by L. B. Reyes
***
I was so nervous my hands shook.
But it was too late. Derek’s car had already pulled up to the house. He stepped out, looking as handsome as ever. The suit he wore made him look drool-worthy, and though he wasn’t wearing a tie, he didn’t need it to look elegant. Besides, he despised them.
I sighed, giving myself a few seconds to relax before he knocked.
I’m not ready.
***
Derek
Everything had to be perfect.
After everything we’d been through, I wanted to make it clear to her I was serious about giving this a shot. There was no use in resenting her, when clearly, Hannah was trying her best to be a better person. I still had questions, and I was sure she had some as well, so getting to know each other better was something we had to do. But with time, we’d get rid of all insecurities.
When I pulled up to Evie’s house, I took a deep breath. It was foolish to feel nervous, but this was our first date, and I wasn’t used to taking women out on dates. It never interested me, not after her, so frankly, I had no fucking clue what I was doing, but I hoped I got it right.
The door opened before I even had the chance to knock.
Hannah smiled timidly, her nervousness obvious. She wore a black dress with a small gold belt around her waist.
She looked beautiful.
“Too much?” she asked, smoothing down her dress.
I shook my head, taking her hand in mine and kissing the back of it. Her cheeks reddened, and she bit her lip, still waiting for my answer.
“You look perfect,” I replied.
She smiled, her eyes brightening.
“Where are we going?”
My original plan was to take her out to a fancy Italian dinner because I knew that was her favorite, but after Blake’s party, I’d learned she craved the happiness she felt. Freedom. She deserved it too.
We needed to loosen up.
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at her.
“Craziest as in illegal? Because I did a couple of those.” She grimaced, clearly afraid of what I’d say or how I would react to her joking about the past. I smirked at her and she relaxed, but she still eyed me curiously. “Why? What are we going to do?”
Shrugging, I stared down the road, hoping we didn’t get in trouble for what we were going to do. It probably wasn’t the brightest idea…maybe not smart at all, but I wanted her to have fun.
I drove us for over an hour, avoiding her questions, even though she was already pinching her nose in irritation.
When we finally arrived at our destination, Hannah looked confused, not understanding where we were. There were others there in groups, talking and having fun. Everyone appeared relaxed, except for her.
“What are we doing here?” she asked.
I grinned, getting out of my car and opening her door. She took my hand cautiously, as if she didn’t trust me. “I was going to take you to dinner first, but I think this is a better idea.”
“How so?” Her voice was quiet, shy even. “Derek, what are you planning?”
I chuckled, placing my arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to me as we walked. “I actually have no plans tonight,” I admitted, tilting her chin up. “Whatever happens, happens.”
Narrowing her eyes, Hannah continued walking with me. She was quiet, but she kept glancing up at the star-filled sky. They were more visible here than from the city and something I remembered she always wanted to see. For whatever reasons, we were never able to do so before.
I was glad I could grant her that wish.
“It’s so pretty,” she whispered. “But aren’t there snakes here? There are trees and bushes everywhere.”
“Eh, possible, yes.”
We finally arrived at our destination, and if Hannah was surprised before, she was in awe now.
“A lake,” she stated.
I nodded.
I should have told her not to get so dressed up, but the plan had changed just minutes before I picked her up, so this would just have to do.
“And we’re on a cliff of rocks,” she continued, her voice full of disbelief.
“Hm. You’re observant,” I teased her, knowing good and well this would only irritate her further.
I removed my shoes, not missing the way she stared at me. She had to have some idea as to where this was going. There were other people in the lake, and some were preparing to jump off the edge. Someone had music playing. It was obvious it would be a night to remember.
“Are you diving in all dressed up, or are you taking off that pretty little dress of yours?”
“I’m not jumping in there, Derek,” she said. “There’s no way. I’m not a good swimmer and—”
“Oh, but I can swim.” I smiled, unbuttoning my shirt. She glanced away, as if that would keep me from noticing her flushed cheeks. “Come on. We’re here so we can let go for a while. Have fun and enjoy this.” A good dare always worked with her. “Or are you too afraid to do so?”
Hannah glared at me but promptly took off her shoes. She muttered a curse when she reached back and couldn’t reach her zipper.
“Can you help?”
I walked up behind her, moving her long hair over her shoulder, and slowly slid the zipper down to expose the smooth skin of her back. I leaned in, kissing the nape of her neck tenderly, hearing her surprised gasp.
After a few seconds, I stepped back and watched her as the dress left her body, leaving her only in her underwear. With nothing more than a black bra and matching panties, she was a sight to see. I swallowed thickly. She was fucking beautiful and didn’t even realize it.
“I’ll go first,” I said, smiling at her. She nodded, stepping aside. I’d done this a couple times before but never with someone else.
It was a nice change.
With Hannah’s curious gaze never leaving me, I ran and dove into the body of water, savoring the bit of adrenaline and the momentary high it offered.
And then I waited for her.
Chapter 19
Hannah
I saw Derek run off and jump. I gasped when I saw him in the air, falling, falling, until he disappeared beneath the water. The people already in the lake and those on the cliff top cheered, as they did every time someone jumped.
1…2…3…4…5…
No sign of him.
My heart beat rapidly while I waited for him to come to the surface, anxiety creeping in on me in a way that left me breathless.
What if he’d drowned?
This was the deadliest first date ever.
Suddenly, his head appeared through the surface of the water. He laughed, as if he’d had some sort of exhilarating experience.
Derek was insane.
I would die if I did that.
“I’m not doing this,” I yelled at him from the top of the rocky cliff.
“Why not?” Derek yelled back, laying back against the water and floating. He grinned from ear to ear, amused by my fear.
I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to appear unfazed, though inside, I was terrified. “Because this is careless and stupid, and I don’t want to die!”
Some stared at us in amusement, probably making fun of the woman in her underwear who was terrified of doing something daring for the first time in her life. Remembering I was nearly naked in front of several people, I covered my breasts and my ass because these strangers sure as hell didn’t need a fucking show, and I wasn’t about to give it to them.
“Oh, come on!” I could hardly see the smirk on his face, but it was there. Definitely there. “Hannah Carson is not a coward. Do it!”
“Screw you, Hensley!”
He chanted my name like a boy in high school, and then random people joined in, along with those beside me who were shamelessly sipping tequila right out of the bottle.
Gaining some liquid courage sounded tempting, but then Derek would say the only reason I was brave enough to do it
was because of the alcohol, and there was no way I would allow him to use that against me. I took a deep breath and looked down, wishing I were down there to punch him in the face for doing that to me.
Or to kiss him.
Either worked in that moment.
Don’t be a coward.
If you get down there, you’ll kiss him.
And that was all the motivation I needed.
I met Derek’s smiling face and ran until I was no longer on solid ground and was in the air. I screamed at the top of my lungs and closed my eyes, when nothing but pure adrenaline rushed through my veins.
I felt free.
How couldn’t I? There was no way of thinking of the past or any of those horrible memories lingering. My only concern was to get to the water, to Derek, and hopefully live through this experience. But there was nothing nagging at the back of my head, nothing stopping me. It was like I could conquer the world. Nothing was stronger than me. I felt brave.
The rest of the world faded to black, and I closed my eyes, somehow managing to cross my arms over my chest and straightening my legs despite being in the air. I had no clue how the hell I’d survive the fall when my swimming skills were less than average, yet I wasn’t worried because I knew he’d be there for me.
It felt like it took forever, but suddenly, I didn’t hear anything. Silence surrounded me, and my eyes opened, met by pitch black. Somehow, I propelled myself up with my legs, and I swam to the best of my poor ability.
A part of me started to regret it, especially when I felt weighed down by my already sore arms and legs, but I tried my best to keep going until the anxiety started to get the best of me.
This is it. I’m going to die on my first date with the only man I’ve ever loved, and I’ll never be found.
My heart thudded in my chest when I felt something brush against my back and then an arm surrounded my waist.
After what seemed like an eternity, I felt cool air on my skin, and only when I took a deep breath to desperately fill my lungs did I realize I was no longer under water. The silence was gone too, replaced with cheering from the other people. My eyes fluttered open, only to find a grinning Derek looking at me intently. I gasped for air, placing my hands on his bare chest, his heart beating quickly.
“You okay there?” he asked; one of his hands caressed my cheek. “You took a bit too long underwater.”
I nodded, leaning further into his touch. With his arm around my waist, I felt safer than I had before. He held me up, literally and figuratively.
“I thought I was going to die.” Derek chuckled at my confession, resting his forehead against mine. “Maybe a shark was going to eat me, thanks to this bright idea of yours.”
“There are no sharks in lakes, Han,” he said.
I was breathless, yes, but it wasn’t due to being under water. He was so close to me, I could feel his minty breath mingling with mine, and his heart beat so fast, something told me it wasn’t due to him having to rescue me.
“What’s your policy on kissing on first dates?” I asked, gazing up at him. “Because I am trying really hard to not do it because it may not be appropriate but I really—”
“Shut up.”
I gladly obeyed when his lips pressed against mine. He pulled me closer to him, his hands cupping my face as he kissed me passionately. My legs wrapped around his waist beneath the water, and I immediately noticed something else was also excited we were kissing.
I smiled against his lips, and he did too, but we never broke from the kiss. He needed me just as much as I needed him, and there was no way anything was separating us again.
Our lives had taken so many twists and turns, some very painful with harsh lessons, but I had to believe they were there for a reason. I had to believe they had happened because something better was waiting for us down the road.
Maybe this was it.
Maybe it was finally our time to be together. Maybe this was when our story truly began.
“I’ve missed you, Hannah.”
The confession was so quiet I almost missed it. But when my gaze met his, there was so much longing, need.
Love.
“I thought I could do this without you, but I was wrong. I don’t want to.”
I pecked his lips again, burying my face in his neck afterward. “There’s still so much to talk about.”
“I know,” he said. “But what’s the point? Nothing will change the past and nothing will change the things we’ve done or said.”
Guilt came knocking at the door. It was something I had to keep working on, something I knew wouldn’t disappear completely. I’d learn how to live with it, though, and I wouldn’t let it define me anymore.
“Don’t you resent me?” I asked, trying to steady my voice.
He swallowed, his grip around my waist tightening with the question. “I don’t, Hannah. A lot of things happened, things we’ll eventually discuss in depth, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting what I feel for you, because it’s never changed.”
“I’m scared, Derek.” The admission took another bit of weight off my shoulders.
“Don’t you trust me?”
I shook my head. He didn’t understand; I didn’t know that he ever would. I would try my best to explain to him, though. “I’m scared I’ll mess it all up again,” I confessed. His lips tilted down slightly, probably worried that I’d do something shady again. “I don’t mean it that way,” I clarified. “I’m just scared that down the line, you’ll realize being with me is nothing more than a mistake.”
His gaze softened. Suddenly, he was carrying me off. I giggled, holding onto him as strongly as I could. “Where are you taking me?”
“Somewhere we can talk alone,” he replied, kissing my forehead.
I let him carry me, ignoring everyone else around us. It didn’t matter that there were others there, because when I was with Derek, the rest of the world ceased to exist.
I couldn’t help but blame myself for the pain I’d caused because it was my fault. I earned every hateful glare, the harsh words, with everything I’d done. However, I knew how incredibly lucky I was that the ones I loved chose to give me a second chance. I would make sure not to ruin it.
I opened my eyes when I felt him lowering me toward the ground. We were away from the rest of the crowd, which had started thinning out.
He brushed my hair away from my face and smiled, his eyes crinkling with the action. “The mistake was not talking to you sooner. It was holding onto anger and resentment, Hannah, when it’s been more than obvious you’ve done your best.”
“What changed, though? You were so angry and now—”
“Now I’m not,” he interrupted. “And it’s not necessarily just for you, but for myself.” Derek sighed, holding onto my waist. “I did a lot of shit I’m not proud of, either, Hannah. A lot of it. I almost hurt Evie, I held on to hatred for you. I…I turned to shit I shouldn’t have turned to and very nearly lost my life. If I’ve learned anything at all it’s that, in the end, I was only making my own life miserable. I’m not doing that anymore.”
His speech made me tear up. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness, not after everything I’d done. And yet there he was, bearing his heart and soul to me.
“You don’t hate me, then?”
He smiled warmly. “I’ve never been able to hate you.”
He leaned down, capturing my lips with his. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair. My tongue swept over his lip, and then it met with his. I moaned softly, pressing myself closer against him.
It was a few seconds before the kiss was no longer tender and sweet, but intense and enough to leave me breathless. With my legs wrapped around his waist, he turned us around so that I’d be against one of the edges of a cliff.
His thumb caressed my neck tenderly, seductively, while every cell in my body came to life, yearning for him.
Wanting him.
I took his hand in mine, lowering over the
swell of my breast, the action enough for him to know exactly what I wanted.
“Please,” I whispered, my eyes fluttering open. He already looked at me intently, his green eyes sparkling despite the darkness surrounding us. “Please touch me, Derek.”
Any other time I would have been embarrassed. But not in that moment. I wanted him like I’d never wanted anyone else. I needed his touch. I needed his lips. I needed him. Desperately.
His hand finally moved, squeezing my breast over the bra that covered it. A strangled breath left my lips, and his eyes stayed fixed on my face. Analyzing. Studying me.
He did it again, this time kissing my lips and then my throat while I tried my best to hold back my moans and whimpers of pleasure. I doubted anyone could hear us, but it wasn’t a risk I wanted to take.
“It’s been so long,” I whispered, feeling him press against me. He was hard. He couldn’t hide his desire.
“How long?”
“Too long,” I sighed, feeling how he moved aside a cup of my bra, exposing a pebbled nipple.
His thumb brushed over it, rolling it, teasing it until I buried my face in his neck, unable to hide my moans any longer.
“Do you want to get out of here?” he asked.
I nodded without hesitation, knowing that after tonight, there was absolutely no going back.
Chapter 20
Hannah
The drive back to his apartment was eternal. I was both nervous and anxious to be alone with him, trying to ignore the voices in my head that told me it was too soon to be taking this step. Many things had changed, yes, but we had yet to discuss some of the past, leave it in the clear. If we were going to try our relationship, give it a second chance, we had to be honest with each other about how things happened and what we had to do for our relationship to work.
We pulled up to the complex, and within a matter of minutes, we were walking toward the elevator that led upstairs. Once inside, Derek kissed me, resting his hands on my waist, holding me tightly. I allowed him to because I needed to feel him near me.