Not Exactly Lying

by Melody Summers

  It was an uneasy truce at best. I knew that it wouldn’t take much to tip one of us over the edge and into making a move. He’d said it was my turn, though, and my fears held me back.

  My grades went up for the first time in years, and with the emotional support from Ashton and Daniel and my other friends I got better at speaking up in class when called on, even if I still stuttered and stammered a bit. I was no longer The Ditz, and people stopped whispering about the Dumbest Blonde in Texas whenever I walked past. Not that my anxiety was gone; I just had it under better control than I’d ever managed before.

  It even made my gaming more fun so that I was able to lighten up with the guys and kid around with them more. I was still Valkyrie to our opponents, but my teammates were becoming my friends, too. I even forgave Dylan for the rumors he and his sister had spread about me. He could be a jerk, but he was a likeable jerk and I enjoyed having him on my team. Besides, I couldn’t just keep shooting him in the back of the head every time we played.

  Quinn was the exception. He was friendly enough, but there was no more of the flirtatious banter we’d shared. Had he given up on Valkyrie? Was he really just interested in Molly now? He hadn’t dated anyone since before the senior beach party, which had to be some kind of record for him. There was certainly no lack of girls who were after him, but he just didn’t seem interested. All his attention was on football, and everyone said that we were a shoo-in to make it to state this year.

  I didn’t care. I just loved watching him play. Going to the games had become the high point of my week, even more than playing with the guys.

  Since Delaney was so wrapped up in Walker these days, I spent more time with Dannika and Allison. She was still my first and best friend and I’d always treasure her more than anything because she’d made the effort to be my friend when she had no reason to, but I was getting a lot closer to Dannika. We had more free time than the others and were both fascinated by the others’ hobbies, even though neither of us had the slightest bit of talent in the other direction. Dannika was an artist and loved crafts and making things. On a good day I could manage a recognizable stick figure and she was utterly hopeless at the first person shooters that I liked to play, but we had a lot of fun trying to enter each others’ worlds.

  Something else that brought us together was our refusal to go out with the guys who held our hearts. I couldn’t figure out which of us was more pathetic—Dannika and Ashton or me and Quinn. I figured I’d have to give her a slight edge since she and Ashton had actually been going steady once upon a time. She was stronger than I was about it, determined that they were going to stay just friends. I couldn’t do that with Quinn. If I let him get that close I’d be a goner.

  The weeks rolled by that way until September was almost gone and the word on everyone’s lips was Homecoming. For the first time with my new friends I felt left out. Of course Delaney was going with Walker, and Dannika and Ashton were going together as friends, mainly because neither one of them could stand to see the other with anyone else, while some boy I didn’t know from Allison’s history class had asked her.

  I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. I’d never been to a high school dance and desperately wanted to, but given that it was a really social thing just the idea of going gave me heart palpitations. At the same time, all of my friends were going and I wondered how bad it would be if I had all of them there with me.

  I halfway expected Quinn to ask me. If he was going to make a move, wouldn’t it be something like this? But he never said a word and was so busy that I hardly even saw him in the halls anymore. I knew it was for the best, but I was still disappointed. It had felt nice to think I might be wanted, even though I knew he’d shatter my heart like a crystal figurine in a wood chipper as soon as he got bored with me.

  When I passed him in the halls on my way to class he still looked at me with that same yearning, but he never tried to approach me or talk to me. Sometimes he’d have a small, wistful smile that made my heart twist and ache, and I fought a constant battle with myself over my hopelessly jumbled feelings about him.

  I dropped my books onto the chemistry lab table with a sigh. Why couldn’t I get over him? It was a hopeless situation. I wanted him, but I couldn’t trust him. There was no solution that I could find.

  “Everything okay?” Daniel asked.

  Frustration compelled me to vent a little. “I just don’t understand guys. Or relationships. Or anything.”

  He nodded with a crooked smile. “I know exactly what you mean. Well, not the part about guys. Just girls. You’re all kinds of weird, you know?”

  “I know. But boys are just as bad.”

  “True.” He looked down at the papers scattered on the black table, bit his lip, and took a deep breath. “I know this is kind of out of left field, but would you go to Homecoming with me?”

  Once it was out he blushed and his next words burst forth in a rush. “I mean, I never see you with anyone, so I don’t know if you actually have a boyfriend or not. If you do it’s cool, I understand and I’m sorry I asked you when you’re seeing somebody. I wouldn’t ever do that on purpose. And I’m not trying to get you to date me or anything. But if you’re not seeing anyone we could just go as friends, that’s all.”

  My brain lurched and sputtered trying to absorb all that. “As friends?”

  He gave a shaky laugh. “Well, yeah. I know you’d never date me or anything.”

  I cocked my head and stared at him. “Why not?”

  “Because you’re hot.”

  I didn’t feel hot. I felt scared and confused and awkward and not good enough. Every single minute of the day.

  “Daniel… You’re right. I wouldn’t date you. But that’s not why.”

  “No?”

  “It’s because I’m driving myself crazy about a guy I can’t have.”

  His expression turned skeptical. “A guy you can’t have? In this school? Name one.”

  “Who he is doesn’t matter. It just wouldn’t work out.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’s a serious heartbreaker, and I’m not going to put myself through that.”

  “I understand. Quinn?”

  I blinked in surprise. “How did you know?”

  “Seriously, Molly?” He rolled his eyes at my naïveté. “Everyone knows. It’s the worst kept secret on campus. So what do you say? Go as friends? Since you’re not going with the guy you’d really like to take you?”

  Go as friends? I turned the idea over in my mind a few times. I really did want to go, even though it scared me to death. Quinn wasn’t going to ask, and even if he did I wasn’t sure I could summon the courage to accept. I was comfortable around Daniel and he knew all about my anxiety so I could just be myself. As friends, there would be none of the pressure I’d be under if I went with Quinn.

  “All right. I’ll do it.”

  He brightened up like a sunrise over the Gulf. “You will?”

  “I said I would. As friends.”

  “Definitely as friends. I like you, but if we were really dating-dating I’d be so nervous I’d probably throw up on you or something.”

  “Well, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen.”

  It was weird. I’d never made anyone else nervous before. It was definitely an odd feeling, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. To me I was just plain old Molly. How could I make anyone nervous?

  I thought about sending a text to let everyone else know that I had a date to Homecoming, but I wasn’t a big texter so I just waited until lunch to drop the bomb. They were all talking about the big day when I sat down next to Allison.

  “Daniel asked me to Homecoming.”

  Three sets of very startled eyes turned towards me.

  “Who?” Delaney asked.

  “Daniel Foster, from my chemistry class.”

  “The math club president?” Allison asked.

  “Yeah. He just wants to go as friends, though. I think I intimidate him or something.”

&
nbsp; Delaney’s expression grew even more puzzled. “I thought you’d go with Quinn.”

  “He didn’t ask. And I would have said no if he did.”

  “But why?”

  Once more I reeled off the names of all the girls he’d gone out with last year.

  Dannika’s eyes got big. “Wow. You really do have it bad for him, huh?”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “You didn’t even have to think about that list.”

  I threw up my hands. “Yes! I really do like him. But would you be willing to risk having your heart tossed in a blender by someone who goes through girls like he does?”

  “No,” she replied.

  “Well, it is Quinn,” Allison mused. “It might be worth it. Can I think about it for a while?”

  “But he hasn’t dated anyone in months, Molly,” Delaney pointed out.

  “Laney, do you really think that Quinn—Quinn—is sitting around pining over me?”

  Her eyes dropped to her lunch tray. “I don’t know.”

  “She’s right, guys,” Dannika said. “It’s too big a risk. And if he hurt her it could undo everything she’s worked so hard for this year.”

  No one wanted to argue that point, especially me.

  “I’m fine going with Daniel. With him it won’t be nearly as scary.”

  And I really was fine with it. Except for that nagging little voice in the back of my mind that insisted it should have been Quinn.

  After school they took me shopping to find a new outfit for the dance. With their help I found a dress in a deep purple with a swishy skirt that felt right and a cute pair of heels so I wouldn’t be quite so short next to Daniel. I’d been practicing wearing heels around the house since school started because I’d hardly worn anything but sneakers in years. They made a big fuss over me when I tried it on, and I hoped it would be okay. It gave me a sliver of confidence that at least my friends wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with me.

  Then on Thursday afternoon Daniel caught me in the hall and dragged me into an empty room.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He looked down at his feet, avoiding my gaze.

  “Come on. Spit it out.”

  “Alice Park wants me to take her to Homecoming.”

  “Huh?”

  “She wants to go as a real date, and I’ve had a serious crush on her forever. So I was wondering if you’d mind if I took her instead? I know it’s last minute and I’ll understand if you say no.”

  As if I could say no. Funny, this was exactly the kind of thing I would have steeled myself for if I’d been going with Quinn. What did the universe have against me? But I looked at Daniel’s face and it was obvious that he was horribly ashamed and upset so I just couldn’t bring myself to be mad at him.

  “You really like her, don’t you?”

  For the first time he looked up and his lips twitched into a sheepish grin. “You have no idea. Ever since she kicked my butt at a UIL math competition in seventh grade.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I can see how that would happen. It’s okay. You can take her instead.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. I wouldn’t want to come between you and your shot at your dream girl.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  “Nah. We’re friends. You deserve a chance with her.”

  He exhaled a deep sigh of relief. “Thanks, Molly. You’re the best. I owe you big time.”

  “Don’t worry about it. And good luck.”

  “Thanks!”

  As he left the room my ego slowly deflated. So much for Homecoming and my first high school dance. There was no way I was showing up solo when all of my friends had dates. It would take awkward to a whole new dizzying level. I’d feel like a fly on a white wall, alone and out of place and like everyone was looking at me and thinking Poor Molly, dumped the day before the dance. I wonder what’s wrong with her? It was stupid, but that’s just the way my brain works. And even though we’d been just going as friends, it was still a rejection and it still hurt. I sort of felt like an old shoe that had gotten tossed aside for a shinier pair.

  My friends were upset when I told them I wasn’t going after all and were inclined to be mad at Daniel. Since I wasn’t, though, it was hard for them to keep it up. In the end they agreed with me that I’d done the right thing. Dannika offered to set me up with someone else, but I was over it. I certainly wasn’t in the mood for a last minute pity date.

  So I sat through the pep rally and went to the Homecoming game with them, but while they were all dressed up and wearing the mums their dates had presented to them I stuck to my ripped jeans and t-shirt. No one was surprised when Walker and Andrea White were announced as the Homecoming King and Queen, although I though Delaney might just burst from pride.

  Saturday, while the rest of my friends were getting ready for the big dance, I stayed home and curled up in front of the television to tune everything else out. Mom was out for the evening with some of her friends, so it was just me and my self-pity for the night.

  Around 9:00 the doorbell jarred me out of my dark, churning thoughts. I muted the television and shuffled to the entry, expecting UPS or something. Instead I opened the door and saw Quinn standing on the porch, all dressed up and looking hot enough to scorch the paint off the house.

  He gave me a slow once-over and then raised his eyebrows. “You’re not dressed.”

  “For what?”

  “For the dance.”

  “I’m not going.”

  “Of course you are.”

  “I don’t need your pity, Quinn.”

  Those blue eyes captured mine and refused to let go. “Babe, this is not pity. This is me doing what I wanted to do from the beginning.”

  “So why didn’t you?”

  “Because you would have turned me down.”

  I blushed. Couldn’t exactly argue with that one, could I?

  “See? So, you can either sit here alone and wallow in self-pity in front of the TV all night, or you can go get dressed and come with me and have a good time with your friends.”

  My mind told me to stay home where it was safe. My heart was making a very different argument. I stood there, eyes still locked with his, trying to decide. This was going to start a pile of gossip the size of Mount Everest on Monday. But hadn’t Daniel said that this thing simmering between Quinn and me was already the worst kept secret on campus?

  His soft voice compelled me to choose. “What’s it going to be, Molly?”

  “Come inside. I’ll just be a few minutes.”

  Chapter Eleven

  When I came back downstairs in my dress Quinn stood stock still, then a slow grin crept over his face the way sunrise breaks over the beach—just a tinge of gold at first but it soon becomes so dazzling you can barely stand it. The butterflies in my stomach all took flight at once and my knees got so wobbly that I had to cling to the banister so I wouldn’t fall and break my neck.

  “Babe,” he said in an awed voice, “you just took my breath away.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Please. I’ve seen the girls you’ve dated, remember?” All of them had been among the prettiest girls in school.

  “None of them could even come close.”

  “I don’t believe it, but thank you anyway.”

  “Oh, believe it. Every guy at the dance is going to be jealous. Except maybe Walker, and he’s too besotted with Delaney to even look at another girl.”

  My legs were still shaky as we walked out to his truck, which shone like black pearls in the red light of the setting sun, and I took deep breaths to try to ease my jangling nerves. It would have been so much easier with Daniel—but then I wouldn’t have felt the butterflies.

  The perfect gentleman opened the door for me and held my hand to steady me as I clambered inside. My palm sizzled at his touch, a warning and a promise of what I had to look forward to. It was going to be a night I’d never forget, and if I wasn’t really careful I’d fall for him
so hard that my heart would shatter to dust.

  Quinn made small talk to keep me distracted during the drive, acting as though he hadn’t a care in the world, but the way his eyes burned like cobalt flames told me that he’d been just as affected by that touch. Despite his efforts, when he pulled into the parking lot and killed the engine my heart was pounding away like a jackhammer. He knew it, too. Those sharp eyes didn’t miss anything.

  “Relax, babe. It’s just a dance.”

  I stared at him so that I probably looked like a deer in the headlights. Did he not know me at all? Apparently he did, because with a smile he reached over and took my hand.

  “I know it’s hard. But I know you. You can do this, just like you’ve done everything else.” His smile turned wistful. “I know I don’t deserve it, but just for tonight will you trust me? I swear I wouldn’t hurt you for the world, and I’ll be right there with you every second.”

  Somehow I managed to find my voice enough to squeak out an okay. He held me there and looked deep into my eyes until he saw something that reassured him, and then gave a quick nod.

  “Good. It’s going to be fine and you’re going to have a good time. Take deep breaths and focus on me, not on everyone else.”

  That would be easy enough. I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from him. In a pair of dark gray dress pants and matching vest with a lavender button down shirt and a tie that almost exactly matched the shade of my dress, he was so yummie I could hardly stand it.

  “Okay,” I breathed. “I can do this.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  He got out and dashed around the back of the truck to open my door for me and held my hand again to help me climb out.

  “Wait. One more thing.”

  He pulled a box from behind the seat and opened it to reveal a huge, elaborately decorated mum. With exquisite care, as though I was made of spun glass, he pinned it onto the front of my dress.

  “Perfect. Are you ready?”

  “I think so.”

  He took my hand and led me towards the entrance to the cafeteria. I was still a little shaky in my heels, but with him holding my hand I didn’t feel shaky inside at all. I held my head up and walked beside him and tried to pretend that I truly belonged there. My hand still felt like it belonged in his, though, and part of me sort of wished we’d stayed in his truck and kissed instead of going inside.