by Toni Aleo
Turning the water on, she leaned over the sink, her tears mixing with the water that was running as she pulled in shaky breaths. Reaching for the hand towel that rested next to the sink, she wet it before washing her face free of tears. Holding it there, she allowed herself to sob into the warmth of the towel, and she hated herself for imagining it being the warmth of Jordie’s arms. He honestly gave the best hugs. The kind of hug that you felt all the way in the depths of your soul. And boy, did it linger. She could still feel his arms around her, suffocating her in the most rewarding way. That was one of her favorite things about him.
His hugs.
But would she ever hug him again?
And why did she yearn to?
He doesn’t love you!
That alone had another round of tears filling the towel until she heard the door open. She sucked in her cries as she heard him move into the bathroom. She knew it was him, their rooms were attached by the bathroom and, being the idiot she was proving to be with each passing second, she had forgotten to lock his door before she went in there. How was she supposed to hide the fact that she had been crying over him? Ugh, when were her parents going to be back so she could move in with them? Or maybe she could move in with Liam?
Or not.
She knew she needed to get out of this house though, which made her feel horrible because she was supposed to help Lacey. Instead though, Jordie seemed to be doing way more than she had been and that bothered her even more. She was family, he was only a friend. But even as she thought that, she knew it wasn’t true. Her family loved Jordie as their own. That was another reason she loved him so much. Her father thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread, and Karl King didn’t like many people.
When she heard the water turn on in the other sink, she lowered the rag, washing her face free of the tears and snot, trying so damn hard not to look at him. But she failed miserably. He was staring at her as he put toothpaste on his toothbrush, his eyes dark and full of the desire she was sure stayed in his gaze. He always looked at her in such an intense and fulfilling way. Her heart stopped as her stomach clenched just from being under his gaze. Looking away, she folded the towel on the sink, reaching for her own toothbrush. She didn’t want him to think he had any effect on her. She wanted to seem strong, but as she started to brush her teeth, she swore she could smell the coconut oil from his beard, and soon tears gathered in her eyes again. It was funny how one little smell or word or image could bring back a billion thoughts and feelings.
Another of her favorite things about Jordie Thomas was his beard.
It was her Achilles’ heel.
The feeling of it along her thighs, her throat, her lips…she loved it.
She loved him.
When a lump of a sob formed in her throat, she tried to swallow but it wasn’t happening. Spitting quickly, she washed her mouth out and then bent forward to wash her toothbrush, telling herself not to look at him. She could feel his gaze on every inch of her. It felt warm, perfect, but she knew it was bad. Jordie had a way of getting her naked—hell, he could do it to anyone and did, hence why he didn’t need her any longer. She refused to be his simple fuck, but as she sat up, her eyes met his and everything went still.
Desire burned between them and soon her lips parted as he asked, “Are you okay?”
She didn’t know what to say. She honestly didn’t expect him to talk to her.
“No,” she answered and she didn’t mean to. Her eyes widened at her honesty as he nodded, his gaze holding hers in the mirror.
“Me either,” he admitted and then wiped his mouth. “I would like to talk to you.” She stared at him blankly, surely imagining this as he continued, “When you’re ready, of course.”
“Ready?” she croaked out and he nodded.
“You’re still mad and probably hate me, with good reason—”
“I don’t hate you,” she whispered, looking down at the ground. “No matter how much I wish I did, I don’t.”
When she looked back up, he nodded. “Well, when you’re ready to talk, I’d really like that.”
Did she want to talk to him? Was this his plan to get in her pants and then break her heart again?
“Yeah, okay,” she muttered in a snide way, but that didn’t derail him.
“I really am sorry,” he whispered but she shook her head.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“No, really,” he said, bringing her attention to his. “I truly am.”
She didn’t say anything. She didn’t know if she could. His eyes held hers and she begged her resolve to stay strong. To ignore his sad brown eyes, his taut shoulders, or the way he looked like he had been through the wringer. She wanted to brush his hair out of his face, she wanted to comb his beard, she wanted to hold him. But she knew she couldn’t. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t.
He doesn’t love you. Snap out of it.
Looking away, she closed her eyes and soon she heard his door shut. Leaning against the counter, she covered her face and shook her head as the tears spilled onto her hands. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He was supposed to love her, she was supposed to be holding their baby, and she was supposed to be fucking happy.
Instead, she was in a heap of tears while her ex-lover, who she was still stupidly in love with, slept in the room next to hers.
Her boyfriend was begging for her love.
And her brother had no clue what the hell was going on.
It was easy to say that her life was a fucking mess.
“When did you start cooking?” Karson chortled as Jordie laid a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. Lacey smiled as she switched arms with Mena Jane so she could eat. Mena was wide awake and alert, watching everything Jordie did. There was something about their relationship that was special. She loved him as he did her, but since the night before, it was hard for Jordie to look at her without thinking that he could have had a baby that looked just like her.
Just like Kacey.
Turning to put the pan back on the burner, he braced himself against the stove and pulled in a breath through his nose. He didn’t sleep any the night before. He stayed up, reliving the last eight months. If he hadn’t been so fucked up, he could be a daddy right now. Maybe he would have let Kacey in, maybe he would be married to her. But then, the more he thought about it, the more he knew he had to go through everything he had to be where he was now. He wouldn’t have been a good man for Kacey. He might have been a good father, but even that wasn’t certain. He needed the help he’d gotten. It was that simple.
Given the chance again, he wouldn’t have left Kacey behind; he would have been honest.
But like Elli said, he had learned from his mistakes. Now it was time to make up for them.
Clearing his throat, he picked the pan back up and made Kacey a plate. She was running late this morning. Or avoiding him. In the past, they would share the bathroom, moving around each other, but this morning he didn’t hear her door open until his shut. It sucked, but she needed time. As much as he was hurting, she was hurting ten times worse. He hadn’t been there for her, she’d had to do it alone, and that really weighed heavy on his heart.
“I cooked a lot in Mountain Care,” he said, speaking of the rehab center as he set her plate on the island. “I actually like it.”
Lacey smiled. “Then please, cook away.”
He sent her a grin, grabbing his own plate and sitting across from her at the island. As he shoveled his eggs into his mouth, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kacey coming down the hall. That was the thing about Kacey. No matter what, he always knew when she was near. And when he caught sight of her short work-out shorts and black sports bra, he was sure he wasn’t going to make it through training.
Not with that hot bod distracting him.
“Hey, Lacey, have you seen my Assassins work-out windbreakers?” she asked, walking through the kitchen, completely ignoring him. But he couldn’t ignore her. Not with a body like that. She mus
t have been training more than usual the last eight months because, holy fuck, she was ripped. He didn’t remember those abs the last time he had her naked but, boy, did she have them now. Her arms, spectacular, her legs, strong as an ox, and an ass he could bounce a quarter off of. His shorts grew tighter as he drank her in, his fork paused at his mouth as she bent over to look in the dryer.
Thank you, Lord.
“I have no clue. Jordie’s been doing the laundry,” Lacey said before leaning over to kiss Mena.
“What?” Karson and Kacey both asked, their faces twisted in almost the same way. It sometimes freaked him out how much they favored each other. They were practically twins.
Lacey looked up. “What? He just started doing it.”
“They are folded in your basket,” Jordie announced, ignoring their stares. “Also, why should Lacey be doing laundry? She’s still recovering and also fighting her own demons. You two need to be a little more thoughtful,” he said, but he might as well have been growing a second head.
“You did laundry?” Karson asked and then glanced at Lacey. “Plus, I told you I’d do it today.”
She shrugged but Kacey was still standing there gaping at Jordie. Snapping her mouth shut, she glared. “Don’t wash my clothes.”
For some reason, when she glared, she was the cutest.
Jordie grinned. “But I like checking out all your naughty girl panties,” he teased, and Karson groaned while Kacey’s glare deepened.
“Bro, come on, that’s gross,” he said, causing Lacey to laugh. It was nice to see her smiling and not crying. She had been taking her meds like she had promised Jordie, and he thought she was doing better.
“That’s the only way you get to check them out,” Kacey spat back, grabbing her basket.
He knew he should have left it alone. It was too early to tease and pick at her, but he couldn’t help himself. He missed their banter, he missed her, and also he liked the little scowl she wore when she was irritated. Plus, Karson wouldn’t expect anything else. Until Jordie was honest with him about Kacey, he had to play the part of Kacey’s biggest pain in the ass. So, grinning up at her, he said, “For now.”
Karson scoffed and Lacey chanced a glance at Kacey, shaking her head. But he could tell he had crossed the line. That she wasn’t ready for their banter. Her mouth parted, her eyes went to slits, and he was pretty sure she was ten seconds from throwing the laundry basket at him.
But still, his grin was unstoppable. It felt like old times, and it was so refreshing that soon he was saying, “By the way, I made you breakfast.”
Her jaw dropped, but she only faltered for a second. Stomping past him, she yelled out, “Stick it up your ass, JT.”
He scoffed and called out to her. “But I made you sausage instead of bacon. I know how much you love my sausage.”
She threw her middle finger up and slammed her door with the vengeance of a two-year-old.
“Jordie,” Lacey scolded, and he shrugged.
“She’s easy to tease,” was his answer. But honestly, he couldn’t walk on eggshells around her. He’d grieve, he’d apologize, but after that, he was ready to win back his girl. He was going to do everything to show her that he had changed. That he was ready to be the man she deserved, but he wouldn’t lose himself. She loved his humor and he loved picking at her. He couldn’t stop, no matter how much she didn’t like him at the moment. She would get over that; she would forgive him because he would do everything to earn that forgiveness. He’d never believed in happily ever afters. They hadn’t been in his cards, but now, now he was ready for his.
But only if Kacey King was his queen.
“You’re an asshole, and I’m pretty sure she’s gonna make you pay for that.” Karson laughed as he stuffed his face with bacon, and Jordie matched his grin.
“Probably,” Jordie agreed, but he wasn’t worried. While she may be in the bedroom, cursing him to Hades, at least she was thinking about him. That’s what he wanted. He wanted her to remember the good times, and he was going to keep pushing them at her. Then he would beg for her to take him back.
Jordie had never begged a woman for anything, but he wouldn’t hold back with Kacey.
He just had to wait for the right time.
When Jordie reached the training center for the Assassins, he was home.
Within moments of walking in the door, all his boys were greeting him, manly hugs were a must, and Jordie couldn’t stop smiling if he tried. This was his home and these men were his brothers.
“Great to see you,” Tate Odder, the goalie for the Assassins, said in his thick Swedish accent. “Long time.”
“Yeah, it’s great to be back. How’s Audrey and the kiddos?”
Tate’s face lit up at the mention of his beautiful family. After their first child, they couldn’t get pregnant with the second child they so desperately wanted. But after some fertility treatments, they welcomed a little boy, Phillipe, this past summer. He was a preemie, but from what Jordie saw on Facebook, the little guy was getting stronger every day and everyone was very excited.
“Penny and Philly are good, very good. Audrey is wonderful too,” he said, nodding his head, that look of complete bliss on his face. “You, how’s the leg?”
“Great, I’m ready to rock,” he said just as Phillip Anderson cuffed him hard on the shoulder.
“JT, bro! You look like hell run over twice,” he laughed and Jordie grinned.
“I’m hitting up the barbershop after this. You know I don’t trust anyone but Billy Ray with this gorgeous mug,” he said, flashing his teeth, and Phillip laughed.
“If you can walk. Man, Karson’s sister is sadistic,” he said in a mock whisper. “She scares me.”
“But man, she has hands like a dream. My back’s been tweaking, but she rubs it out great,” Erik Titov said, and Jordie could definitely get behind that statement. Kacey did have great hands. Strong, and she knew how to work them. A chill ran down his spine at the thought, and he decided that he needed a nice rubdown by her.
“Good to see you, JT,” Lucas Brooks called at him and Jordie shook his hand with a nod, but before he could say anything, a large hand came down on his shoulder.
Looking over, he saw his captain and smiled. “Hey, Cap.”
Shea Adler nodded, squeezing Jordie’s shoulder. “Hey, Thomas, ready for the season?”
He nodded. “Yeah, absolutely.”
“Awesome, it’s good to have you back. Despite looking like a bird is making a home in your beard, you look good. Healthy.”
Jordie smiled as his cheeks grew a little darker. He wasn’t sure what Elli had told him about the night before, and it was hard to look into Shea’s eyes. But Jordie did it, nodding his head as he said, “Yeah. I feel that way.”
“Awesome, Elli said you’re joining us at church on Sunday? The boys are excited for Uncle Jordie to show up,” he said with a proud grin. Shea loved his kids, probably more than life itself. For sure, hockey, because rumor was that this was Shea’s last year. It was really a bummer, but at the same time, Shea wanted to be home with his kids. Elli was busy with the team and raising the whole Adler clan, and she was doing a stellar job at both, but it had to be nice to have some help. As much as no one wanted to see Shea go, they knew where his priorities were.
“Yeah, me too.” Jordie beamed.
“Jordie? What, you found Jesus, bro?” Phillip teased and everyone chuckled but Shea and Karson. They both just smiled as Jordie nodded.
“You can say that.”
Phillip laughed along with the guys. It wasn’t a secret that Jordie wasn’t too keen on praising the Lord. All of them had invited him to church on previous occasions and Jordie had quickly declined, so it didn’t bother him that they teased him. For the longest time, he was convinced the church would burn down and the roof would open to the good Lord above shaking his finger at him if he ever stepped foot inside. But he soon learned that wasn’t the case.
“Crazy,” Erik joked as Lucas laughed.
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“Busting your leg apparently did you some good, eh?” Phillip asked and Jordie shrugged.
“Guess so.”
“Shit, next thing you know, you’ll tell me you’re sober or something,” Lucas said. And the guys all laughed since that was comical; who would ever expect Jordie to stop drinking? Jordie noticed that Karson and Shea had gone mute, both of them looking at Jordie with sympathy in their eyes. Probably waiting for his next move.
“Yeah. I am.”
The laughter stopped as they all gaped at him. Again, it was a shocking statement. He was pretty sure he’d been drunk seventy percent of the time he was with the guys. He was the life of the party, they had a good time, but he would have to learn to do that without alcohol.
He could do it.
“Hundred and eight days sober,” Jordie said slowly with a nod of his head.
He was proud of that number. It wasn’t a year, but he would get there and he would ignore that he had almost ruined it all last night.
“And we are fucking proud, Thomas,” Shea said, cupping his shoulder. “Everything in the past is the past. We are looking forward now. Strive to be better than you were yesterday and you’ll succeed. Especially with all us busting your chops to be the man we know you can be.”
With that statement, he knew that Elli had told Shea about the night before. Instantly, Jordie felt two inches tall, but then, his words were very uplifting too. Shea was the kind of man every man strived to be. No one wanted to be looked down on by Shea, and he hardly ever did it, but when he did, you felt like shit for a day. To know that he was behind Jordie though, it really meant a lot. It told him he wasn’t as alone as he’d thought when he first embarked on this journey.
Reaching out, Lucas grasped Jordie’s shoulder, shaking it hard. “Way to go, bro. Keep it up.”
Soon all the guys were saying the same thing, hugging it out and shaking hands hard. It felt good to know that they knew. He had been wanting to tell them, but first he’d wanted to get out of rehab, get healthy, and he had. Now he was ready to live the life he wanted. For that to happen, he needed Kacey in it.