Overtime

by Toni Aleo

  Looking up at him, she blinked away her tears before reaching for her purse. “Jordie, I want to lean across the table and kiss you, I do. I want to ride off into the sunset and know that we’ll live happily ever after. Believe me, that’s something I truly want. But you want me right now. Because of how it was when you had me before, you know I’m good for you. But what’s gonna happen when you meet someone else? When you decide you’re done with me? Then what? Or if you hit another dark spot and you don’t want to share it with me, pushing me away in the end. Jordie, I’ll be right back where you left me. I’ll be heartbroken and alone.”

  He was shaking his head before she even finished. “No, that won’t happen,” he said. She looked up as a tear slowly rolled down his face, and it honestly murdered her to see it. He never cried. Never. But with his heart in his eyes, he admitted, “I’ve learned from my mistakes, I have. And, baby, you’re it.”

  But could she believe him?

  Kacey’s tears were falling in sheets down her face and it was killing him to see. He hated when she cried. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it hurt. It was like little daggers were falling from her eyes and stabbing him over and over again in the chest. He wanted to comfort her, take her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was, but he didn’t know what else to say. He’d said everything he had in his heart, and all he could do was pray it was enough.

  The way she was looking at him though, it didn’t seem like it was.

  It took everything for him to do that. He didn’t care to share his secrets, his issues, but he would do it for her. He would do anything for her but, for some reason, she wasn’t seeing that. She was caught up on one detail that, yes, was shitty, but he saw no other way. If he hadn’t pushed her away, then she would have been subjected to all the shit he was feeling, and he couldn’t do that to her. It wouldn’t have been fair. He loved her more than that.

  Clutching her purse to her chest like a shield against him, she nodded. “I need to go.”

  His heart sank. “But you haven’t eaten,” he said, grasping at anything to keep her there. He wasn’t done talking. There had to be something to reach her, to make her realize how shitty a place he’d been in and how he could never have been the man she needed.

  She made a face. “I’m not hungry.”

  Oh yeah, he was in deep shit. Those words never left her lips. She was always hungry.

  “Kace, please don’t leave.”

  But she was already getting out of the booth. He took her hand, stopping her, and she looked down at him, adjusting her purse as he held her hand, his thumb slowly covering each bump of her knuckles on her hand.

  “Please,” he asked, but she shook her head.

  “I need space, Jordie. Please.” She slid her hand from his, but instead of walking away, she leaned over, pressing her lips to his cheek. He closed his eyes, his hand coming up to cup her face, holding there, breathing in her scent. He didn’t want to let her go, but he knew he had to. He had to trust that she’d see that he meant everything he said. He had to.

  “I’ll wait,” he said. “I’ll wait forever,” he whispered, his lips ever so close to hers.

  She pulled away, tears rushing from her eyes, and then she was gone.

  Slowly, he let his head fall before letting out a long breath. That didn’t go like he’d hoped it would. He’d been convinced that just getting her there was the key. Once he said his peace, she’d take him back in a heartbeat. But oh, how wrong he was.

  “Um, you still eating?”

  He looked up at the waitress, sniffing back his own tears. He felt like a failure, something he hated feeling. “No.”

  Their waitress made a face before gathering their plates. “Do you want anything else?”

  A Corona and, hell, even a margarita.

  But despite his craving, or better yet his crutch for getting rid of the feelings he was feeling, he shook his head. “No, thank you. Just the check.”

  She grumbled something in Spanish before laying the check on the table. Retrieving his phone out of his pocket, he called for a taxi and laid two twenties on the table for the food they didn’t eat. Getting up, he headed outside for some fresh air and sat on the bench to wait for the taxi, replaying the whole interaction. But everything went the way he feared it would. He knew she wouldn’t want to hear about him with other women, but he had to be honest. He told her everything he was feeling. Everything, and yet she still walked away.

  Kicking at the cement, he let out a long breath He should have just ridden home with her, tried some more. But what else could he say? Plus, she needed time. She needed to think, and he would give her the space she wanted.

  No matter how much he didn’t want to.

  She’d come back to him.

  She would.

  He hoped.

  The whole ride back to the house, Jordie watched the world speed by and wondered what he was going to do if she didn’t give him another chance. He wondered if she’d cried the whole way home, like he wanted to. Wondered if she thought he was weak, pathetic, like he felt. He hadn’t done right by her, and maybe he didn’t deserve another chance. Maybe this was his punishment for all the wrong he’d done.

  Not having the one person he wanted.

  When the cab stopped in front of the house, he paid and glanced out at it. It was everything that Karson and Lacey wanted, full of love and happiness. He wanted this. He wanted it so damn bad, he could taste it. Getting out, he noticed that Karson was sitting on the porch, Mena Jane in his lap. Groaning inwardly, he wasn’t sure he could do another drag-out with Karson. His heart was still pounding in his chest. The look of such pain in Kacey’s eyes haunted him. He couldn’t deal with his best friend breaking up with him too.

  He wanted to go to the side door, but he felt that would make him a coward. Before he could make the decision though, Karson hollered out at him.

  “How’s your face?” Karson’s lip curved up as he slowly danced in the chair with Mena.

  Jordie didn’t feel like laughing, but he did as he headed toward Karson, brushing his fingers along his swollen lip. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to what he was feeling inside. “Sore.”

  “Good,” Karson decided as Jordie sat next to him. He reached over, taking Mena from Karson and kissing her head.

  “For protection,” he teased and Karson scoffed.

  “I’m not gonna hit you again,” he said but then paused. “But I’m not saying sorry either, like Lacey told me to.”

  “Wouldn’t expect you to. I deserved it.”

  Karson nodded. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you hide the truth like that? I asked you if it was serious and you laughed me off.”

  “Because I didn’t want it to be serious. If it was serious, then that meant I could hurt her.”

  “But you still hurt her,” Karson said, wringing his fingers together. “And I really don’t understand why you’d do that. I thought you cared about her.”

  “I do. I love her, man,” he said, and Karson’s eyes widened. “I do, but I wasn’t thinking right. I didn’t want to feel what she made me feel because I didn’t think what she wanted was in my cards.” He leaned down, kissing the top of Mena’s little head. “It still may not be in my cards, but I’ve decided I want it to be. I want your life, bro. I want the wife, the kids, the happiness. I’m done being lonely and drunk and living because I have to. I want to live for something. For someone and for myself.”

  Leaning on his knees, Karson shook his head as he looked over at Jordie. “Man, bro, I want to be mad at you, I want to slam my fist in your face, but I just feel for you. For so long you held all this in. I mean, I knew you were a jackass and drank too much, but man, you’ve been living with all this shit just suffocating you. Why couldn’t you reach out? We would have helped.”

  Jordie shrugged. “Seems to be the question of the day.”

  “Huh?”

  “Kacey and I talked today. I told her everything, asked for another chance
.”

  “And she said?”

  “That she needed time to think,” he said softly, his lips dusting the top of Mena’s head.

  “Are you gonna be okay if she doesn’t give it to you?”

  Jordie nodded. “Not at first, but I won’t go back to the way I was. I almost didn’t make it back then, and I refuse to allow myself to go back to that,” he admitted, thinking of the many times he’d thought about just ending it all. It went all the way back to his teen years. He’d always hit those low points and had never had anyone to lift him back up. That was why he’d never taken what Kacey was offering, because he’d never had it before and didn’t know how to ask for help. “But, I honestly need you in my life, so if you need to swing on me to feel better, please do.”

  Karson scoffed then, grasping Jordie’s shoulder. “I’m good, bro, just don’t lie to me ever again.”

  “No problem,” he promised.

  “And about Kacey, Lacey told me she really loves you. If you continue being the man you are now, then I’m good with you being with her.”

  Jordie smiled. “I won’t just be with her, Karson. I’ll want to marry her.”

  Karson nodded, biting his lip as his fingers locked together before he turned to look at Jordie. “And I’ll stand beside you at the wedding. Like I always have.”

  There was no one else like Karson, and Jordie sure as hell had done nothing to warrant a friend like him. Karson was a good man, one that Jordie strived to be. Clearing his throat free of the emotion that was clogging it, he nodded.

  “Thanks, bro.”

  “Anytime. Just be honest and stay healthy.”

  “That’s my plan,” he said as the door opened. They both turned to see Lacey in the doorway. Her eyes widened as her gaze cut back and forth between them. Seeing that there was no new blood, she nodded.

  “You two good?”

  They both nodded and she smiled. “Good. Come on in, it’s getting chilly for her, or give her here.”

  Karson stood and shook his head. “No, we’re coming,” he said, taking Mena back and then heading in before Jordie.

  Shutting the door, Lacey stopped him and asked, “How did it go?”

  Jordie shrugged. “She said she needed space.”

  She made a face. “Hm. Okay. Well, keep your chin up.”

  “Will do,” he said before kissing her cheek. “I’m heading to bed. Goodnight.”

  “You don’t want to eat dinner with us?” she asked, and he saw her look. He knew it was only five, but he was done with this day.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “That’s what Kacey said too,” she said, her eyes full of worry as he walked away, and his heart sank a little more. She wouldn’t eat with her family? Pausing at her door, he wondered if he should check on her, but he wasn’t sure how that would go.

  Letting out a long breath, he went to his room, shutting the door and then glancing into the bathroom. She wasn’t there and her door was shut. Probably locked. Throwing his wallet on his dresser, he toed out of his shoes and threw off his shirt. Falling back on the bed, he looked over and stared at her door.

  God, he wondered what she was doing.

  What she was thinking.

  Was she crying?

  Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed heavily.

  The waiting was going to kill him.

  It wouldn’t be an excessive amount of drinking or an STD or even his own doing. No, it would be waiting that would kill him.

  But he’d wait.

  Because he loved her.

  When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he pulled it out to see that it was a Facebook notification. Lucas had posted a video to his timeline, but instead of clicking on it, he clicked on his messages. He didn’t have to scroll far to find his and Kacey’s thread. He always deleted his threads, but not hers. Her messages kept him warm and toasty at night, along with the many naked pictures he had of her, but that wasn’t what he went to. No, he opened it to the last message:

  Kacey: You know what, I bet you’re already off fucking someone else, huh?

  God, he hated that that had been the last thing she said to him, and for some reason, as he read it over and over again, his thumbs started moving across the keys.

  Jordie: I was because I wanted to forget you. I wanted to stop thinking about how stupid I was, about how I wasn’t the guy for you, about how I would never be the guy you deserve. I wanted to be that guy, but I wasn’t. You were smart to walk away, but I was dumb to let you go and I’m so sorry. I can promise you, Kacey, I’ll never let you go again. Never.

  He hit send and waited, but he didn’t have to wait long for the little chat bubble to pop up. Holding his breath, he waited and then finally her message came through.

  Kacey: I wish you would have let me in. Trusted me.

  Sitting up, he typed back quickly.

  Jordie: I did, I do, I just didn’t trust myself. I knew I was gonna hurt you, so I kept you at arm’s length, but that didn’t work. You consumed me, Kacey. Completely, you took my heart and I don’t want it back. Please keep it, just allow me to reap the benefits, give me another chance. You won’t regret it, I promise.

  Kacey: I just don’t know.

  Shaking his head, he knew he couldn’t do this on the phone. He needed to do this face-to-face.

  Jordie: Just let me in.

  Kacey: I’ve always let you in. I’ve never lied or held anything back from you. You did.

  He shook his head, standing up and going toward her bathroom door.

  Jordie: No, I know that. What I mean is open your door. Let me in.

  He waited for her to do it, but it didn’t open.

  Kacey: Why?

  Jordie: ’Cause I don’t want to do this over the phone. I want to talk to you.

  Kacey: We’ve talked Jordie. There can’t be anything else left to say.

  Jordie: I’m sure I can think of something. I can’t do this. The unknowing. I know I hurt you. I’m fucking sorry and I’ll never do it again. Just take one last chance on me. Just one.

  Her text bubble didn’t pop up and the door didn’t open either. Seconds turned into minutes as he stood like an idiot in the middle of the bathroom, staring at his phone and then the door. A sullen feeling came over him as he began to think she wasn’t going to open the door.

  Looking down at his phone, he was about to text her when he heard the door unlock and then slowly open. Meeting her tearstained face, he sucked in a breath.

  Clearing her throat, she said, “Don’t make me regret this.”

  Her breathing was labored, her breasts rising and falling as if she had run to the door while contemplating if she was going to open it. Her eyes wandered down his chest, stopping at his crotch before running back up his body and meeting his eyes. Something in her eyes, lust maybe, caught him off guard, hitting him straight in the chest. He fully expected to come in there and talk, work it out because he wanted to be with her, but…but…he fucking needed her.

  Pushing the door open, he pulled her into his arms and, thank the Lord, she came willingly. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, lifting her off the ground, his mouth so close to hers as his eyes searched hers.

  Against those naughty lips, he whispered, “Never.”

  Please, Lord, don’t let this backfire, Kacey thought as Jordie pushed her into the door, pressing his body against hers, his mouth ever so close to hers. Ugh, she wanted him. She wanted him so badly she couldn’t stand it, but maybe she shouldn’t… Then his hand tangled in her hair and she was a goner.

  Call her a hussy, but hell in a handbasket, he was irresistible. And, man, she wanted him.

  His chest was hot against her thin tank, and in just seconds under his intensely wanton gaze, she was dripping with arousal. She wasn’t sure she was doing the right thing, but all she’d kept thinking since she walked out of the Mexican restaurant was, There was your chance. Your forever. And you’re walking away? If she didn’t give it another go, she knew she’d regret
it for the rest of her life. She wasn’t sure what would happen, and she wasn’t sure if her heart was safe. But she figured, if she couldn’t get over him in the nine months since she’d walked away, and as he’d come to her wanting another chance, claiming to be a changed man, she might as well take what he was giving.

  That either made her an idiot…or she was holding her forever in her arms at that very second.

  She was praying for the latter.

  Holding her breath, she waited for him to kiss her. The kiss in the bathroom the night before had been too short. She had been thinking of his mouth, still feeling it on hers since then, and she was ready for a repeat. Practically begging for it. Moving her fingers through the hair on his chest, she nuzzled his beard with her nose before running her nose along his lips, and then against his own nose. She just wanted to feel him. Rediscover him after so many months without him. She needed him. She was all but shaking for him because that was what they did. They made love, and they did it damn well.

  But why wasn’t he kissing her?

  “If my mouth touches you, Kacey, I won’t stop.”

  “Okay,” she gasped against his lips. “Not sure this is smart, but okay.”

  He smiled. “Eh, maybe not, but I can’t stop once I start.”

  “And I don’t want you to,” she admitted, her center pulsing for him.

  “Good. Is Liam out of the picture?”

  Her brows came together, surprised by his question, but also she found it very sweet. “Yeah. I broke it off with him this afternoon. Wait, does that make me a whore since I’m about to be with you?”

  He chuckled, his lips ever so close to hers, his hands sliding down over her ass and holding her thighs. “When did you sleep with him last?”

  His eyes were intent on hers, waiting for her answer, and she shrugged. “I didn’t. He wanted to wait till I loved him.”

  He scoffed. “Which would never happen. Okay, good,” he said, his arms tightening around her. “And it doesn’t make you a whore. It makes you mine,” he growled against her lips. “Now, tell me he meant nothing to you.”