Not Exactly Lying

by Melody Summers

  Delaney gave me a look of curiosity mixed with exasperation. “What’s wrong?”

  “I need you to go with me to the seniors’ Fourth of July beach party.”

  Immediately she tensed and her face closed up. Bitter despair burned my eyes with tears. She couldn’t say no, though. I needed her.

  “I have to go, Delaney. He’s going to be there and I’ve heard that she’s going to make a move on him. I can’t let her. Of all the girls in school, she’s the only one who really has a chance at getting him. So I have to be there to try to stop her and you’re the only person I can go with who can help me hold it together in the crowd long enough to do…”

  “What in the world are you talking about?”

  It took everything I had to meet her eyes. “Quinn,” I whispered.

  And then I told her all of it—how I’d been crushing on him since I moved to town, how I’d started gaming as a way to secretly get close to him, and about the way he flirted with my Valkyrie identity and how I kept falling a little further for him each time. And how Walker said Andrea was going to try to stake a permanent claim on him.

  It was clear she was having a hard time with it, and she definitely didn’t want to have to go to the beach party where she might run into Walker. But Delaney really was a good person and she just didn’t have it in her to bail on a friend in need.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  My relief was so great that I almost fainted. It felt as though a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

  “Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me.”

  “Oh, I think I just might.”

  She still wasn’t happy when my mom dropped us off at the beach around sunset. I practically had to drag her away from the car, and then we both stared at the crowd of older teenagers playing volleyball and grilling burgers over by a bonfire.

  I had never done this before. My usual habit was to avoid crowds like Ebola. During school events like pep rallies where there were a bunch of people in the same place I always hid out in the bathroom. It took about half a second for my anxiety to spike and panic to start bubbling in my veins like acid. This was going to get ugly in a hurry.

  “Ready?” I asked.

  When she nodded, we headed down the path in the sand towards the beach. It was pretty obvious that we didn’t exactly belong there, and a couple of big guys who were probably graduated seniors eyed us dubiously as we approached. Time to see if Walker’s advice would pay off.

  “Walker invited her,” I blurted. “I’m here to make sure she gets home.”

  They looked at each other with a shrug and went back to their conversation. I wanted to jump up and down with glee. We were in.

  Within seconds that joy had been burned away by my soaring anxiety. There were way too many people here, and it felt like they were all looking at me. It was probably my own stupid fault again. I’d worn a bikini I’d borrowed from Delaney with a crop top over it thinking that anything that could help me get Quinn’s attention was worth a try. It honestly never occurred to me that if it attracted his attention, it might attract others’ as well. I was used to being ignored, and now being leered at by a bunch of guys made me so self conscious that I had to concentrate just to walk across the sand without tripping. When I reached out and grabbed Delaney’s hand, it was as much to keep my balance as for reassurance.

  “You going to be okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Know what you’re going to do yet?”

  “No.”

  By then it was full dark and I was beginning to wonder if Andrea had found Quinn before I could. There were so many people, and it was getting really difficult to make out faces away from the bonfires. And then I spotted him.

  I stopped dead, dragging Delaney to a halt with me. He was in the shadow of a palm tree, leaning against the trunk while he laughed at something a pretty girl was saying. When he responded, she did a flirty hair flip and giggled. I squeezed down hard on Delaney’s hand. I was ready to go rip that girl’s hair out by the roots.

  She laughed again and reached out to touch his arm. “I’m going to go get a drink,” she said, tossing her hair playfully. “Be right back.”

  This was it—I had a window where he was alone. I still had absolutely no idea what to do, so I was just going to have to wing it. As best I could, I shut everything out of my mind but Quinn and walked over to him. He noticed me right away and his eyes lit up with a hungry look that left my skin prickling and sent the butterflies into a frenzy.

  “Hi,” I said, a little breathlessly, but at least I didn’t choke.

  Quinn cocked his head. “I always knew you were a knockout, but you’re really making the rest of the girls look bad tonight.”

  Somehow I’d never imagined him behaving in person the way he did after our gaming sessions. I blushed so hard I could have lit up the night for Santa. But I had to say something soon or he was going to think I really was as bad as Dylan and Ashton said.

  “Thanks,” I said, my voice raspy and soft like I hadn’t used it in years. “Who’s the girl?”

  “Dylan’s little sister. I’m supposed to keep her out of trouble while he’s off somewhere getting busy with London.”

  “I see.”

  I felt impossibly awkward and had no clue what I was supposed to do next. If I didn’t do something, though, I was going to lose him. I eased further into his personal space, close enough to touch him if I just reached out, and his eyes met mine, dancing with wry amusement in the new moonlight.

  “I’d rather keep an eye on you, though,” he said.

  “You’re doing a good job of that now.”

  He was watching me like I was some tasty treat and he was working out which part he wanted to nibble on first. It was making me warm and shivery at the same time, which was really weird but in a good way.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said. “You never go to parties or anything.”

  “How do you know?”

  His lips quirked up in a wicked grin. “Believe me, I know.”

  Even on the gaming headset where I couldn’t see him, Quinn had an impact on me. Being right there with him while he flirted was turning my mind to mush. I wet my lips nervously and brushed my hair back, peeking up at him from under my lashes.

  “Maybe I just wanted to finally see what the parties were like.”

  “Do you really want to know what they’re like?”

  His voice was soft and warm as honey, seductive and inviting in a way he’d never used on Valkyrie. It seemed to melt straight through me, and my stomach fluttered in response. Quinn took a step closer to me, one hand brushing against the side of my face. I wasn’t used to being touched, though, and I flinched away.

  He paused, blinking in surprise. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “I know.” Inside I was screaming at myself for being so freaking lame. Wasn’t this what I wanted? I made myself look up and meet his eyes. “It’s just…”

  “Was it the thing in the store? I’m sorry. You should just ignore those guys. They’re idiots, but they’re harmless.”

  “No, it isn’t that.”

  “Then what?”

  It was never going to get any easier. Without a word I leaned up into him, standing on tiptoe so I could reach his lips. The air seemed to crackle between us, and I swear I felt a sizzling heat when our lips met. For a moment Quinn was too surprised to respond, but then he was kissing me back and pulling me closer. His lips were hungry, and the passion in his kiss took my breath away. This was what it was like? No wonder all the girls were after him. The rising heat swept me up with him and I was soaring in his arms, little things like breathing forgotten and unimportant. Nothing in the world mattered except his lips on mine.

  When Quinn finally eased away I was shaking all over. His brows knit in confusion.

  “Are you cold?”

  “No.” I felt more like I was burning up, but I kept shaking.
<
br />   My reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. “Did you not like it?”

  “Oh, yes.” More than anything else, ever. “I’m just not used to getting kissed on the beach out in the open where anybody can see.”

  I wasn’t used to getting kissed period, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Probably he already knew, but if he didn’t I wasn’t going to clue him in. Regardless, he smiled and took my hand.

  “Well, then, let’s go somewhere a little more private. Because one kiss like that isn’t nearly enough.”

  I guess it hadn’t been too bad, then. My heart thudded against my chest and I swallowed hard as he led me off into the darkness further away from the well-lit circles around the bonfires. When we were alone he stopped and tugged me close to him again until I could feel the heat coming from his body. The breeze kept giving me whiffs of his cologne or body spray, and he smelled so good that I wanted to bury my face against him and sniff him all night long. But the best part was the way that his hand felt holding mine, like it had always belonged there. I never wanted him to let go.

  I still had no idea what I was doing. Going off alone with him was just crazy, but it had gotten him away from the others, away from Andrea. All I had to do now was keep him occupied so that she couldn’t find him. Could I do that for the rest of the night?

  My lips screamed Yes! and begged for more. Fortunately Quinn seemed to feel the same way. One more tug on my hand and our bodies came to rest, barely touching. Quinn’s eyes searched my face as he bent over me and slid his warm fingers into my hair to tilt my head back. As he bent closer, he heard the little hitch in my breath and paused, but didn’t pull away.

  “Molly, you don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to.”

  It took everything I had to make my voice work. “But I do want to.”

  He gave an odd little smile and then his lips were on mine again, so very soft, in a patient caress that said he had all the time in the world and nothing else to do but kiss me. The last time had been raw passion. This time was sweet and gentle, and it made me melt even more than the last one had. It left me shivering again, but not from any anxiety.

  I’d had my first kisses ever tonight—from Quinn. I was never going to forget this night or those kisses as long as I lived.

  After what might have been hours his lips moved to nuzzle along my jaw.

  “So now you know what the parties are like.”

  I laughed, and then let out a squeak as his lips found a ticklish spot on my neck. “If I’d known, I would have started coming a long time ago.”

  “Good. Come on.”

  He sat down on a bench and pulled me unresisting into his lap, his arms wrapping around my waist. “Better,” he said in satisfaction.

  I thought so, too. I was never going to get up again. I had dreamed of kissing him for the past year, and the reality was so much better than any fantasy I’d invented. But this time when we started kissing again, the anxiety started to creep back. Was I doing it right? Was he enjoying it? What if I did something wrong? Was this how I was supposed to…

  “Stop thinking,” he murmured, his arms giving me a little squeeze. “Just relax and let yourself go.”

  By then my mind was racing, though, and I couldn’t just shut it off. I was trying to do a calming exercise when Quinn’s teeth found my earlobe, and as his breath steamed against my ear my mind switched off completely. When his lips returned to mine he had my undivided attention again.

  “That’s more like it,” he said, his lips teasing against mine.

  I gave a tiny nod, not wanting to let his lips any further away than I absolutely had to. Inside I was flying, my pulse thrumming, and I felt incredibly alive and intense. I had just found my drug of choice in Quinn’s kisses. There was no way I was going to be able to give this up.

  My heart sort of flopped at the idea. Wasn’t I going to have to give him up? Maybe not. At that moment, as his fingers cupped my chin and he began to slowly kiss me again, anything at all seemed possible.

  Much later he held me snuggled against his chest and I was content just to listen to him breathe. I wasn’t sure how long we’d been kissing, but my lips felt a little sore after all the exercise they weren’t used to. There were fewer people on the beach than there had been when we started, and I hoped Delaney had gotten home all right.

  Quinn’s hand stroked lazily down the center of my back, his fingertips grazing along my spine to send delightful chills skittering in their wake. I felt more relaxed than any time I could remember, all snug and cozy in his arms.

  “I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you,” he breathed against my hair.

  “Same,” I whispered.

  I wanted to tell him the truth so badly that my heart ached with it, but I was still too afraid. Even if he was the world’s greatest kisser, he was still Quinn—the guy who never stayed with any girl for more than a few weeks. When he had moved on and was kissing somebody else, what would happen to my secret?

  “So why did you really come here tonight?” he asked.

  Was there any reason not to tell him that much? What could it hurt?

  “For this. For you.”

  Then we were kissing again and nothing else in the world seemed worth worrying about. It was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the best night of my life.

  We finally called it quits when Mom texted me and asked if I was planning to stay out all night. Quinn drove me home, and then we kissed in his car in front of the house, and then shared a final, sweet embrace on the front porch when he walked me to my door. I floated up to my room and when I fell asleep I dreamed that I was back in Quinn’s arms.

  It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized he hadn’t said that he would call, and we hadn’t traded cell phone numbers.

  In my defense, I’d been drunk on hormones because I’d never done anything like that before in my life. But Quinn wasn’t any kind of novice at making out, and I felt a growing certainty that the oversight hadn’t been an accident. It had worked out pretty much exactly the way that he’d planned. Walker had said that Quinn had noticed me. He hadn’t said anything about Quinn wanting to date me.

  As fast and high as I’d soared, I came crashing back down even faster. I laughed bitterly as I thought it through. I had gone there to keep Andrea from getting her hands on him, and I’d accomplished that. I’d been an idiot to think for a second that I’d ever had a shot at anything more. But at least I’d messed up Andrea’s plan—this time. Somehow that would just have to be enough.

  Sunday night I almost skipped my usual gaming session. For the first time in months I was in a bad place where I wasn’t looking forward to interacting with the guys, but I made myself do it because they were counting on me and I knew it would be good for me. Matching wits against the other players was my version of therapy, which I’d quit going to when I decided that my doctor didn’t know as much about dealing with my disorder as I did. All he ever seemed to do was frustrate me by telling me stuff I already knew or by suggesting things that didn’t work.

  Maybe I needed to try again with a different therapist. Or maybe what I needed was more of Quinn’s kissing therapy. That had certainly seemed to work. For a while.

  Quinn. Ugh. How was I going to deal with Quinn? And I still hadn’t forgotten or forgiven Dylan for that incident at the convenience store, either. Between the two of them I was having second thoughts as I signed on, but by then Jason and Trent had come online. While they offered me cheery hellos, Glen came on and I just couldn’t bail on them.

  I went to the kitchen and got a fresh Mountain Dew while we waited for Quinn and Dylan. He came on just as I was sitting down.

  “Hey, guys. Hi, Val. Did you miss me this weekend?”

  I sighed. Those kisses hadn’t meant anything at all to him. “Yeah, but don’t worry. I’ll back up and try again.”

  The others all laughed, but Quinn brushed it off. “You’re trying too hard to deny it.”

  “In you
r dreams.”

  “Every single night, babe.”

  A shiver ran through me as I remembered those kisses and knew that I’d be dreaming of them every single night. Jerk. It wasn’t fair.

  Dylan finally showed up and we got started. As we ran through the mission I slid into my usual groove—or tried to. I was off, unsettled. How could I keep playing with Quinn after what had happened?

  “CowboyBob is out there with some team from Austin,” I told the others. “They’re supposed to be serious competition.”

  “Hippies,” Dylan grumbled. “Probably a bunch of vegan losers from UT.”

  “Well, according to Hayha they’re good, so don’t underestimate them and get yourself killed. When we spawn in I want to head for the warehouses in the western end of the map. They’ll make a killer sniper position.”

  I got them started, but I couldn’t enjoy the game. Dylan was being even mouthier than usual, playing off of Quinn’s incessant banter and getting his own comments in. I put up with that stuff from Quinn because he’s Quinn, but Dylan was pushing his luck.

  Usually I played all-out to win. I just wasn’t feeling it, though. I was bored, listless. I needed something to liven the game up before I walked everyone into an ambush just so I could call it a night. With a sigh I pulled up the map again. I was willing to bet that the Austin team was holed up at the main crossroads near the water tower. They could put someone up there and get a perfect view of all the surrounding cross streets.

  Without passing that along, I started angling the team in that direction and subtly maneuvered the guys around so that Dylan and Quinn would take the brunt of it if we walked into fire. Maybe it was petty, but it made me feel better. And they were both jerks. I was smothering giggles as we got closer, and held my breath, waiting.

  Two shots rang out, and Quinn went down. I stopped and scanned the buildings around us through the scope of my rifle. Dylan had taken cover behind a ruinous brick wall that was blocking my view of the bad guys. I didn’t even stop to think—I just lined up the shot and dropped him.

  “Oh, shoot!” I squealed. “Sorry. Sorry, Dylan. My cat jumped on my chair and knocked my drink right into my lap.”