by J. M. Adele
“Sorry.” His apology came out raw, delivered with his back to me.
“What for?”
“See you tomorrow.” He jogged ahead, disappearing around the next corner.
The ache in my chest surged back to life, the teeth sharpening with each bite. It wasn’t my beast to tame, but I’d take it on for him. If that was what he needed me to do, I’d do it, no question. Maybe that was what he’d been apologising for. He’d given me a piece of himself that he never wanted uncaged.
What he didn’t know was that in my heart was a warrior. And it would slay whatever misery plagued him, just to see him smile.
Andrea
Rockhampton, Australia
23rd June, 2006, 7:07 p.m.
“Five, six, seven, eight.” Janice faced the wall of mirrors. The class lined up behind her, following her lead. “Scissor, two, three, four. And drop, roll, plank, twist.” She fired her instructions, not a hint of fatigue in her voice.
Sweat poured down my face despite the fans spinning above us. We’d been going through this routine for nearly an hour. I’d lost count of how many times we’d repeated the same movements. Pauline had it perfect. Janice needed to employ her to help because seriously, she was amazing. If she didn’t pursue a professional dance career, I’d be stunned to silence.
Like I had been only a couple of hours ago.
My thoughts went straight to Ben and the way he’d taught me a lesson in communication. I messed up the next dance move and stumbled sideways into Jess.
“Stop, stop, stop.” Janice grabbed the remote and cut off the music. “Andrea, what was that?”
“I lost my balance, sorry.”
“Where’s your head tonight? You and Jess are way off your game.”
Jess and I locked eyes in the mirror. She bit her lip, her forehead crumpling before she dropped her gaze.
“Okay, maybe that’s enough. I’ll see you all on Tuesday. Have a good weekend.”
We all beelined for our bags before grabbing towels and drink bottles to mop up the sweat and replenish our fluids.
Jess threw the strap of her bag over her shoulder. “You okay?”
The bottle made a sucking sound as I took it out of my mouth before swallowing. “Yeah. My head was elsewhere. How about you?”
“Same.”
“I’m pretty sure I know where Andy’s head was.” Kate cocked a brow, giving me a knowing look.
“Oh, Ben. You’re so ripped. Let me feel your muscles.” Pauline put on a breathy voice, like she was channelling Marilyn Munroe.
I guess I’d been obvious because I hadn’t said a word to anyone. Except Will. Damn it. Why couldn’t I keep my feelings hidden? I normally wouldn’t care. But this seemed way more precious than anything I’d ever longed for. I’d wanted to keep it to myself until I knew if my feelings were reciprocated.
Too late for that now. “He let me feel them today. It was better than I imagined.” I wiggled my eyebrows up and down.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think he’s dating that Kelly chick in year eleven.” Jess looked apologetic as she wielded the words like a meat tenderiser aimed at my chest. “Sorry.”
Kelly? The leggy wannabe WAG from McDonald’s. “Yeah, I saw them together at Macca’s several weeks ago.” Ugh, I wanted to be sick.
Sitting on the floor, I pretended to fix my shoelaces. My nostrils flared as I dragged in air. He’d felt what I felt. Hadn’t he? God, maybe it’s all in my head.
Pauline broke into my reverie. “Dad’s here. Do you still need a lift, Kate?”
“Yeah.”
We said our goodbyes before they took off.
Jess slid down the wall to sit beside me. “You really like him, don’t you?”
More than I can admit. “Nah. He’s friends with Spew. There’s something seriously wrong with him if he likes my brother.” I smiled through the crushing pain surging inside. I was supposed to be checking up on Jess anyway. Not lamenting the loss of someone I’d never had, and probably never would. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“What’s going on with you? You’re extra quiet and you avoid direct eye contact like the plague. You don’t have to tell me all the gory details, but I know something’s up. Tell me to piss off if you don’t want to talk, but I’m here if you need me.”
Her brows pinched, eyes dropping to her hands as she steepled her fingers.
“Mum has a new boyfriend. He thinks my blonde curls are pretty.” She added a sarcastic twist of her lip on that last statement.
Creeper. What the hell was her mother thinking? I engulfed her in a hug.
It was rough—the initial shock of your parents separating, and the massive adjustment that came afterward. She was probably blaming herself. We all did it. Every kid I’d known whose family was torn apart had blamed themselves at one point.
It had taken many therapy sessions for me to realise it had nothing to do with me. We learn patterns of behaviour from our parents and develop coping strategies to deal with the shit they put on us. Then as we grow, we figure out the crap we have to unlearn to function as normal human beings. Some of us never get there. I was still a work-in-progress. Jess ... Jess was in the coping stage.
“Has he done anything?”
“No. It’s just—the way he looks at me is ugh.” She shuddered.
“Have you said anything to your mum?”
“She won’t listen.”
My eyes narrowed to slits and my nostrils flared. I’d make her listen and my mother would help. “Do you want to sleep at mine tonight?”
“I don’t have any stuff.”
“You can borrow my PJs. We always have spare toothbrushes. I’ll ask Mum if we can stop at the shops on the way home. She should be here soon.”
“I can’t, Andy. Thanks, though.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She looked out the windows. “That’s his car. I’ve gotta go.”
“He’s picking you up? How long have they been together?”
“A month.” She struggled to her feet. “He’s very helpful. He even does the washing.”
Creeper was probably sniffing Jess’s knickers. I screwed up my nose.
I stood to give her a hug. “Take care of yourself. Barricade your door and window if you have to.”
“I already thought of that. Thanks, Andy. I might see you over the holidays. Call me when you want to catch up.”
“How about we meet at the shopping centre on Monday morning? Main entrance.”
“What time?”
“Nine a.m. We’ll make a day of it.”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
I followed Jess through the door, spotting my mum’s white Camry in the car park. Creeper was parked three spaces away in a beat up orange Datsun. There weren’t too many of those around anymore. He’d be easy for the police to find. God, why had that horrible thought entered my brain? I prayed that it wouldn’t come to that. Every step she took towards that car felt like she was stomping on my stomach. The tingle was back. It raced down my spine and lodged behind my belly button. If my navel was a mouth, it would’ve opened wide in a scream.
“Jess.”
She looked over her shoulder, holding the passenger door open.
“Just ask if you can sleep over.”
Her attention was pulled into the car before she turned back to me. Her head moved slowly side to side like the twist of a boot on top of a bug. “We’re going out to dinner. I can’t.”
“Oomph.” The tingle flared to a searing pain, folding me forward. “I—” Gritting my teeth, I pushed my plea out. “I really think you should stay over.”
Please, please, please.
“I’ll see you Monday.” She disappeared into the car.
The snap of the door shutting was the final crushing stomp. I let out a cry of despair. “I hope so.”
Shuffling over to Mum’s car, I threw my bag in the back seat before tossing myself in the front.
/>
“Hey. Everything okay?”
Shaking my head, I had to bite my lip as tears swelled in my eyes.
“What happened? Are you hurt?”
I shook my head faster.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?”
My hands flailed as I fought to open the glove box and pull out a tissue. I sucked in a breath before blowing it out in a gush. “I’ve got a bad feeling about Jess. Her mum is dating a sleaze who thinks Jess’s hair is pretty.”
“I met him last week at the butcher. He seems like a nice guy. Leona is happy with him.”
I raised my brows. “Mum! I have a bad feeling.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
She frowned and started the car before backing out. “What did Jess say? Has he done anything?”
“He’s just making creepy comments and watching her with his slimy eyes.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, honey. We can’t steal her away. Unless there’s proof that she’s in danger, we don’t have a reason to act.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Her eyes shot to mine before fixing back on the road. “I know.” We stopped at a red light. “I could broach the subject with Leona, but I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Ask her if Jess likes him. If she says yes, she’s lying.”
“Let’s give Jess a call tomorrow after our outing. Maybe she’d like to sleep over.”
“I tried to get her to stay tonight, but she couldn’t.”
“We’ll ask tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
I only hoped tomorrow wouldn’t be too late.
Andrea
Rockhampton, Australia
24th June, 2006, 8:37 a.m.
I couldn’t stop staring. Kelly with the legs and the WAG ambitions had draped herself across Ben’s bare torso as they lay on a picnic rug. She’d brought her friends along, the same ones who had been hanging around the tables at Macca’s. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. What a neat combo. Kelly was the blonde. At least now I knew he liked blondes. Way to think of the positives. Go me!
“Did you know they were coming?” I asked Letitia.
“Yes. The boys organised this whole thing because they wanted them to come.”
Of course they did.
“Why are we here?”
“Ben’s mum insisted it be a family day out.”
Just as I’d thought.
The brunette gave Spew the eye like she had a twitch or something. Poor Lee was attempting to start a conversation with the redhead, but she was watching Ben and Kelly with a green tinge behind her gaze.
I probably looked the same.
Forcing my head to turn away, mist cooled my face as the boat zoomed past, the tube carrying Adam, Will, and a trail of screams dragging in its wake. Behind them, the Fitzroy River Barrage divided the waterway into salty and fresh, all eighteen of its gates raised. Mount Archer hefted and warped the horizon in the distance.
I caught a glimpse of Mr Hooper behind the wheel. Ben’s stepdad had the widest grin plastered on his face.
Not all stepdads are horrible. Sheree didn’t have to worry about any daughters, but sons were just as vulnerable. Ben was way bigger than his stepdad now, but back when he’d come on the scene, Ben would’ve only been seven. A year younger than Will and Adam.
God, I hope Jess is okay.
I was having fun. I honestly was. But I could not shake the sick feeling in my gut and the scratching at the back of my neck.
“Can we go next?” Bree skipped over to me, taking a seat on my towel.
“I don’t know. It’s up to Mr Hooper.”
“Who are you riding with?” I asked Letitia.
“Lee told me he’d go with me.” She hugged her knees, rocking back to balance her weight on her tailbone.
That boy had a heart of solid gold. The redhead was stupid for not seeing how great he was. She obviously had no sense of humour. Letitia was lucky to have him as a big brother.
Spewart flirted with the brunette. Whatever he was saying, she thought it was so hilarious she had to fall back on the rug in fits of laughter. I needed to give Spewart more credit based on his choice of friends alone. Maybe I wasn’t seeing something in my brother that they did. He genuinely didn’t mean any harm. But why did he have to be such a dick towards me?
“What’s it like, having an older brother who actually cares about you?”
Tish placed her feet back on the towel before crossing her legs. “What do you mean? You have Stewart.”
Bree snorted. “Exactly.”
Tish looked at her, puzzled. “Lee said Stewart ripped into a couple of year-nine idiots who were saying stuff about you.”
“Who? And what did they say?”
“One’s name started with a T. Maybe Troy?”
“Terry and Dean.” It had to be those tools.
“Yeah, that’s them.”
I lifted a brow. “What were they saying?” I could only imagine.
“Lee didn’t tell me. I guess he didn’t want to repeat it.”
“Is one of them really tall with black hair?” Bree added.
“Yeah, that’s Dean.” How did Bree know anything about this?
She wiggled her toes. “I went out to pick up a pizza with Dad and Stewart a couple of months ago, and Stew went to talk to a couple of kids who were hanging around. It got a bit heated. They took off on their bikes, looking scared.”
That was why they’d backed off? Those two jerks had been teasing me since grade one. Mostly about my lack of height. But in grade nine they’d graduated to a new subject—my small boobs.
Until recently.
Thanks, Stewart.
Maybe it was time to call a truce?
The boat slowed to a stop, and the tube drifted to shore.
“Aw, I wanna go again.” Adam bobbed around as Will struggled to get off.
“Nah, let someone else have a turn. Do you girls wanna go next?” Ben sat up, peering past Kelly to her friends.
“No, let the little kids go first.” Kelly sent a smile my way, her eyes calculating. The way she looked at me had blood rushing to my limbs, getting me ready to run. Or fight.
Little kids. I was two years younger. Two.
“Emmeline, you and Bree are up next.”
My gaze shot to Ben. He stared right back. What had he just called me?
His face morphed until his eyes were a deep brown, his hair longer and shaggy, and his skin not quite as tanned. I pushed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. When I checked again, he was back to normal.
What. The. Fuck?
“Come on, Andy.” Bree waved me over to the life vests stacked near the picnic rug.
I hadn’t slept well, but that wasn’t normal. Then again, this was me. I wasn’t normal. Feeling other people’s emotions—that wasn’t normal. Having a gut instinct so strong it felt like the plunge of a knife—that wasn’t normal.
And now faces warping and hearing things. That face had been so familiar. And Emmeline ... that name was like a key to some lock that protected buried treasure. Or imprisoned buried nightmares. My insides churned when I heard it.
“Andy?” Bree called from the water’s edge as she snapped herself into Adam’s life vest.
“Yep. Coming.”
Ben held out a vest for me. “That should fit.”
“Thanks.”
My gaze collided with Kelly’s. Her hand covered Ben’s abs as she smiled sweetly. “Have fun.”
“I will.” I bared my teeth before heading to where Bree was waiting. I secured my floatation device and waded in, grabbing the side of the tube. “How did you get in?”
“Back up and plonk your butt down.”
I gave it a go, but the tube shot backwards and I landed arse-first in the water.
And the crowd went wild. Yeah, that’s it. Everybody laugh. One of them sounded like a donkey. I stood, following the sound. It was the redhead. Lee edged away from her, wiping his fin
gers across his brow.
“Nice wedgie, sis. The glare is unreal. Lucky we’re wearing sunnies.”
Truce, truce, truce.
I reached back to pull my bikini bottoms from between my snow-white cheeks as Bree paddled closer to shore. So much for not flashing my behind.
“You might need to jump like I did. We’re the same height.”
Yes, I was the size of an eleven-year-old, and so was my nine-year-old sister. Thank you for the reminder.
Performing a spin and jump, I managed to land perfectly the second time around. Bree bounced, clutching the handle to stay on.
“Sorry. Think of it as payback for calling me short.”
“You ready?” Mr Hooper called out.
We both gave him the thumbs up before the rope went taut and our heads jerked backwards with the force of the take-off.
The wind whipped the hair off our faces. Water spray peppered us. I had to hang on. Every time we skimmed through the wake, our bodies would become airborne in the roughest trampoline ride ever. As we came closer to the barrage, Mr Hooper turned in a wide circle and the tube skimmed way off to the side. Our ride smoothed out for a few seconds until we straightened up and were pulled back across the waves.
“This is awesome!” I screamed as we passed the onlookers. Bree laughed hysterically. I checked her face to make sure there was no trace of panic and witnessed pure joy instead.
The roar of the boat’s engine changed to the rumble of hooves as I was sucked into the memory of another exhilarating experience. Riding a horse galloping at full-speed down tree-lined pathways and through wildflower-covered fields. I could smell the horse, feel the prickle of its hair under my palm. My white-knuckled grip tried to slow it down. Only it didn’t. Because I wasn’t on a horse. I was riding a giant, inflatable, plastic doughnut.
I had never ridden a horse in my life.
Okay, I was officially freaked out.
What the fuck was happening to me?
_____
Rockhampton, Australia
26th June, 2006, 9:27 a.m.
My knee jiggled up and down as I bit my thumbnail. I sat near the main entrance of the shopping centre, surveying every person who walked through the doors. Where is she? Jess was never late. Wrapping my hands around the nape of my neck, I squeezed to try and ease the sting.