by L. B. Reyes
“I know.” I smiled. “Tell him I—”
“No.” He shook his head. We heard sirens; I knew help was on the way. I allowed my body to relax, decided to stop fighting.
I’d loved.
Nathan loved me.
I’d fought.
But you don’t win all wars.
When my eyes opened again, paramedics wheeled me out of the condo building, the bright light from the sun invading my line of vision. I panicked, not seeing Carter anymore, but soon his hand gripped my own. My gaze met his, and he swallowed, understanding my silent plead.
Let me rest.
He studied me and finally gave me a single nod, letting me know it was okay to go to sleep.
So I did.
Chapter 47
Nathan
My mother’s cancer diagnosis turned my life completely upside down. My heart shattered into a million pieces because the woman that had given me life could very soon lose her own.
But nothing could have prepared me for today.
Nothing could have ever prepared me for the different ways my gut twisted when I arrived to the building were Evie and I had started our life as a couple, as a family. The police closed the building off, a sure sign something bad happened.
I jumped out of the car without thinking while Damian still drove, running the distance that remained to the building, my heart thudding in my chest not because of exertion but because of the pure dread that filled my body. In my mind, I didn’t run fast enough; I didn’t do anything fast enough. An ambulance took off just as I arrived, the sirens blaring, indicating that it was an emergency, and deep down, I knew…I just knew.
Someone shoved me back abruptly. “Sir, you have to step back. This is a crime scene—”
“I live in this building,” I interrupted, not recognizing the fear in my voice. It was foreign to me, this feeling, this ache. I’d never felt it before. I’d felt pain with my mother’s diagnosis, I’d felt pain at losing Anne…felt pain when I saw Evelyn emotionally hurting, but this ache took my breath away. “Third floor, room 324 with my fiancé, she’s pregnant—”
I didn’t realize it, but I was holding on to the officer’s arm, waiting for the blow. His expression transformed from serious to solemn, and he nodded, waving over another officer, one that I recognized from the day they detained me, the same one that had been a complete dick.
“Evelyn,” I breathed out, my chest tightening. “She’s my fiancé. Is she okay? Is she—”
“She’s been rushed to the hospital,” the officer next to me replied, a hand on my shoulder. Much different than the way he’d behaved a few days before.
The air left my lungs with the blow, even though I’d tried to be ready for it. I didn’t need to know more details. I knew it was bad.
Agonizing pain.
The commotion around me faded out as I gripped my hair tightly, pulling at it, and I blinked once, twice until I realize I couldn’t fucking see through the tears. I was losing it, losing control, and losing the woman I loved, my child.
That’s when I saw him.
A couple of officers dragged Josh out of the building, and he smiled. The bastard, that fucker was smiling.
I snapped.
I shoved past the officers in my way, past the paramedics, not thinking about anything but getting my hands on him, killing him with them.
“You motherfucker,” I roared, my hand gripping his throat, catching the officers off guard. I heard the cocking of a gun, commands surrounding me while someone else’s hands attempted to hold me back, but rage made me stronger.
“She’s—” Josh attempted to say but failed as my grip tightened.
“Stand down,” I heard behind me. “Nathan, stand down,” Derek repeated, pulling me away from Josh. “We need to get to the hospital.”
He was right; I knew that. But this, this was all his fault. I glared at him, holding on to my anger for fear of feeling anything else.
***
Being in a hospital is like being in a state of limbo.
To live or die?
The memories of every single second lived with the person I loved replayed.
Everyone’s eyes were on me, my dad’s, my mother’s…Carter’s, Derek’s…Damian’s. I laughed humorlessly, shaking my head. Evie had felt so lonely; if she could only see everyone there for her, waiting to hear whether she was okay or not, hurting for her. But she couldn’t.
She deserved to know. She deserved to see this.
It’s was like awaiting my execution; I knew if she lived, I would too, but if she didn’t…My chest constricted again, trying to remember how to breathe. We were so close to obtaining a future together, to building our life, raising a child.
In all the time, the century that I waited there, there was one single regret I had. One that hurt and gnawed at me, tearing at the bits of sanity that I had left.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I didn’t bother turning to see who it was. If there was anyone else full of regrets, I knew it was Derek.
“I fucked up,” he whispered, his voice pained. “I’m sorry, Nathan.”
I shrugged. “I’m sure she’s already forgiven you.”
He scoffed, shaking his head as he took a drink of water.
Meanwhile, my mind raced. In a situation like this, the memories took over, drowning me in the sorrow of the plans, the wishes we had. The dreams I didn’t know would come true anymore.
“I didn’t have breakfast with her this morning,” I muttered, my throat closing as the words left my lips. Derek furrowed his brows. “I was in a hurry and didn’t eat breakfast with her. She likes when we eat together…and today we didn’t. I failed her. Evie and our baby…I failed them. I shouldn’t have left.”
He didn’t reply. I glanced over at Carter. His face was in his hands and his shoulders shook slightly. He loved her. Sure, he cared about me, but Evelyn was his daughter, blood or not, and he’d watched her grow up.
I stared numbly at the clock in front of us forever, waiting. Waiting for them to tell me whether my life was over or whether there was any ray of fucking sunshine, because I didn’t see it. I couldn’t see. The pain blinded me. The inability to do anything to help. I couldn’t see or hold her, didn’t know if I would again.
A door opened, and everyone lifted their faces, not just the people there for Evie, but others, waiting for answers on their loved ones. But the doctor looked at me.
“Can I talk to you in private?”
Fuck.
Fucking hell.
I shoved my hands deep in my pockets so no one would see how badly they shook, but I knew I couldn’t hide the pain in my eyes. My mom walked up to me, lacing her arm with mine. A mother’s comfort always helps, but not in this case.
“Sir, it’s better to talk in private—”
“Just say it,” I demanded.
The doctor sighed, glancing between all of us, knowing we wouldn’t budge.
“She suffered a pretty severe concussion, and her blood pressure was incredibly high when she was brought in,” the doctor began, his expression solemn. “There was very little that we could do—”
“Shit,” I cursed, shaking my head. I couldn’t hear the rest of what he said, not after that.
“I love you, Nate,” she’d whispered, turning on her back, her eyes meeting mine, those pretty eyes that made me weak. “I can’t believe I’m going to be your wife.”
“I can’t believe it, either,” I murmured, placing a kiss on her forehead. “You are my everything, you and our baby.”
She smiled, pressing her lips to mine, tenderly. “You make me the happiest woman on earth.”
“Till death do us apart,” I replied, holding her close to my chest.
“Do you wish to see her?” the doctor asked. My head snapped up, and I nodded, too fucking scared to speak. I didn’t turn around to see anyone and simply followed behind the doctor, my feet trying to carry the heaviness of my soul in that moment.
She laughe
d, shoving me softly with her elbow while she painted whatever the hell it was. It wasn’t anything really, just a mixture of colors, bright like her spirit. I surrounded her with my arms, pressing a kiss on her neck while her ponytail fell to the side.
I felt her gasp softly, and I smiled; she was always so responsive.
“How about we put a pause on this project of yours, go to our bedroom?”
I nipped at her neck, hearing her shaky exhale. “Why?”
“I’m going to make love to you,” I murmured, and she turned around. My lips fell on hers instantly, lifting her up, her legs surrounding my waist.
I’d make her feel loved once again, just like I had from the day I’d arrived in New York.
I walked into the dimly lit room and blinked, preparing myself for what I was going to see. My Evelyn lied down on a bed, her eyes closed with bandages covering her head, something else covering her small belly.
She was pale.
Then I heard a heartbeat. Two, actually. A steady, slow one and then a quick one.
Our baby.
“We’re monitoring them both closely, but your daughter, she has a very, very strong heartbeat.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “My…daughter?”
The doctor smiled, nodding. “You are expecting a strong little girl. Amazingly strong, just like her mom.”
I ran a hand over my face, reaching my breaking point, unable to contain the tears any longer. “They’re going to be okay?”
“It’s hard to tell,” he said, placing a hand over my shoulder. “The baby is very cushioned in there, so she’s relatively safe, but Evelyn…she faced a lot of trauma today. She has a pretty severe concussion…had a seizure on her way over to the hospital. I can’t assure anything, not when it comes to the brain.”
I nodded, needing a moment with her by myself. The doctor stepped out without further word, and I pulled up a chair next to the bed, taking a seat next to her. I took her cold hand in mine and kissed it, placing another hand on her belly.
This was what true fear felt like.
This was true pain.
She was strong, I never doubted that for a moment, and she was a fighter…but Evie…she was tired. I knew it. My heart told me so.
If she wasn’t tired, she would have woken up. Evie would have been awake already.
“Please,” I whispered, kissing her hand. Cherishing the feel of her skin, memorizing the sound of her heartbeat. I needed it to keep beating, needed it to keep working, because if it stopped, my own would stop with it. “Please wake up, baby. I need you to wake up. We need you.”
But she didn’t.
Chapter 48
Evelyn
It smelled like flowers.
It looked like a field of flowers, too.
I was in a field of flowers.
A grateful smile formed on my face, one that I couldn’t contain. It was so beautiful, too good to be true. The place was colorful, so brilliantly decorated I could hardly believe it was a real. My eyes roamed the landscapes, small hills surrounded me, and the world’s most colorful butterflies flew throughout.
Birds chirped, and I could almost see the flower petals blooming by the second.
How the hell did I get here?
My heart, it felt happy…but it felt weird, a sense of sadness I couldn’t understand. My heart hurt, as if it was breaking. As if I was leaving someone behind…but why? I looked around, and though the place felt like home, I didn’t feel I belonged…and yet I didn’t want to leave.
I looked up; there was not a single cloud in the sky. It was as if the day had decided to be one of those days in which everything would be perfect.
It was magical.
Serene.
I smiled softly, looking at the distance where the sun seemed to reflect over water, a small lake, like the one by Nathan’s parents’ house. Why wasn’t he here with me?
I took a few steps, running my hands through my hair, the softness of it taking me by surprise. I wore a pretty little blue dress, too elegant for my taste, but I felt comfortable in it. It was fitting to the place I was in.
Peaceful.
Distracted by the landscape, I almost missed the child’s giggle that echoed around me. I frowned, taken aback. My feet followed the sound, my curiosity as always getting the best of me.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
A beautiful little girl ran, chasing after butterflies, her curly hair bouncing up and down while she played. Her white dress made her look like a princess, and her laugh…it was precious. But even though she was so joyful, my heart ached…until she looked up at me.
Her eyes took my breath away.
A butterfly landed on her small hand, and she grinned, raising her hand to me. “The butterflies are my friends,” she proudly stated.
Her eyes sparkled innocently. Gray eyes.
Beauty many times comes from fallen ashes.
“Where’s your mommy?” I asked, dropping to my knees in front of her.
The little girl smiled. “I don’t know. I don’t think she’s ready to be here yet.”
My lip quivered. “Why are you here?”
“I’m an angel.” She shrugged. “I’m here until I’m born…but I haven’t been born yet. All I know is that my mom is tired, so I’m playing for a bit, until she decides what to do.”
I gulped. It couldn’t—
“Ah, Lily, go on and play.” A strangled gasp left my lips when I heard that voice, a voice I hadn’t heard in such a long time. I turned around, covering my mouth with my hand while I started to realize what was happening.
The woman smiled down at me, her hand cupping my cheek softly. “I’m so happy to see you again, my precious girl.”
“Nana,” I breathed, blinking past my tears. I didn’t dare move, didn’t dare breathe. She was there, in front of me. I could see her. I could feel her. Raising my hand, I covered hers over my cheek, closing my eyes when I realized this was real. Nana pulled me into her arms, embracing me with strength and love, surrounding me with peace.
Those comforting arms.
I cried into her shoulder, hugging her tightly because I didn’t want to let her go.
I’d let her go once already. I couldn’t do it again. “You’re with me, Nana,” I sobbed, hugging her tightly.
She pulled away, smiling warmly, but with sadness. “And you shouldn’t be here.”
“But I’m with you,” I said, wiping away my tears. “I’m finally with you and—”
She stopped me. “And if you’re with me, what does that mean?”
Nana paused, letting me draw my own conclusions. A chill surrounded me as I finally understood what was happening. “Am I dead?”
“Why are you here?” she asked again, squeezing my hand tightly, her eyebrows furrowing, lips tilting down. “You shouldn’t be here, Evelyn, not yet.”
“I remember fighting,” I said brokenly, the memories fuzzy. “And then I was tired, just so tired and—”
“And?”
With a shaky breath, I averted my gaze.
It was easier to stop.
It was easier to rest.
Now you’re here.
Now there’s no going back.
“That little girl…who is she?”
Nana smiled. “Oh, you know who she is.”
She placed an arm over my shoulder as she turned us around to face in the direction of the little girl who still played, this time barefoot on the grass, chasing after butterflies, giggling without stop.
Happy.
“She’s my daughter,” I said, my voice breaking. “She’s my baby.”
“She’s your baby,” Nana said proudly. “Looks just like you when you were that age, but those eyes…they’re all Nathan.”
I placed my hand over my chest when the same sense of sadness took over, this time more intense. My heart beat, but it was slow…weak.
“It hurts, doesn’t it?”
“A lot,” I admitted, wishing the pai
n away. It wouldn’t disappear, though; in fact, it grew and grew, to the point where it was getting harder to breathe. “Why does it hurt?”
“It’s their pain,” Nana said, holding my other hand, squeezing it in comfort. “It’s the pain of the people you’re leaving behind, the pain of those who love you. They are hurting, knowing that you are leaving them. They are hurting because they need you.”
“Why can I feel it?” I whimpered, holding on to my chest tightly. It was too much.
“Because leaving those who you love isn’t easy. It hurts. It’s heart wrenching. It’s a reminder that there are always people who care, always people who love you.”
I glanced up at her, unable to see her clearly with the tears clouding my vision. “But you left anyway.”
She hummed. “I did, but it was my time, darling. I’d lived a full life, I’d loved…I gave what I had to give. I was at peace. You aren’t yet. You were barely starting to live, barely going to form your family. You’re not ready. It’s not your time.”
“But Carter—”
Nana’s gaze softened. “I’m always there with you all…but you shouldn’t be here. Do you understand?”
I sniffled. The pain grew worse, and I sucked in a breath as my chest constricted even further.
I stood there with her, sobbing for a reason I couldn’t understand or didn’t want to understand. I didn’t know whether I was letting go or trying to hold on; I didn’t know what I was fighting for. I was happy to be with her, happy to see her, but it wasn’t right. No matter how much I wanted to be with her, I couldn’t stay.
“But since you’re here.” She smiled, brushing my hair back. “Let me tell you a couple of things.”
Her eyes glistened with tears. “I never meant to hide the truth from you,” she said, cupping my cheek. “I always thought I was doing the right thing, and truth be told, I didn’t think it mattered.”