by D. E. White
Delta shot her a look, blue eyes narrowed against the sun. “I wonder what Mickey would be like now, if it had never happened? She’d be eighteen, if she’d lived. A year younger than me.”
“She would be.”
“I guess we won’t ever really know exactly what happened, why he killed her. If Jamie won’t tell, Mickey is dead and nobody else witnessed it,” Delta said, throwing a small handful of pebbles down into the quarry. They fell, landing far down with the faintest of sounds.
“Mickey’s parents, Russ and Claire, confirmed Mickey had just been awarded a scholarship to some elite sports college in Yorkshire. They said they got the letter the day she was attacked, but the mail was late that day and Mickey had already left for school. They intended to tell both the kids the next day, apparently. Perhaps Jamie saw it, realised she would be leaving, and he just lost control. The psych evaluation suggests Jamie displays all the traits of antisocial personality disorder, which makes it easier to understand his reasoning. People with these traits are often manipulative, charming, very controlling and have little or no conscience.” Dove pushed her hair back. “He must have worn gloves to beat Mickey — his DNA wasn’t on her body — although they were never found, which shows forward planning, again typical of his type of personality disorder.”
“I’ve worked with people like that,” Gaia said. “Their perception of the world, and their place in it, is different. In their heads, they are never to blame for anything. And they are often deceitful and reckless.”
Her sister and niece stared at her, until she said, slightly irritably, “An ex of mine, okay? I just know, and I did some study into personality disorders when I removed myself from the relationship.”
“I’m leaving California Dreams next month,” Delta told her suddenly. “I handed in my notice. It’s on your desk right now.”
Gaia studied her, assessing, “Your choice. I always said it was your choice, Delta.”
“Did you quit because of Abi?” Dove said sympathetically.
Her niece shrugged. “Kind of.”
“So what are you going to do now, or have you just got as far as buying that plane ticket?” Gaia queried, swinging her legs over the drop. She picked up a handful of stones in immaculate manicured hands and threw them over the edge.
All three sat in silence as the stones finally dropped with a tiny splash into the pool of water, barely even ruffling the surface.
Delta kept her gaze on the quarry. “Oh, I’ll think of something. But you just know in your heart when it’s time to move on, don’t you?”
“I suppose you do.” Dove regarded her thoughtfully. “Come on, I checked, and the tide’s perfect, weather’s gorgeous, and Quinn and I are taking the boards over to Claw Beach. Want to come? Gaia, I’ve got beer in the cooler in the car boot. You can sit on the beach and be glamorous.”
Gaia rolled her eyes at her sister, and impatiently pushed her proffered hand away, “I can get up by myself, you know.”
They walked slowly away, Delta linking arms with Gaia, Dove leading the way back to the car. She could hear her sister and niece laughing as she took in the sunlit woods, the narrow track, the brambles catching at their legs, absorbing the peace, the memories, and the pain of what had happened here. As the path forked, Dove took one last look back at the place and blinked hard. A cloud threw shadows over the quarry. The sunbeam had moved on, to dance somewhere else.
EPILOGUE
‘Are you scared, Mickey?’
He’s alone with me now, I think. There are no other voices. I can feel the pressure of a hand on mine, fingers closing around mine. I would love to jerk my hand away but suddenly I realise he isn’t going to hurt me any more. He is happy with me as I am.
I don’t want to wake up, to face him. I want to keep drifting along, warm and safe in the light.
But he keeps coming. Sometimes there seems to be a long time between his visits, although I don’t really have much concept of time, of night and day. I dream I have feeling in my hands, just across the palms and around my thumbs, and I can hear my own breathing, deep and slow, like I’m underwater.
Voices, I recognise, and some voices I don’t. Music, I like to hear. The smell of lemons, and of perfume, heady and sweet with the tang of summer. Caz for a while and now it’s just Jenna. My best friend for ever, her words, her tears soothe me further. Her love, my parents’ love, reaches my dream world, wraps me in warm velvet, and sends me drifting faster and further away. If I could talk to them all, I would say there was nothing she could have done, because it’s true. It was all about me and him, nobody else.
The final scenes replay over and over in my head, and my body aches as though it is again under attack, but the fear is gone. I can’t move, but the panic has long since faded, and my emotions are not a part of me anymore.
It is a different feeling to my fear of the man next door and so very far from my terror of the boy in my house. The boy I grew up with.
It’s a blessing I can’t see his cold, hard eyes, but even when he asks the same question again and again, he can’t touch me. The lightness in my broken body, the gentle warmth enveloping my soul makes me drift off for longer and longer periods. Sometimes I am surprised I wake. Sometimes I don’t want to.
I think he comes one final time, holding my hand, his voice echoing through my head. But as the warmth and light wrap me closely, and I turn towards them, away from him, I wonder, was he ever there at all?
‘Are you scared, Mickey?’
Finally, I am not.
THE END
AUTHOR’S NOTE
This was a tough book to write, a bit of a milestone for me. My second novel written during a lockdown, my tenth book in all, and my sixth for wonderful Joffe Books. I am so grateful to be working with such an enthusiastic and professional team.
Many thanks are due to the whole team at Joffe Books, including Jasper (of course!), Emma, Nina, Elodie, Rudi and Annie. I have been lucky enough also to work with some amazing literary agents: thank you Lina Langlee at the North Literary Agency, and Kate Nash and her team at the Kate Nash Literary Agency.
Of course huge amounts of thanks and applause for all they do to the bloggers, the book reviewers, the tour organisers and the wonderful readers. Without you my books would never venture so far into the world, or be read by so many. To Jill, Bev, Tracy, Meg, Alan, Debs, Zoe and everyone in my Readers Club Newsletter.
To my wonderfully supportive groups of fellow authors and creatives — not only do we celebrate together and commiserate together but you provide me with a never-ending TBR pile!
You are all amazing.
Finally, thank you to my long-suffering family — my boys who are so used to me thumping out books on my ancient laptop, muttering plotlines and scrawling character notes on random scraps of paper.
I hope you enjoy Detective Dove Milson’s third outing.
Best wishes,
D.E. White
If you have been, or are currently affected by any of the issues in this book, including domestic violence, you can call these numbers for non-judgemental, confidential information and support:
UK
Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247
USA
0808 200 0247
In an emergency call 999 (UK) OR 911 (USA)
ALSO BY D.E. WHITE
DETECTIVE DOVE MILSON MYSTERIES
Book 1: GLASS DOLLS
Book 2: THE ICE DAUGHTERS
Book 3: THE ABBERLEY BEACH MURDERS
RUBY BAKER MYSTERIES
written as Daisy White
Book 1: BEFORE I LEFT
Book 2: BEFORE I FOUND YOU
Book 3: BEFORE I TRUST YOU
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GLOSSARY OF ENGLISH USAGE FOR US READERS
A & E: accident and emergency department in a hospital
Aggro: violent behaviour, aggression
Air raid: attack in which bombs are dropped from aircraft on ground targets
Allotment: a plot of land rented by an individual for growing fruit, vegetables or flowers
Anorak: nerd (it also means a waterproof jacket)
Artex: textured plaster finish for walls and ceilings
A levels: exams taken between 16 and 18
Auld Reekie: Edinburgh
Au pair: live-in childcare helper, often a young woman
Barm: bread roll
Barney: argument
Beaker: glass or cup for holding liquids
Beemer: BMW car or motorcycle
Benefits: social security
Bent: corrupt
Bin: wastebasket (noun), or throw in rubbish (verb)
Biscuit: cookie
Blackpool Lights: gaudy illuminations in a seaside town
Bloke: guy
Blow: cocaine
Blower: telephone
Blues and twos: emergency vehicles
Bob: money, e.g. ‘That must have cost a few bob.’
Bobby: policeman
Broadsheet: quality newspaper (New York Times would be a US example)
Brown bread: rhyming slang for dead
Bun: small cake
Bunk: escape, e.g. ‘do a bunk’
Burger bar: hamburger fast-food restaurant
Buy-to-let: buying a house/apartment to rent it out for profit
Charity shop: thrift store
Carrier bag: plastic bag from supermarket
Care home: an institution where old people are cared for
Car park: parking lot
CBeebies: kids’ TV
Chat-up: flirt, trying to pick up someone with witty banter or compliments
Chemist: pharmacy
Chinwag: conversation
Chippie: fast-food place selling chips, battered fish and other fried food
Chips: French fries but thicker
CID: Criminal Investigation Department
Civvy Street: civilian life (as opposed to army)
Clock: punch (in an altercation) or register
Cock-up: mess up, make a mistake
Cockney: a native of East London
Common: an area of park land or lower class
Comprehensive school (comp.): a public (re state-run) high school
Cop hold of: grab
Copper: police officer
Coverall: coveralls, or boiler suit
CPS: Crown Prosecution Service, who decide whether police cases go forward
Childminder: someone paid to look after children
Council: local government
Dan Dare: hero from Eagle comic
DC: detective constable
Deck: one of the landings on a floor of a tower block
Deck: hit (verb)
Desperate Dan: very strong comic book character
DI: detective inspector
Digestive biscuit: plain cookie
Digs: student lodgings
Do a runner: disappear
Do one: go away
Doc Martens: heavy boots with an air-cushioned sole, also DMs, Docs
Donkey’s years: long time
Drum: house
DS: detective sergeant
ED: emergency department of a hospital
Eagle: children’s comic, marketed at boys
Early dart: to leave work early
Eggy soldiers: strips of toast with a boiled, runny egg
Enforcer: police battering ram
Estate: public/social housing estate (similar to hous
ing projects)
Estate agent: realtor
Falklands War: war between Britain and Argentina in 1982
Fag: cigarette
Father Christmas: Santa Claus
Filth: police (insulting)
Forces: army, navy and air force
FMO: force medical officer
Fried slice: fried bread
Fuzz: police
Garda: Irish police
GCSEs: exams taken between age 14 and 16, replaced O levels in 1988
Gendarmerie: French national police force
Geordie: from Newcastle
Garden centre: a business where plants and gardening equipment are sold
Gob: mouth, can also mean phlegm or spit
GP: general practitioner, a doctor based in the community
Graft: hard work
Gran: grandmother
Hancock: Tony Hancock, English comedian popular in 1950s
Hard nut: tough person
HGV: heavy goods vehicle, truck
HOLMES: UK police computer system used during investigation of major incidents
Home: care home for elderly or sick people
Hoover: vacuum cleaner
I’ll be blowed: expression of surprise
In care: refers to a child taken away from their family by the social services
Inne: isn’t he
Interpol: international police organisation
Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, applied to any strong woman