by L. B. Reyes
No matter how quietly I attempted to leave the room, however, it wasn’t enough.
“Are you going to leave me too?”
Evie’s sleepy voice invaded the room, and though it could be a question that only applied to that precise moment, I knew it held a deeper meaning. When I turned around, her eyes were still closed, squeezed shut as if terrified to open them. I sat back down, taking her hand in mine.
“I’m just going out for a run,” I replied, avoiding the question.
“That’s not what I asked,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“What makes you think that I’ll leave?”
Evelyn shrugged, lips tilted up sadly. “I’m a mess.” Her voice broke, a clear sign that she was barely keeping it together.
I crawled into bed with her once again, kissing the tip of her nose. She swallowed as she opened her eyes full of tears. I waited until she looked at me to answer her question. She needed to know I was sure about her, about us, and about the family we were forming.
“You’re pregnant, and you just lost your mother, Evie. You have all the right to be a mess, and I’m here next to you, for you, whatever you need,” I said. She nodded, placing a kiss on the palm of my hand. “I’m always here for you, baby.”
“It hurts.” She paused, dreamy eyes taking in her surroundings for a moment before she spoke once again. “But you make it better. I want you to know that.”
When we received the cancer diagnosis for my mother, I fucking went insane, to the point of marrying Hannah, to the point of staying with Hannah despite how toxic it was. I didn’t know what the hell I did, and my mom was still alive. Granted, my relationship with my family had always been healthy. I couldn’t even begin to imagine all the unanswered questions Evelyn had for her mother.
“Time will make this better,” I comforted, wiping her tears.
She nodded. “I know.”
I kissed her temple, holding her tightly, but the one question bothered me…wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. Something told me Derek had feelings for her. I wasn’t one to beat the fuck around a bush. Even when we were just friends, I’d never done that with Evie. I hadn’t been completely honest with the video, and she didn’t know about my reasons for marrying her sister at first, but other than that, I hid nothing from her.
“I didn’t know he was going to be there,” Evie whispered, already knowing what I was thinking. “I didn’t tell him anything, I promise.”
“I believe you,” I replied.
I did. She’d befriended him, that much was true, but I didn’t think there was anything else on her part. I glanced down to see her, and her eyes fluttered closed, exhaustion quickly taking over. I didn’t bother speaking anymore—she needed rest. Within a few minutes, Evie was fast asleep, her head resting against my chest. Quietly, I moved away from her and decided to go out for a run. I needed the distraction as well.
I ran. Ran like someone was chasing me, ran like I’d find the goddamn answers at the end of the road. No matter how much I ran or how fast, the answers didn’t appear. The questions kept piercing through my mind like little knives.
I wasn’t the jealous type, but the idea of someone else seeing her the same way I saw her…I couldn’t fucking handle it.
“Fuck.” I stopped my run and placed my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.
It’s just another test.
***
When I arrived back at the house, my mom and dad fell silent. It had been sunny when I left, but now the clouds were out with a storm threatening to begin. Evelyn wasn’t around, and concern immediately set in.
“She’s out by the lake.”
My dad must have noticed my worry. My mom, however, seemed pissed off.
“Is she okay?”
“She needs us,” my mom answered. “She’s lonely, son.”
I sighed. My mom excused herself, obviously trying to avoid a confrontation.
“Did Evelyn eat?”
That question made my dad grin. “Your mom made her French toast; the girl ate for the days she hadn’t.”
“But I’m hungry again.” Evie’s voice cut through the air, gentle yet chilling all at once.
She was wearing a large shirt with a pair of my sweatpants, drowning in the clothing, it was so big on her. My dad excused himself, leaving Evie and me alone. Her gaze lowered as she bit her lip, thinking of what to say.
“Do you want me to cook something for you?” I asked.
“I was thinking we could go get something to eat? Get some fresh air before we go back home?”
I agreed immediately. I’d do anything to clear her mind.
Evie wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you; I need you to understand that. But Derek is the closest thing to a friend I’ve had in a while.”
I pulled her closer to me, and she stood on her toes, kissing me desperately, trying to show me exactly how she felt.
“I love you,” she breathed between kisses. “I love you so much, Nate. Be patient with me, please.”
Caressing the soft skin of her neck, I smiled. She just would never understand that being patient with her was all I’d ever done.
I placed a kiss on her forehead, lingering there for a moment. “Let’s go home.”
Chapter 24
Evelyn
A few days passed, and I was trying to get some normalcy back into my life. It was easier to breathe, easier to come to terms with the fact that all I could do was move forward. For some, it was hard to understand why my mom’s death affected me so much if I had no relationship with her, but that was precisely why. We would never grow close; I would never hear her reasons for not loving me enough.
With Nathan having long days at the gallery, I opted for going out and spending the day with Carter. It had been long after all, and I missed our outings.
“Look at you,” Carter said, extending his arms and pulling me into a warm embrace. “You are glowing.”
I laughed, placing my hand over his arm fondly. “You say that every time you see me.”
It had been so long since I’d seen Carter so happy. He took a seat across from me on the booth, grinning at me.
“How’s that little peanut behaving?” he asked as he took a sip of the coffee I’d ordered for him.
“Baby is doing well,” I said.
It was exciting to know that in just a matter of weeks Nathan and I would be having a child of our own. We even started talking about moving into a larger space, buy a house so our baby would have room to run around, have fun, and grow up with all his or hers brothers and sisters, because I wanted a huge family.
“Do you know anything about Derek Hensley?” I asked Carter, breaking the comfortable silence which surrounded us.
“I believe Hannah had a couple of meetings with him in the past, but I don’t know much about him. Why the question?”
I shrugged, trying to act nonchalantly. Carter saw right through me though, his eyebrows pulling together with doubt. “What is going on, Evelyn?”
I bit my lip, wishing I could tell him what was going on. I wasn’t the best at explaining myself, and that had caused problems with Nathan, because I did feel something for Derek, but it wasn’t romantic at all. It wasn’t something I could describe.
Sensing my distress, Carter sighed, leaning back. “I don’t know much about him, Evie. I do know that he’s been a bit of a trouble-maker, overheard a couple of conversations between Hannah and your mother regarding him.”
“What about?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just know your mother didn’t want Hannah making deals with him.”
I frowned. That was odd. My mom usually jumped at any potential client and the possibility of earning money. It didn’t add up.
Carter pursed his lips together, and immediately, I knew there was something else.
“What?” I asked, my heart racing. By the look on his face, it wasn’t good.
“Your mom…she didn’t like him, at all. She co
uldn’t tolerate him, couldn’t stand him.”
My heart clenched. “Why?”
“I never knew, Evie. Your mom was a very strange person, angry at the world. I don’t know why if she had everything.”
“He’s been talking to me,” I stated, swallowing thickly. Carter’s eyes widened in alarm. “He doesn’t come off as a bad guy to me, though, but—”
“But Nate’s warned you about him,” Carter interrupted, wearing a knowing look.
“Yeah.”
“But you don’t want to stop talking to Hensley, either?”
“I don’t,” I admitted, placing my face in my hands. “Nathan thinks I have feelings for him, though, and it’s not like that. I just feel the need to help him.”
Carter moved my hands away from my face, squeezing one gently. “Okay, well, here’s a question for you, darling. Has Hensley asked for your help?” I blinked a couple of times, looking at back Carter’s tender blue eyes. They softened when I shook my head no. “Then maybe he doesn’t want it, dear. I’m not saying to stop talking to him, but I am saying to stop worrying about someone who hasn’t asked for you to worry about them. You have a baby to grow, a man who worries about you day and night. Take care of that instead.”
Nodding, I sighed, gaze down. “It just feels wrong. Like no one has ever been there for him and I shouldn’t be the same.”
Carter smiled warmly. “You’ve always been very willing to help people, Evie, exactly like Anne. She would have loved the young woman you have become.” Carter paused briefly, taking another sip of his coffee. “But she would have also told you to be careful. Trust your instinct if you feel something is off.”
I squeezed Carter’s hand as a silent thank you. Nana wasn’t here, yet with him around I didn’t feel so lost. He could give me advice without being judgmental, would listen to me without interrupting. At least I still had him.
***
Things were calm for a few days. I thought the arguments regarding Derek were over, but whenever the name would come up, Nathan’s whole expression would change. He didn’t like him at all, and I wasn’t sure that would ever change.
One night I prepared dinner for both of us, wanting to have everything ready for him since he kept himself busy at the gallery. It was nothing extravagant; I wasn’t the best cook, but I wanted to impress him.
When he arrived, Nathan wrapped his arms around my body, placing a kiss on my cheek while I served the food. I smiled, unable to help myself with his tender caress. It always made everything better.
“How was your day?”
“Good. I missed you.”
I leaned back against his touch, the feel of him always comforting.
We sat and began eating, and he’d smile at me every now and then, happy despite the hectic day he had. He took my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles as he took a drink of water. My phone buzzed from the island, and Nathan smiled, excusing himself to get it.
His expression changed when he saw the screen, however. His forehead creased, and his lips formed a tight line.
“Who is it?”
He forced a smile, setting the phone on the dinner table. I swallowed when I read the message, simple and to the point.
“How does he have your phone number?” he asked, sitting back in his chair with arms crossed over his chest. He couldn’t fool me, though. He was angry.
“I-I don’t know. I haven’t given him my number.”
Derek’s message was simple. Just a hello and an “I hope you’re doing well,” but it was enough to set Nathan off.
“I’m not sure,” I replied.
He scoffed, rolling his eyes before standing back up, fury evident in his eyes. “So he just got it out of nowhere? Just tell me you gave it to him.”
“I didn’t!” I exclaimed, my eyes wide. “I didn’t give it to him, and if I had, I wouldn’t hide it from you.”
His jaw clenched and unclenched, until he turned on his heel without a single word.
“Nathan, what—”
“Just, not now, Evie. I need a fucking break. The guy is everywhere, and I’ve warned you about him, and you don’t seem to fucking understand.”
“Are you serious right now?” I asked, shaking my head. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
I tried to control my frustration, but to me, he was being irrational. I’d given him no reasons to doubt me, and yet he was. “You’re friends with Jesse, and she has been very obvious with how she feels about you, and I’ve put up with it.”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, clearly not expecting me to bring her up, but I didn’t regret it. It wasn’t fair that I respected his friendships, but he couldn’t respect mine.
“I’m going to bed, Evelyn. Good night.”
Trying to make him understand at that point in time would have been pointless, so instead I just waited in the kitchen, putting up everything I’d used to cook the now-wasted meal. When I went to our bedroom, Nathan was lying in bed, still awake, but didn’t speak to me. I went to the restroom and brushed my teeth, too focused on how to solve our situation to hear my phone ringing. However, when I did, and I didn’t recognize the number, I quickly rinsed my mouth and picked up.
“Hello?”
There was no answer…just silence. An uncomfortable silence. I spoke again, but then the line went dead, leaving me with more questions than the ones I had before.
Chapter 25
Evelyn
I never realized how much I could miss someone even when they are in the same house. We were together, but we weren’t.
With both our minds made up, Nathan and I barely spoke. Hormonal and pissed off, I wasn’t sure I wanted to touch the subject. I was afraid that if I did, I would say something else I would regret or end up crying. I was tired of being angry, tired of being sad.
There’re bad patches in all relationships.
I kept repeating those words in my head, though I wasn’t sure how much I believed them. I wasn’t sure how long this bad patch would last for us.
It was heartbreaking to go from being in a loving relationship to being a complete mess.
I felt like a burden. With my mood swings and my hormones all over the place, I felt like he was getting tired of me.
One day, Nathan left to work early. Jessica and he had been running another exhibition at the gallery, which kept him busy—a good thing considering our arguments. Being away from the tense environment in the house relaxed him. But I, I was feeling extremely lonely. It felt like the walls in my own home were closing in on me.
I longed for him.
My fifteen-week belly kept growing and growing, and I just felt needy. I needed a hug, just his hand on my face…a smile. God, I missed his smile.
The day he was busiest, all the emotions decided to appear, overwhelming and suffocating me. I blinked away the tears, cursing myself for ruining my perfectly done eyeliner and reapplying it, hoping it wouldn’t become a mess.
I left the house with nothing but my cell phone and a credit card that day, in case I needed to buy something, and decided to just walk. My head needed clearing; I needed the clouds that followed me to disappear.
I found myself at the park yet again, the place that Derek had taken me to. The sax player was there, this time playing relaxing music, and I sat by a fountain nearby, closing my eyes and letting the sun fall on my face. I rested my hand over my belly, and I didn’t have to open my eyes to know there was a beautiful sky over me.
I didn’t have to open them to sense him there, either.
“You look beautiful today.”
I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the image of Derek in front of me. Blinking away tears, I swallowed thickly, something he noticed just as fast. He took a seat next to me and sighed, also troubled.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head no, not turning to look at him.
“I think Nathan and I are over.”
He stiffened beside me.
“Why do you
say that?”
Glancing at him, I decided to tell him the truth. “Because he doesn’t trust you.” Green eyes dimmed with shame, but I continued. “The thing is, I can’t stop talking to you. I keep defending you as if I knew you, keep fucking up my relationship over someone I don’t know, and it hurts.”
Derek looked down to his hands, lost in his thoughts for a moment. He seemed regretful. I wiped away my tears, an action that caught his attention. His eyes roamed my face briefly, uncertainty coating his expression.
Until he raised his hand to my face, cupping my cheek oh so gently. A sad smile formed on his lips.
“He’s right,” he whispered. “I’m the last person you should trust.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I had one thing in mind when I met you, but…it’s all changed. You’re a good person. You don’t deserve what I vowed to do.”
Now it was my turn to evaluate him. He was telling me the very last thing he should be saying, but there he was, being honest with me. He gauged my reaction before continuing.
“There’s things I can’t tell you yet because I’m trying to get out of them, but please, Evelyn, I know you have absolutely no reason to believe me, but I don’t want to hurt you.” Pleading, he took my hand in his, looking at it thoughtfully. “Give me a few weeks, please.”
“What did you vow to do?” It was a stupid question I already knew the answer to. Still, I asked.
Derek didn’t want to answer. Instead, he stared at our still-connected hands, as if it was the most wonderful thing ever. I broke off the spell, removing my hand from his abruptly.
“Answer me.”
“Evelyn—”
“No,” I hissed. “If you want me to trust you, you need to give me something, anything. I’m risking my relationship, my family, for you. A man I hardly know. So if you want my trust, earn it.”