Really good.
Nine
Dex
She was so close to me I could smell her—Coppertone and chlorine had never been so sexy—and I considered moving away from her chair a little.
I kept my eyes straight ahead, but it took effort. She had an amazing body, and even though her swimsuit wasn’t revealing, I’d already seen what was underneath it. And no matter how badly I wanted to forget that kiss, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
She seemed comfortable with the silence between us, but I was squirming with guilt.
And other things I didn’t want to feel.
“I’m sorry again about last night,” I said quietly.
“It’s fine. No apology necessary.”
Which should have been my cue to shut up and move on, but it really fucking bothered me, how attracted I was to her. How badly I wanted to get my hands on her body. How I’d lain awake half the night thinking about all the things I wanted to do to her.
I had to make sure she didn’t want me the same way, or I was doomed. “I just didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
She turned her head to look at me, shading her eyes. “The wrong idea about what?”
I refused to look at her. “About me. I’m not, you know, interested in you like that.”
“I never thought you were.”
“Good. Because it was just a stupid mistake.”
She stared at me for another ten seconds, then dropped her arm and turned her face to the sun again. It had to be seventy-five degrees out here, but I swear I could feel an icy cold wind coming from her direction.
A minute later, she stood up, grabbed her things, and left without saying a word.
Stop her, you asshole, I told myself as she let herself out of the gate.
But I didn’t.
I watched her walk back to her place and disappear into her condo without a single backward glance.
And I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Mommy!” Hallie unbuckled her seatbelt and hopped out of the car.
“Hi, Halsy pal!” Naomi scooped Hallie into her arms and hugged her tight. “I missed you.”
“But you just saw me this morning.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Naomi rubbed noses with her. “I always miss you when you’re not with me. And oh my goodness, look at that sunburn.”
I helped Luna down from the back seat and opened up the back to get their things.
“You’re all pink too!” Naomi looked at me reproachfully as I set their things down on the driveway. “Dex, did you not put sunscreen on them?”
“Of course I did. But they were in the pool, and it was hard to keep getting them out to reapply.”
“And Winnie came swimming with us!” Luna said excitedly.
I flinched at her name.
“Who’s Winnie?” Naomi asked.
“Our neighbor with the cat,” replied Hallie. “Remember? I told you about her.”
“Oh, right. That’s nice.” But Naomi was distracted as she examined the girls’ faces. “We need to get some aloe on those cheeks and noses. I bet your shoulders are all burned too, huh?”
I bit my tongue.
“Say goodbye to your dad and go in the house. I’ll be in in a minute.”
One at a time, the girls came over and hugged me tight, their tiny arms wrapped around my neck. I held them close and pressed my lips to their damp, chlorine-scented hair.
“I love you, Daddy,” they each said.
“I love you too,” I told them. “I’ll call you this week and I’ll see you on Saturday, okay?”
“Okay.” They went into the house, and Naomi faced me, hands on her hips.
“Sorry they’re not showered,” I said. “They wanted to stay in the pool so long, we ran out of time.”
But she didn’t seem interested in bitching about that for once. “So how was the party last night?”
“Fine.”
“What’s Chip’s fiancée like?”
“She seems nice.”
“They got engaged fast, didn’t they?”
“I guess.”
“I heard she’s young.”
I ran a hand through my hair, impatient to leave. Naomi had always loved to gossip, and I hated it.
“Like ten years younger than him,” she prodded.
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Didn’t you meet her?”
“Yeah. But I didn’t card her or anything.”
She rolled her eyes. “Never mind. I don’t know why I bothered to ask.”
“And what difference does her age make anyway?” I pushed, suddenly in the mood to fight. “You and I are the same age. We knew each other forever before we got married, and our relationship still didn’t work.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Our relationship didn’t work because I was the only one in it.”
“I wasn’t here.”
“Even when you were here, you weren’t in it, Dex.” She backed away, holding her hands up. “You know what? I don’t want to have this argument again. And that’s the beauty of divorce—I don’t have to.”
She went into the house and shut the door, leaving me fuming in the driveway.
What the fuck was I doing? I didn’t want to have that argument either. I jumped into my car, threw it into reverse, and took off so fast my tires squealed.
The truth was, I wasn’t mad at Naomi, I was mad at myself. I’d hurt someone that didn’t deserve it, all because I didn’t trust myself to keep my goddamn pants zipped.
If it hadn’t been a work night, I might have found a dive bar and gotten good and drunk, maybe gone home with a hot cocktail waitress and gotten rid of this fucking pent-up aggression, but since I had to be at the station at seven a.m., I hit the drive-thru and went home alone.
I arrived at work the next morning by six forty-five, swapping places with the guy who had my position on the previous shift. Since I hadn’t slept all that well, I was tired and crankier than usual during all the chores we had to get done every morning—put out our turnout gear, check the radios and air packs, bring the apparatus outside, run the pump and emergency lighting, inventory each compartment for proper gear and equipment.
After that, it was on to station housekeeping—cleaning the bathroom, emptying the trash, vacuuming the carpets, mopping the floors, sweeping out the bay, landscaping. I never minded the work, especially since I’d much rather clean than cook. And since the rest of the guys agreed I was the worst at making the evening meal, I was often allowed to trade my kitchen duties for other tasks.
After lunch we had a meeting with the Lieutenant and then some medical training, but eventually I was able to hit the gym for a workout. It wasn’t anything big or fancy, but it was clean and functional, and there was enough equipment to punish myself sufficiently, or at least take my mind off the gorgeous girl next door.
Justin joined me, which was fine, although I wasn’t in the mood to talk. My brother-in-law had known me long enough to read the signs, but when I was done on the treadmill, he got off the machine he’d been on and came over.
“You okay?” he asked.
I shrugged, walking slowly on the belt to cool off. “Fine.”
“You haven’t said a word all day.”
“I’m tired, I guess.”
“How was your weekend with the girls?”
“Good.” My mood lifted a little at the thought of them. “Thanks again for helping with the move. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. You get all unpacked?”
I made a face. “Fuck no. I spent yesterday sweating my ass off at the pool and telling them five hundred times that no, we can’t get a cat.”
Justin laughed. “You know you’re going to get them a cat. Give it up.”
“And who’s going to feed it while I’m here?” I stopped the belt completely and got off.
“Your neighbor. What’s her name again?”
“Winnie.”
“Right. Like the Pooh.”
&nbs
p; I thought about her bright, happy smile and girlish laugh and felt like shit again. “I don’t think Winnie is all that anxious to do me any favors.”
“Why not?”
Exhaling, I wiped my face with a towel. “I said something shitty to her yesterday.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m an asshole.” I tossed the towel in a laundry basket, then picked the whole thing up.
“True,” Justin said, following me to the laundry room. “But what was it you said?”
I dumped the dirty towels into the washing machine and added soap. “I made a remark about not being interested in her.”
“Why the hell would you say that?”
I turned the dial on the old machine and pulled the knob. “Because I am interested in her. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
I frowned. “I’m interested in doing things to her I shouldn’t, because she’s so fucking young it should be illegal.”
“How old is she?”
“Twenty-two.”
“Oh.” He seemed relieved. “That’s not that young.”
I turned around and leaned back against the machine, folding my arms over my sweat-soaked chest. “Have you talked to any twenty-two-year-olds lately?”
Justin, who was thirty-seven, shook his head. “Can’t say I have.”
“They’re young, dude. She was in fucking kindergarten when I graduated high school.”
He laughed. “Hey, I’m five years older than Bree.”
“That’s not as bad. And Bree was like thirty when you guys met. This girl was drinking a fucking Frosty when I went over there Saturday night.”
“You went over there Saturday night?”
“Just to her patio. I was sitting on mine having a beer when she came out to hers, and I wanted to apologize for something that happened earlier at Chip’s party.”
“What was she doing at Chip’s party?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Turns out she’s his cousin.”
He laughed. “Small towns, man. So what happened there you had to apologize for?”
I told him about the incident in her bedroom, and he laughed so hard he wheezed. “That’s fucking amazing. Jesus, how did you hold it together?”
“I don’t know,” I said seriously. “I was in firefighter mode. Plus, the kids were there. Then at the party, Chip was introducing us, and Luna shouts out, ‘We know her! We saw her bum!’ And the whole place went dead silent.”
Justin’s eyes went wide. “What did she do?”
“She handled it fine, but I felt bad. Then Luna had an allergic reaction to something she ate, so we had to leave early, and I never got a chance to talk to her. Later, when I saw her come out to her patio, I went over to say sorry and we ended up having a beer together and talking for a while.” Exhaling, I let my shoulders slump. “And then I fucked up.”
Justin leaned back against a cabinet full of cleaning supplies and cocked his brow. “What did you do, keep her out past curfew?”
I shook my head. “I fucking kissed her.”
“And you feel guilty about it because she’s young?”
“Yeah. I mean, I stopped it before it could go any farther, but it easily could have. Then I saw her yesterday at the pool—the girls went and dragged her out to swim with them—and she looked so good, I couldn’t stop staring at her or thinking about her naked, and it was pissing me off. So I basically announced out of nowhere that I wasn’t interested in her. That kissing her had been a stupid mistake.”
“Smooth.”
“Fuck off.”
He grinned. “So what did she say?”
“Nothing. She just grabbed her stuff and left.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Then I took the girls home and picked a fight with Naomi.”
“You’re really on a roll with women, aren’t you?”
“Naomi’s used to my bullshit, plus she sort of deserved it,” I said defensively, “but this girl, Winnie, she didn’t.”
“So tell her you’re sorry.”
“I thought about it, but . . . do I have to? It was the truth—I’m not interested in dating her. That’s all I meant.”
“Okay, but you didn’t need to say that out loud.”
“I thought I was doing her a favor,” I argued. “I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea after the night before.”
“Which was totally your doing. You kissed her, right? Not the other way around?”
I didn’t answer.
“It’s like you took a bite of her dessert without being offered a taste, and then told her you didn’t really like it anyway.” Justin shook his head. “Dick move.”
“I did like it,” I muttered. “I’m just too fucking old for it.”
“She doesn’t know what’s in your head. Trust me, dude. I’ve got four sisters and a wife, and I know how women think. You insulted her, and you should apologize.”
I exhaled, afraid he was right. “I don’t even want to face her.”
“You live right next door to her. You can’t avoid her forever.”
“Why not? I lived in the same house as Naomi for years, and she claims I was excellent at avoiding her.”
“Just knock on her door tomorrow and get it over with.”
“Couldn’t I just leave her a note?”
“I guess you could. But that seems pretty chicken-shit.”
“I’m not chicken-shit,” I said, puffing out my chest.
“Then be a man and knock on her door, asshole.” He punched my shoulder as he left the laundry room. “Don’t forget the fabric softener.”
I spent all day Tuesday unpacking, organizing, and making a final few runs from my old place to the condo. After the apartment was completely empty, I turned in my keys to the management office and drove away from the Luxury Harbor Complex for the last time.
After emptying the final box, I grocery shopped, ran to a home improvement store to pick up some inexpensive plastic furniture and a little charcoal grill for the patio, and took a nap. After a shower and a frozen dinner, I called the girls to say goodnight, since I didn’t have them during this stretch of days off.
Both of them asked me if I’d seen Winnie. I said no and quickly moved on to other things, but when I hung up, I was still thinking about her.
I’d been fighting the idea of an apology for two days, but I realized if I ever wanted a good night’s sleep again, I was probably going to have to say I was sorry.
That thought was confirmed when I got a text from Justin that said, Did you do it?
When I didn’t answer, he followed up with a chicken and poop emoji.
“Dickhead,” I muttered.
Then I grabbed my keys and hustled out the door.
Ten
Winnie
By nine o’clock on Tuesday night, I was already in my pajamas, curled up on the couch with Piglet watching When Harry Met Sally for the one millionth time. I sighed heavily as I stroked her fur and watched the love story unfold in glorious autumn colors.
“That should be me right now, Piglet,” I said mournfully. “Walking the streets of New York City in a cute hat with someone who adores me, our feet crunching in the fallen leaves, our hearts destined to beat as one forever and ever . . .”
Piglet yawned.
“Listen. I’m feeling down about myself, okay? I’ve had a couple tough days, so just let me have tonight to wallow.” I grabbed a tissue from the box on my coffee table. “Tomorrow I’ll get out of my funk.”
As I was weeping my way through the final scene, a knock at the front door sent Piglet running for the pantry. Figuring it was Ellie, who’d said she might drop by after work so we could start planning our collaborative wine tasting dinner, I wadded up my current tissue, tossed it on the table, and hit pause.
However, when I pulled the door open, it wasn’t Ellie on the porch.
It was Dex, and he had a chocolate Frosty in his hand.
“Oh,” I said, touching my hair. “It’s you.”
He he
ld out the Frosty. “I brought you something.”
“Why?”
He looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know. Because you said you really liked them the other night.”
I stood a little taller, wishing I wasn’t in bare feet and pajamas. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“You don’t want it?”
Of course I wanted it. I wanted him too. He looked hot as hell standing in my doorway in his jeans and T-shirt, his hair freshly combed, his scruff trimmed back.
But I didn’t want him to know that.
So I shrugged. “I’m not hungry. You can give it to the girls.”
He lowered his arm. “They’re not with me this week. I won’t see them until Saturday.”
It softened me a little, hearing the sadness in his voice. “You miss them when they’re not with you?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “But I try to make the best of the time we do have together. Be the best dad I can two days a week. I still make mistakes though.” He hesitated. “And I made one the other day with you.”
“Yes, you told me already,” I reminded him. “Kissing me was a stupid mistake. I heard you loud and clear.”
He shook his head. “I meant that what I said was a mistake. I was mad at myself and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”
His face was hard to read in the dark, but he sounded genuinely contrite. Sighing, I opened the door a little wider. “Do you want to come in?”
He glanced at the Frosty. “Will you accept my frozen chocolate apology in a cup?”
“I suppose.” I took it from him and braced the door open with my back. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Once the door was closed behind him, he followed me down the hall.
“Should we sit out on the patio?” I asked.
“Sure.”
Stopping in the kitchen, I grabbed two spoons from a drawer. Dex went ahead to the living room and paused in front of the television, where Harry was frozen in the middle of his big speech. “My sister loves this movie.”
“Doesn’t everybody?”
“I prefer thrillers.” He gestured at the soggy tissues on my coffee table. “You cry at this movie?”
Ignite: A Grumpy Single Dad Romance Page 10