by C. Hoover
Carter doesn’t look at me. He winks at Asa and brings his glass of champagne to his mouth. He downs the entire glass in one gulp before he even makes the toast. When his glass is empty, he holds it out to Dalton, who is holding the bottle of champagne. He refills Carter’s glass, and then Carter pulls it to his chest and looks straight at Asa. I can see him blow out a quick, pent up breath right before he begins speaking.
“It’s hard to believe we’ve reached the age of engagements. Marriages. Creating families. But it’s even harder to believe that Asa Jackson is the one beating us all to it.”
A few laughs break out around the room.
“I’ve never really seen myself as the type of guy who would settle down. But after spending time with Asa and getting to know him better—witnessing firsthand how much he values his relationship with Sloan, he may have just changed my mind. Because if he can end up with a girl as beautiful as her, then maybe it’s not too late for the rest of us.”
People begin to raise their glasses, but Carter waves a hand in the air to hush them. I can feel Asa tense at my side, but I’ve been tense since Carter started speaking.
“I’m not finished,” Carter says, his eyes roaming over the crowd. “Asa Jackson deserves a longer toast than this, you impatient fuckers.”
More laughs.
Carter downs his second glass of champagne and then waits for Dalton to refill it for a third time. My pulse is racing so hard, I’m praying Asa doesn’t grab my wrist and feel it.
“While Sloan is very, very beautiful,” Carter says, making sure not to look at me. “Looks have shit-all to do with love. Love isn’t found in the attraction you have to someone. Love isn’t found in the laughter you share. Love isn’t even found in all the things you have in common. Love is not, in any way, shape, or form, defined by nor found in the abundance of bliss it brings two people.” He downs his third glass of champagne and with the same routine, Dalton fills Carter’s glass for a fourth time. I take a sip of my own glass now that my mouth and throat have completely run dry.
“Love,” Carter says, his voice a little more slurred and a little bit louder. “Love is not found. Love finds.”
Carter’s eyes move across the room until they land on mine. “Love finds you in the forgiveness at the tail end of a fight. Love finds you in the empathy you feel for someone else. Love finds you in the embrace that follows a tragedy. Love finds you in the celebration after the conquering of an illness. Love finds you in the devastation after the surrender to an illness.”
Carter raises his glass. “To Asa and Sloan. May love find you in every tragedy you face.”
The room erupts in cheers.
My heart erupts in my chest.
Asa’s mouth finds mine and he kisses me, then he’s gone. Disappeared into the crowd of people clamoring to pat him on the back, congratulate him, and inflate his ego.
I’m left standing on the stairs, staring at the guy who is still standing on his chair, staring back at me.
He stares for several seconds and I can’t look away. Then he downs his fourth glass of champagne, wipes his mouth, and steps off the chair, disappearing into the crowd.
I put my hand on my stomach and release all the breath I’ve been holding since he began his speech.
Love finds you in the tragedies.
That’s certainly where Carter found me. In the midst of a series of tragedies...
My eyes scan the crowd until I spot Asa on the other side of the room, staring straight at me. Suspicion has replaced the smile that’s been affixed to his face all afternoon. His eyes are focused on mine with the same intensity mine were just focused on Carter’s.
I can’t even find the strength to fake a smile.
Asa downs a shot and slams it on the table next to him. Kevin refills it and he downs that one. Then another. His gaze never once wavers from mine.
“Another.”
“That’s five already, Asa,” Kevin says. “It’s barely after nine. You’ll be out by ten if you keep this up.”
I tear my eyes from Sloan and glare at Kevin. He concedes, pouring the sixth shot, and I down it. When I look back at the stairs, she’s gone.
I glance around the room, but I don’t see her. I immediately part through the crowd and make my way up the stairs, toward our bedroom.
When I open the door, I find her sitting on the bed, staring down at her hand. She glances up at me and smiles, but it looks forced. It looks forced a lot here lately.
“Why are you up here?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “You know I don’t like parties.”
She used to. Just like she used to sleep naked. On her stomach.
I take two steps until I’m standing in front of her, looking down on her. “What’d you think of Carter’s toast?”
She wets her lips and shrugs again. “It was a little hard to follow. Kind of confusing, actually.”
I nod, watching her reaction carefully. “Was it? Is that why you were staring at him after I walked away?”
She tilts her head a little, a move people make when they’re confused. Or maybe it’s a move people make when they’re only pretending to be confused.
The one thing about Sloan that I don’t like is that she’s smart. Smarter than most girls. Even smarter than a lot of men I know. She might even be a good liar, because I’ve yet to catch her in one. I lower my hand to the side of her face and tilt her gaze up to mine. “I’ve already asked you this once. This is the last time, Sloan.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was trembling. Could be the six shots rushing through my bloodstream, though. I trail my fingers across her cheekbone. I pause at her lips and then slowly trace them. “Do you want to fuck him?”
Her neck stiffens and she pulls away. “Asa, don’t be ridiculous,” she says, dismissing my question.
I shake my head. “I’m not stupid, Sloan, so don’t treat me like I am. I saw the way you looked at him downstairs. And I’m still not sure I’m convinced it wasn’t his name you were moaning in your sleep last night. So tell me...do you want to fuck him? Do you think about his mouth on you?”
She shakes her head. “Don’t do this again, Asa. You’re drunk. It makes you paranoid.” She stands up to come face-to-face with me, and my hand slides down to her waist. She looks me dead in the eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about Carter. I don’t even know him. I have no idea why you keep bringing him up, but if he bothers you so much, fire him. Don’t allow him in our house again. I couldn’t care less, Asa, and if you’re this threatened by him, do something about it. If I wanted anyone else, I wouldn’t be wearing this ring.”
She holds up her left hand and smiles. “It’s beautiful, by the way,” she says, admiring the ring. “I was a little speechless earlier, so I forgot to tell you how perfect it is.”
I’m either a delusional fuck or she’s the best goddamn liar I’ve ever met. If I’m forced to choose between the two, I choose the former.
I wrap my arms around her waist. “Come downstairs,” I tell her. “I want my eyes on you all night.”
She gives me a peck on the cheek. “I will in half an hour. I want to stare at my ring for a little bit before all the girls downstairs start demanding to try it on.” She twists the ring on her finger, admiring it again.
Girls. They’re so easy to please. I should start buying her more fucking jewelry.
I release her and head to the door. “Don’t wait too long, you have a lot of shots to catch up on.” I open the door to walk out, but pause when she calls my name. I turn around and she’s sitting back down on the bed.
“I love you,” she says, her sweet lips curling around those words. It makes me fucking ache to be inside her.
I will be. Later.
“I know you do, baby. You’d be stupid not to.”
I close the door and walk back downstairs. I probably shouldn’t have said that to her, but I’m still a little bitter with the way she made me feel when I caught her staring at Carter. When I cross the
room, Kevin is still standing at the table with all the liquor. I grab a shot out of his hand. “One more,” I say, pointing at the bottle and downing the one in my hand. I’ll need about double what I’ve already had to get over the way my blood was boiling at the thought of Carter and Sloan.
Speaking of Carter...
I catch him out of the corner of my eye just as he leans in and whispers in some petite brunette’s ear. She laughs and slaps him in the chest. My eyes follow his hands and they’re gripping her waist, pressing her into the wall behind her.
Sloan is right. I’m being paranoid. If anything were going on between Carter and Sloan, he’d be staring me down or looking around for Sloan. Not sliding his tongue up some girl’s neck like he’s doing right now.
Good for him. Pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve really seen him let loose. Must have been the half-bottle of champagne he downed during his toast.
I take another shot and walk past them on my way toward the back door. I pat Carter on the back, but I don’t think he notices. The chick’s legs are wrapped around his waist now. She has some nice fucking legs.
Lucky bastard.
I lightly trail my fingers across one of her legs as I pass them. Carter still has his mouth buried against her neck, but the girl makes eye contact with me when she feels me touch her. I wink at her and then walk toward the back door.
I give her five minutes before she comes up with an excuse to follow me outside.
I should feel bad about this—about stealing Carter’s girl right out from under him. But the fucker has gotten inside my head more than enough in the last twenty-four hours when it comes to Sloan. If anything, he deserves this.
“Is he gone?” I whisper in her ear.
Tillie nods and unwraps her legs from around my waist. “Yep,” she says, wiping at her neck. “I get that you had to make it convincing, but please don’t ever put your tongue on me again. Gross.”
I laugh. She straightens her hair by running her fingers through it. “Now disappear. I have work to do. This might even be easier than I thought.” She slaps her hand against my chest and pushes me aside, heading out the back door in search of her new project. Asa.
Tille has helped out with a couple of jobs I’ve worked on before, but she’s usually Dalton’s sidekick. I figured having her here tonight would not only come in handy for my own sake, but for the investigation as well. If anyone could take Asa’s eyes off Sloan for any amount of time, it would be Tillie. Not only because of the way she looks, but she’s like a chameleon. She can become whoever she needs to be in order to worm her way into a guy’s psyche, and Asa Jackson is next up on her list.
When she disappears outside, I glance around the room to make sure no one is paying any attention to me. When I’m in the clear, I head straight for the stairs.
Granted, my sneaking up to Sloan’s room is not why Tillie is here. In fact, Dalton ordered me to stay away from Sloan tonight and wait until Sunday to give her any attention—when Asa is far away from both of us.
Luckily, Dalton is outside. So is Asa.
And now, so is Tillie. I’ve got at least a ten-minute window to check on Sloan.
She’s probably confused by the toast I gave downstairs. Hell, I’m still confused as to why Asa asked me to do it in the first place. Either he’s beginning to trust me, or it’s a keep your enemies closer kind of situation.
I don’t waste time knocking when I get to her bedroom. I open the door and shut it just as fast. Then I lock it for good measure. She’s sitting on the bed and as soon as she glances up and realizes it’s me, she stands up. “Carter,” she says, wiping at a tear. “You shouldn’t be in here.”
God, she looks beautiful. I was so sick to my stomach when I saw Asa carrying her down the stairs earlier, I refused to allow myself to take it all in. The way her dark curls are cascading around her bare shoulders, the way her dress hugs at her just like I wish I was doing right now. Fuck. I know I had to down half a bottle of champagne in order to get through the toast earlier, but it’s really starting to hit me now.
I walk past her without touching her somehow, to the window. I stand to the side of it and look out over the backyard. Asa is on a lounge chair by the pool—Tillie is sitting on the chair next to his. She’s leaning forward, engrossing him in conversation. His hands are relaxed behind his head, and even from here I can tell he’s staring at her breasts.
Dalton is talking to Jon on the other side of the pool.
I glance back at Sloan and she’s standing behind me, shaking her head. “Why are you in here? He’s already suspicious, Carter. Are you crazy?”
I nod. “Apparently.”
She’s hugging herself nervously, staring up at me. My heart feels like it’s about to tear through my chest. It does that sometimes when I do stupid shit like this. “Do you want me to leave?” I ask her.
She pulls her bottom lip in and chews on it for a second. “Not yet,” she whispers.
I reach to her and pull her left arm away from her chest. I slide my fingers around her ring. “I can’t do this while you’re wearing this ring.” I slip the ring off her hand and toss it on the bed.
“Do what?” she whispers, looking up at me with a considerable amount of anticipation.
I close the gap between us. “Kiss you.” I lift my hands to her face, slowly sliding them through her hair to the nape of her neck. “I’m going to kiss you until I sober up or get caught. Whichever comes first.”
Her chest rises with her gasp. “Hurry,” she says, breathless.
Hurry is the last thing I’m gonna do when it comes to her.
I tilt my head, feeling her fists clench the front of my shirt. I barely touch my lips to her lips, feathering my mouth against hers. We both release shaky breaths the second we make contact—breaths we’ve been holding since that first day we saw each other in class.
She’s on her tiptoes now, needing me to kiss her fully, to finally give her what we both want. Instead, I pull back and look down at her. When she realizes I’m doing the exact opposite of what she wants, she opens her eyes.
I stare down at her mouth, wanting to savor it for one more second before devouring it. I move my right hand back to her cheek, slowly rubbing the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip.
“What’s taking you so long?”
I stare at her mouth as I trace my thumb over her top lip. “I’m worried that once we start, we won’t be able to stop.”
She slides her hands up my neck, sending chills down my back. “I think you should have thought that through before you walked into my bedroom. It’s a little late to change your mind now.”
I nod, pulling her to me. I wrap one hand around her back and keep the other wrapped in her hair. “Yep. Definitely too late.” I press my lips to hers and my pulse begins to rage beneath my skin. Her lips part to make room for my tongue, and I when I finally taste her, she’s so goddamn sweet I groan. Her mouth is warm, her lips are cold, and the way she kisses me back makes the room feel hotter than hell. I try to pull her closer, to kiss her deeper, but it isn’t enough. We’re grasping at each other, attempting to get more from this kiss than we know we’re allowed. But her lips, her gasps, her moans...I can’t stop.
I can’t stop.
We end up with her back flat against a wall and my hands beside her head. Our kiss slows down, speeds up, slows down again.
Stops.
We’re practically panting as I stare down at her. She’s looking up at me with the most tragic expression. I kiss her softly on the lips, then on her cheek. I pull back and press my forehead to hers as we catch our breath.
“I should go home,” I whisper. “I need to go before my stupidity gets you killed.”
She nods and then desperately grips my arms. “Take me with you.”
I don’t move.
“Please,” she says, her eyes filling with tears. “Let’s go. Now, before I change my mind. I want out of here and I never want to come back.”
Fuck.
Is she really saying this?
“Please, Carter.” Her words are desparate. “We can discharge my brother so Asa doesn’t use him against me. And wherever we end up, I’ll find a way to get him back in the care he needs. Let’s just go.”
My heart is deflating, just like her hope is about to. If she only knew how much I wish I could do that. I start to shake my head and she moves her hands from my arms to my cheeks. A huge tear spills out of her eye. “Carter, please. You don’t owe him anything. You can get out. We both can. Right now.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and roll my forehead to the side of her head. My lips are directly over her ear when I whisper, “It’s not that easy, Sloan.”
If it were all up to Luke, and Carter didn’t have to exist, we’d be halfway across the state already. But if I took her tonight...if we just ran away and I abandoned Ryan in the middle of all this...it would compromise the entire investigation. It would make Asa even more dangerous. And I’d be letting down a whole fucking lot of people, not to mention giving up my entire career. I wouldn’t even have a way to support her.
“I want to get you out of here, Sloan,” I whisper. “I just can’t leave yet. I can’t explain why and I don’t know when I can, but I will. I promise. I swear.”
I press my lips to the side of her head, just as she starts to cry. And as much as I’d give to hold her in my arms until her devastation passes, I can’t. Every second I’m in this room with her is another second I’m risking her life.
I press my mouth to hers once more and then pull away from her. She lets her head fall back against the wall and she’s so much sadder in this moment than when I even walked inside the room to begin with.
She’s still gripping my wrist as I try to walk away. When she refuses to let go, I lift her fingers from around my wrist, releasing her. I watch as her arm falls limp to her side. Having to walk away from her like this is nothing short of devastating.