by Aly Martinez
I’ve spent most of the day editing photos for clients, trying to wrap up my jobs before I take off. Most of this can be done remotely, but when I first get to Chicago, the last thing I want is deadlines looming over my head. I’ve watched the clock all day, waiting for a time I could call Caleb. I barely make it to eight p.m. my time—seven p.m. his—before I give in and dial his number. However, the call goes unanswered. I open my laptop back up and settle in with a glass of wine. It’s probably for the best that he didn’t answer. I have a lot of work to be done if I’m ever going to be able to move to Chicago.
Two glasses of wine later, my phone starts ringing. I glance at my phone and bite my lip when I see Caleb’s name light the screen.
“Hey, you.” I try to hide my giddiness.
“Hey, sweetheart. What’s going on?” Caleb purrs over the line.
“Not much. Just hanging out in bed, trying to finish up some work. What are you up to?”
“I’m on my way home from the gym. Sorry I didn’t answer earlier. I was in the ring when you called.”
“The ring?” I teasingly let out breathy sigh. It causes him to laugh too.
“Yeah, I box three nights a week. I hate running, so it helps with my cardio.”
“You hate to run?”
“The only time I run is when I have something serious on my mind. I can usually forget whatever it is with loathing when I run.”
I laugh at his logic. “I guess that’s one way to do it.” He doesn’t immediately respond, so an awkward silence falls over the phone. “So have you heard anything about Sarah?” I ask. I know he would have called me if he had, but it seems like an acceptable question to ask.
“She’s still at the hospital,” he answers shortly.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m a little tired. Listen, can I call you when I get home?”
“Oh, yeah. Sure,” I answer, suddenly feeling awkward to have called him. “You can just call me tomorrow. I’m probably heading to bed pretty soon.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, sweetheart.”
I hang up the phone, baffled by how distant he sounded.
Last night, he was funny and sweet. Caleb might have been a dick at first, but I knew it was only because he liked me. I’ve met him exactly once, but I could tell that Caleb is all man. The minute I mentioned Hunter and Alex, he became a dick—typical alpha-male syndrome. He probably got off the phone, put on a leopard-skin loin cloth, and pounded on his chest like a caveman for a few minutes too. I mean, hell, just the way he reacted when I knocked Jesse down at the hospital gave him away.
I figured he’d be stoked to hear from me, but whatever. I can’t sit here trying to analyze Caleb Jones. I’ve got pictures to edit, wine to drink, and a pillow calling my name. He can figure out his shit on his own, but I can say that that will be the last time I call him just to shoot the shit.
I finally fall asleep with images of ugly King Charles spaniels floating through my head. I couldn’t have been asleep long when my phone starts ringing beside me. Caleb’s name flashes on the display, sending fear through my veins. No way would he call this late without it being horrible news about Sarah. I snatch it off the nightstand and immediately click the green button.
“Is she okay?” I don’t even bother with a hello.
“What?” he asks.
“Sarah? Is she okay?” I repeat.
“Oh, yeah. I mean, I guess she is. I haven’t heard anything today.”
“Shit, Caleb! You scared me to death. I thought if you were calling this late it had to be shitty news!” I yell as I try to calm myself down.
“Jesus, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”
“Yeah, we definitely need to develop a system for Sarah updates. Maybe one ring for bad news, two rings for good.”
“Um, you picked up on the first ring this time. I didn’t have a chance for it to get to the second ring.” He starts laughing.
I amend my brilliant idea. “Okay, one ring for good, two for bad.”
“What exactly am I supposed to do after these one or two rings? Hang up? What if you don’t hear the phone ring and just see a missed call from me? Is that good news or bad?” he asks, continuing to laugh at me.
“Damn it! I don’t know! I didn’t exactly have time to think this plan through.” I sit for a minute, trying to catch my breath, then burst into laughter right along with him.
“How about if I have any news about Sarah, I’ll text first and ask you to call me? Would that keep you from worrying every time I call?”
“Yeah, that works. Although I’m kind of hating on you right now. Your plan is good, and mine sucked.”
“It really was a bad plan,” he answers.
I’d give anything to see the grin that I know he’s wearing right now. I only saw him smile once at the hospital, but it’s etched into my memory.
“Okay, so what’s up? I didn’t expect to hear from you again tonight.”
“Why not? I told you I’d call when I got home.”
“But then I said I was going to bed and to just call me tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but I said I’d call you when I got home, so I’m calling you now that I’m home,” he says firmly. “Don’t worry. I’ll still call tomorrow too,” he tries to tease.
“Wow, you’re just getting home? Did you hit the strip club on the way? Get a little Friday night eye candy before heading home?” I laugh at the silly joke, but Caleb is silent. “You still there?” I say, pulling the phone away from my ear to make sure the call didn’t get dropped.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he says before letting out a loud sigh. “I stopped at Manda’s grave. It’s on my way home from gym, and I can’t pass by without stopping.”
“Shit.” I bite my lip, feeling like a total asshole. “I’m sorry. I was just being funny. My jokes obviously need a lot of work these days.”
“It’s okay,” he says dryly.
“Fuck. I just… I’ll let you go.”
“Does it bother you?” he asks, catching me just before I hang up.
“What? You going to Manda’s grave?”
“Yeah,” he says sadly, and it makes my heart ache for him.
“No, it doesn’t bother me at all. You lost someone you loved. I’d be a bitch if it bothered me. I just didn’t know, and I made a stupid joke. I’m sorry.”
“I go about three times a week,” he oddly announces.
“Okay…” I trail off, not sure how to respond.
“I just thought you should know. I wasn’t sure if it would bother you or not. You know, now that we are kind of talking, I guess. I don’t know. I just wanted you to know.”
“Caleb, does it bother you that I know? Because you don’t have to share stuff like that with me if you don’t want to. But just so you know, I will never in a million years have a problem with any part of Manda or your past together. She’s gone, but I don’t expect you to forget about her just because we have started…talking.” I repeat his term from earlier.
It’s true. Caleb and I really aren’t doing anything but talking, and we have only done that once. Yet, it still seems like this is more, and we both know it.
“Emma, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.” He lets out a loud sigh. “I haven’t dated anyone since Manda.”
“What?” I yell across the line. “Never?”
“Nope. Never.”
“Damn, it’s been five years! You must jerk off like twelve times a day!”
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why I would say that to him in the middle of a serious conversation? However, acting like a raving lunatic, for once, works in my favor. Caleb actually starts chuckling.
“I said I haven’t dated anyone, not that I haven’t had sex. But thank you for worrying about how many times I jerk off. It makes me feel a lot less pervy about where my mind has been when thinking about you.”
“Oh, okay. That makes more sense! Wai
t, what exactly have you been thinking about me?”
“Nothing you haven’t been thinking about me, obviously.”
“Well, I don’t masturbate twelve times a day.”
“Stop ruining my daydreams, woman!” He laughs into the phone.
I play along. “Actually, I do it thirteen times.”
“That’s my girl,” he rumbles over the line, ensuring that today’s real count will be at least one. “Go back to sleep, Em. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Hey, Caleb? Before you go… I’m serious about Manda. I don’t have any issues with you having a past. I’m not an insecure girl who is trying to compete with her memory. So if you ever want to talk about her or anything…I’m here, okay?
“You really are an amazing woman, Emmy,” he says in a joking tone, but I know he means it.
“Yeah. I know. And I get a new nickname? What, Emma wasn’t short enough for you? What happened to sweetheart?” I try to keep the end of this conversation lighter than the beginning.
“I was just trying something a little different.”
“Oh good. I like sweetheart. It makes me feel all warm inside.”
“I like the idea of you feeling warm. Wet is preferred, but warm is good too.”
Okay, make that two times tonight.
“Oh yeah? I took a shower earlier. I was wet then. Is that the kind you’re talking about?”
“Not exactly, but I’m going to assume you were naked in the shower, so I guess that will work.”
“Definitely naked…and wet.” I take a deep breath, hoping this crosses into full-fledged phone sex, but Caleb cuts it off.
“When are you coming back?”
“Hopefully soon.”
“Well hurry up. I want to see you again.”
“I probably won’t be naked or wet when I get off the plane,” I say, attempting to take it back to sexy.
“Probably not, but I’ll make sure you are both very shortly after.” His words cause me to let out a quiet moan. “Goodnight, Emmy.”
“That was mean, Caleb,” I whisper into the phone.
“Go make it fourteen, and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
I let out a frustrated groan as he begins to laugh. “Night, Caleb.”
“Night, sweetheart.”
JUST STEPPING out of the shower, I hear my phone ringing across the room. I don’t recognize the number, but I immediately recognize it to be yet another Chicago area code.
“Hello.”
“Emma Jane?”
“Yes?”
“Hey, it’s Jesse, Brett’s girlfriend.”
I release the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. “Shit! I mean… Hey, Jesse.”
“Bad time?”
“No, not at all. I was just getting out of the shower. What’s up?”
“Well, I just got off the phone with my new friend Eli Tanner, and he said he is going to have Sarah call you in about an hour.”
“What?!” I scream.
“She’s still at the hospital, but as a favor to Brett—”
I can hear Brett bitching behind her. “No, I had nothing to do with this shit. Damn it, Jess.” I can almost picture him pinching his nose and pacing.
“Jeez. Okay, fine,” she says, answering his complaining. “As a favor to me, Eli volunteered to head up there at lunch and pass her his cell phone.”
“Seriously? Oh my God! That is fantastic news!” I shout as she begins to giggle on the other end of the line. “Jesse! I love you!”
“No you don’t, but you are still very welcome.” She continues to laugh.
“So one-ish my time?”
“Yep. Just keep an eye on your phone.”
“Thank you so much. I… Damn. Jesse, I really appreciate this.”
“It’s no problem, Emma. She needs you right now.”
“Thank you.” I hang up with a renewed hope.
A FEW hours of staring at my phone later, it finally rings.
“Sarah?” I quickly answer.
“Hey,” her broken voice comes across the line. It’s so dull and flat I barely even recognize it.
“Are you okay?”
“Well, that depends on your definition of okay. I’m handcuffed to a hospital bed, waiting to be sent to the psych ward, while talking on the phone of a man who hates me to a sister I haven’t spoken to in years. Does that sound okay to you?” She goes from sad to bitchy with just one sentence.
“Jesus, Sarah. Don’t be like that. Can we just have a conversation, please?”
“I’m sorry, I…” She trails off and starts to cry—something else I’m not used to with Sarah. Before the accident, she was always so strong, but now she just sounds lost. “Did Brett tell you he moved on? He found a little brunette and basically tossed me in the trash.”
“Sarah, that’s not what happened and you know it. You’ve been trying to get rid of him for years. Don’t you think it’s about time Brett moved on with his life? Hell, don’t you think it’s time you moved on with yours?”
“Probably,” she answers but gives no further explanation.
“Hey, guess what? I’m moving to Chicago!” I try to move the conversation to a happier note, but Sarah brings it right back down again.
“Why?” she asks rudely.
“Because I like the pizza?” I answer sarcastically. “Why do you think?”
“Oh God, you’re going to try to fix me, aren’t you?” she says with an annoyed groan.
“No, there’s nothing to fix. You need a lot of help, but as far as I can tell, there is nothing broken about you.”
She barks out a laugh. “Did Brett tell you I tried to shoot him the other day? I’m probably going to jail.”
“Maybe,” I answer nonchalantly even though the very idea scares the shit out of me.
“Maybe? That’s all you have to say about me trying to kill my husband then rotting in jail?”
“What do you want me to say? You want me to yell and scream? Tell you what a horrible person you are? Tell you you’re a crazy-ass bitch?”
“Yes!” she screams into the phone so loud it hurts my ear.
“Well screw you, sis. It’s not happening. I think you have serious issues that you have never taken care of, and while I’m not going to fix you, I sure as hell am going to make sure you fix yourself.”
“I’ve done some really fucked-up shit, Emma. I think I’m damaged beyond repair,” she whispers between choking sobs.
“When the hell did you become a quitter?” I ask in all seriousness.
“The night I killed my best friend.” And with that, I hear the call end.
“Damn it!” I scream, throwing my phone onto my bed.
I flop down next to it, getting more and more pissed off at this entire situation. Damn it, when did I become a quitter? I snatch up my phone and call back the number.
A man’s voice answers. “Tanner.”
“Take her back the phone,” I demand.
“Look, she’s pretty upset. I shouldn’t even have given her the phone to begin with. As soon as she gets—”
“Eli! Take her the God damn phone!” I shriek into his ear.
“Christ, you really are related.”
“Yep, now take her back the phone.” I return to my casually sweet tone.
He doesn’t say another word, but I can tell he’s walking.
“Sarah, it’s for you.”
“I’m done talking,” she says, once again sounding defeated.
Eli picks the phone back up. “She doesn’t want to talk.”
“Put me on speaker.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he growls, but I hear the abstract sounds of the room fill the silence. So I start talking.
“Sarah, you need to listen up. I’m done with this. I let you push me away years ago, but it’s not happening again. You can hang up, run away, cuss me out—whatever. But I’m not going anywhere. You don’t want a savior, and I get that. But you fucking need some family right now. I’m sorry to say it,
but I’m all that’s left. So while you are wrapped up in your head, trying to figure out your next move, you need to remember one thing. No matter how dark you get, I will trudge through the quicksand of your guilt and drag you out—every single time. Get fucking used to it. I may not have been there before, but I’m here now.
“No matter what you might believe, you didn’t kill Manda. There’s a reason they called it an accident. You need to let it go and lean on me to deal with your bigger issues. Get ready, because you’re about to get your life back. I refuse to accept it any other way. I love you and I’ll see you soon.” Before she can even utter a word, I hang up the phone.
Tears stream down my face and over my wide smile. I’m heartbroken and elated all at the same time. I’ve messed up over a million different ways with Sarah. And every single one of them was because I was terrified of losing her. Well guess what? In my childish attempts to protect myself, I almost lost her forever. Tomorrow, we start over. And unlike Manda, Sarah has a second chance, and I fully intend to help her take it.
ME: HEY, you know anyone with a truck up there?
Caleb: Sure do! What’s up?
Me: I found a two bedroom apartment, and I need to move all Sarah’s stuff over there.
Caleb: Oh.
Me: Oh. What?
Caleb: Oh, I just thought you were getting your own place. That’s all.
Me: Nah, I’ll need to be close to her, but her place is a one bedroom.
Caleb: Gotcha. My buddy Eli has a truck. I’m sure he’ll help.
Me: Great! Oh, and I also booked my flight to Chicago!!!! :)
Caleb: Now this I’m interested in. When?
Me: Thursday!!!!!! :)
Caleb: Wait, this Thursday or next Thursday?
Me: As in, you should probably call and make dinner reservations for two days from now, Thursday.
My phone immediately lights up with an incoming call.