God, how could she have just flown out of here like that? Her heart suddenly ached for her little guy. She wanted to rest her head on his curls and just let the world slip away. She loved him so much. The first floor was dark and still, the only light coming from the pendants that hung over the kitchen island. A piece of notebook paper, embossed with the name of her former design firm, was sitting out.
Sadie,
I’ve gone to stay at the bed-and-breakfast as I no longer feel welcome in your home. I also don’t believe my doctor would want me to be in such a stressful environment. It isn’t good for my blood pressure.
Have you considered anger management or perhaps counseling of some sort?
Annette
“Good lord,” Sadie crumpled the note and threw it in the recycling bin. Looks like she wouldn’t be winning daughter-in-law of the year. Leave it to Annette to insert herself in an argument that in no way involved her. Did she leave a nasty note for Ethan too? Doubtful.
Her own mother would have never done anything like this. No, even when Sadie herself did something upsetting as a child, like the time she’d glued various pieces of her mother’s costume jewelry to a dress while playing “fashion designer.” Melissa would simply sigh, “I’m disappointed in you. Now please go to your room and contemplate what you’ve done.”
Yep. That was as emotional and angry as her mother would get. But somehow that wasn’t comforting right now.
She turned up the dimmer light and gasped.
An empty macaroni-and-cheese box sat on the countertop beside a forgotten carton of milk. The sink was full of dirty dishes. How the heck had Ethan trashed the entire kitchen preparing such a simple meal? And who did he think was going to clean this all up? Some sort of house elf? She dumped the warm milk down the sink, tossed the carton into the recycling bin, and soaked the dirty dishes in the sink.
The house elf wouldn’t be back on the job until morning.
Sadie crept up the stairs. Lincoln’s bedroom door was closed, so quietly as she could, she nudged it open to peek inside. Her toddler was sound asleep, his mouth slightly ajar and his favorite stuffed animal, a velvet rabbit, tucked under his arm.
Lincoln’s bedroom had been her favorite to decorate. She’d gone with a travel theme of sorts. The walls were a calming shade of blue and she’d hung framed whimsical prints of various cities on one wall: London, Paris, New York. Lincoln had shelves overflowing with books and a giant beanbag chair to snuggle up in. It was a cozy and happy space. It was also gender neutral, meaning they could use the nursery for the next baby and move Lincoln to the guest room.
Sadie whispered, “Love you” before pulling the door closed. The door to her and Ethan’s room was ajar. She could see him sitting up in bed wearing his thick-rimmed Persols that had always turned her on, especially paired with his bare chest and plaid pajama pants. He glared at his phone with worried concentration, his brows furrowed and his lower teeth latched on to his top lip.
She stepped into the lamplight. “No Boston?”
“No.” He didn’t look up. “Mom got worked up after all the commotion, so I put her up in a B&B. And since our two-year-old can’t stay home alone…”
“Yeah, he’d throw a rager. Goldfish crackers everywhere and a keg full of juice.”
Her husband took off his glasses and polished the lenses with the sheet. “You can’t just take off like that.”
“A little hypocritical coming from the guy who drove off leaving me to deal with burnt cupcakes, a soaked kitchen, and a toddler,” she said. “And if you were so concerned, why didn’t you come after me?”
Ethan shook his head. “I didn’t want to get into it again.”
Nice. So his fear of arguing outweighed his concern for her well-being or safety. Real heartwarming.
“I ended up at a fund-raiser with Renee, for the summer arts program.”
“Oh.”
“And now I’m going to bed,” she said flatly, disappearing into the master bathroom.
She brushed her teeth and then scrubbed her face with a makeup-removing facial wipe before slipping into a pair of silk pajamas. The floral-printed set was quite the upgrade compared to the sweatpants and oversized T-shirt she usually wore to bed.
She studied her reflection in the mirror. At first glance, she looked like a pretty young mother. But when she really examined herself, there were bags beneath her eyes and her skin looked dry and sallow.
Worst of all, she looked sad.
“You haven’t worn that in a while,” Ethan said when she scooted into the bed beside him.
She didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded, plumping her pillow.
“I shouldn’t have said what I did before,” he said, turning to face her.
“Which part?”
“Any of it. Listen. I’m excited about this baby. I really am.” He took her cold hands in his warm ones and squeezed. “I love being a father, and I can’t wait to see Lincoln be an older brother.”
Sadie sniffed, her throat getting tight. “I’m excited, too, but I’m also really scared, Ethan. It’s like you said, I’m overwhelmed as it is. And it was really hard recovering from birth the last time.”
He gathered her close and she relaxed into his gentle strength. This, this, was her Ethan. Not the guy she screamed at from the front porch. But this man who made her feel protected and loved.
“I know it gets stressful. Maybe sometimes I idealize it in my head, you know? When I’m down in Boston, I think of you and Lincoln, all cozy in our cottage, and I think how amazing that sounds, how much I want to be here with you both.”
She liked the thought of that, of Ethan down in the city daydreaming about her and Lincoln and their little home.
“You’re a wonderful mom. Our child adores you. I do too. I’m sorry for not helping out more around here. Work is insane right now, Marlow is up my ass, and I’ve unloaded some of that on you. That isn’t fair.”
“No.” Sadie nodded, and thought about asking why he changed his cellphone code but she didn’t want to pop open a fresh can of worms, especially when they’d finally reached a fragile peace. “And I know I’ve been taking a lot of my stress out on you. I’m sorry too.”
“Work is killing me right now, but it won’t be forever.”
“Do you think it’ll get easier? This whole parenting thing?” Sadie touched her stomach. “Maybe we’ll do better on our second try?”
Ethan tapped the light out and settled into his sleeping position. “It’s all going to be okay.”
She wanted to believe him, even more than that…she wanted to be sure of him. That he had her back. That she had his. Some days might feel like trench warfare, but they were fighting on the same side.
“Do you think you’ll get in trouble?” she asked. “For not going down to Boston tonight?”
“I’ll survive,” he murmured.
She tapped her foot to his, their old signal, a sign that she was in the mood. Sex wasn’t a Band-Aid, but she craved closeness. Maybe with Ethan inside her, they’d feel whole again.
But he didn’t reply—he’d already fallen asleep, officially ending the conversation.
This was one of his dubious superhero skills. No doubt a coping mechanism to end conflict. Or maybe he really was just that exhausted.
She rolled over and pulled the sheet up around her neck. They’d said all the right things, apologized for the ugly words, and yet the entire interaction hadn’t quite closed the gulf.
Sadie stared at the framed prints above the dresser, lit in the moonlight.
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY
ALWAYS KISS ME GOODNIGHT
They were wedding gifts from her college friends and not exactly her taste. Especially in a moment such as this one, when they felt mocking. She wasn’t mad. Not anymore. But she wanted everything to feel like it used to, back when they first fell in love and everything seemed perfect. Those days were over, but perhaps there could be a new kind of perfect ahead.
; She closed her eyes, but tired as she was, couldn’t drift off.
What if all that waited for them was a slow coast downhill until one day they hit the cliff of no return?
With Ethan snoring quietly, she slid out of bed and crept downstairs. It was only ten. She made herself a mug of chamomile tea, and after grabbing a chenille blanket, curled up on the sofa. She turned on the TV and scanned through the Netflix homepage, clicking by various shows and movies.
Nothing seemed like it could hold back her anxiety. Not even Queer Eye.
In a sudden rush of loneliness, she dialed her parents.
“Sweetheart,” her mother answered on the second ring, “everything okay?” They had already talked earlier on FaceTime when both her mom and dad had called to wish Lincoln a happy birthday.
“Everything’s okay but is now a good time to chat?”
“Your father’s already in bed. We had dinner tonight with the ambassador of France, remember? A little too much burgundy may have been served. We opened the 2003 Domaine Denis Mortet.”
“Bringing out the big guns,” Sadie quipped, realizing that she had completely forgotten to eat any sort of dinner herself. She wandered into the kitchen and pulled a bag of baby carrots and a tub of hummus from the refrigerator.
“I’m just wrapping up some paperwork I wasn’t able to get to earlier,” her mom offered. “What about you? Spending time with the mother-in-law from Ohio?”
Even though she knew her parents wouldn’t make the trip for their only grandkid’s birthday party, Sadie had made a point to invite them. One of the little tests she found herself doing now and again. Do you love me? If so, how much?
And the fact that her parents hadn’t taken her request seriously at all was a sprinkle of salt to an old wound. One where she felt like she cramped their style, unless she did something extraordinary that let them brag to their friends.
“Not really, she can be tricky.” Understatement. “But the party went really well. I did a teddy bear picnic theme and put together these little picnic basket favors.” Sadie swallowed hard before she continued. “I was actually calling to tell you some pretty exciting news on our end.”
“Oh?” Her mother’s voice lifted and Sadie could just picture her plucked eyebrow lifting too.
“Actually, I’m, um, Ethan and I are expecting again.”
There was stunned silence before her mother leapt into action. “Another baby, how wonderful darling. May I offer my congratulations to Ethan?”
Sadie shook her head, even though her mother couldn’t see. “He’s already out for the night as well.”
“Tomorrow then, and I’m sure your father will be thrilled with the news.”
Fighting back tears, Sadie gave in to the real reason for the call. “I was actually wondering if you and Dad could come and stay with us when the baby comes? I should be due right after Halloween. Maybe you guys could stay through Christmas? We’d really appreciate the extra help.”
There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone.
Her mother cleared her throat. “Oh, honey. Maybe we can come up for a weekend or two, but you know how serious your father is about his job. Especially now that he’s nearing sixty, he doesn’t want the boss to think they can survive without him. And I have my own duties, of course.”
Melissa’s words stung, especially considering she herself hadn’t worked since their move to D.C., though she did keep very busy serving on committees and volunteering.
“Oh.” Sadie closed her eyes and wished she could pour herself a drink. “Well, of course. I understand.”
She’d always considered her parents an emergency backup. Not people to call upon except in great need. And here she was and the answer was no.
“We’ll work something out though. My friends tell me their kids are hiring night nurses or doulas or whatever they call them these days to help out. Maybe we could pitch in for something like that?”
“No. No, it’s fine. We’ll be fine.”
But as they said their goodbyes, she wanted to throw a tantrum of her own. Beg to be taken care of. While her parents had always provided a roof over her head, nutritious meals on the table, and stylish clothes in her closet, they hadn’t been the types to stay up late reading her bedtime stories or spend entire weekends camped out at the beach together.
No, it hadn’t been until Sadie met Ethan that she felt truly and completely taken care of by another person.
But what if she ended up not being enough and pushing that person away?
Outside the window, a foghorn sounded, long and lonely.
Chapter Eight
What’s this?” Dr. Dan smiled, as Renee set a masterpiece of a pie in front of him.
“Just a little something to get the week off to a sweet start.” Renee had spent her entire Sunday cleaning, watching old home videos of Tansy, and baking pies. This raspberry pie had been her most beautiful one of all, and she’d known there was only one recipient deserving of its perfection.
“Would you judge me if I had a piece for breakfast?” he asked in great seriousness. “I don’t want my street cred as a medical care provider to be tarnished.”
“I promise your secret is safe with me.”
“Wow, wow, wow,” he moaned with his mouth full. Renee hated when people talked while chewing, but when Dr. Dan did it? Well, she didn’t seem to mind at all. “This is incredible, Renee.”
It was satisfying to watch anyone enjoy her pies, but to see Dr. Dan take such obvious pleasure? That had left her a little dizzy.
“Breakfast will never be the same,” he declared practically licking the plate. “I’ll keep the rest of this pie hidden in my office, not to be greedy.”
“Don’t worry, there’s more where that came from,” Renee said, before she realized how that sounded and blushed.
Luckily she heard the sound of the door opening. “It’s Declan Shroeder,” she reported. “Another Lego stuck in nostril emergency.”
They both laughed. The five-year-old had been in just last week with the same predicament.
“Renee, wait.” Dr. Dan reached out, gently touching her shoulder. “I forgot our last word of the day. Here it is.”
Ebullient: cheerful and energized.
“Here’s to an ebullient week,” he said.
“I’ll toast to that,” she whispered, raising a mason jar half-filled with chamomile tea.
She stared at the fish tank, tapping a pen on her cheek as she played the image of Dr. Dan taking a bite of her pie over and over again.
Poor Kristen Shroeder had to rap on the front desk twice to get her attention following Declan’s appointment.
“I’m so embarrassed this happened again.” She sighed, signing the credit card receipt with one hand while holding her boy’s hand in the other. Her dirty blond hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in days, and there were smudges of mascara beneath her eyes. “I don’t know why this is a thing for him. It can’t feel good cramming plastic up there.”
“Stuff happens. My daughter once swallowed a button, and it scared me half to death.” There she went, interjecting Tansy anecdotes at the first chance. “Anyway. As much as we love seeing Mr. Declan, hopefully you won’t have to visit us again so soon.”
Kristen laughed and thanked her, zipping up their jackets. As Kristen and Declan exited the doctor’s office, Essie Park strolled in.
What is she doing here? Oh, no! The meeting!
They were supposed to meet for coffee yesterday morning, and Renee had just plain forgot, so caught up in her usual quiet routine. She was completely embarrassed. Though she had a bad habit of canceling plans, she always had the decency to call first.
“Essie! Hey,” Renee said, standing up to greet her. Essie was wearing that amazing trench coat she’d gotten while visiting her relatives in South Korea last winter, and her black hair was pulled into a sleek bun. “I am so sorry about yesterday! I got carried away baking and I completely forgot about our meeting. And,
um, we’ve been so busy here today. I guess it slipped my mind to shoot you a text this morning.”
Essie did a dramatic once-over of the empty waiting room, the only movement being the pages of an old issue of O magazine fluttering in the breeze of a ceiling fan. Even the fish seemed quieter, more still than usual.
“Oh, hello Essie.” Dr. Dan slipped in behind Renee. She loved the way he stood beside her chair. It made her feel cared for, protected. He set today’s word-of-the-day tear-out on her desk. Moxie. “What brings you in?”
“Hello you,” Essie almost purred. “I’m trying to twist your receptionist’s arm to get her to join me for a lunch meeting.”
He glanced at his watch, a classic, analog model and not one of those trendy smart watches. “We aren’t expecting any patients for at least an hour. Why don’t you take a break now?”
Renee looked out the front doors. It was a gorgeous April day, the sort where there’s a blissful mix of a cool breeze and warm sunshine. And she would like to spend some time properly catching up with her friend, no matter what this “proposition” of hers might be.
“You know what? You’re right,” she said with a smile.
Essie clapped her hands together. “Let’s go to the Perfect Pair.”
Five minutes later they were walking into the Cove’s popular café. The Perfect Pair had once been a greenhouse and was one of the more magical spots in town. Ferns hung from the ceiling and bistro tables were nestled among green, leafy plants and colorful flowers.
“Just two?” The college-aged hostess had auburn hair with bleached ends. Renee immediately thought of Tansy and wondered if she’d done anything dramatic with her hair. They hadn’t FaceTimed in forever.
“Yes. Can we sit near the jasmine? That smell is just the best,” Essie replied.
“Sure. Follow me.”
The two women sat, spread their napkins across their laps, and ordered iced tea. They chatted about Essie’s current remodeling project (she’d hired a cute handyman to refinish her laundry room and was considering wallpaper in her upstairs bathroom) before their brunch arrived.
Forever Friends Page 7