by Toni Aleo
“First, you hit some random chick when you’re pregnant. And then you send Jordie away for something that, I’m sorry, is dumb. He never cheated on you, never deceived you or even lied. He just didn’t share information about someone who didn’t matter to him.”
Shocked, she yelled, “I mean, shit, Lacey, whose side are you on?”
“His!” she yelled. “You said you let go of his past, but it’s obvious you haven’t.”
“I have!”
“No, you haven’t. If you had, you wouldn’t be holding him to this.”
“No, I’m not doing that. I just don’t like that someone else helped him when I should have been the one.”
“Oh my jeez, you prideful jerk. It doesn’t matter who helped, as long as they did!” she yelled and Kacey bit the inside of her cheek. Jordie had said the same thing. “He needed help, he got it, case closed. It doesn’t matter who held his hand, smacked his ass and called him Sally. All that matters is him getting through this, coming to you, and being the man you need,” she said, and it rocked Kacey’s soul. “You gave him a second chance for a reason, because you believe in him, because you love him. So get your head out of your ass and call him and apologize!”
She dropped her head as the tears leaked out the sides of her eyes. “I mean, I get that, but I wanted to be there for him.”
“And you are! Just at a different stage of his life. The part I’d rather be in because, let’s be honest, you two wouldn’t be together if you were trying to help him through his issues, Kacey. So you didn’t get your way. Who cares? You’re gonna throw away a love you’ve been praying for and begging to come your way because you are being selfish and insane, just because you weren’t the one to push him along in rehab?”
Kacey paused, leaning on her hand as she repeated the words Lacey had just said. In her head, it didn’t sound that bad or selfish, but hearing it from Lacey didn’t sit well. “When you say it like that, it sounds bad.”
“Because it is bad!” she yelled and Kacey rolled her eyes. “You are being dumb and childish and, yeah, I get that he was sort of wrong for not telling you about Natasha. But Kacey, he finally got you back, he was happy, and I believe wholeheartedly that he didn’t think about it. His main focus is you.”
“I just don’t get why he wanted her to help.”
“Because maybe she didn’t matter and it was easy to confide in someone he knew meant nothing to him rather than admit his issues, his problems, and his fears to someone he loved. Like you, he is very prideful and, Kacey, he doesn’t want to show you his weakness. He wants you to see him as this strong, amazing man who could take on the world, or better yet, addiction.”
Lacey was right, but Kacey’s heart still hurt. Or her pride. One of the two. “It just makes me so mad, so hurt. I feel like I did before, when I didn’t feel like I was enough.”
“If you weren’t enough, why would he have gone through hell and back when other people say fuck it and turn back to their addiction? No, he fought and still is fighting just to be the man you want. Kacey, he loves you.”
And she loved him. So why was she letting this rejection, this hurt, just drown her? She felt like she wasn’t enough to help him, and she knew that was dumb. She knew that Lacey was right, hell, that even Jordie had been right. But she’d let her pride get in the way. She just didn’t want to be second best to some porn star; she wanted to be first. She wanted to be his salvation.
But now all she had done was drive a wedge between them.
The last thing they needed.
They had been through so much pain, so much heartache, so many things that caused soul-deep fear, but they’d come out on top. Together. But what if she had done what he did in the beginning and had pushed him away?
“You didn’t, Kacey. Really. Don’t you see that he isn’t going anywhere?” Lacey asked softly, and she hadn’t realized that she’d said it out loud. “I don’t think you know how much you mean to him, and this little fight won’t break you two up. He’d fight you tooth and nail before he lets you get away.”
She smiled but then pressed her lips together. “I need to call him, but he threw it in my face that he could go drink since I apparently think he is the man he used to be.”
“Oh my God, you two are insane. Really,” she groaned.
“Do you think he would do that?”
“What do you think?”
“No,” she said confidently.
“Then shut up and call him and apologize. He doesn’t need this crap, and neither do you,” she said sternly and Kacey couldn’t agree more.
Before she could say that though, Lacey hung up on her, frustrated. Kacey wanted to be mad that she’d taken Jordie’s side, but the more she thought about it, the more she knew she was being an idiot.
But instead of calling him, she stared at her phone. She didn’t like admitting when she was wrong, but it was obvious she’d overreacted. The whole thing was such a sore spot for her. For so long, she’d wanted to be the one to fix him, but this other bitch had, and that wasn’t fair. She loved him more than anyone, she knew him, and as soon as she thought it through, she realized how selfish and repulsive it sounded. She wasn’t that person, she was the person who wanted Jordie to succeed. And if someone else helped him do it, oh well. At least she knew in her heart that she would have loved him through it.
But you’re the one he’s with, she said to herself.
So why did it matter? Why did she allow this girl to come in and fuck with her mind? Because she was insecure about the whole thing. She wasn’t enough for him hold on to before, so why would he now later in life? Was love enough? She wanted to believe so, but she’d been waiting for that damn other shoe to drop. He was too good to be true now. He was everything she wanted, and she didn’t want anyone to experience him like she did. Knowing that Natasha probably had really dug a thorn in her side.
But she couldn’t be jealous and happy at the same time.
She had to pick one, she had to let go of her issues with whom he allowed to help him through rehab, their past, and really trust their love. She was the one he chose to change for, she was the one he rushed to move in with, to get pregnant, and to marry. So why did anyone else matter? All that mattered was them, but yet, she had let her ego take over.
And because of that, she had to apologize.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she hit her messages and then his name.
Kacey: Come home, please.
Jordie: Already am. Watching as you go back and forth with yourself when you know you just want to let go of this stupid pride and anger and tell me you love me.
At that moment, she felt him behind her, yet she didn’t turn.
Kacey: I do love you.
Jordie: I know.
Kacey: I’m a brat too.
She heard him scoff and she smiled.
Jordie: That’s for damn sure.
Jordie: But I love that about you.
“I love everything about you, Kacey, because the best thing in life is finding someone who knows your flaws, mistakes, difficulties, and still thinks you are badass and loves you.”
She sucked in a deep breath before turning to meet his gaze. Her face was tear-streaked, her heart ached, and she felt so damn small. How could she have been so stupid? He loved her. It was shining in his eyes. She was his world, as he was hers.
Swallowing hard, she said, “I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“It’s part of that mistakes and flaws thing. You are prideful to a fault, Kacey. I know this and it doesn’t bother me because, at the end of the day, I’m not going anywhere.”
She slowly nodded, her eyes holding his. “It just bothers me so badly that I’m not the one who, when you look back on all of it, will be able to say that I had been there for you.”
His brows came together as he took a step toward her. “But you are, Kacey. Yeah, you didn’t hold my hand, tell me I could do it. But the idea of spending the rest of my existence with you was enou
gh for me to fix what was wrong.”
“But I wanted to be there.”
“And you were, in my heart, but, Kacey, you couldn’t fix me, still can’t fix me. I have to repair me, but you can support me, you can love me. And because of that, I’ll do what needs to be done to be the man that I want to be. For you.” Biting her lip, she slowly nodded as he held her gaze. His chest was rising and falling, his eyes burning into hers. “The thing is, Kacey, I’m a broken man who is slowly but surely mending myself back together, and I couldn’t do it without you. I’m an alcoholic who is standing in front of the woman he loves, asking her to put the past in the past and love him for every single flaw he has because, believe me, I have a lot. But one thing is for sure, I’ll love you with everything inside me and more.”
“Oh, Jordie,” she said, tears flooding her eyes as she shook her head. He left her breathless, unable to even fathom how he still loved her. She was an asshole, but yet, he had quoted Notting Hill for her and it rattled her to the core. This man, this beautiful human, would do anything to make her happy, and she had been more concerned with being the person who helped him, rather than the person who loved him. How selfish and pathetic! Giving him a shy smile, she laced her fingers with his, stepping closer to him, their toes touching as she looked up at him. “That’s a hell of a speech. Unneeded, but one hell of one.”
He grinned. “I told you I was taking notes,” he said with a wink.
She smiled. “I don’t like fighting with you.”
“I don’t either,” he whispered, his lips dusting along hers. “And I’m sorry for keeping Natasha from you. I was wrong for that.”
“But I was wrong for freaking out the way I did,” she admitted. She bit into her lip as she met his beautiful dark gaze. “I’m sorry, Jordie. The past is in the past from this moment forward, like it should have been. And from now on, I’ll focus on making our story a happy one.”
“A happily ever after, then?” he asked, his eyes dark as they bored into hers.
“The happiest.”
“Good, ’cause you know that I used to think that wouldn’t happen for me,” he muttered and she smiled.
“Then I guess you weren’t with the right person?”
He nodded. “Nope, I wasn’t. I had to repair what was broken.”
“What a job you did.”
He nodded. “With your help. Someone had to hand me the hammer and nails.”
“I was thinking more screws and drills.”
Heat flashed in his eyes and she giggled before saying, “Freaking pig.”
He chuckled before wrapping his arms around her tightly. “Brat.”
Smiling hard, she leaned her head to his as he slowly wiped away her tears, his gaze holding hers. Cupping her face, he said, “Are you ready to stop being crazy and love me?”
“I never stopped loving you, nor will I ever stop being crazy when it comes to you.”
He grinned. “Don’t worry, I’m crazy too.”
“And horny,” she mentioned and he nodded.
“All the damn time,” he said, cupping her ass. “But this is it, Kacey. No going back. We are in it to win it. And if you ever tell me to leave this house again without you, you’ll regret it.”
She smiled, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Gonna off me?”
“Damn right. If I can’t have you, no one can.”
“Crazy town,” she muttered and he laughed.
“Love does crazy things to people.”
“You got that right,” she said and her hand still hurt from punching that chick. Looking up at him, she grinned. “But I’m not going anywhere, Jordie. Call me your number two, I’m there,” she said proudly, but he shook his head.
“You mean my number one,” he said sternly. “Because you, Kacey Marie King soon-to-be Thomas, are my one and only,” he said roughly before his mouth dropped to hers and her heart soared. As their mouths moved together, their souls becoming one, she knew that she wasn’t going anywhere without a fight. That between her and Jordie, it would be a knock-down-drag-out fight before either of them got away from the other. She wouldn’t want it any other way, either. She had one hell of a story to write, and that story would be the best she had ever written.
As long as Jordie was by her side, helping her write it.
“When a crayon breaks, it’s still usable. You can still color with it, and that’s how I’ve looked at my life the last year.”
Jordie looked out at the group and smiled. Karl held Regina in the crook of his arm, pride shining in his eyes, with Karson and Lacey beside them, Mena in her arms, waving her arms and trying to get down to ruin something. Elli and Shea were there too, along with Benji, who was smiling like a proud father.
But the only person he saw was Kacey, holding their sweet baby girl, Ella Mae, in her arms, tears rushing down her cheeks as she beamed up at him. She had just given birth to her three days before, and he knew that she should be home, but she wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Clearing his throat, he looked down as he sucked in a breath. “I was at the lowest of lows. Broken in black and white, wanting to scream in color, but I couldn’t find my voice. I was nothing, a waste of space. I broke the heart of the woman I loved, I hurt my friends and my family, but then someone took a chance on me. Someone looked me in the eye and told me I needed help. And I took it, even though I didn’t want it at the time,” he said, his eyes meeting Elli’s, and hers filled with tears. “The last year has been not only hell, but also the best year of my life. I’m healthy. I’m strong. I’m happy. I’m loved. I’m a best friend, a friend, a son, and a fiancé. And now a father.”
Swallowing hard, he looked up, meeting Kacey’s tearful gaze, and said, “I couldn’t have reached this day, my three hundred and sixty-fifth day sober, without those people who define me, my therapist, and this group. You all love me, push me, and know that I can get through this addiction, and I can beat it.”
Everyone smiled up at him, his therapist Julie grinned, Portia from rehab was there too, along with all his group members. The support was unbelievable and heartwarming, but the look of pure admiration and pride that shone in Kacey’s eyes was what left him breathless.
He wanted to say that the last nine months had been easy—the happiest of times—but they had been a whirlwind. The Assassins lost the finals for the Stanley Cup and it sucked, but they had gotten far and were setting their sights on the following year. His mom hadn’t contacted him, neither had Natasha, and he was okay with that. He had two ladies in his life that took over everything, and he really didn’t have time to deal with anyone else.
Kacey opened her gym down the road from Audrey Jane’s and was doing well, and she was itching to get back to training the way she had. But due to complications with her pregnancy, she was unable to just yet. During her seventh month, she was put on bed rest because she had gone into premature labor. Thankfully, the doctor got her taken care of and she went full-term, Ella coming out healthy and perfect. But the fear it caused was real, and it had rocked Jordie to the core. Though, like he knew they would, they got through it. Together. And Jordie had decided that they would continue to do that as long as they had each other.
No matter what, even if their backs were against the wall with the only option to score and win, they’d succeed. Even if it took extra minutes. Jordie and Kacey would always win in overtime.
Sucking in a deep breath, his mouth turned up as he moved his hand along his forearm, flinching at the pain of the brand-new tattoo he had gotten the night before. Looking down, he grinned at the script that spelled out his daughter’s name before looking back up as he went on. “I told someone once that they couldn’t fix me, that I had to do it, and I am. Through this process, I’ve learned to not only love myself, but to love God, to trust in Him that I can do this. That I will beat this because I am strong and I have His light in my soul.” He paused, his heart so full of love as he watched Kacey wipe her face, before Karl wrapped his arms around her,
kissing her temple. “My fiancée told me to never be ashamed of my story, my addiction, because telling it and owning up to it will inspire someone else. So here I stand, an alcoholic, a fiancé, a father, and I’m winning. Because each day I wake up farther away from the addiction and closer to the life I want. The life I am proud of. The life I love.” He paused again, choking on the emotion. “Here is to the next three hundred and sixty-five days. May they be full of happiness, but also hard times, because I want to grow; I don’t want this to be easy. I want to earn my win, and I will as long as I have that woman beside me through it all,” he said, pointing to Kacey. She hiccupped a sob as she leaned into her daddy and everyone clapped and aww’d for him. His chest was bursting with love for her, his forever, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her as she dissolved into tears next to her father. He wanted to rush to her, hug her, but he had to accept his chip. Then he’d love on her and make her feel exactly what he did. When Julie and Portia stood, coming toward him, they both hugged him tightly and he whispered thanks to both of them. They had both been such a big part of his recovery, and he was lucky to have them. When he’d asked what he could do to repay them, both of them said that his being healthy was their payment.
They were good women.
“Usually, we present you with your year chip, but I think Julie will agree with me when I say that Kacey should give it to you.”
Jordie grinned as he looked back at her, to urge her to come up, but she was already walking around the group, eager to give him his chip. Grinning, she took it from Portia and thanked both of them before looking up at him. Her heart was in her eyes, and it had been since the moment he had asked her to marry him. Had it been easy? No. Would it ever be? Hell no. But they would get through it together.
“Jordie Scott Thomas, you are the most amazing man, inside and out. I know you’ve quoted me a few times, but I want to quote you,” she said, her voice breaking as she gazed up at him. Their sweet baby girl was cuddled in her arms, small and perfect all wrapped in a purple Assassins blanket. “You said that the most amazing thing in life is finding someone who would love you for every flaw, every mistake, and every weakness. And while I do love you for all those things, I also love you for your strength, your tenacity, but most of all, your ability to love. You say I’ve changed your life, Jordie, but really, you’ve changed mine. And I couldn’t be prouder of you than I am at this very moment,” she said, big, wet tears rolling down her face as she slowly reached out, handing him his chip. “You deserve this.”