by L. B. Reyes
Cat, Alyssa, and the rest of the crew had barely arrived when we saw a figure standing outside the door. It was a man with a worn jacket who kept pacing, not knowing what to do.
“I’m going to check who it is,” Blake said.
Stubborn as always, I followed behind him despite him wanting me to stay behind, but as we neared the door, I recognized the man immediately.
“Just stay here,” I said to Blake, grabbing his arm.
“I’m not staying here. Are you crazy? I’ll go out there with you.”
“I know him. Please…just stay. Get everyone situated. I’ll take care of this.”
Hesitantly, Blake agreed. I walked out the restaurant, catching my dad by surprise. He’d shaved and tried to comb his hair back, yet he had the same distressed look on his face.
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t hide the aggression in my voice.
He cleared his throat, a hint of nostalgia in his gaze as it roamed my face. “My…you look beautiful.”
The little girl in me did a joyful somersault, but adult me pushed it back, wanting nothing else but to tell him the words were a few years too late. He saw this and shifted his feet, glancing across the road briefly.
“Derek, the owner, he called me yesterday, offered me a job here.” His dim eyes brightened slightly when they met my own. “I didn’t know you’d be here, but I’m glad to see you doing so well. It doesn’t matter, but it makes me proud.”
I ignored his words, instead bringing the attention back to what in the hell Derek had been thinking when he called him. “So, now all of a sudden, you want to work?”
Shrugging, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I have to do something, right? I’ve lost everything. I can at least try to keep the little honor I have left.”
Nodding, I tried to keep my composure. I had no clue what the hell Derek said to him, but this change…I wasn’t sure whether to believe it or not. My guard was up because I wasn’t going to let him hurt me anymore. “What did he say you needed to do for the job?”
“Show up.” With a soft chuckle, my dad looked at me in the eyes with sadness. “He said all I needed to do to prove I wanted the job was show up.”
Words couldn’t do justice to the mix of emotions I felt. He was there, trying. It was far more than I could have ever wished for, but my mind wouldn’t let me believe it, not until I saw in his actions he meant what came out of his mouth. We stood in awkward silence until he spoke up.
“Well…just let him know I did show up. He knows how to reach me. Take care, Hannah.”
I should have let him walk away. I should have let him leave. Nothing would have changed if I’d asked him to leave, if I would have ignored my heart and listened to my mind.
But the heart is treacherous.
The heart doesn’t consider the mind. It wants what it wants, and most of the time it’s too hard to ignore it. So stupid Hannah did exactly that, and that was the beginning of the end.
“Why don’t you stay?” I asked. My dad’s eyes widened slightly, but he gave me a quick nod, afraid I’d change my mind.
“Just tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it,” he said, following behind me.
***
It was beautiful to see everyone take him in so quickly. Cat helped him as much as she could; after all, she’d been in his position just a few weeks prior. We waited for my dad while he went to the restroom and for Cat while she gathered her things from the break room. A proud Blake draped his arm over my shoulder, placing a kiss on my head.
“I don’t usually do this woman and man friendship because the shit can get messy really quick, but I am very, very thankful to have you around.” He smiled. “I think we did fucking great today, didn’t we?”
“You sure as hell fucking did,” Alyssa chimed in, throwing her light sweater over her shoulder. “Want to go celebrate?”
I glanced at the two messages on my phone. Derek was letting me know he was back in his apartment and the other was from Evelyn, telling me to be at her house ASAP. As much as I wanted to be with Derek, I knew I needed to see Evie first.
Finally, my dad and Cat came out, talking about God knew what. I was too tired and stressed to care.
“Do you have somewhere to go?” I asked him, interrupting their conversation.
He nodded. “Okay,” I said. “Well, I really need to go, and that’s my cab waiting, so I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
I left without allowing anyone to stop me, otherwise I’d just be prolonging the inevitable. I could bitch to Derek later, and I could ask my dad about what the hell his plans were when Deborah’s situation was out in the open.
One thing at a time.
The drive was eternal, but finally, I arrived at the house. There were several lights on, and I just knew by the nausea I felt and the way I could hardly breathe, this night would be life changing on so many levels. I was terrified yet eager to tell Nathan what was going on because hiding it wasn’t helping anyone. Deborah was still sick, Evie and I were in a difficult situation, and the rest of the family deserved to know.
I didn’t bother knocking on the door. Instead, I opened it quietly, stopping when I heard Evie’s and Carter’s voices.
Taking a deep breath, I walked inside and closed the door, following their voices into the kitchen. It was as if she sensed me there because just as I arrived, her whole body turned to face me. Her belly had grown a bit more and she looked pretty, minus the redness in her eyes. Carter sighed when he saw me, surprising me with a hug.
Evie didn’t give formalities a chance.
Instead, she held on to a chair near her, her knuckles turning white with the strength of her grip. “Do you have any idea what a fucking mess everything is?”
Her voice broke, and her eyes filled with tears. Carter sighed, once again going next to her and placing a hand on her back in an attempt to calm her down. It didn’t work.
“Everything is so fucked up, Hannah. If we would have just told him.” She shook her head, running a hand through her hair and exhaling shakily. “Dammit, Hannah, we should have said something. She’s not well. She’s sick and Nathan doesn’t know.”
The change in her expression was subtle but not completely hidden. Her eyes widened slightly with surprise, and when I turned around to follow her gaze…
Nathan stood behind me, his eyes lit with fire.
Anger.
Betrayed.
Shit.
His gray eyes traveled from Evelyn, to me, to Carter, and then back to his wife.
“Does anyone care to explain what the fuck is going on?”
Chapter 33
Hannah
Nathan was livid. If looks could kill, I was sure I’d be dead by now because he directed a death glare directly toward me. I was the easiest target. It wouldn’t have been the first time I hid things from him. It wouldn’t be all that surprising if I did something to betray him. I swallowed nervously, taking a step back because I didn’t know what the hell to do or say.
Tell him the truth.
It was the sane option, the logical one, yet my lips were sealed shut.
“I am waiting,” he said desperately. “I need to know what the fuck is going on because apparently everyone knows except for me, and that’s bull—”
“Her cancer is back.”
I gasped, surprised that in just one breath, Evie managed to say what Deborah and I hid for weeks. Carter, who rarely cursed, did exactly that, wrapping his arm around Evelyn. He didn’t seem surprised at all, and it was then that I knew Evie had told him everything. Nathan on the other hand…
It was quiet for a few seconds, only a few. He ran his fingers through his hair, gripping it tightly it almost seemed like he was going to pull it all out. And then he exploded.
Nathan punched the wall. Hard.
So hard, we knew the cracking noises weren’t from the dent he’d made, but the breaking of his bones. Evie flinched, squeezing her eyes shut, but not daring to get close to him, and I�
�I was too shocked to react. I’d seen him furious before, but this was anger with pain. Desperation mixed with sadness.
“Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me anything?” he roared. His focus shifted to me, and I suddenly felt little. “It was you, wasn’t it? You knew the whole fucking time.”
“Nathan—” I said, trying to explain.
He wasn’t listening. Not to me, not to anyone. “I helped you,” he spat. “I fucking opened the doors to my home to you, trusted you, and you hide this shit? Out of all the things you could have hidden, you hide this?” Incredulous, Nathan shook his head. There was no stopping him, and I didn’t want to. He was angry and rightfully so. “I should have known when I saw you two growing closer. You fucking convinced her to hide it, didn’t you? You are fucking unbelievable and to think you’d changed.”
“Stop,” Carter said, trying to keep the situation under control.
But what control?
There was none.
“Did you know?” Nathan asked Carter, a man whom he loved and respected. Carter sighed, and I opened my mouth to speak to put a stop to it but didn’t get the chance.
Evie spoke up first.
“She didn’t know anything. I-I’m the one that hid it from you. Hannah just found out a few days ago.”
“Evie—”
She glared in my direction, shutting me up.
If Nathan looked hurt before, he was destroyed now. “You’re kidding, Evie, right?” He stepped toward her, and Evie had to look away. We all did.
I’d made a mistake. I should have told them the minute I knew because now that he needed her, he wouldn’t ask for her help.
“Evie, you wouldn’t hide this shit from me.” He scoffed, cupping her face in his hands, forcing her gaze to meet his. “Did you know before we left for France?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He said nothing else. Nathan turned around, walking out the door and slamming it shut behind him. Only until he was out the door did Evie break down in tears, sobbing into her hands. Carter tried to hug her, but she shook her head, not wanting any contact. “I’m going to bed,” she sniffled, leaving both Carter and me alone in the kitchen.
I’d made a difficult moment even worse, and now I wasn’t sure how to fix it.
***
Carter placed a cup of coffee in front of me, taking a seat on the chair across the table. He sighed, his tired eyes glancing out the window. He was tense and sad. Deborah and Frank were his friends. Not to mention Evie and Nathan.
I drank the coffee in silence, not knowing what to say. I half expected for him to scold me and tell all the ways in which I’d fucked up, but once again, he caught me by surprise.
“They’ll come around,” he spoke, reaching out for my hand. “I remember when Evie found out the truth…about her birth parents. She didn’t want to speak to me. Nathan is just going to have to come to terms with the situation, but he’ll do it eventually.”
“I still should have told them from the start,” I sighed.
Carter nodded. “You should have. But you respected Deborah’s wishes, and in the end, that’s what matters the most. Nathan will understand, and Evie…well…Evie is Evie. She’s hurting right now too.”
“I never do the right thing.”
“Now, now, Hannah. We all do what’s best depending on the time and circumstances. What matters are our intentions. You were respecting Deborah’s wishes. Your intention was never to hurt your family, was it?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then it’s okay. They’ll see that eventually. It’ll just take time for them to process it. The line between right and wrong is very blurred in this situation.”
We talked for a while longer, not just about what happened but also about my dad. I told him everything, and it felt good to let it all out. It had been tiring to keep it all bottled inside, hoping and wishing things were different. Now at least I could talk to someone else about my worries, because I was worried. I cared about Deborah. I cared about my dad.
I wanted everything to be okay. Everything had to be okay.
It was the first time we had some sense of normalcy in our lives, that we got a sense for what a real family was, and now it was threatened by an illness. Out of all things, it was an illness that slammed the brakes on our happiness.
I liked to think we all deserved better. We were trying to be the best we could be even with all we’d been through. There were two children who’d grow up without their grandmother, and I knew it tore at Evie’s heart because our Nana had been great to her. She wanted her children to have the same experience. I wanted them to have that too.
I had to believe things would get better.
Carter left after a while, and I stayed in the kitchen, waiting. For what? I didn’t know. Part of me waited for Evie to come down so I could talk to her. I knew she was upstairs crying because of Deborah’s condition and the way Nathan was hurting. I waited for Nathan. I wanted to explain everything to him, but I was sure he’d gone to the hospital to get his hand treated and later to his parents’ house. I knew him.
I remembered clearly how desperate he was the first time around; I couldn’t even imagine how he was feeling now.
I didn’t have to wonder for too long, though, because a few minutes later, Nathan walked in. His right hand was in a cast, and he looked worn out, both mentally and physically. I gave him a small smile as he walked toward the fridge and took out a water bottle.
“How’s your hand?” I asked.
He shrugged, taking a seat next to me on the island. “I don’t feel it.”
He looked completely lost. Heartbroken. He ran his good hand over his face, groaning quietly.
“I went to visit her, but she was already sleeping. My dad saw the state I was in, and he kicked me out.” He laughed humorlessly, his gaze now more sad than angry. “My mom may very well be dying, and I couldn’t see her because of how angry I am that she didn’t say anything. And then Evie…fuck…Evie just—”
“You’re back.” Evie stood in front of us wearing a large shirt and shorts, her eyes swollen and red. Nathan looked up at her briefly but soon lowered his gaze back to the water bottle in front of him. When Evie realized he wasn’t speaking to her, she looked away, and I saw her throat move as she swallowed. “Did you see her?”
Nathan shook his head. “Maybe tomorrow.”
“I’ll wait for you in bed,” Evie said softly.
She was turning around when Nathan spoke. “I think I’m going to the studio. I need a break.”
With pain in her eyes, Evie nodded and walked back upstairs. I waited to hear the closing of the door before I stood up, getting my brother-in-law’s attention.
“That was painful to watch,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Hannah—”
“No, listen to me, okay? Shut up and listen.” I sighed, sitting back down. “She didn’t know a single thing, Nathan. Nothing.” His eyes widened, but they didn’t falter. He looked directly at me while I spoke. “She found out the day you left for France, overheard Deborah and me talking about it because I knew.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I found out when Deborah and Frank went to Derek’s restaurant. She asked me not to say anything, so I didn’t. But then…well, Evie found out. She wanted to tell you right away, Nathan. But Deborah and I, we pressured her into keeping the secret.”
Nathan stared at me for a few seconds. He appeared shocked and confused, until it all began to make sense. Cursing, he closed his eyes, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. “Of course. Evie wouldn’t lie about this. Fuck.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “For the record, your mom…I am very fond of her. I only wanted to respect her wishes and never meant any harm.”
In the time that I’d known Nathan, all those years one thing remained constant, and it was the way his eyes expressed everything he felt. All the anger, the pain…his moments of happine
ss, they were all evident there.
He was confused now. But for my sister’s sanity, I needed him to be upstairs with her. I needed Nathan to tell her it was okay because otherwise this would only be another wound for them, and they didn’t deserve it. “Go be with her,” I said, squeezing his arm. “Go…hold her. You can be mad at me, but leave Evie out of this. I don’t want this to affect your relationship.”
He nodded with a sigh before asking one more question. “Did Mom…did she talk to you about her condition?”
Those were the words that left his mouth, but I knew what he meant to ask was, “Were you there for her?”
“I was. I’ve been there since she found out, Nathan.”
I couldn’t remember if we’d ever shared a sincere, caring hug before, but in that moment, we did. He thanked me quietly before going upstairs to the bedroom and closing the door.
***
It was late, and by late I meant sunrise would be in just a couple of hours. But I wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I was with Derek, so despite the darkness of the night, I started walking.
It was dangerous, and he’d probably lecture me about it, but I needed him.
Drama surrounded me everywhere. Illness. Uncertainty. Yet in the middle of the storm, in the middle of it all, I’d come to realize one vital thing.
All I needed to get through it all was Derek.
My life changed because of Evie’s faith in me, yes, but Derek…he was my rock. It would all be worth it if in the end I could be with him.
I loved him.
It was as simple as that.
I’d been afraid of that love. I had lost him. Now we were together. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I had nothing to fear. I’d seen it all. But I wanted him to know that.
So I walked to his apartment, knocking on the door at four a.m., knowing I’d be waking him up. Sure enough, a very sleepy Derek opened it, squinting from the light.
I walked in without a greeting, once again surprising him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concern clear in his voice.
“Listen, I’ve spent a lot of the day wondering whether I should be angry at you for calling my dad or whether I should be grateful. I’ve spent the whole day wondering if I’d do a good job at the restaurant or if I’d fuck it up. And then…Deborah’s cancer is back and—”