Never Let Go (The Storm Inside #4)

by Alexis Anne

  “That’s a big bed!” Sam squealed as she launched herself onto the giant fluffy four-poster that somehow managed to look almost normal in size thanks to the high ceilings and large room.

  The floors were dark hardwoods that matched the doors and casings around the windows. This room had whitewashed walls, a plush navy rug under the bed, and large dark furniture. A small pink sofa was positioned under the massive window. I pushed the luggage over by it and peered outside.

  We had a view of the yard which was…well I think impressive is probably the only adequate word. The green lawn stretched on in all its perfection for what seemed like forever, until it hit the trees at the base of the hill that blocked out the rest of the world.

  “You have this room and the room next door.” Adam pushed open a door that adjoined the two rooms. “The closest bathroom is at the end of the hall, but don’t worry. You’re only sharing with Elizabeth and me. We’re on your other side.” He thumbed over his shoulder to the wall opposite the door he was holding.

  “This is pretty incredible,” I murmured. I felt like I’d just walked into a historical documentary on the Kennedy’s, which I guess in a way we had. The McKinley family was older and even more powerful in Washington.

  “Would you like some time to settle in or would you prefer to get the big introduction out of the way?” Adam asked.

  I felt Jake’s gaze immediately shift to me. “Babe?”

  I cocked my eyebrow. “You’re seriously deferring to me? This is your show.” That’s when I realized Jake was nervous. Of course he was nervous. He also needed to get this over with. So I made the decision. “Can Elizabeth sit with the girls? I’d like to go with Jake.”

  “Absolutely,” Adam replied, “let me go grab her.”

  Jake immediately relaxed. “Thanks.”

  “All right girls,” I called, “Mommy and Daddy are going to go to a meeting and Miss Elizabeth is going to take care of you.” They barely paid attention to a word I said. They were too busy exploring the rooms and looking for new and unique ways to cause trouble.

  It only took a minute to show Elizabeth where their things were, pull out some toys and snacks, and disappear. I guess I should be grateful my daughters were easy going enough to adjust to new situations so quickly, but every once in a while I wished they’d need me just a little more. Would a sniffle kill them?

  I threaded my fingers through Jake’s and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Let’s do this.”

  Adam led us back downstairs and to a drawing room at the back of the house. The pocket doors were slid open and inside the sprawling room I glimpsed more dark woods, navy rugs, and red throw pillows. Sunlight poured in through a bank of windows that overlooked the yard.

  And standing in front of the couch was a tall, broad, greying man I immediately recognized from the television. Senator McKinley. Jake’s grandfather.

  This was it.

  Jake tightened his hand around mine and I wished there was a way I could give him all my strength. After a lifetime of abuse at the hands of the only two members of his family he’d ever known, this was the first time Jake was facing the possibility he had a grandfather.

  I’d never been more nervous in my entire life, which meant Jake had to ten times worse. It amazed me that he didn’t show it.

  “Senator?” Adam cleared his throat.

  The man immediately turned, his eyes locking onto Jake and softening with relief. Good. That was a good start.

  He crossed the room in two broad strides and stopped, obviously unsure if his hug would be welcome. Instead he held out his arms, “Welcome. It is so nice to finally meet you both.”

  And now we’d moved from good to incredibly uncomfortable. I realized the only person in this room who was equipped to know how to guide this meeting was me, so I stepped forward and hugged the Senator. “It’s good to meet you.”

  He was stiff at first and he smelled different than my own grandfather. The Senator liked to wear cologne and expensive clothing. I also detected a hint of scotch. He relaxed as I stepped back, giving me a quick nod of thanks, then reached out for Jake.

  It was, quite possibly, the most awkward hug I’d ever witnessed, but I think it was good for both of them. It broke the ice.

  The Senator didn’t let Jake go. Instead he held him at arms length, giving him an intense once over. “You look so much like Diane.”

  Jake visibly flinched at the mention of his mother and the moment of potential was gone in a flash.

  He pushed back and grabbed my hand. “Thank you for having us.”

  Regret washed over the Senator’s face. It was clear he understood exactly what had just happened. “You will always be welcome here. All of you. I know this is overwhelming and some things you hear this week may not make sense to you yet, but you’ve always been welcome here. I made sure your mother knew that the only person not welcome was your father.”

  The awkwardness just kept getting worse and it was making me woozy. “Perhaps we should sit if we’re going to jump straight into the heavy stuff,” I suggested.

  Adam went straight to the bar and started pouring generous glasses of scotch while we attempted to make ourselves comfortable, not that it was possible. Between the tension rippling through the air and what had to be the world’s stiffest couch, there wasn’t a single soft or pleasant thing about this meeting.

  But at least there was scotch.

  “Why don’t we start by clearing the air?” Jake said, spreading his knees a few inches so he could lean forward and rest on his forearms, hands clasped in the space between. It was supposed to be an inviting position—he was clearly engaged in the conversation—but it was also defensive. He was both open and closed off at the same time, ready to throw a punch or two if necessary.

  “By all means,” the Senator replied with a wave of his hand.

  “I don’t resent you,” Jake said. “I don’t know anything about you. You have never existed in my life before Adam showed up on my doorstep.”

  The Senator’s eyes pinched at the corners. “Yes, I heard. And I want, first and foremost, to apologize for not reaching out sooner. I was under the obviously mistaken impression that you knew who I was and had chosen to avoid me.”

  “Quite the opposite,” Jake said, taking the scotch from Adam, who paused to hand me an identical glass, then returned to the bar to mix a drink for himself.

  Jake and I shot the first half of our glasses while Adam was still moving. Part of me wanted to slink out of the room, run back to Tampa, and never come back. We were happy in our ignorance and I couldn’t shake the feeling the things we were going to learn this weekend were going to change things forever. And not in a good way.

  This meeting was not helping with the bad vibes I was feeling, but what else could I do? We were here. We were all-in in now.

  Jake stared at the carpet. “Senator, you make it sound like you’ve spoken to Lydia over the years.”

  I noticed that he chose to call her Lydia while the Senator referred to her as Diane, her childhood name. There was so much meaning in a name—the person you were born to be and the person you chose to become. Diane was the daughter of a senator. Raised with rules, under lock and key. She had expectations and a future all laid out for her. But Lydia took a different path.

  The Senator shifted. “No, I haven’t. She’s refused to speak to me for forty years, but the lines of communication have always remained open.”

  “You knew I existed then?” Jake murmured, studying his scotch glass.

  I knew that move all too well. Jake never made eye contact when he was overwhelmed by his emotions.

  “Yes.”

  Jake’s jaw ticked. I resisted the urge to reach out and relax the muscle.

  “And…knowing who my father was and what your daughter had chosen…” he worked hard to keep his anger in check, to work out the correct words, “you honestly believed that I chose that life?”

  The silence that filled the room was so oppressive
, so massive, it felt like a heavy blanket had been draped over all of us. The cause and effect of the Senator’s strained relationship with his daughter was enormous. It had ruined Jake’s life. It had ruined our relationship. We lost ten years because of the demons that haunted the man I loved.

  “I will never be able to express how deeply I regret my mistakes, Jake. I know,” he drew in a heavy breath, “that I won’t ever be able to make this right, but I’ll start with an apology.” He paused, waiting for Jake to look up, but he didn’t move. He kept his eyes carefully trained on the glass.

  The Senator shifted his gaze to me instead. “I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry for not reaching out sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t step in when you were a child. I’m sorry that I’ve always been so consumed with my career that I’ve let so many horrible things happen to my family.”

  So many horrible things. That sounded like a hell of a lot more than just Jake and his mother.

  Jake’s head snapped up. “What do you mean?”

  Adam hadn’t rejoined us after he served the drinks. Instead he’d wandered over to the windows. “It means you may have gotten fucked over the hardest, but you certainly aren’t the only one.”

  All three of us turned to stare at Adam, not that he seemed to care. Instead he kept talking and staring. I noticed that his jaw ticked a heck of a lot like Jake’s. Must be a family trait. “No one in this room is naïve enough to expect perfection out of this meeting. Family is messy, especially when you combine it with politics.” He glanced back, right at Jake. “This is fucked up. There is no other way to describe it. I love the Senator, but he’s a career politician through and through. He will never be warm and fuzzy and he can’t change what he’s done. Becoming part of this family will in no way absolve him of his sins or change the life you’ve already led.” He turned his gaze to the Senator and dropped his voice. “Sometimes I don’t like being part of it either.”

  Jake shifted beside me and I could feel the tension—no, that wasn’t the right word—the desperation in his movements. “Then why did you make contact?” he asked. “I have a good life now. There was no need to interrupt it if it isn’t going to change anything. And don’t give me that presidential bullshit.”

  The Senator winced then cleared his throat. “Because I want to try to make it right. Adam’s correct,” he nodded toward the window. “You are not the only one who’s been affected by me. But you are my biggest regret. Running for president will change everything and I wanted to reach out while I still could.”

  Jake’s mouth hung open a little. It was a lot to absorb for anyone, let alone him. I knew it wasn’t exactly cupcakes and roses inside powerful families, but it was different to live it for yourself—to be confronted in a way that you couldn’t escape. And we most definitely couldn’t escape this.

  I never thought about Jake’s mother anymore. I used to, way back when we were first dating and I was trying so hard to understand it all, but ever since I confronted Jake’s parents on their lawn all those years ago, I stopped caring. Whatever had happened in her life to make her so awful, it didn’t matter. She was who she was.

  It was hard to ignore her now. We were sitting in the home she’d spent part of her childhood. She’d run on that lawn, sat on this sofa. Her father was a work obsessed, power hungry politician who had, according to him, ignored his family, and now he wanted to make amends. But was it for him, or for his family? I still wasn’t sure.

  No one said anything for so long that I felt forced to mediate. “What does that look like to you, Senator?”

  He gave me a grateful smile. “I wanted to start by getting to know my grandson and his family. I will answer any questions you have as honestly as I can.” He folded his hands together and narrowed his eyes. “Maybe if we can find some common ground we can begin to build a new foundation.”

  It was so cliché it hurt. The laugh bubbled up as soon as “build a new foundation” came out of his mouth. I pressed my lips together to try and stop it, but Jake started shaking his head, then his whole body as his own laugh took over.

  “What did I say?” the Senator asked, looking back and forth between us, baffled.

  Jake covered his mouth and waved at me to explain since he couldn’t stop laughing. So I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

  It was very hard.

  “We have a bet on how many political lines you’ll feed us this week, Senator. ‘Finding common ground and building a new foundation’ is on the top ten list.”

  Adam laughed from across the room. “Please tell me that this is a drinking game.” He grabbed the decanter of scotch and walked around refilling each of our glasses, and then he held his up. “To the long lost grandson being the kick in the ass our future president has always needed!”

  The Senator stared a little wide-eyed as the three of us held up our glasses and took a shot of his expensive scotch.

  I was starting to feel a little bit better about this week.

  USING my very best ninja skills I quietly closed the inner door that separated our room from the girls. “They’re asleep.”

  Jake looked up from his iPad, cocking an eyebrow. “Do you think it’s wise to close the door? First night in a strange place…”

  I shook my head. Silly man. Distracted, stressed out man. Jake hadn’t seen what I’d changed into when he took the girls down to the bathroom to brush their teeth. He hadn’t seen that I’d slipped out of my Columbia shirt and jeans and into his favorite black lingerie. All he saw was the black kimono I was wearing. The one he’d brought back from his trip to China earlier this year.

  He apparently hadn’t noticed that the only times I ever wore it were when I was trying to seduce him.

  Ha, trying. There was no trying when it came to Jake. Or me. The way we were together, the passion that always quietly surged barely checked beneath the surface, all it took was opening the floodgates. Seducing Jake was as simple as releasing the ribbon that held the fabric over my nearly naked body.

  “Trust me.” My voice came out much huskier than I’d planned. “They are so asleep it won’t matter if the door is closed for the next forty-five minutes to an hour.”

  Then, as I sauntered toward the bed with my eyes locked on my devastatingly sexy husband, I released the ribbon.

  Jake sucked in a breath. “Well that’s an unexpectedly nice change of direction,” he murmured, his voice now just as husky as mine. His tongue darted out and ran lightly over his bottom lip as he slowly drank me in. “Not that I’m looking this incredibly sexy gift horse in the mouth but, what’s this Eve?”

  I stopped in front of him and he slid out to the edge of the mattress, setting his jeans-clad thighs on either side of me and his large hands on my hips. There was something about Jake…his touch and being in the orbit of his atmosphere, it set me instantly on fire, even after all these years.

  “This is the most stressful day we’ve had since getting back together and there is one surefire way to get you to stop thinking and start relaxing.”

  He nuzzled into the valley between my breasts, then turned his head and relaxed against my chest, breathing me in, hands kneading my hips. “That’s not true.” His breath whispered across my skin. “But today is a close second.”

  Memories flooded my head for a split second—that was all I ever allowed—before I pushed them away. I didn’t want to think about being sad and lost after Sam was born. Not when I was trying very hard to be sexy.

  He looked up and our eyes locked. For a brief moment in time I allowed the emotions to swirl around us. “Don’t think, Jake.” I ran my hands through his hair and felt him relax.

  “I’m not thinking,” he rumbled. “I’m feeling.”

  Which was worse. It was always worse. “Then let’s give all those feelings a channel to escape into.”

  He groaned, low and deep in his chest, then shot another glance at the closed door—always the father. Then the next thing I knew I was flat on my back with a sexy beast of an arous
ed man looming above me with lust in his eyes. He fingered the edge of the black silk robe. “You know, I just realized something.” His fingers danced along the skin of my belly. “You only wear this when we have sex.”

  I grinned. “That took you long enough to figure out.”

  “This is like putting a sock on the door in college.”

  I squirmed as he traced the scalloped edge of the very low-cut bra. “Exactly.”

  Then he very slowly and deliberately tugged the fabric down, tucking it beneath my breast. I felt his cock grow hard as he rocked his hips against me in an unconscious rhythm. “You planned this?”

  “I did,” I breathed. He was very slowly and carefully turning me on. The heat rose from my core to my chest, taking my breath away.

  He paused. “Thank you.” He kissed me with his hand on my jaw, then turned it deeper, his hand sliding down and fisting in my hair.

  “We take care of each other, Jake. That’s what we do. It’s why we work.” I tilted my hips up and found a rhythm against his jeans. God, how I loved jeans.

  He panted heavy as he pulled back from the kiss, looking down at our bodies moving together as one. “There is nothing in the world as distracting, mind-blowing, or exhausting as your body.”

  His compliment lit me up. But the reason wasn’t the face value of his words. It was the meaning that lay hidden underneath. I turned him on in any state. Clothed, naked, pregnant, extra weight, too skinny—it wasn’t the way I looked that turned him on—it was the fact that it was me. My touch. My skin against his. My voice moaning in his ear. My body exploding with his. I was his woman and he was my man, and together we were a nuclear explosion of chemistry in every way possible.

  Which was what made sex so very distracting and relaxing. It was a full body experience as much as it was a mental cleansing. There was nothing like it.

  “Let’s get lost inside each other,” I said just as Jake took my nipple into his mouth. He nodded and the movement felt fantastic.