by Kat T. Masen
I had researched as much as I could in an attempt to understand exactly what it is. It was only after I’d read a number of parents’ blogs and watched videos, it had finally sunk in.
Mom and I talked long and hard about it, and it helped that she also tried to give me the perspective of a mother in that situation because that’s what Morgan is—a mother to Michael.
“Addy and I were devastated. We knew nothing about autism and blamed ourselves for him being that way. Morgan was the one that stepped up, learning as much as she could in order for the three of us to co-parent him, and have him thrive despite the challenges he faced. Without her, I don’t know what Addy and I would have done.”
“Morgan loves him,” I admit out loud. “She’ll do anything for him. I’ll never understand how she can be so selfless considering he isn’t her son.”
Wyatt releases a light-hearted chuckle. “Because that’s who she is, selfless Mo. That’s why she’s my best friend.”
More words that hurt.
And as I take a deep breath, I realize that loving her is more than just telling her—it’s accepting her for who she is and accepting the people she loves. The man across me and his son.
“Our marriage didn’t fall apart, it just didn’t progress. We talked about separating and made the decision last year. We never for once thought it would be difficult for Michael. He didn’t feel the emotions because that’s something he struggles with but more so the change of routine. He struggled to sleep, and his tiredness affected his general behavior. Morgan was terrified he’d take a step back, and the behavior specialists suggested a slow but progressive change. I guess we just let it be and allowed it to drag on because it wasn’t such an issue until you walked into Morgan’s life,” he tells me, and I detect slight bitterness in his tone.
I’m unsure whether there’s resentment toward me for being the man that supposedly stole Morgan’s heart. He’s spoken about Michael, and it’s plain to see that his son means everything to him. The love from a father has no bounds. Something I have no concept of.
And it doesn’t hit me until this very moment. I love my mom and she does everything she can to make sure I have the best life possible. But no matter what she does, the absence of a father is something difficult to replace.
“Mo’s my best friend. She always will be. I don’t know what your intentions are with her, but she will always be in my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he warns me.
“I love her.” It’s the only thing I can say.
“Then if you love her, be with her.”
I laugh, cocky perhaps but stumped by his willingness to just palm her off. “You make it sound so easy. It’s not just about loving her, it’s about accepting her choices. Her choice is to have Michael in her life despite the two of you being apart. This is why I need to know now if you’re going to fight me for her,” I tell him how it is. “I want this to work more than anything I’ve wanted in my life. But I’m not going to be second best nor pushed to the side. The moment I walk back to her, it’s forever.”
And I’ve finally made that decision. Being away from her only confirms one thing—I do love her. And that love consumes every part of me. The thought of not having her in my life tears me into a million pieces. I need to muster up my strength and patience to be a better man for her without compromising my own needs.
Wyatt stands up, sweeping his keys into his hand. “Then let me take you to her.”
***
There’s chaos all around us, the sound of children’s idle chitchat combined with laughter everywhere you turn. The playground is busy with children running about, parents pushing the swings high into the air as the kids squeal with happiness. And just behind the area are the courts where I first saw Morgan play.
There’s four of them—Morgan and three little boys. I recognize Michael immediately. He’s standing distant from the other children but still listening to Morgan speak. I cannot wipe the smile off my face—she looks cute in her little shorts and Chicago Bulls jersey. Damn. How did I not know she went for the Bulls? It should be a terrible sign of things to come, yet I brush it off because it’s not important right now.
She sees us standing together behind the fence, rather shocked. Michael notices Wyatt running up to him and wrapping his arms around his legs. The other children just stare, their parents asking them to come over and have a drink of water while they take a break.
With the ball in her hand, Morgan slowly paces toward us, tilting her head, trying to hold back her smile.
“What are the two of you doing here?” she asks, looking at Wyatt then to me.
“Hey, buddy.” Wyatt kneels down to Michael’s level. “Do you think you can count the number of lines on the court?”
Michael nods, running to the corner where the lines begin and evenly pacing himself while counting slowly.
Extending his hand, Wyatt hands Morgan an envelope which he removes from his bag.
“What’s this?” she stares, confused.
“Divorce papers,” he says without hesitating. “You see, Noah and I kinda have an understanding now. I know he’ll take care of you, and I know you’ll still be in Michael’s life.”
Morgan’s eyes refuse to leave the envelope, and slowly as she raises them to meet mine. She faintly whispers, “Michael can still be in my life?”
“He’s a part of you, Morgan. And I want all of you,” I tell her, smiling to ease the burden she’s carrying. It’s finally sunk in. The distance I needed to go to show her how much I love her and what she means to me.
“We’ll make it work, Mo. The three of us,” Wyatt reassures her.
“Four,” she corrects him.
He raises his eyebrows. “Four?”
“Please, Wyatt. You can come clean now about Jodi. I mean, gee, talk about a dirty mouth on that one.”
I keep my laughter to myself as Wyatt nods his head, agreeing with a sly smile. “Well, I guess you know then,” he simply says.
“Timing isn’t exactly her strength. Plus, I should have been a private detective with the skills I got,” she jokes, then points her finger at me. “Just a heads up.”
The three of us laugh as Michael finishes counting and returns with his statistics. The kid is impressive. Morgan informs us she’ll finish their practice game, as Wyatt and I stand on the side. He explains to me that sports are something Michael finds zero interest in. However, when it comes to watching on television, he’s fascinated with the commentating, especially facts and stats of the game.
When they finish up, Wyatt offers to take Michael home. “We’ll leave you two alone,” he tells us.
Before he leaves, I kneel down to Michael’s level but keep my handshake at bay not to overwhelm him. “Hi Michael, I’m Noah. A friend of Morgan’s.”
He listens, but stares at the sky, then gazes at me for just a split second before fixating on the ball. “Do you play basketball?”
“I do,” I respond eagerly.
“Did you know that Michael Jordan won six NBA championships?”
I smile because I did know that. “Uh-huh, and did you know that he had six thousand, six hundred and seventy-two rebounds?”
Michael continues to stare at the sky as if he’s thinking out loud. “That’s a lot of rebounds.”
Morgan and Wyatt smile back, keeping quiet as they watch Michael. He doesn’t have anything else to say, so Wyatt decides to take him home, saying goodbye to the both of us. When they’re out of sight, Morgan’s quick to jump into my arms and hold onto me as if her life counts on it.
“Thank you.”
I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent. Moving my head to plant a soft kiss on her neck. I fucking miss her so much. And with her in my arms, I want to be a better man. Honest and faithful, and show her each day what she means to me.
“You know you’re kinda stuck with me now?” I chastise.
She laughs into my chest. “Like a fist up an ass?”
I pull back, holdi
ng her at arm’s length. “Excuse me?”
“Kate’s fault... she talks way too much about anal fisting.”
I break into a smile. “You talk to Kate?”
She nods, keeping her grin large. “Well, I figured she’s kinda your BFF, so I had to suck it up and get to know her. Turns out she’s a hoot. Crappy choice in men, though. And what about Benny and Tom? God, I love them!”
“How?”
“Facebook.” She smiles, pleased with herself. “They added me and sent me a private message. I swear I’ve not laughed that hard in ages. Tom really knows how to throw in a good mom joke.”
I shake my head, unable to control the laughter building inside. What’s happening in the universe? I can’t contain my happiness, throwing her back into my arms and pressing my mouth to hers.
I don’t care that the world is watching because they will only see one thing—I love Morgan Bentley and nobody else.
“I love you,” I tell her, keeping my gaze fixated on her bright blue eyes.
“I love you, too,” she beams. “And I don’t love anal fisting, just so you know.”
The both of us laugh in each other’s arms.
Finally, karma got her shit together.
Better late than never, I say.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“And then he says to me, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t think this would bother you.’” Kate throws her hands into the air in frustration. “Of course it bothers me, you want to shove your fist up another girl’s ass!”
Morgan’s and Charlie’s faces say it all. Squirming uncomfortably on the sofa as Kate gives us a recap of last week’s showdown with Mr. Nympho back in the city. I shake my head in disgust, walking away from the conversation and joining Lex in the backyard with the girls.
“Can you believe that story?” I ask him, sitting on the porch step.
He puts away his cell and laughs. “I don’t want to know. Charlie thinks I need to know everything about everyone but I’ve learned to zone out. She’s best friends with my sister Adriana, and Kate’s my employee. What part of that sounds like I want to know about their sex lives?”
I agree, nodding. “Yep, especially since your sister is married to Charlie’s ex.”
Lex grits his teeth, biting down to remain calm. “Don’t even go there.”
“C’mon, you have the patience of a goddamn saint, Lex.”
“Perhaps, or maybe ignorance is bliss,” he says. “He makes my sister happy and treats her son like his own. I just choose to ignore everything else for the sake of my family. But don’t think that memories easily erase. Always be one step ahead of the game.”
“I understand you one hundred percent.”
Morgan and Wyatt began finalizing their divorce. I did my best to support her and allow her time to adjust with life. The transition for Michael wasn’t easy, but Wyatt and Morgan knew that they had to finally make the change in order to move on with their lives. It turns out that his secret affair, Jodi, was knocked up. Change was imminent anyway.
“You know,” I say. “I never expected my life to be here. On those rare moments that I imagined settling down, my vision of the right woman was completely opposite to Morgan.”
Ava runs up to us, complaining that Amelia pushed her over and ruined her hair. I’ve learned that Ava is great at making you believe she’s hurt. There are tears and then there are her fake tears.
These fake tears say it all.
“Ava,” Lex scolds her gently. “We talked about this. If you push Amelia first, she’ll probably push you back.”
“But Daddy!” she cries. “It’s my turn on the trampoline.”
“Ava, the trampoline is big enough to fit an entire zoo. Go play nice and if you’re back here again, you can go inside and play by yourself.”
“But my hair, Daddy.”
I tell her to sit down in front of me, asking her to hand me her hair tie. Lex watches on in amusement as I redo her hair into a fishtail braid.
“Wow,” he laughs. “Impressive. So you put that piece under there?”
I nod. “Charlie says if you grip the hair this way, it makes it much easier.”
Many of the things I’ve learned living with Charlie and Lex. As much as I despised children prior to living here, I can’t imagine life without my nieces. They’re a pain in the ass at the best of times but they know how to get to me. Too many heart-warming moments that make me gush like a proud uncle.
She runs back to the trampoline, sneakily sticking her tongue out at her big sister.
“Kids, huh,” I wonder out loud.
“Yep, a handful and don’t let anyone tell you any different.”
“Michael’s a good kid.”
Lex pats my back. “Boys have to be easier than girls. Can you imagine my life in ten years? I’m pretty sure my house will be in lockdown with guards patrolling the girls’ every move. Any boy touches my girls, he has his life to answer for it.”
I laugh, feeling sorry for the guy. Three teenage girls would be the death of me too.
The back door opens and the ladies step out. Charlie and Morgan have bright red faces, Kate still talking animatedly, never catching a breath.
“Okay,” Charlie breathes. “I firmly believe my vagina has gone into hiding.”
“Yep.” Morgan nods in agreement. “Mine followed yours. Kate, I love you. But fucking ouch.”
“It’s not that bad.” She rolls her eyes at the both of them.
I raise my hand, telling them to be quiet because I don’t want to be a part of it. I remind Morgan that we have an appointment with the realtor shortly. Our fifth appointment this week.
Charlie walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “Don’t go,” she chuckles lightly. “If you leave, Lex will make me watch basketball again.”
“You said you enjoy basketball and that it’s important for us to have bonding time,” Lex reminds her.
“I lied,” she says flatly. “Just like you say you don’t like porn.”
Bowing his head, he hides behind a smirk, Charlie struggling to keep a straight face too.
“Well, I’m going to miss having you around,” Charlie softens.
I place my arm around her shoulder and bring her in for a hug. “I’ll miss you, too. But you know I’m only a short drive away?”
“I know.” She smiles with a tear in her eye.
I don’t know where I’d be without her. Family means everything to me. The memories we made while I was staying here are priceless. Charlie’s a superwoman. Wearing a cape. Mom to three active girls while maintaining a stressful job and pleasing her demanding husband. And then taking on her troubled cousin—me.
“So... the court case,” I remind Charlie as Kate groans.
“Yes, the both of you need to be in my office first thing Monday morning.”
Morgan interrupts, “Wait, you’re felons?”
The both of us nod, embarrassed by our childish behavior that still haunts us to this day. As much as we tried, we couldn’t get out of it. The one night that went horribly wrong. I still curse that old couple who reported us. Thank God it was only Kate in that jail cell because there could have been a ‘drop the soap’ moment if it was anyone else.
“Yes,” Kate tells her. “But in our defense it was BM.”
I look at her, confused.
“Before Morgan,” she adds with a genuine smile.
We say our goodbyes and head toward the car, ready to start planning our future. Somewhere we can call ours.
***
Our broker, Janine, shows us house after house, each one not fitting what we need. And then finally, we arrive at house number nine.
“No,” Morgan says firmly, shaking her head disapprovingly.
“But there’s a swing,” I beg.
“In the bedroom,” she exclaims. “Haven’t you ever seen those shows with the ultraviolet lights that scan the bedrooms? Imagine tracing the swing with that light.”
It’s enough to make me
shudder. Another man’s juices all over my bedroom—no thanks.
“Okay, you have a point.”
It’s house number thirteen—which should be unlucky—that’s the perfect one. It has four bedrooms, a huge backyard with one side that overlooks a canyon. I found it online and asked Janine to show us the place immediately having done some research on the property.
“This is it,” I mumble quietly. “This is our house.”
I stand beside the large palm tree watching Morgan as her eyes light up. “This is our house?”
“Uh-huh.” I pull her by the hand toward the other side of the property which looks into a field. And as if the universe’s timing couldn’t be any more perfect, the sounds of a freight train echo in the distance.
“You see that?” I point toward the train that’s moving across the railway line. “Michael can sit here and watch the trains go by. According to the timetable I found, they go past every hour during the day.”
Morgan stares vacantly into the field, without blinking. I wait for her to say something, her catatonic state making me slightly paranoid. And just as I’m about to reach over and shake her, a single tear falls down her cheek.
“He can stay with us?” she asks with a croaky voice.
“Why else are we looking at a big home? Wyatt agrees that it will be best for him to spend time with us as long as we keep to a routine. He also thinks this house is perfect for Michael,” I ramble on, stopping when she throws herself on me, bawling into my chest. I give her some time to calm down, stroking the top of her hair.
“Plus, the extra bedroom for Tom. He’s already expressed interest in moving to Cali because he thinks the women are looser here and more giving. His words, not mine.”
“Thank you… for being you, for loving me, for loving Michael,” she cries softly.
“I’ll carry your bags if you carry mine.” I smile.
“Deal.”
We seal it with a kiss, and when we pull away, I can’t help but point out the obvious.
“I can’t believe the evil queen just cried,” I poke fun at her.
“You call me the evil queen?”