by J. M. Adele
With a fierce expression, Father hurried to the room while Marybeth and I huddled on the landing.
“What have you done?” His voice roared through the deserted corridors, chasing away my terrors.
Was it possible that my father had not known of the earl’s penchant for brutality? Had he simply been blinded by the lure of a business merger and glossed over the grimmer details of the man’s character? My mother had known. Perhaps Father had been ignorant. If so, he had failed in his duty to protect his daughter from such fiends. Though he certainly made up for it now. The sounds of him delivering a beating and the earl begging for mercy spread like cracks along the walls.
“Come.” I took my friend by the shoulders and urged her down the stairs. “I cannot bear witness to any more barbarity tonight.”
And in the morn, I would remain unwedded. Hell would freeze over before I would ever let that man call me his wife.
_____
Sebastian
En route
13th of December, 1867
After two months in the wretched conditions of prison, life aboard the Hougoumont seemed almost bearable. The vile stench below deck played havoc with my stomach, but the moments above deck when the sea breeze flushed my lungs provided a brief reprieve. I made sure to pause from my chores every now and then to take in the sway of the sails. The ship had three tall masts with six rectangular sails on each, and several more triangular canvases at the bow and stern, and between masts. The power of the wind drove us east across the Indian Ocean, bound for the penal colony in Western Australia.
As far away from Emmeline as they could possibly send me.
My future stretched out before me, as bleak and unfathomable as the endless sea.
I’d imagined jumping overboard almost every day, just to see how deep the ocean went. How far would I have to go to find a resting place to keep me from living a life without her in some godforsaken primitive land.
The last glimpse of my father, moments before our failed escape, had revealed a mask of shock and disappointment. I hoped my actions had not cost him his position, but I feared Emmeline’s father would have had no choice but to release him from his duties given his association to me. There was no way of me knowing Emmeline’s fate. Wondering what happened to her twisted my stomach one hundred times more than the roughest seas ever could.
Had she been killed for her defiance, her betrayal?
In truth, our only crime had been falling in love.
It was a cruel fate that had put us across each other’s paths.
The chance presented to us, a barbarous ruse.
Ben
Brisbane, Australia
1st of January, 2017
Searching through the baby bag for the third time, I made sure Sebastian had everything he needed. Today I was taking him home.
Just me and my boy.
Happy fucking New Year.
My throat burned with trapped anger. Ah, fuck. Pull your shit together. I scrubbed a hand across my cheeks, the feel of my full beard foreign under my palm. The last time I’d grown a beard was the last time I’d lost her.
I’d vowed never to do anything to lose her again.
I hadn’t counted on pregnancy being our greatest threat.
Stuffing the bag in the basket underneath the pram, I checked the straps holding a sleeping Sebastian in place. He loved to wriggle. And he was so tiny, the straps didn’t sit over his shoulders, landing somewhere in the vicinity of an inch above his head instead. As long as he lay flat, we were okay. I scanned the room giving it a final farewell, and hoping I hadn’t left anything behind.
But I was leaving something behind.
My wife.
I could close the door to this room. There was no closing the door on this chapter of my life until she came home to me. One way or another.
Alive or ...
I swallowed past the knot of emotion lodged in my larynx, and reached for the door handle.
My head reared back at finding Lee and Ronnie standing on the threshold. Lee with his fist poised to knock, Ronnie eclipsed by the biggest bunch of flowers I’d ever seen.
“Hey. We heard the little guy was breaking out. Thought you might need a support crew to escort the two of you home.” Lee stepped in, his palm slapping me on the back as he bent to have a squiz at Sebastian. “They’re angels when they’re asleep. Not when they’re hungry though. Jesus.” He shook his head, whistling.
“Don’t wake him.” Ronnie pressed the flowers into my arms and gave me a hug. “How are you holding up?”
“Hangin’ by a string.”
“Understandable.” She stood back. “Ready to go? We ubered here so you could sit in the back with Seb and Lee could drive.”
I nodded dumbly, clutching the bouquet.
Lee took charge of the pram while Ronnie rested her hand on my back, steering me to the exit. “Where are you parked?”
“Third floor.” I dug out my keys and the ticket to get out and gave them to her.
Hopping out of the elevator, Ronnie led the way to the ute like she knew exactly where it was. She probably did. She’d likely been scoping my memories through her touch on my shoulder, or however she did it. All I knew was that I was grateful. Numbness infused my veins with every step. I was leaving my wife behind in a coma. I kept my eyes on our sleeping baby to remind me why I couldn’t fall into a heap.
I stared at him the whole way home, not saying a word. Ronnie and Lee talked quietly in the front, the radio on in the background. I’d spent hours staring at him already, trying to work out which bits were from whose gene pool. His tiny fingers were long like mine. His toes curled under the way Andy’s did. Mini earlobes mimicked the way Andy’s sloped into her neck, rather than curving around. She could barely fit one earring with the lack of lobe she’d been given.
“Here we are.”
My gaze flitted to the front. My bloodshot eyes stared at me in the rear-view mirror. I rubbed a hand over my face.
Lee unlocked the house and went back to help Ronnie bring the bags inside. I carried Seb in and put him in his cradle next to my bed. He was having a decent sleep, and well timed, too. What a brilliant baby.
After switching on the baby monitor, I checked him once more, snapping a picture before I left. I had to capture all the moments Andy was missing. She’d want to see them when she woke up.
If she woke up.
The back of my throat burned with tears and I gulped them down.
Tossing the keys on the kitchen bench, Lee made a beeline for the dining table. “I hope you don’t mind us being here. We won’t stay long. Your mum cooked heaps of meals and left them in the freezer. She said she’d be back later to mind Seb if you wanted to go to the hospital.”
Thanks, Mum.
Ronnie busied herself in the kitchen, getting lunch together. “The couch has been professionally cleaned.”
The couch. Fuck. I’d never be able to look at it again, let alone sit on it. “I’m getting rid of it.”
“What?” Lee squawked.
“Fair enough.” Ronnie glared at him. “She’s coming home soon.” She poured dressing over a salad and tossed it through.
“Who? Mum?”
She shook her head. “Andrea.”
I gripped the back of a chair and pulled it out, landing my butt down before it hit the floor. “You know?”
“I just received confirmation, yeah.” She grabbed a plate of cold meats and began to dish them out. “She’s a little worse for wear, but she’ll be okay.” Ronnie paused and aimed her gaze at me. “I foresaw this happening. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but that would’ve been worse. Knowing something is going to happen and you can’t do a damn thing to stop it—believe me, it sucks.”
She knew.
I couldn’t sort through the barrage of emotions pummelling me in that moment. I didn’t know what to think. Was I glad that I hadn’t been aware? Yes. The forewarning would have been fucking torture. Did I believe Ronnie when
she said my wife would come back to me? I wanted to. So badly.
Brad blinked at her. “Is that why you were acting so weird when I wanted to talk about starting a family?”
“You guys wanna have kids?” Now? After what Andy and I have just been through?
I wanted to be happy for them. In truth, I was scared. Andy and I were in the minority of horror stories, but if my friends had to go through any more loss in their lives it would crush them. The risks could be high. That was the reality of pregnancy and childbirth. It could be a nightmare, just as much as a miracle.
Aren’t I just the happiest camper?
He crossed the distance to put his arm around her and kiss her temple. “I’m in no rush. And if it never happens, I’ll be fine. I just wanna enjoy life with you.”
Smart man.
They didn’t stay for long, and I was grateful for that. When Mum came back, she gave me a hug and went in to check on Seb. She’d been a godsend, making me meals and dropping in clean clothes to the hospital. Now she could add babysitting services to that list.
I needed to figure out how to split my time between the two loves of my life.
I hoped Ronnie was right. I understood enough about psychic abilities to realise that accuracy depended on the person’s ability to interpret the cryptic messages.
Could I believe Ronnie’s interpretation?
Maybe. But my heart wouldn’t let the hope swell to any level of significance.
What if she was wrong?
_____
Ben
Rockhampton, Australia
3rd of August, 2009, 1:22 p.m.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I ignored it, shooting the nail gun to secure some skirting. Half a minute later, it buzzed again. I put the gun down and slid the mobile from my pocket. Four missed calls from Lee. And a text message. He hadn’t shown up to work this morning. I’d sent him a text asking if he was okay. He’d finally replied. I opened it.
Andy was right.
About what?
Dialling the number for my voicemail, I listened for messages. He hadn’t left any. What the hell was going on?
Gripping the phone, I brought up his contact and hit the call button.
I heard a click like he’d answered, but no other sound came through the speaker. “Hello? Lee?”
“Yeah.”
“Mate, what’s going on?”
“My parents died in a plane crash yesterday afternoon. Andy was right.”
Oh, fuck.
“Jesus. Are you at home?”
“Yes.”
“Is Midget with you?”
“Yes.”
“I’m coming. Stay put.” I hung up and went to find the foreman. “Rob. I gotta go, mate. That was Bradlee. I wouldn’t expect him in for the rest of the week. He just lost his parents.”
“Shit. Yeah, you go. Send him our condolences.” He slapped a palm on my shoulder.
I packed away at record speed, dialling Andy’s number before hanging up. She’d still be in school. I couldn’t tell her yet. That was if she took my call at all.
Turning into Lee’s street, I almost had the ute on two wheels. It was pointless and stupid to speed, but they didn’t have any other family around, apart from a grandmother in Brisbane somewhere. I didn’t have a clue if she was still alive, or capable of travelling to be with them. A mate needed a mate so I got there ASAP.
Lee opened the door before I reached it. He looked like death warmed up, with dark sunken pits under his eyes, and hair sticking out at all angles.
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I pulled him in for a hug right there on the doorstep.
He shut the door and sat on the small step to the entry. “How did she know?” he choked.
“Andy?” I joined him.
“Yeah.”
“She knows things. She might not get all the details, but she gains enough to make a person stand up and listen.”
“I didn’t.” His eyes glazed over as he stared ahead.
I bent my knees, hooking my arms around them. “Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t do that. How could you have stopped them anyway? Do you think they would’ve listened?”
“No.”
“There ya go.”
“But I should’ve tried.” His voice faded as tears flooded his eyes.
Hooking an arm over his shoulders, I brought him in close. He was my brother by choice. I shared his pain. The whole fucking situation ripped me to shreds. I couldn’t imagine having to face the black hole that had opened before him. But I wasn’t going to let him wrestle with it alone.
“What’s done is done. Maybe it was just their time. I know it’s fucked, but I kinda believe everything happens for a reason. And if there’s one good thing in this, it’s that they went together.”
I was talking out of my arse. There wasn’t anything good about this. Two kids had been orphaned. Lee was only nineteen and Letitia, thirteen. He was gonna have to raise his sister now on an apprentice’s wage. I hoped they had insurance to pay off any debts and cover the funerals. Fuck, he’d need help planning those.
“Have they recovered the bodies?”
He straightened, wiping his face. “No.”
Ah, fuck. My head went loose on my neck. He wasn’t going to get any closure until they’d been found and put to rest. If there was anything left of them. The ocean could be violently unforgiving.
“How’s Midget?”
“Passed out on the couch.”
“Is Larissa with her?”
“No. She’s working.”
“Did you tell her?”
“Yeah. She said she’d be over later.”
Wow.
The sound of gravel crunching under tyres approached. Stewart’s car pulled to a stop outside the house, and Andy jumped out of the passenger side before running up the path. She squatted and caught Lee in a hug. “I’m so sorry. So sorry.”
“How did you know? I haven’t told anyone else.”
“I had a feeling. I knew for sure as soon as I saw you sitting out here.”
Stewart ambled behind her. “It’s true?”
Lee bounced his chin once.
“Shit. I didn’t believe her.”
I locked Andy in my sights, willing her to return my gaze, but she was focused solely on Lee. And rightly so. This wasn’t about my fuck-up, or needing her back in my life so bad I could hardly breathe.
“Is Tish inside?” she murmured.
“On the couch.”
She patted him on the back “Do you mind if I go in?”
“Go ahead.”
After pushing to her feet, she disappeared inside the house.
Stew joined us on the stoop. “Wanna get pissed?”
Typical Stew.
Brad rested his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. “Actually, yes. I’d love to pass out for a decade and forget this ever happened, but I’ve got a little sister who needs me.”
Stew pouted, nodding his head. “Does she wanna get pissed?”
My gaze shot to his. “Jesus, Stewart.”
“What? It might help them both sleep.” He turned to Lee. “I bet you haven’t done much of that.”
“None.”
“I’ve got alcohol in the car. Me and Andy can stay over tonight. She can look after Midget. She’s good like that.”
Actually, that was a stellar idea. But if they were staying, so was I. Stewart and Lee needed someone to cut them off before it got ugly. Andy and Tish shouldn’t have to deal with two drunken idiots. And the last thing Lee needed was to feel even more shitty than he already did.
I elbowed Lee’s knee, making him raise his head. “Are you okay if we stay tonight? I’ll sleep on the floor. I don’t care.”
“Do you guys mind?” He grimaced.
“Wasn’t I the one who suggested it?” Stew heaved to his feet. “It’s a great fucking idea. I’ve got beer and Bundy rum. I bags the couch.”
“Where’s Andy gonna crash then?” My brows di
pped low.
I couldn’t imagine what Stewart would be like had he been in this situation. Could he be trusted to look after his sisters and brother? The words, fuck and no, came to mind.
“That’s her problem.” Stew shrugged.
“We have recliners,” Lee offered.
“There ya go. Ben and Andy on the recliners. Me stretched out on the couch. It’s a done deal. Let’s do this.” Stew swaggered back to his car as Lee and I made our way inside.
We found Andy leaning on the couch with Midget tucked under one arm, a box of tissues in her free hand. They spoke in hushed tones, Andy asking questions and Tish responding numbly.
“Have you spoken to your gran?”
“No.” Letitia hiccupped.
Andy smoothed the hair away from Midget’s face. “Has anyone told her?”
Tish’s hands clasped together. “I’m not sure.”
Andy looked up and our gazes met for the first time in forever. I offered a sad smile and not just for the tragedy we were witnessing.
She reciprocated, her eyes a bit cautious, before turning her attention to Lee. “Do you need me to call anyone for you?”
“I spoke to Gran earlier. That was fucking hard. Telling a mother that her child is dead isn’t something I ever want to do again.”
“Aw, Lee.” Her lip quivered, eyes glossy with tears threatening to spill. “Is she able to fly up here?”
“No. She’s not well. I might fly us down once things get sorted. It’d be good to see her.”
“I think that’s a great idea.”
He rubbed at the back of his head before averting his gaze. “I’m just going to go sit out the back.”
He wandered off in a daze.
I tugged at the front of my shirt, suddenly conscious that I was filthy. “We decided it would be best if we stayed here tonight. Are you up for it?” I asked her.
“My bag is in Stew’s car already.”
My brows took a hike under my fringe. And then I remembered—she’d known. She’d been prepared to come running when the shit hit the fan. Because she was that sort of a girl. Unafraid to meet things head on. No one would ever catch her running with her tail between her legs. She was fierce in the way she loved. If she loved you, there was no question mark about it—you knew it.
I fucking knew it.