? Nobody really wanted me for me. If I was being honest, Diesel didn’t really want me either. He saw me as a burden, now that we had been careless. Despite the chemistry between us—such an intense chemistry it made me dizzy—he wouldn’t be there for me beyond being in our child’s life. There would be nothing.
Diesel wasn’t capable of love.
Neither was I. I wasn’t even sure what love was.
The jacuzzi was empty, and I took the chance to have a bubbly bath. I sank into the hot water was a long sigh, allowing the
bubbles to swell up around me. There had been a couple of times when Diesel and I had been in the jacuzzi together. It had been an experience I had enjoyed.
Was it true what they said about pregnancy? Did it really make orgasms more intense? I was suddenly dying to find out.
I shoved those thoughts away. This wasn’t how I was supposed to think. Sexual thoughts about a man—who could never be the shining knight of my books—were not going to get me anywhere. I had to think as though it was just me and my baby, no one else. If Diesel followed through, it would be a bonus.