by L. B. Reyes
Finally, I found the class already full. The room quieted down as I walked in and it was only when I searched for the professor that I realized he was already starting the lecture.
“You're late, Miss…”
“Carson. Evelyn Carson.”
“Please find a seat,” he said, giving me a pointed look. “And since you've decided to be late, I would like your opinion on the discussion for the day.”
I looked around, feeling more than overwhelmed until I found a seat in the front row. Thankful I didn't have to go through the hundreds of students, I sat and placed my backpack on the desk.
“Are you ready?”
No, you ass.
“Sure.”
“Judgement. Who has the right to judge?”
It was the first day of class, I wasn't ready for a debate yet. “No one,” I replied.
He nodded. “Are you sure about that?”
“No one here is free of mistakes, therefore no one can judge another for theirs.”
“If no one can judge, then how do we judge right from wrong? Who are we to say what is something that shouldn't be done, and something that should? Isn't that judging as well?”
“It's different,” I replied with a frown.
“How so?”
“Well, as humans we have the moral obligation to make decisions, sound decisions. Morality is what guides that.”
“And where do these morals come from? Are they not from our own judgment? So, how do we decide wrong versus right? Good versus evil?”
I didn't say anything, sinking into my seat. As much as I wanted to punch the annoying professor, the questions he was asking were eerily related to my current conflict. Professor Lanthorn continued on, letting us know that morality would be a center of discussion for the rest of the semester, culminating in a long essay that I did not look forward to writing.
At the end of class, I rushed out still feeling exposed after having been put on the spot. Professor Lanthorn gave me a somewhat apologetic smile, which I ignored, making him chuckle. Maybe I was on his good side after the embarrassment.
When I turned the hallway, I heard someone calling my name, catching me off guard. I turned around, coming face to face surprisingly with one of the most popular boys when I was in high school.
“Josh Nicholson?” I asked with a smile.
“Evelyn Carson,” he smirked. “Never thought I'd see you around again. I'm in your philosophy class.”
“I didn't see you,” I replied, feeling like a school girl. I used to have a crush on him, and that seemed to be the first thing on my mind as we spoke.
“Well, there were over a hundred people in that room. I don't blame you.” He walked beside me to the cafeteria, taking a seat with me in one of the empty tables. “Last thing I heard about you, you were in Florida.”
“Yeah, I got back about a month ago. How have you been?”
“Just college and work. You?”
“Just college,” I replied.
He glanced down at his phone with a frown. “Listen, I have to go. My classes are back to back, but can I have your number? Maybe we can catch up.”
Josh handed me his phone and I typed in my number along with my name. With a smile and a brief hug, he left. Not even a few seconds later I received a text message.
Josh: Lunch tomorrow?
I looked up, he was standing across the cafeteria with a smile, running his hand through his tousled light brown hair. I sent a single word:
Me: Yes.
Maybe that was what I needed—to get to know other people, other guys to get Nathan out of my head. There wasn't anything wrong with trying, right?
CHAPTER 8
Evelyn
The next day it was the same routine; Nathan and I arrived at the university together, the tension between us a bit less, or at least it felt that way to me. It may have been that whatever I felt was lessening, or perhaps the fact that Josh and I had been texting nonstop for the past twenty-four hours. Either way, I was thankful for the distraction.
When my first class was over, I still had an hour and a half to spare before meeting Josh for lunch. I ended up walking to the fine arts section of campus, specifically to Nathan's classroom. When I got there, he was sitting on the desk, engaging another student about Michelangelo. I recognized the painting that he showed on the screen from his studio.
I leaned against the doorway, getting the attention of some of his students, none of them dared speak up, though. They were concentrated on the discussion, and more than one girl had dreamy eyes looking at Mr. Nathan Maxwell.
I couldn't blame them.
He looked hot.
Finally, he stood from his desk and I waved, getting his attention. “Evelyn,” he said with surprise.
“Mr. Maxwell,” I said. I wasn't trying to be flirty, not at all, but the way he smirked told me that's exactly how the words came out. “May I take a seat?”
He scratched the back of his head before gesturing for me to sit. I did so at the far end of the classroom where I was still able to study everyone in the room. My gaze kept flying to Nathan though. He hadn't shaved in a few days and the bit of stubble on his face made him that much more handsome.
That wasn't what had everyone so entertained and involved in the discussion though. It was the way he spoke with so much passion about art, the way he looked happy. He didn't have that at home, he didn't have that glimmer in his eyes. He didn't have the freedom to be this easy going.
Nathan dismissed class about half an hour later, leaving us alone. He closed the door to the classroom, crossing his arms over his chest, eyes set on me.
“It's hard to give a lecture when you're here.”
“Why?” I asked, standing up and throwing the backpack over my shoulder. “I think you did well.”
“You're distracting.”
I stopped at the desk across from him, sitting on it before speaking up again. “You look happy here.”
“Happier than at home?”
“Mmhm.”
“I don't have to walk on glass here, don't have to try and avoid arguments.”
I gave him a small smile. “When is your next lecture?”
“Two hours, actually. Do you have class?”
“No, actually I'm heading out for lunch in a little bit.”
“Mind if I join you?”
My eyes widened. For some odd reason, I felt strange letting him know I was going out for lunch with someone else like I was betraying Nathan.
“I'm going with a friend, Josh Nicholson.”
If he was surprised he didn't show it. He cleared his throat, grabbing some paperwork from his desk and placing it inside a folder. “Natalie's son?”
“Yeah. He's in my philosophy class from yesterday.”
Nathan stopped what he was doing, studying me quietly and sighed. “Be careful with him. I've heard things about him.”
“Well, people talk,” I said with furrowed brows. “Just like they talk about your marriage with Hannah, or the way they may talk if they see us alone in this classroom with the door closed.”
His eyes darkened, angry and hurt. “I'm just saying, be careful. You haven't seen him in a while, he may not be the same guy from before.”
“Is it me or are you trying to get me to cancel this lunch?”
“I'm not trying to get you to do anything, Evelyn. It's just a piece of advice.”
“I'll keep it in mind.” I glanced out the window and tried my best to admire the beautiful day it was, but I couldn’t make myself feel the least bit happy about this lunch date, not with the way Nathan looked at me.
“Do you like this guy?” he asked.
“He's just a friend.”
“He doesn't do just friends. He has fuck buddies.”
I scoffed, ready to head out. “I'll see you later, Nathan.”
“I'm sure you will.”
***
I shifted, nervously looking back at Josh who sat across from me on the booth. He smil
ed, probably thinking that my nerves were because of him when in reality they were because of the man I'd left behind at the university.
“I don't remember you being the quiet type,” Josh said jokingly. “Something on your mind?”
Someone else.
“No, just thinking about all the school work I have.”
“Professor Lanthorn isn't all that bad,” Josh said. “Philosophy is a hard class but he isn't horrible, he does have debates every now and then though so be ready.”
“I noticed,” I muttered. “I hated being put on the spot like that.”
He took a sip of his Sprite, smiling afterward. “You did fine.”
The conversation was easy to maintain with Josh, as I knew it would be. He was always very talkative and attentive, that was exactly what made him quite a ladies’ man back then. He seemed to have changed as if he'd matured.
Everything was different now, with everyone I used to know. I couldn’t help but feel sad about the years I missed here, the old friends I stopped talking to and lost communication with.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Josh asked, the flirt in him suddenly appearing.
“Not really, no,” I replied.
I needed to get out there, try to get to know other guys before I made a stupid decision. Regardless of what I wanted to tell myself, I knew that what I felt for Nathan was growing. Hannah may have been a bitch but she was still my sister, I still cared about her. That would be the ultimate form of betrayal.
Josh and I spent the rest of the day together at the park, talking about how much his life had changed and how mine had remained the same. I managed to forget about Nathan for that time, felt like a regular girl who wasn't crushing on a married man.
“I'd really like to get to know you more, Evelyn,” Josh said when we pulled up to my sister's house. “If you want to, of course.”
“I would,” I smiled back at him. He walked me up to the door and placed a kiss on my cheek before leaving.
With a sigh, I walked into the house, the silence my only greeting. The bottom floor seemed to be empty so I went upstairs, stopping when I was at the top of the staircase. I looked back at Nathan's room, shifting on my feet before gaining the courage and walking towards the door.
When I received no answer after a knock, I opened up the door quietly.
“Nate?”
The door to Nathan's bedroom opened and I saw my sister standing there in a small silky robe, her hair down and makeup freshly done. My stomach dropped, but this was the reality. He was married and no matter how fucked up things were between them, that didn't mean that they were failing in the sex department. I heard the water in Nate's bedroom running, my eyes flying in that direction.
“What did you need with my husband, Evelyn?”
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head.
“Then what are you doing here?”
The water shut off, alerting me that Nathan was about to step out. Not wanting him to know that I was seeking him out, I said the first thing that came to my mind. “I wasn't sure you were home so I was going to tell him that I'm going out for a walk.”
Satisfied with my response, Hannah closed the door and I did as I said.
Grabbing my coat I walked out of the house into the dark night, letting the cool breeze hit me. I sent Karla a text message, wishing with all my heart that she wasn't so many miles away. I needed her craziness in that moment to stop thinking about what my sister and Nathan were probably doing.
Her reply came a few minutes later.
Karla: I miss Pennsylvania. Tell Nathan to buy me another ticket?
I rolled my eyes. Karla was not one to mince her words, not one that really cared about anything either.
Me: I miss you.
As soon as the words were sent, I received a call through FaceTime. I didn't want to talk, but I answered, taking a seat on a bench on the sidewalk.
“What's wrong?” I saw Karla laying down on her bed. Her hair was a mess and it seemed like the room was too.
“Why do you think something is wrong?”
“It looks like you're out alone…in the dark. Something's wrong.”
I was about to reply when I saw something, or more specifically, someone moving in the background. A very naked man lying down next to her.
“Who the fuck is that?” I asked Karla with a shriek.
“Mike.” The guy waved.
“Can you tell him to get out of there so I can talk to you?” I asked, still wide-eyed. Karla rolled her eyes, asking Mike to leave. He walked out the door, his bare ass out on display without a single care in the world.
Karla had found her match.
“Stop gaping, Evie. I know that's a lot for your virgin eyes to handle. Hell, it was almost too much for me to handle, if you know what I mean.”
“Jesus, Karla. You're really taking advantage now that I'm not there.”
She'd always avoided bringing guys home, especially since she said she didn't want to corrupt my “innocent” mind. It was strange how much I loved her but wanted to punch her at the same time.
She laughed, placing the phone in front of her and her face in her hands. “What's up, girl? Why are you out on your own?”
Sighing, I closed my eyes and told her everything about how I'd been feeling, how much I wish I didn't feel that way. She listened as always, though she didn't seem convinced that trying something with Josh was a good idea.
I hated feeling so conflicted, but I realized I had to put my feelings aside and create some distance between Nate and I if I wanted this insanity to end. I couldn't act on what I felt, I wouldn't.
CHAPTER 9
Evelyn
The next few weeks were uneventful. They consisted of the same routine, going to the university, ignoring Nathan, ignoring my sister and visiting Nana. Josh and I grew closer, spending a lot of our free time together as well. It wasn't the same, but I'd grown to like him a lot. He listened to me, we had fun together.
It didn't matter what we were doing or where we were, we always enjoyed our time. No one seemed to approve of my friendship with him, and it was frustrating. Perhaps it was bad that I was leaning on Josh to forget about my feelings for Nathan, but with him, they seemed to dissipate, he'd be out of my mind…at least momentarily.
Weekends were the most difficult. Some days I'd spend most of the time cooped up in my bedroom, trying to avoid any human contact with anyone.
Saturday, however, I decided that I wanted to not be locked up, that I needed to relax and explore. I went down to the basement where I hoped my old things still rested. I doubted my sister had ever made an effort to clean any of my stuff out after I left.
Looking through boxes my heart clenched with the very few memories I had of my family together, moments that seemed forced. The photo albums were all full of people that I hardly remembered, my parents’ business partners, but not one true friend.
As I took out more things from the boxes, a photo album fell out.
A wedding album.
I swallowed but opened it up, the first image was one of my sister and Nathan sharing their wedding kiss. Ignoring the twinge of guilt I felt, I went on to the next picture with both our families together. Hannah was smiling as was Nathan, but it didn't meet their eyes.
“Feels like ages ago, doesn't it?”
I shrugged, setting the photo album down. “What are you doing here?”
“Saw the door open, figured you were in here,” Nathan said with a small smile. “You've been avoiding me.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, now feeling self-conscious because of what I was wearing. I stood up, pulling down the shirt that barely covered my ass. I had been wrong about being alone in the house and now I was regretting it. “I didn't think you were home.”
“Slept in late,” he said with a frown, sensing my nervousness.
I shifted on my feet, feeling like the walls of the basement were closing in on us, especially after the way his eyes darkened as he trailed down my body. �
�I should get upstairs,” I said quietly.
I walked past him, making my way upstairs. His hand caught my arm, spinning me around until I was chest to chest against him. “Let's talk,” he murmured.
Without giving me a chance to reply, Nathan led me to the wall, cornering me in, not leaving any chance for movement. “I hate you ignoring me, hate that you try to pretend nothing is going on.” Nathan sighed, placing a strand of hair behind my ear. “That night you looked for me, nothing happened with Hannah.”
“You don't need to explain,” I said quietly.
“I do. You're ignoring me and I know that's the reason why.”
“I'm dating Josh,” I blurted out.
Nathan nodded, pursing his lips before letting out a breath. “So I've heard. Does he make you happy?”
“He does,” I replied.
I saw him swallow before he let go of me, taking a step back. Immediately I felt the air around me turn cold, but it wasn't easier to breathe. His gaze was still unwavering and intense, hungry. He held back though, controlling himself and letting a small smile form on his lips. “Good. You deserve someone that can make you happy.”
His resolve hurt.
Why? I had no clue. There was nothing between us, nothing would ever happen but I was holding on to the idea and couldn't seem to let it go. This was bad, so damn bad, yet as soon as the question formed in my head it was out of my mouth.
“Do you still want to kiss me?
The fake smile disappeared, and his face turned serious.
Determined.
His hand went to the back of my head, pulling me to him and pressing his lips against mine. I moaned as soon as they were on me and my hands wrapped around his neck as he backed me against the wall.
He moved his soft lips passionately against my own, taking his time but not hesitating to control it, showing me who was in charge. My fingers went up to his hair, tugging gently at the ends, stirring him on. His tongue swept over my lower lip and I allowed my lips to part, letting him in.