Untwist

by Coopmans, Kathy

  I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s not a bad feeling; it’s home.

  It’s like that saying from The Wizard of Oz. There’s no place like home. No place that lifts my spirits and settles the shakiness in my bones. No place that reminds me of who I am and who I want to be.

  And I owe all of this, plus so much more to one man.

  All these years, I’ve built walls to protect myself. In a matter of weeks, Logan has knocked them down just like I knew he would. He made me believe I was enough; he made me fall in love with him. He killed for me, and he’s given me this perfect disorder in my kitchen — a family who can sing and dance and laugh because they don’t have to worry about me anymore.

  I can honestly tell myself I’m destined for good things now. It begins and ends with Logan Mitchell.

  Selflessness and love. So much of it that I skip down memory lane when I glance back at Norah just as she’s bringing a wooden spoon dripping with chocolate to her mouth. So many memories of baking in this kitchen, of the messes we used to make, licking the cake batter, the brownie mix, the cookie dough off the spoons. It feels like forever ago and yesterday all at the same time.

  It makes me want to create memories here of my own.

  I start to laugh, well, it’s more like a coughing fit around laughter with how dry and rough my throat is, but it’s the best I can do. I can’t even lie to myself that hearing me laugh twice in a matter of minutes is music to my ears. It’s a reminder that I survived a madman who could have done far worse to me than he had.

  “Oh, look who decided to join us. Come here, sweet girl.”

  I go to my aunt without hesitation, soaking the abundance of warmth and love in her arms. Feeling a bit guilty she was uprooted once again because of me.

  “How are you feeling, Aunt Sandy?” The hoarseness is my voice coming back.

  “There she is, that kind girl I fell in love with many years ago. I’m great. Much better now that I’m able to see you. You’re going to be okay, Ellie. I have a feeling you’re going to be much better than okay.” She brushes the tears away from my cheeks with her knuckles. A knowing smile set deep in her eyes.

  I can only nod because this was how my life is supposed to be.

  Happy and content. I just needed to see Logan and everything would be alright again.

  “Want some?” The question is barely out of Norah’s mouth when I snatch the spoon from her hand, indulging in the chocolate goodness.

  “God, that’s delicious. Are you making a sheet cake?” I finish licking the spoon, toss it in the sink and grab a sticky bun off the cooling rack.

  So many memories crashing down around me. All of them filled with family and love.

  “Of course it is, nothing but my girl’s favorites is what we’ve been doing. Norah was just stirring the ingredients. Lord knows as well as you and I do she can cook, baking she cannot. Remember that time…” Norah stops Renita from spilling whatever story she was about to tell by throwing flour at her.

  “Hey, you know the rules, you make the mess you clean it up.” Renita winks, leaving the flour on her shirt and face, goes about picking up the bowl to start pouring the batter into the pan.

  All I can do is let the laughter erupt. So much love and thankfulness filling me to the brim. That is until Norah lifts a cup of coffee to her mouth.

  “Please tell me there’s more?” My gaze roams around the kitchen, looking for the coffeepot. When it lands on the Keurig in the corner, I let out a heavenly sigh.

  It dawns on me then as I stop and recall the other night when I walked into the house. For a man who didn’t have shit in his home in Louisiana, Logan has everything and then some here.

  All of it for me.

  “The cake is the last thing we have to make. Then we were going to make breakfast before we leave.” Aunt Sandy’s voice breaks through my thoughts.

  “Leaving? Why?”

  Renita’s expression softens, and my heart sinks as I swing a concerned look her way.

  Tears fall again; my emotions are scattering as I walk around her and start making a cup of coffee. I stand there with my back to them, trying to hold the sobs that want to take off and splinter me in two.

  “Yes, we are. Let me ask you something, Ellie. Do you want us here, or do you think you do?” Renita takes hold of one of my hands, forcing me to face her. Her brows rising in typical I’m-going-to-answer-my-own-question-so-don’t-bother-but-listen-because-I-have-more-to-say. “You aren’t mine to take care of anymore, baby girl. Let Logan take care of you the way he wants. The way it should have been. You’re safe, you’re going to be okay, and you need time with Logan as much as he does with you. You don’t need us here.”

  Our gazes hold, and I know she’s right. Still, my heart breaks for so many reasons.

  Answers. That word comes to my mind again.

  I huff out a breath as her hand cups my cheek.

  “We’re a phone call away. If you need us, we will stop what we are doing and be here straight away. Once again, we don’t want you to worry about the store. It’ll be there when, and if, you decide to come back. In the meantime, Sandy is going to move to New Orleans and help us. Search your soul, baby girl. I think it’s time for a change. For both you and Logan.”

  For the first time in forever, I’m not worried about the store, or anything else except for the man I love and me getting our feet flat on solid ground. Honestly, there’s been nothing but ruts and holes knocking us down since we met.

  “Your home, Ellie Mae, do you hear me? I want you to heal; I want you to have fun. I want you to live, laugh, and love. You are free, and there is nothing I’ve ever wanted more for you out of life than for you to be free to love someone as much as they do you. Ellie, you can do whatever you want now. You can finally live.”

  Tears slide down my cheeks. I never had the chance to appreciate what Logan did for me by giving me this house. Now I can. I can do whatever I want without fear consuming me. I can visit my parents every day if I want to. I can walk down the street without looking over my shoulder. I can sleep without nightmares because the one I had is dead.

  Something pops in my chest, and with it, so does the last bit of ever having to fear for my life again.

  Chapter 12

  Logan

  I crack open my eyes, body stiff, muscles wound tight, nerves on edge. I need to see Ellie, attest with my own eyes once again that she’s doing okay.

  I grab my phone from the nightstand to check the time, it’s not only mid-afternoon, but there’s also a missed text from Lane.

  I don’t have to open the message to know what it says, not when I know he’d follow through with something I wasn’t able to do. Seems fitting he’d be the one to finalize making sure Ellie got what rightfully belonged to her.

  When I set it back down, it’s then I see the file containing papers for me to sign. A reminder of the few things I wasn’t able to tell Ellie about before our lives came to a near-deadly crashing halt.

  Signals. They are there in a text, there in black and white. In addition to how everyone came together to save Ellie. All signs of a bond that will never break. Family, loyalty, and the love of a good woman.

  Feeling a heaviness on my chest, I grin, lips twitching when all I see is a tousled mess of shiny black hair spanning across my chest — a sight for sore, still tired eyes.

  I push out a relaxed breath, knowing she’s here, wrapping me up in all her layers of sweetness.

  Ellie is curled up on her side next to me with her head on my stomach. Somehow, my arm is slung around her, holding her close — one of those tiny hands of hers splaying across my heart. Swear to God; I feel it clench around it, securing it tightly in her palm.

  Don’t think she has to worry about my heart going anywhere except following her around like a puppy.

  “You’ve flipped a switch in me, baby. Turned me into a man who never thought he’d drop his heart, let alone fall in love. Proves you were meant to be mine all along,” I m
outh.

  The woman has a way of doing just that. I knew she would. Guess I didn’t think it was conceivable for Ellie to want a washed-up whore like me. But she does. She’s taken hold of every part of me I’d hidden for very few people to see. Exposing it in a way I never thought would be possible, let alone she’d forgive me for my wrongs.

  Christ, I can’t believe Ellie truly is mine. I don’t think it’ll fully sink in until I slide that ring on her finger and she says yes. Know damn well she will.

  Doubt.

  It’s gone with just about every negative emotion I’ve clung to for years.

  More than anything, I can’t believe how much she’s changed me from a man who screwed a variety of women for a living to a man who wants no one else but her.

  I inhale, taking in Ellie’s scent, fingers twitching to feel her pulse, to smash my face into all that hair, and breathe her in.

  Raptured.

  Goddamn.

  Comfort and warmth and home. Right where we were meant to be.

  I don’t have the heart to wake her, don’t have it in me to break into her mind and ask if she wants to talk about what happened, not when I feel peace radiating off her as much as the warmth of her surrounding me.

  “You have to tell her the first chance you get about her parents’ things. And, the club.”

  My throat loosens, stomach untwisting from those knots that squeezed me tight when she was missing as I recall Lane’s words as we raced home so I could get to her after watching Cole’s house go up in flames — feeling years of anger. Years of revenge going up with the smoke.

  My throat locks back up when Ellie moans, shifts her body a few inches away, and looks up at me.

  My gaze drifts over her face, going as deep as I can to get beneath the bruises without an audience watching, in search of the strong woman full of passion — the woman who captured me with a glance my way before I knew she’d be mine. Heart as big as anyone’s I’ve met once I got to know her.

  “I’m okay. I just need a good cry in your arms.” All that Ellie’s been through pours out of her as she puts her head back on my chest and sobs.

  Somehow as I tuck her close, my hand rubbing up and down her spine, I sense these tears are different than the other times I’ve seen Ellie cry. I’m the one who made her cry the tears before. I’m the one who hurt her. These are incomparable because with every tear that hits my skin, every shake, every sniffle, she’s releasing the last of her fear.

  I felt like an asshole, not trying to comfort her with words. How could I when deep down no one would know what she went through unless they experienced it themselves.

  So I lay there with her clinging to me like I’m the recovery she needs. I do this because I love her. I breathe her in and let her cry.

  Suddenly, she stops, lifts her head, her mouth lets out an exhale, and I feel it, I see it. She’s a step away from peace. Little does she know how close she is to it.

  She’s going to be okay. Truly okay. Thank Christ.

  My vision shifts from her face to the column of her neck, fingerprints I didn’t notice before mar her soft skin, along with a couple of needle marks. Holding in my temper, I drift farther to where her pulse flutters. It’s out of control.

  For the longest time, neither of us speak. It’s one of those rare moments when all you hear is the thump of your heart in your ears. We lay there drinking each other in — it’s the most intimate moment we’ve shared.

  “Logan.”

  My name. It has never sounded so good coming off her sweet tongue. It’s potent and powerful; it’s pain and pleasure, love, and lust. It’s ‘I want to be the one to walk proudly by your side and never leave it again.’ So many unspoken words are spoken by Ellie simply stating my name.

  God, I can’t wait to have her forever.

  “You must be starving. We have this beautiful kitchen I haven’t had the chance to use yet; I could heat you up something,” she whispers — voice clearer than it was a few minutes ago. I’m famished, for her and food. “I studied everything you had done to the house before I came in here. I wouldn’t change a thing. Thank you.” Her voice lifts, her appreciativeness warming my heart.

  It takes me right back to Gabe telling me how people can change when the right person comes along.

  I silence another chuckle. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to someone thinking about my needs, but fuck all if it doesn’t make me appreciate Ellie all the more.

  “I’m hungry, not getting out of this bed quite yet. I like the view too much.” I lift a brow, glance to her breast and if I didn’t know her the way I do, I’d swear she blushes when she notices what I’m practically drooling to take in my mouth.

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “You wouldn’t want me any other way.”

  “You’re right; I wouldn’t. I love you the way you are. The good, the bad, the kindness, the soft. I do believe I have the total package.”

  This time I do laugh, it rumbles in my chest. “You’ll get soft until you heal, then it’s days upon days of nothing but hard.” Pretty sure I’m talking to my dick as much as I am Ellie.

  “Funny.”

  She blinks, hope, and trust lead the way as she plows a little deeper into my soul. How that’s possible, when she owns it already, I have no idea.

  She covers herself up. With it comes a sudden cold shift in the air, taking us right through the turbulence that we can’t avoid.

  Shit. I want this over and done with once and for all.

  I suck in a breath when trembling fingers reach up to skim around my wound. “Does it hurt?”

  Well, that wasn’t what I expected her to say. Shouldn’t be shocked.

  “It hurts, not as bad as it did when I had no idea where you were. How about you?” I had the doctor check me over when I returned to find Ellie sound asleep, snuggling against Norah. Renita was watching over the two of them like the good mother she is.

  “I’m better. Shadow’s really dead, isn’t he?”

  I swallow — the words on how I killed him locked up on my tongue. Ellie’s seen enough bloodshed to last her three lifetimes, not about to get descriptive and leave images in her head.

  “Yeah, Ellie, he’s dead. Every person who ever thought they could hurt you and get away with it is gone.”

  She tips her head back and sighs. And if I wasn’t in awe of the strength inside of her before, I am when the next words leave her mouth.

  “No one will get caught?”

  I shake my head, caught up in the way she worries her bottom lip when she shouldn’t be.

  “There’s no chance of anyone getting caught. I promise.” I don’t know what they used to wire the house. I trust my family and Rocco. Gabe filled me in on everything while I was being checked over by the doctor. His word is all I need.

  Another breath leaves her. This one is emptying relief.

  “Norah told me most everything. She didn’t tell me about my dad’s guns or mention the video. Renita didn’t either. I want to thank you for protecting them from that. I hope you destroyed it.”

  Incredible. Another thing on the list that makes up this woman—thinking about everyone else when she’s the one who went through hell.

  Fuck, I love her.

  “I’ll always do right by them, same as I will anyone I care about. The phone is destroyed, Ellie. Everything is. Come closer.” I lift my arm, turn to the side so she can push herself up until her head lies on the pillow next to me — the movement causing the robe to slide off her shoulders.

  Fucking hell, I’m going to be tortured until we’re both healed enough for me to sink inside.

  “I’m assuming you have the gun Shadow had. He never let on that he had more things. I have a feeling there is.” She lets out another sigh; this one is full of hurt and anger. Can’t say I blame her. I can’t imagine the thoughts tumbling around in that mind of hers either.

  “I do have the gun.” I swallow, knowing full well I should ease the emotional pain out o
f her and tell her there’s a lot more where that came from, but something’s going through her beautiful mind making her heart pound so hard I can hear it. Whatever’s troubling her keeps me quiet.

  I can’t fight the internal smile or the one I envision on her lips when she finds out.

  Her body releases the sexiest moan when I reach up and touch her shoulder. Slowly I glide my fingertips lightly down her arm, bypassing the bruises and her wrists still wrapped in gauze. I take hold of her hand, entwining our fingers, giving her a gentle squeeze.

  “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

  Ellie is silent for a beat too long for my liking as I can practically hear her brain deciding on what she wants to say.

  “I know. There are so many things I want to talk about, other things I don’t.”

  “Not going anywhere, baby. Take all the time you need.”

  “It’s ironic you mention time. Renita told me we needed time together before they left. Seth said he told you goodbye before you went to bed. There’s only us and time. We have all of it now.”

  Right and I’ll be damned if I waste another second of it.

  The shift in the air changes again. A crucial turning point in our relationship. A realization that even though we’ve known one another a few short months, what we’ve been building is so much more potent than either of us realized.

  I can’t wait to slip that ring on her finger. I still don’t know how or when, but the longer we lay here, the more it’ll be sooner rather than later.

  Before I even know what I’m doing, I release her hand, bring mine up and glide it through her hair. Like last night, I gently press my lips to hers, letting them linger a bit longer, wanting desperately to swipe my tongue in for a taste.

  “I can’t wait to kiss you the way you deserve. This home, this life, our life together wherever we end up, I’m in it for the long haul, Ellie. There is no end in sight when I think about the future with you. You are all I see, all I want, all I need.”

  “God, Logan.”

  My forehead drops to hers, and I breathe in her scent momentarily before pulling back. “I love you.” I let my words linger for a second before I direct this conversation to the place neither of us wants to go.