Never Let Go (The Storm Inside #4)

by Alexis Anne

  “A thing?” he cocked an eyebrow. “How is it possible I don’t know about this thing?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I probably didn’t want you to get jealous.”

  His gaze sharpened and I detected a healthy dose of testosterone blooming in the air around us. “Go on.”

  “You see, there was this guy in college. We did things…”

  His jealousy instantly turned to lust as he realized I was talking about us. “What kinds of things?”

  “We had sex in a lot of places…”

  He dropped my foot and shifted so that he was on his knees and we were nose to nose. Water sloshed everywhere as he moved but neither of us paid it any attention. “What kinds of places did you let this man have his way with you?”

  I reached up and stroked his stubble. “Oh, you misunderstand me. I didn’t let him have his way with me…he let me have my way with him.” I reached up and took his firm erection in my hand, pumping up his length several times.

  He sucked in a sharp breath and let it out slowly. “Is that so?”

  “It is.” I licked up his throat, suckling and biting. “Want me to show you?”

  He groaned and thrust into my grip. “Actually,” he hissed as he reached between my legs and applied gentle pressure, “I was wondering if you’d let me have my way with you? As a thank you for everything you’re about to do for me? I feel a reward should be involved.”

  His thumb pressed against my clit and all I could think about were his magic hands erasing every last doubt I had in my head. “Okay.”

  “Besides, watching you come usually has an incredibly centering effect on me, so really? You’re doing us both a favor.”

  I nodded and moaned as he transformed my foot rub arousal into a full-blown need for orgasm with a few quick strokes of his fingers. He held himself above me watching everything unfold. And I’m sure he probably enjoyed watching his fingers disappear inside me, too.

  I was under the water up to my chest so that my nipples floated just above the water. Jake took his time appreciating the way they bobbed before he finally dipped his head down and took one into his mouth, sending a lightning bolt of pleasure straight to my core, contracting around his finger.

  “Jake,” I moaned.

  He swirled his tongue and sucked harder, all while drawing a pattern with his finger inside me. “This trip,” he rumbled, “it’s not a homecoming. It’s…establishing a foundation. I honestly don’t think they’re bad people and I have zero expectations. That’s why I’m not worried.”

  That made a little bit of sense. It’s a heck of a lot harder for people to hurt you if you don’t need or want anything from them.

  He moved to my other nipple, playing with it before he sucked it into his mouth. A twin lightning bolt zinged through me and I pulsed around his finger again. He withdrew it and teased my entrance with two fingers before slowly beginning the slide inside, stretching me until I was filled.

  I was so very wet that despite the friction caused by the bathwater, he slid in with hardly any resistance. I wanted to buck against his hand, but that would cause a tidal wave and ruin the mood—plus I really liked this commanding game Jake was playing with my body. There was something deliciously fun and relaxing about being pleasured in a way that let you sink inside it and enjoy every sensation.

  He released my nipple and kissed me, sliding his tongue inside my mouth, mimicking the movements of his fingers.

  He stroked and kissed until I was wound up tight. My core contracted and my muscles all went rigid. I was so close, but not quite there. I just needed a little tip and I’d be over the edge.

  So Jake pulled back from the kiss and swallowed. “I’m only nervous because I don’t want anything to change. The life I’ve built with you is perfect, even when it’s chaos.” He kissed me lightly on the lips. “Anytime I think something might remotely change what we have, I get my guard up.”

  I nodded. “I think I understand now.”

  “Good.” His eyes lit up. “Now come for me, Eve.”

  He pressed down on my clit with his thumb while his fingers worked me inside, and to top it all off, he sucked my nipple back into his mouth.

  I came almost instantly with that much fantastic pleasure hitting me all at once. The dam holding back my orgasm collapsed and a wave of ecstasy flooded my body, starting deep inside my core where his fingers plunged deep, and shooting out through my veins until every muscle in my body relaxed and all I could see or feel was Jake.

  “Damn,” he whispered, still gently stroking.

  “Damn indeed. You give good orgasms.”

  He chuckled and kissed me gently as he withdrew his fingers. “Please don’t worry, Eve. It’s just a quick trip to say hello and then home. To this. To us. Forever and always.”

  He was so damn sweet. Sweet and naïve. I was going to keep on worrying and there was nothing he could say or do to change my mind about it, but I could pretend. If it made him feel better then I was going to be the very best damn actress I could.

  “Your turn,” I said, pushing on his chest, hoping he didn’t see it as the distraction it really was.

  “Yeah?” He cocked an eyebrow.

  I rolled my eyes and pushed harder. “Of course. We both deserve a good release. Up on the ledge.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He stopped just long enough to readjust the water, then seated himself in the corner, erect cock on full display.

  I moved to my knees, conscious of the fact the tub was hard as hell. Hopefully he was so turned on by watching me come this wouldn’t take long, but if it did we were going to have to move the festivities to the bedroom. Giving head in a bathtub is fun and sexy, but I wasn’t going to kill my knees for a fantasy. Not when we had a perfectly lovely bedroom just a few feet away.

  “Mirror.” I pointed over my shoulder at the enormous mirror that hung above our sinks. You couldn’t really see anything in the tub, but up on the ledge? Oh yeah, you could see everything, and I knew the image of my head bobbing up and down in his lap would put him over the edge in no time flat.

  He whimpered as he caught the site of us together in the mirror. “Holy hell, woman. How did you discover this little trick and not tell me about it?”

  I wrapped my hand around his cock. “For one, I discovered it while sitting right there…touching myself.”

  He took a shaky breath. “Oh, for fucks sake…I’m going to come on your hand.”

  I highly doubted that. “And for two, I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to enjoy it with you. Surprise.”

  And then I took him into my mouth and sucked him into an oblivion I hoped would keep him relaxed until all of this was over.

  JAKE PULLED Sam as she sat astride her pink-wheeled animal luggage. With Max burrowed into his chest and his blue backpack strapped to his back, Jake had cool-dad-on-the-move on lockdown. It didn’t hurt that his standard traveling outfit was a sexy pair of worn-in blue jeans and a dark grey long sleeved tee that accentuated his broad shoulders. It also didn’t hurt that he was wearing a Rays baseball hat backwards on his head.

  Why did that make him look so damn sexy? That look had always had the same effect on me. Ever since we were in college. Hats in general gave him an air of male strength that I was undeniably attracted to, but dark blue ones? Yes. They set off his tanned skin, stubble, and green eyes in just the right way.

  So, despite the fact that we were pushing our way through the airport on our way to a high-stress family gathering, I was all kinds of distracted by my husband.

  “You okay back there?” he called over his shoulder.

  I adjusted the black luggage handle and hiked my own backpack a little higher. “Yep! You just keep a handle on those trouble makers.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I’ll do my best, but one has a wild animal at her beck and call.”

  Sam giggled, throwing back her head, her long curls dancing over the back of the hot pink mystery animal. Whoever invented riding children’s luggage was my h
ero. We’d managed to get away on several family vacations with relative ease, all things considered.

  I traveled so much for work that my standard airport clothes were a little different than Jake’s. I also preferred the durability of jeans, but mine were new, dark, and fitted. I wore a crisp white Columbia button-up with the long sleeves rolled to my elbows. It gave the appearance of business casual, but in a quick-drying lightweight, athletic package.

  In this outfit I felt comfortable enough to slip immediately into a meeting, or in this case, meeting a hugely powerful family. My nerves ticked up a notch again. It was weird. I worked with famous ball players every day. I was in charge of their interactions with the fans and the way their image was used. My father, Papa Joe Daniels, was a Hall of Fame baseball player and beloved MLB coach. I knew fame and the power of celebrity, but the McKinley family wielded an entirely different level of fame and power.

  And the potential effect it might have on my family? Yeah…nerves for days.

  “Do you think anyone will notice if we have two little girls inside the bar?” Jake shot me a dimpled grin as he quickly commandeered an empty high-top on the edge of the bar. It was open to the terminal, hardly a dark, closed-off area exclusively for adults. Besides, I was going to need a drink before sitting on a plane in full mom-mode for the next three hours.

  “I don’t think I care if anyone cares.”

  He replied with a sexy wink, then leaned back against the wall with Max mostly asleep on his chest. Sam scrambled up onto the opposite chair and immediately started scribbling on the coloring book she’d yanked out of her bag.

  I ordered our drinks, checked my messages, and then attempted to relax like the rest of my family. Sam was humming as she colored, totally lost in her own little world. Max was out, drool dribbling down her cheek, and Jake had closed his eyes.

  The waitress smiled as she quietly set our drink order down. She had a look on her face that I’d come to know well in the last few years: admiration mixed with longing. My little family was perfect. I had it all. I knew I had it all. When you decided that being married and having a family was where you wanted your life to go, this is what you pictured. I had an unbelievably devoted, involved, sexy husband, and two adorable children. I’d even managed to somehow balance my complicated job at the same time.

  We worked hard to have what we had. Marriage wasn’t easy. It was a choice. You could either choose to be in each other’s corner, or you could choose to use each other, blame your significant other for all the things that went wrong. We never went that route and it showed.

  I studied Jake as he rested. He always looked so much younger when he slept. Not quite as young as when we first met (I didn’t think we’d ever look that young again) or maybe young wasn’t the right word. Maybe he just looked free. Free of doubts, stress, and obligations.

  I soaked up every inch of the picture in front of me—just in case we lost it in Maine.

  “You’re staring,” Jake murmured, eyes still closed. He didn’t move a single muscle.

  “How can you tell?”

  The corner of his lip quirked up. “Darlin’.”

  I laughed quietly. “Yes?”

  “You don’t think I know what it feels like when you’re watching me?”

  “You can’t see me. You can’t possibly know what I’m looking at.”

  Now the other half of his lips turned up into a full smile. “You have no idea. I knew the moment you walked into that junky backyard kegger a million years ago, just like I know when you’re watching me from across a crowded room.” He opened one eye, meeting my gaze. “Just like I know you’re looking at me right now.”

  I swallowed down the overwhelming tide of desire that surged through me. The low rumble of his voice, the connection, the undeniable truth of his words…this was us. This was what we did to each other.

  I didn’t want to lose it.

  “I’m just enjoying the life we’ve built.”

  He opened his other eye and sank deep inside me with his gaze. “Nothing’s going to change.”

  “Everything changes, Jake. That’s life. I just want to hold onto this moment a little longer.”

  Determination flickered in his eyes. “I won’t let this change us.”

  Change was on the horizon. I could feel it. “That’s why I love you, Jake Spencer. You are the strongest, most determined man I know. You deserve to know who your family is.”

  “This is my family.” He stretched his hand across the table, searching for my fingers. The moment we connected a jolt shot through me, tingling straight down to my toes. “This is all that will ever matter.”

  3

  JAKE

  Jake’s Journal

  A MONTH AFTER SAM WAS BORN.

  I was the kid who dreamed of having a family one day. I would say I was an old soul, but we all know that’s not it. I just wanted to be fucking loved. And to have the chance to love others. I didn’t feel quite human, living on the edge, useless.

  So I’m here now, and it’s so much more than I thought it would be. Mostly amazing, a little bit terrifying. I have a kid whose life is in my hands…my choices affect everything about her life and her future. The weight of that responsibility is almost overwhelming. Almost. It’s also the most exciting and fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.

  Being Sam’s dad…?

  Fuck. This shit’s getting to me. I can’t write anymore. Just know that I love it. I love everything about being a father. I love that little squirmy bundle with everything I have.

  I love her enough for the both of us.

  And I love you enough for the two of us.

  I wish my kiss could fix everything, and sometimes I feel like I’m making things worse, not better. I’ve seen that look in your eyes when I’m talking to Sam—that mix of jealousy and misery. We will get through this. You will be happy again. I will hold the world together until you’re ready.

  Somewhere between Atlanta and New York Eve fell asleep against the window with Max in her lap. Luckily for me, Sam was completely entertained by her Disney movie and an unending supply of Goldfish crackers. It gave me a chance to center myself.

  And as I usually do, I centered myself by pulling out my journal. Maybe it was my subconscious, or maybe there was more going on in my head than I cared to acknowledge, but instead of writing I flipped back to one of the first pages in this book. It was a time a lot like this. One that was an unfortunate mix of joy and pain.

  The end of her first pregnancy was a struggle for Eve. She didn’t act like a control freak, but having to start maternity leave two weeks earlier than planned, go on bed rest, and right into labor was too much for her. She was out of control. And when her hormones went crazy and she sank into postpartum depression, she was more lost than I’d ever seen before—or since.

  That was what was so unsettling during those days. She always had purpose. Even when she had no idea what was going to happen next, Eve steamrolled forward. All of that was gone in the weeks and months after Sam was born. I was the one who needed to be sure. I took up the role without even thinking, but any chance I had to stop and think, it would sink in, and for a few brief moments it would hit me: I was terrified.

  What if Eve was never the same again? Could becoming a mother change her forever? Or was it just a phase? Would I learn to love this new woman who wasn’t quite sure who she was or if she even liked being a mother? I wanted a full house—but what if she couldn’t do it?

  I thought it would be easy. Our baby would be born, we’d bring her home, dote on her, things would be exhausting but wonderful, and then we’d watch her grow up. Maybe have a dozen more.

  Instead it was hard. Incredibly hard. Physically and emotionally.

  Life moved forward. Eve eventually found her way through the fog. She got her feet back under her. She fell in love with Sam and we fell back in love with each other. I think I’ve fallen in love with Eve at least a dozen different times since I met her. Life keeps changing us, but
nothing had ever defeated us.

  “Daddy?” Sam set her tiny hand on top of mine.

  “Yes?”

  “Can I have water?” She was only half looking at me. Her eyes were mostly glued to the movie.

  I found her water bottle and handed it over, then flipped to the first blank page near the back of my journal. I needed to get some of this frustration out of me. I’d thought looking back would help me find the words. Instead I stared at the blank page.

  “You should color, Daddy.” Sam wasn’t watching her movie anymore.

  “Color?”

  “Your story. You write your stories in there, don’t you Daddy?”

  So young, so innocent. So perfectly, beautifully unaware of the world outside. My chest hurt. “I do. How do you know that?”

  She grinned, her eyes flashing and her dimple creasing her right cheek. It looked exactly like mine. “Because you think really hard when you work on them. I would think really hard if I wrote stories, too. You should think harder.”

  Maybe she was right. Maybe I wasn’t thinking hard enough. “Thanks for the advice. How’s your movie?”

  She sucked in a gasp and turned back, apparently she hadn’t meant to stop watching. So I ran my hand over her hair a few times, taking comfort in the fact that I was a dad and I got the chance to do all the things my parents didn’t.

  And suddenly I knew exactly what I needed to write.

  4

  EVE

  MAINE

  The white clapboard mansion was exactly what I expected when I pictured the McKinley family compound in Camden, Maine. It was massive, right on a bluff overlooking the water, and picturesque with the rolling hills behind. It had been in the family for decades and served as the home base for the entire political dynasty.

  “The Senator is waiting,” Adam said as he led us up an impressive flight of stairs to the second floor of the main house. Yellow light filtered in from high windows, casting everything in a glow. “You’ll be staying here.” He pushed open a door and stood to the side so we could walk in with the girls.